“So?”
I headed off to the stairs but not before I heard Butch say, “If she’s going, I’m going.”
“Well, I’m not going to be the only one sitting down here like a chump,” Leon added, scrambling in behind Butch.
We were all lined up in a row as I hit the stairs.
Rudy looked back at the three of us climbing the stairs behind him. He gave us the same down-the-nose glance he’d given Jerry before he walked in to Kane’s office. He made a point of shutting the door. And I’d thought Kane was arrogant.
It didn’t slow any of us down. I didn’t knock when I reached Kane’s office. Didn’t want to give him the opportunity to decline entry. I marched in as if I had every right to be there. Butch and Leon, not wanting to seem less than, did the same.
Kane was in a reclined position with his feet up. Rudy was standing in front of his desk, hands on hips, turned to glare at the three of us.
I walked in a few feet more and crossed my arms, not saying anything. Butch and Leon looked around for a moment and then followed suit, stopping beside me as if we’d coordinated beforehand.
Rudy sneered at us and then looked back at Kane. “Is this really necessary?”
Butch, Leon, and I all puffed up together in solidarity. If it wouldn’t have ruined the image, I would’ve turned around and fist-pumped them.
Kane glanced over at us. “I didn’t think so, but I guess they do.” He turned his full attention back to Rudy. “What are you here for?”
Rudy unlocked his jaw so he could get out the words. “Donald is dead.”
Donald who? And why did Rudy think Kane would care? Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen Kane last night. I wanted to roll my eyes and groan, but I had an image to keep up.
“And?” Kane drummed a pen on his desk.
Damn, he had killed another one. How many leprechauns was he going to kill? I thought we were trying to play nice, or civil, with them?
“And you killed him.” Rudy turned his attention to me.
What the hell was this about? Why was he looking at me like it was my fault? Did he think I was following him around and digging the ditches or something?
No. There probably hadn’t been a ditch. Kane didn’t clean up after himself that well.
“Don’t look at her. This is between us.” It was his you better listen to me or else voice. I found it to be optional, but Rudy seemed to think otherwise as he looked back at Kane.
“The only reason you wanted him was because he questioned her.”
My chest deflated as some of the air puffing it out escaped through surprised lips. Kane had killed him for me?
“He did more than question her. You said you were going to handle it. You didn’t. You should be thanking me for saving you the trouble.” He took his time standing. “Unless you weren’t going to handle it?”
Rudy wobbled back a little. “I had every intention of handling it. There were things that had to be ironed out first.”
“That’s good, because I was starting to think you were lying.” Kane walked around his desk and stopped a foot shy of Rudy. “And I still haven’t gotten the list.”
Rudy’s nostrils flared as he nodded. He turned and walked around me as if I were a carrier of the plague.
Kane and I were standing eight feet apart, facing each other, and the room was suddenly heavy. Had he really killed that leprechaun because he’d hurt me?
No. That wasn’t who Kane was. If he’d killed him, it was to protect an asset, or, at most, a friend. Or send a message like he had in the basement.
As he stood there facing me, it was like he was waiting for me to say something, as if he wanted something acknowledged between us. He stared at me as if I were in on a secret, but I didn’t know anything.
The feeling was so intense, I moved across the room toward the window that overlooked the Underground, trying to break the connection. “You could’ve probably just given the guy a beating.” I added a laugh at the end that sounded more brittle than joyful.
He didn’t reply, just leaned on the desk and continued to watch me. “I was still in one piece, but I know how you like to protect your turf.”
There. I acknowledged he’d done me a solid.
He watched me for another few seconds that stretched out almost unnaturally before he straightened, giving me his back as he seemed more interested in something on his desk.
Was that a dismissal? Was he mad at me for stating the obvious? I’d acknowledged what he did. What was his problem? And why did I feel this twisting feeling in my gut as if I’d disappointed him? It was ridiculous. I had bigger problems than imagined slights from Kane that made no sense.
