It was likely to be a lonely existence, but at least she’d be the one deciding it. She still hadn’t figured out a way to reconcile Della to her parents, but that didn’t seem to matter to Della that much anyway. Nor to Ida, truth be told.
“Yes, Della,” Ida replied in a placating tone, “if Mother becomes too ridiculous for me to bear, I will come live with you.”
“I’ll see you in a few days then,” Della replied, patting Ida on the cheek, a wide grin on her face.
“A few days, Aunt Ida,” Nora echoed.
Ida gave a rueful chuckle at the joke, then started up the stairs to the front door.
“You’re back!” Pearl said as Ida handed her cloak to the startled butler.
“It is good to see you again, my lady,” he said.
“It is good to be back,” Ida replied.
Pearl rushed over to hug her, her cheeks bright and her hem muddied, indicating she had likely been outside doing things of which the duchess would not approve.
To be fair, anytime the daughters were not actively engaged in trying to get married was doing something the duchess didn’t approve of.
“I brought Della back, too,” Ida said in a muffled voice.
Pearl peered around Ida’s shoulder, her expression puzzled.
“Not back here,” Ida said, rolling her eyes. “I wouldn’t have brought her here, not without preparation. Lord Carson is taking her and her friend Mrs. Wattings to Eleanor’s house. We’ll go there in a few hours, once everyone has been settled.”
“Mrs. Wattings? Come, tell me everything,” Pearl said, taking Ida’s hand in hers and leading her upstairs. “Quickly, before Mother realizes you’re home.”
Ida increased her pace and the two scurried down the hall to Pearl’s room, shutting the door firmly behind them.
Pearl launched herself on the bed, kicking her shoes off as she did, an excited expression on her face. “I knew you could do it, Ida. Bringing Della home. And Nora? Is she wonderful? And what is Mrs. Wattings like? Is Della nervous?”
Ida held her hands up in capitulation. “Slow down, you are worse than Mother.”
Pearl’s eyes widened. “Don’t say that,” she replied in a horrified tone. She leaned down to brush ineffectually at her hem. “With all of you gone she’s been focusing on me, and I have to say, it is dreadful.”
Ida sat down in a chair, glancing around at the familiar surrounding.
It felt odd to be here, back in her house, having experienced everything she’d experienced over the course of the past few weeks. Going from thinking Lord Carson was merely someone her sisters hadn’t married to thinking about him all of the time.
Fine. She was in love with him, and she should just keep that in mind and try to move on with her life.
“Tell me about Della,” Pearl urged, jarring Ida from her thoughts, thank goodness.
“And so she’s here, and Mrs. Wattings, and the two girls,” Ida finished as Pearl listened, her eyes wide.
Pearl leaned back on her elbows, an admiring look on her face. “I am so impressed you were able to achieve it all. And Lord Carson ended up going with you? How did that happen?”
“Well,” Ida said, anticipating Pearl’s inevitable laughter, “he was in the carriage I stole.”
Pearl’s expression was shocked. Imagine how I felt when I heard that thumping, Ida thought.
“And he didn’t force you to turn around?”
He’d never force me to do anything I didn’t want to. “No, he insisted on accompanying me. To keep me safe.”
Pearl frowned in confusion. “So—then what happened while you were traveling? Was it awkward?”
Ida’s expression must have slipped, since Pearl sat up and clapped her hands together. “You did not,” she exclaimed. “Did you?”
She got up from the bed and skipped toward Ida. “I knew it! You fell in love, didn’t you?”
“Uh—” Ida began.
“Does he know? Does he love you? When are you getting married?” Pearl’s words came out in one long string of questions, battering Ida with their intensity. Like their mother, only with thoughtful questions.
Her heart constricted. “We’re not.”
“You’re not?” Pearl said, looking suddenly deflated as her skipping stopped.
“He has things he has to do”—at which point Pearl rolled her eyes—“and he doesn’t need me as a wife to interrupt any of that.”
“Did he say that?” Pearl asked.
“No,” Ida admitted. “I did.”
“That is the weakest argument I have ever heard you make,” Pearl said with a sniff as she leapt back onto the bed again. “He might not think he needs you, but does he want you?”
Ida couldn’t help but blush.
“He does! Have you told him how you felt?” Pearl waved her hand in dismissal. “Of course you did. You tell people everything.”
Ida bit her lip. “Actually, no. I didn’t. I didn’t tell him.”
A moment as Pearl absorbed Ida’s answer, and then Pearl got up again to punch her sister on the arm. “Why ever not? Doesn’t he deserve the truth? The ability to make up his own mind? Shouldn’t he be given just the same courtesy he would give you?”
Oh.
She hadn’t thought of it that way. She’d been too concerned with not ruining his life, she hadn’t thought if he would want her to ruin it.
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Ida said slowly.
“I never thought I would say this, but Ida—you are an idiot,” Pearl declared.
Ida’s mouth opened to utter a blistering reply, but then realized her sister might very well be right. Was she an idiot?
Did he want her to ruin his life?
How could she be asking that of herself? Would he ask the same thing of her?
Why were there so many questions?
She and Nora had a lot in common.
