by Jan Graham
“Child lock on the driver’s control panel, it stops juvenile delinquents from playing with the things and annoying you while you drive.” Christian smiled and raised the window next to Steve.
“Shithead.” Steve laughed as he settled back against the leather seat to enjoy the rest of the trip. Yeah, he needed a car like this for him and Rhia. She could drive it to work each day, he’d still use the bike, and then on weekends if they wanted to go places…no transport worries.
He didn’t understand why thinking of them together over the long term, or even having sex for that matter, didn’t bring up the same concerns he had after their play session. The thought of planning for more than just the short-term seemed a natural one. Why that didn’t equate to using the damn spanking bench baffled him.
Steve heard the music blaring from Zane’s before he even opened the car door. With behavior like that, the man must be the neighbor from hell. He and Christian went around to the side gate when Zane didn’t answer the door. They found him perched on the high cement fence between the property next door and his. A young blonde-haired woman rested her arms on the fence next to him as they chatted. She was either over six feet tall, or she was standing on something. The volume of the music lowered to a less ear-bleeding decibel.
“I’m glad you like it. I’ll send you the file.” Zane gave her a kiss and jumped down to greet them.
“Chatting up the neighbors?” Christian grinned. “Does my sister know about that?”
“At this point in her life, she couldn’t care less,” Zane replied, glancing toward the gate as he did so.
“You’ve got that right, big boy.” Mercedes gave everyone except Zane a hug and plopped down on a patio chair. “Zane…wine.”
Steve chuckled as his friend raised an eyebrow and glared at her. He wasn’t sure if it was the command, the click of fingers that accompanied it, or both which Zane took exception to, but the wine wasn’t forthcoming. However, he gratefully accepted one of the icy beers Zane offered him and Christian. He eased onto a sun lounge, stretched out his legs and watched the Mercedes and Zane show. Mercedes eventually got a glass of wine, but only after she used the correct words, changed her tone of voice, attempted to procure her own glass of it from the outdoor bar, apologized for being a brat and curtsied upon receipt of it. If they ever got together they’d kill each other within a week.
“Have you noticed anyone near the club lately who shouldn’t be there? Anyone hanging around looking like they’re suspicious or up to no good.” Steve wanted to check out the warning Marcus had given. He’d mentioned seeing the guy at Mercedes’s as well as Steve’s and Rhia’s place.
“You’re joking, right? The suburb is full of suspicious, odd-looking characters.” Mercedes appeared perplexed.
“Deadly serious, I got some information that someone has been watching the places I frequent. I just wanted to check if you’d noticed anything.”
“Not really. I mean nothing unusual. The alarm has been activated twice in the last few weeks, outside hours of course. I’m getting a new surveillance system installed which will take in more of the street and parking area than the old one. The only other thing apart from that is, Katie and Samantha appear to have found a new admirer. It’s the same guy fascinated with both, because they’ve both had the same things happen. Freaky pervert shit, you know? Lost underwear from their clothesline, broken flowers left on their doorstep, pictures of them shopping and notes saying repent now.”
“Jesus Christ, Mercedes. Have they reported that, and have you reported the attempted break-ins?” Christian was clearly annoyed with the casual attitude his sister displayed. It didn’t take Christian long to turn his attention to Steve. “Don’t you sit there all innocent either. When were you planning on mentioning someone’s tailing you?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s connected to the drug case at home. It’s nothing. I just wanted to make sure Mercedes wasn’t being adversely affected.” Steve took a long sip of his beer. It appeared it was now Christian’s turn for eyebrow raising and disapproving looks.
“No to both.” Thank God Mercedes decided to deflect attention away from him. “I suggested they both contact the police, but they won’t. They think it’s just an occupational hazard. Where possible I’ve altered their shifts so neither has a predictable work pattern, and I insist that they text me once they’re safely home after each shift. I can’t do much more. As for the attempted break-ins, I’m an inner city, red-light district business. Crime is a fact of life. That’s why I have insurance.”
“You’ll have more than insurance as of tomorrow. I’ll send Mick up to go over your security and then instigate whatever he recommends.” Zane’s tone carried a warning that he would accept no arguments in relation to the offer. Mercedes seemed clueless to the authority in his voice. Steve readjusted his position on the lounge and took another drink of beer as the next episode of the Zane and Mercedes show began.
Steve contemplated the situation Marcus had mentioned. He’d found no sign of anyone tracking him, even though Marcus insisted it was occurring. If someone was interested in him, then that may explain the unwanted attention Katie was receiving. She had been the sub he’d employed at the club, but he hadn’t seen her for weeks. Samantha, on the other hand, had no connection to him. Possibly all the events were unrelated and Marcus had misread the interest. It had to be related to the drug case. There was no other explanation.
As Zane and Mercedes continued to clash dominant heads, Steve reassured Christian the situation didn’t warrant reporting just yet. Technically there was nothing to report…yet. He tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in his gut and enjoy the night.
By the time he got into bed he couldn’t sleep. His instincts were constantly invading the attempts he made to relax. It had been a week since he’d had a long brief with Carlie. She’d been off work with a sick child. He’d been preoccupied with planning for these meetings. The sooner they put the investigation to rest, the better off everyone would be. At least then he wouldn’t have to be concerned about people he knew being tailed.
He kept thinking of Rhia. He should have told her why he insisted on her being careful when she was traveling to and from work, why he wanted her to get the security system he’d organized to have installed. Still, he’d been on alert and he’d found no further evidence of anyone watching her, or him for that matter. Maybe Marcus had been mistaken.
The last time Steve glanced at the clock it was just on midnight.
“Steve, I need to talk to you, wake up Steve.” Her voice was the same as he remembered— calm, soft, reassuring.
“What the fuck…” Steve rubbed his eyes. “Kathy?”
She was a vision of beauty, the way he’d always pictured her in his fantasies, the way she was before the cancer had ravaged her body.
“I should have expected the cursing. I guess it’s a shock to see me.” She laughed softly and smiled.
“Yeah, well shock doesn’t really describe it, how did you get here?” For some strange reason Steve felt surprisingly calm all of a sudden. Kathy reached out her hand and stroked the side of his face. Her hand was soft against his tougher skin. He missed that touch, missed her smile and the calming effect she had on him.
“I’ve come to tell you it’s okay, Steve. I’m so glad that you and Rhia have found each other. You know, she’s been waiting a long time for you. She needs you to complete her soul. And you need her to complete yours.” Kathy gazed at him lovingly. “I’m thankful she allowed me to have my time with you first, you were my life and I valued every minute she let me share with you.”
Jesus Christ, what was happening to him? Tears welled in his eyes, the feeling he’d always held for Kathy threatening to undo him.
“I don’t understand. I never wanted to lose you. We were meant to grow old together. And then you left and she came. I’ve let her push your memory aside, I’m so sorry…I’ve just been so lonely without you, Kath.” The tears broke free, spilling down his face.
There was no holding the flood of emotions back any longer.
Kathy brushed the tears from his cheeks and smiled compassionately, the way she always did when she’d been worried or concerned for him.
“I know, my love, and that loneliness broke my heart. So I asked them to send you Rhia. And she is perfect for you, just as you are for her. She loves you already. She’s so open to love because she dedicated her life to loving others. Now she has you to return the love she’s shown others but never experienced herself.”
“What if I can’t return her love? I gave my heart to you, Kath. All the years we were together you held my heart, and when you died you took my heart with you.” Steve’s tears continued to flow, the love they’d shared still strong.
“That’s why I’m here, my love. I’m here to give your heart back, because you need it. I relinquish the hold I have on it. Your heart no longer belongs to me, Steve. It’s already being bound to another. You just have to give it to her.”
Oh God, what was she doing? He needed her. He had to keep her close in his memory, in this room. She couldn’t do this.
“I don’t want you to relinquish anything. I want you and her. Why can’t I have both?” A sense of urgency filled him. He had to be able to keep Kathy and have Rhia as well. He knew he needed them both.
“Because… I’m dead, Steve.” Kathy laughed.
“Fucking hell, I know that...” Steve rubbed his hands down his face, eradicating the last of his tears.
“I was your first love, Steve, but Rhia will be your last, if you choose to accept that. So, do you love her?” Kathy’s question shocked him. Did he love Rhia McCabe?
“Yes. I love her more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anyone.”
“Then you need to tell her.” Kathy whispered her response against the side of his cheek, kissed his tenderly and…
Steve woke with a start. What the fuck?
He stared around the darkened room. No one was there. He assumed it was all a dream, that when Kathy woke him he’d really still been asleep and then when she left he’d woken.
He headed for the spare bedroom where Christian slept. Steve had no fucking idea what had just happened, but he knew where he needed to be. Well, he did know what had happened. He just didn’t believe it.
“Wake up, man, I need to borrow your car.”
“Where the fuck do you need to go at…what time is it…sparrow-fart in the morning?”
“It’s three a.m. I’m going home for a bit. Where are your keys?”
Christian pointed to the dresser. “You’re going home for sex. Christ man, Rhia will probably cut your dick off if you wake her at this hour. Have a wank and go back to sleep.”
“I’m not going home for sex. I’m going home for…none of your damn business.”
Steve grabbed the keys and ignored the grumbled whatever as Christian rolled over and hopefully returned to sleep. One of them needed to be awake and alert during tomorrow’s meetings, and Steve doubted it would be him.
The drive to Rhia’s would be relatively quick. The early hour meant very little traffic. Most sane people were obviously in bed at this time, but then, Steve wasn’t sane. Sane men didn’t receive visits from their dead wife, or did they?
As he took the freeway exit, he was crying like a baby. Not a good combination for a Dom about to see the woman who wanted to be his sub. It was an equally less attractive prospect for a man who was about to tell the woman he’d spent the last few weeks fucking that he loved her. He wiped the tears from his face. Despite the emotional release, Steve finally had clarity in his heart and mind, something he hadn’t experienced since before Kathy died. He loved Rhia, with all his heart, with the same heart he’d once believed would never feel such a thing again. It was liberating.
For some reason there was a light on in Rhia’s house. The clock in the car indicated it was four thirty. The door opened as he reached the porch. When she opened the door to greet him, he noticed her eyes were red and puffy.