Instead of answering, however, she leaned over in her chair and put her hands over her face. What a muddle.
And she, who she knew was the most intelligent woman of her own acquaintance, couldn’t figure any of it out.
“You’ve returned,” Alex said, a wide grin on his face. He gestured toward his study. “And I hear you’ve brought visitors.”
Bennett followed Alex into the study, shutting the door behind them. Eleanor had been both startled and delighted to see Della and Mrs. Wattings, taking them upstairs nearly as soon as they walked in the door. A young housemaid was drafted to play with the girls while the women took tea.
When he’d excused himself, the three were strategizing future plans.
“Yes, Lady Della and her friend Mrs. Wattings are taking advantage of your hospitality. Eleanor is with them now. Thank you for inviting them.”
“Even though you did,” Alex said with a grin. “But this is the first time you’ve done anything unexpected—you do have to admit to being somewhat predictable, brother—so of course I support whatever it is you’re doing.” Bennett’s throat grew thick at hearing his brother’s confident tone.
Bennett sat down on the sofa in front of the fire, Alex sitting down beside him, both of them stretching their legs out in front.
The fire felt warm, and Bennett realized he hadn’t relished the warmth, not truly, since he and Ida had agreed to part.
Damn it. Two words that had run through his mind at least once an hour since they’d spoken in Lady Della’s sitting room.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Bennett admitted. It felt so freeing to be able to express his emotions. He usually held everything in, even with Alex, who wouldn’t judge him no matter what he’d gotten into.
Truth be told, Alex would probably appreciate him even more if he had gotten into trouble. His younger brother was always concerned Bennett was too serious.
“That is a surprise,” Alex said. He narrowed his gaze. “Lady Della doesn’t have anything to do with that, does she?”
Bennett straightened up on the sofa. “No! No, of course no
t. She is a kind and interesting person, but she is not—”
“Not Lady Ida?” Alex finished, a sly smile on his face.
Damn it again. So Alex knew, and was just teasing him.
“How did you know? I’ve just arrived!” Bennett said.
Alex laughed at him. The most annoying of brothers, to be sure.
“Eleanor said you two would do well together. I never mentioned it, though, because I knew you would bristle.” He shrugged. “So we agreed to let nature take its course.”
Bennett exhaled. “No, she is not Lady Ida.” Nobody is. Well, except for her herself, he could hear Ida point out, somewhat pedantically. He smiled at the thought.
“So what are you going to do about that problem?” Alex asked, folding his arms over his chest. “It’s not as though there isn’t precedent for a member of our family marrying one of their family.” He paused. “And our father would be happy about it. Is that—?” he began.
Bennett groaned. “I promise, that is not why I am not immediately rushing over to propose, just to annoy our father.”
“Then why aren’t you?” Alex asked in a much more serious tone.
Bennett hesitated. There was so much to that answer, and he didn’t want Alex to get the impression that Ida was difficult—even though of course she was. Or that she was stubborn. Even though she was. Or unlikely to compromise.
“Damn it.” Well, now he was changing it up by saying it aloud, at least. “I don’t know if I can explain it. Except that I could never ask her to change.”
Alex held his gaze as he thought. It was odd to see Alex so contemplative; normally he was making light of every situation, deflecting anything that might make him personally responsible.
Except he’d offered to step in if—when—Bennett needed to escape.
Except he was here, asking the difficult questions that Bennett did not want to answer. But knew he should.
Except Alex was different than he’d ever been before.
“It’s not always a bad thing when people change,” Alex said, confirming Bennett’s thoughts. “And it’s not so much asking as loving someone enough to grow together in compromise.”
Bennett couldn’t speak for a moment. “That is—that is a very deep statement.”
Alex cocked a brow. “Never thought I’d have one of those, did you?” He leaned forward toward Bennett. “That is because I’ve changed. Love changes you.”
Bennett stuck his hand out to push Alex back. “Cut it out. But what if she doesn’t want to change?”
“What if she wants you to change?” Alex said in a challenging tone. “What would you say to that?”
“Well, of course I would, because I love her,” Bennett answered automatically. Inhaling as he realized what he’d said. He hadn’t said it aloud yet—had he?
“You love her,” Alex repeated.
“Yes,” he admitted. “I love her.”
“Do you think she loves you?”
He took a deep breath. Recalling every time she had looked at him, during arguments, conversation, and passion. Knowing the answer to the question even though she’d never said it.
“I think so.”
“But you never told her?” Alex continued. “Sometimes it is useful to speak directly. Just look at me, I have the lady I love. Because I told her I loved her.”
“I’m not you.”
Alex rolled his eyes. “Now that you have confirmed that, and that you never did tell her how you feel, what are you going to do about it?”
Bennett shook his head. For once not having the answer. “What can I do about it? She and I talked, we agreed that it was impossible for us to marry.”
“Why not?” Alex sounded genuinely baffled, and as always, Bennett admired his brother’s directness. “Because if you love her—which you say you do—and she loves you, which I believe might be possible, even though you are a dull stick in the mud, and I can’t see the appeal, that should mean there is no impediment to marriage.”
“Thank you for your honesty,” Bennett said in a dry tone.