“What’s wrong” they said the words to each other at the same time.
The answer was also spoken in unison. “Nothing I’m fine, really.” Steve knew his words were true. He was fine. Slightly shaken by the experience but completely, gloriously self-aware and wonderful.
“Why have you been crying?” He scooped her into his arms and realized it was nothing he’d done when she cuddled against him and let out a deep jerky sigh.
“I’m a hormonal basket case. Now tell me what’s wrong with you.”
“I love you, every hormonal basket case inch of you.”
She looked up at him, clearly surprised by the announcement.
Her sudden pallor disturbed him, but before he could comment, her eyes rolled back in her head and she went limp in his arms. He carried her to the couch. Perhaps he should have eased into the, I love you thing, rather than just blurting it out. As he sat next her outstretched body, he watched the color slowly return to her face and waited for her to open her eyes. They were glistening with tears when she did.
“Did you just say you love me?” She propped herself up on her elbows and stared at him. He wasn’t sure what the creased brow indicated, but it disappeared as soon as he answered.
“Yes, I love you.”
“I love you, too, and I’m so sorry.” She sat up, bursting into tears as she thrust herself back into his arms.
“There’s no reason to be sorry you love me. We love each other, and that’s all that matters. I couldn’t sleep and then…well someone helped me see that I love you, with all my heart and soul. I love you Rhiannon McCabe. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who would make me feel this again, but you have. I love you more than I can describe.”
At some point she’d started laving kisses all over his face. He didn’t need any encouragement to push her back onto the couch, stripping her nightshirt as he did until she lay gloriously naked beneath him.
He found one peaked nipple with his mouth as he fumbled with the opening of his jeans. He dragged them down his legs and kicked them, along with his shoes, off and onto the floor. His erection sprang free, pressing between her open legs. His hands travelled over her body, reveling in the soft flesh, teasing her to a higher arousal. He cursed silently to himself, as he realized he’d left his wallet in the car.
“Have we still got condoms in the bedroom?” Please say yes was on the tip of his tongue when she suddenly burst into tears again. He tried to disguise the what-the-fuck expression from his face.
“It doesn’t matter. I can’t get pregnant.” She replied through a stream of tears.
Steve cupped her sweet, puffy little face in his hands and kissed the bridge of her nose. He had an idea what might be going on. Kathy used to be a blubbering mess on the pill, well some of them. Others turned her into a psychopath. It took them quite a while to find one that suited her hormonal makeup. It all made sense. Rhia must have gone on the pill and it wasn’t suited to her.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll get it all sorted out. It takes time to find the correct contraceptive.” She reached up onto the end table next to the sofa as she took some halted breaths and tried to calm down.
He stared at the white stick curiously when it came into view. There was a circle in the centre of it, with a blue cross in the centre. He focused his eyes on the black writing at the side of the circle. Positive-plus, negative-minus…the white stick is positive. Steve suddenly realized what he was looking at.
Holy Fuck.
* * * *
“A baby?” Steve asked.
Rhia sniffed back her tears and chewed on her bottom lip. This was the most difficult thing she could ever remember doing. Which given she’d taken on one of the world’s major religious organizations seemed absurdly strange to her. “That’s why I said sorry. I should have been more careful.”
“We should have been more careful, but please don’t be sorry. Never be sorry about something like this.” Steve bundled her into his arms and carried her
to the bedroom. “This is…amazing, wonderful. I love you and I’m going to be a father.” The look on his face could only be described as one of wonder as he lay down with her on the bed. She expected him to feel differently, shocked. Well, he did seem a little stunned, but it appeared covered almost completely by joy. She would never have predicted that.
“I know it isn’t ideal. I mean, we’ve only known each other a few weeks. And there is a chance it’s wrong. I’ll have to go to the doctor and confirm it. But the packet says it’s accurate from the first day you miss you’re period, and I’m three days late.”
“Shh.” He placed his finger over her mouth to silence her nervous chatter. “I’m happy. I love you, and if you’re pregnant then I’m happy about that as well. We’ll go to the doctor on Saturday. Now tell me how you feel.”
“I love you, but I’m scared.” She blinked back the tears. “Happy, now that I know you love me, but scared because it’s all happening so quickly. I can only imagine what Meg and Barry will say. And what kind of example am I to my nieces?” He smiled as she continued to come up with reasons why she shouldn’t be happy.
“Do you want to have my baby, Rhia?” The question surprised her, as did the serious look on his face when he asked it.
“Yes, of course I want your baby. I love you.” She’d known she loved him for a while know, she just thought it was too soon to tell him. She’d stayed silent, not knowing if telling him would push him away.
“Then it’s all good. Did you hear that, Baby Jax? It’s all good.” He bent down and blew a raspberry on her naked stomach. For a big, sexy, dominate man, he could be surprisingly tender sometimes, slightly odd as well. She giggled as he tickled his fingers over her stomach, around her belly button. The touch became sensual as he made his way down between her legs.
“So, this has definitely become a condom-free zone.” His fingers teased her clit as he stared down at her lovingly.