“You’re welcome,” Alex said, dipping his chin toward his brother. “Now you just have to stop being an idiot and ask her. You want her in your life more than anything, don’t you?”
Bennett swallowed. Hearing the truth of it stated so bluntly, in Alex’s usual manner, made it so much more forceful.
“I do.”
“Then go do something about it,” Alex said.
“I will,” Bennett said as he rose from the sofa. Alex rose as well, patting Bennett on the arm, as though for encouragement.
“Go,” Alex urged.
“On my way,” Bennett promised. But first, he’d have to confront his responsibilities.
“Is my father here?” Bennett asked as he entered the house.
“No, my lord,” the butler replied.
“Of course not.”
He was both relieved and disappointed he wouldn’t be able to speak with the marquis at this moment. But at least, perhaps, he could see his mother. He’d missed her. She was the primary reason he did everything he did, and it was worth it when he saw her smile.
Bennett bounded up the stairs toward her room, hoping she would be awake.
He tapped on the door, opening it when he heard his mother’s nurse call for him to come in.
The room was dark, the curtains pulled over the windows, allowing just the barest hint of light in. There were a few candles lit around the room, giving a warm glow to the otherwise gloomy setting. His eyes had to adjust before he saw who was in the room.
“Bennett!” his mother exclaimed as he walked toward her.
His mother was sitting up in bed, a cup of tea in her hand, her nurse at her side. Nurse Cooper sprang up as he walked in, quickly taking a different chair at the foot of the bed.
“Good afternoon, my lord,” the nurse said in a quiet tone.
Bennett went to sit down beside his mother, pleased to see she looked relatively alert. She spent more and more time, it seemed, in a kind of twilight fog, exacerbated by her medications and her husband’s neglect.
“You’re back,” she said, putting her tea to one side. “I’ve missed you, but I am certain you had good reason to be gone.”
I had the best reason, he wanted to say. But it felt too new, too fragile, to share with his mother just yet. Plus, he had no idea how to begin—I longed for escape so I got into a carriage that wasn’t mine, only to be taken on a journey to the north of England with the smartest lady of my acquaintance?
It sounded ridiculous, even in his own mind.
“Yes, I’ve returned.” Unnecessary to say, since he was right here, but he had grown accustomed to reassuring his mother whenever possible. No matter if it was redundant.
“Alexander told me you were on a trip. I didn’t know you were planning one,” she said, and Bennett felt guilty. Not that he should; he often went on trips, sometimes for longer than this one, but he usually warned his mother ahead of time.
Since he’d had no warning himself, he hadn’t been able to tell her. “Alexander and Eleanor came by several times with the baby.” She glanced over at Nurse Cooper. “What an adorable child, don’t you think?”
“Yes, my lady,” Nurse Cooper said.
“She played on my bed and cooed and gurgled and I was reminded of when you and Alexander were young.”
Bennett smiled at his mother’s obvious happiness.
“Nurse, would you excuse us for a moment?” his mother asked after a few moments.
“Of course, my lady.” Nurse Cooper left the room in her usual quiet fashion as Bennett waited for what his mother might say. It wasn’t usual for her to ask for time alone with him.
“What is it, Mother?”
She clasped his fingers. “You know I want you to be happy.”
“Of course.”
She shook her head impatiently, as though wanting him to dive deeper into the conversation. “I know you haven’t been happy. It wouldn’t be possible
, not living the way you do, being busy all the time. That was why I was so glad to hear you’d left so unexpectedly. I was hoping it was something you wanted to do for you.”
Oh. First Alex, now his mother. Both of them concerned for his well-being. Both of them urging him to do something for himself.
When had he become so obviously self-sacrificing?
“Actually,” Bennett said, clearing his throat, “I’ve brought Lady Della Howlett home with her daughter. And their friend and her daughter. It was a bit of a rescue mission.” Undertaken all because of Ida.
His mother smiled. “Of course it was doing something good. That is so you.” She spoke in a heartfelt tone as she continued. “But the thing is”—and she sounded much more serious now, leaning forward as she spoke—“I will not have you put your own wants and desires aside for this family anymore. You think I don’t know what you do for us, what you’ve done for me, but I do.” She nodded. “I do. And I may not be here for much longer, and then what will become of you? Lost to work, the way your father is lost to—” And she stopped speaking, her mouth tightening at the hurt.
Of losing her husband, his father, to another woman. Another family. Another life.
“But never mind that.” She waved her own misery aside as she focused on him. “You have to promise me,” she said in a low, fierce tone, “that you will do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. Alexander has found Eleanor, and he is as happy as I have ever seen him. It is your turn. It is past your turn. Do not deny yourself simply because you think others expect it. They will take it, if they think you are going to give it. Don’t let them. Don’t.”
He saw her eyes sparkling with tears, and his heart hurt at her loss. She had given for years, first to her husband and then to him and Alexander. She was clearly speaking from her own experience, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t just as relevant to him.
His throat closed, thick with emotion. His mother was the biggest reason he had made the sacrifices he had, and he knew—because he knew how much she loved him—how earnestly she wanted his happiness.
The Lady Is Daring Page 19