Butch and Leon were making their way over toward the Keurig machine, but my attention was solely on Kane’s back.
“I’m not sure if you saw what went down at breakfast—”
“I did.”
“Then you know I need to talk to Asher. Tell whoever is on guard that they have to stand down. It can’t wait.” I said it in a crisp tone. Screw him. One second we were friendly and now we were barely speaking again? I wanted off the rollercoaster ride.
I didn’t care if it was going to be a fight in front of Butch and Leon, either. Kane was the one acting like a jerk. We could fling open the door, kill the music, and let the whole Underground hear if they wanted.
Kane turned back to me and sat on the edge of his desk, not an ounce of tension to be found in his frame. “Why would I do that when you can’t?” He stared at me as if he were waiting for a logical rebuttal to his utter high-handedness. Everything about his posture said he was relaxed, but his eyes made me want to go on the defensive.
I could feel my temper building as if I were standing in a vat of boiling water. Maybe after what happened downstairs, I should err on the side of caution. I looked over his left shoulder, thinking that a direct stare in my current mood could go bad. “You don’t get to tell me who I talk to.”
“Really? Because I think that’s exactly what I’m doing.” I didn’t need to see his expression. His tone was poking at me enough.
“Did you take the last French vanilla again?” Butch asked Leon.
“Shut up. I’m trying to listen,” Leon whispered back.
Stay calm. Don’t let him goad me into a fight because he was in a sour mood. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you’re being illogical.”
“I don’t have to be logical.” Kane wasn’t paying attention to Butch or Leon either as he stalked across the room.
I turned and pretended to prefer the view of the Underground, so as to not look at him and possibly spell him. Having an argument wasn’t a great reason to magically punch him in the face. Not yet, anyway. “What the hell are you so mad about? Is it the leprechaun? I didn’t tell you to kill him.”
“You didn’t have to. That’s what you’re missing.”
He was right. I was missing something.
“Why aren’t you looking at me?” he said before I could respond.
“I’m looking at you,” I said, glancing at him and then quickly away.
“No, not for a split second. I mean looking at me.”
“I am,” I said, lifting my head and trying to un-focus my eyes so I didn’t really see him.
Leon chuckled where he stood in the corner. “She’s afraid she’s going to get you with a spell.”
Kane smiled. “Feel free to try.”
I unclenched my fists, staring right at him. It didn’t help that he looked at the idea of me possibly hurting him with amusement.
“I’m talking to him.”
“Be satisfied he’s alive. It goes against my better judgment to let him keep breathing.”
I ignored the threat, knowing he wouldn’t kill Asher right now. I made a concerted effort to hold my ground.
His anger was near boiling up the room.
We stood there, facing off. I wasn’t sure what Kane was thinking, but I was considering how a punch or two might be a good idea.
Knock his ego down a couple pegs.
I heard Butch whisper to Leon, “Their fights are so annoying. They never even fight about what they’re really fighting about, you know? It’s no wonder they have to keep going. I mean, really, when I’m mad that you took the last K-cup, I say I’m mad about the K-cup, not that you left the door open or some stupid shit.”
I saw Leon nod. “They’re not as emotionally evolved as us, is all. You can’t help everyone. They’re going to have to learn at their own pace, as painfully slow and horrible as that might be for the rest of us.”
Kane switched his attention to them for a moment. “What the fuck are you two yapping about? We’re not fighting.”
Butch and Leon nodded agreement with Kane, until he turned around, and then they shook their heads.
“So that’s it? You’ve dictated and it’s done?” How had I punched that witch?
“Yes, until you stop being so naive. He’s using your weakness against you, and you keep allowing him to do it.” He took a couple of steps away from me and gave me his back again, as if he were too frustrated to have this conversation.
“What weakness?” Had he missed breakfast altogether? Hello, shadow-kissed person here? I was on the upswing.
He turned only partially back to me. “He twists you up with guilt and obligation. You were scared and alone, and now you can’t stand to see anyone else like that because it tugs at your own fears. You’re going to have to get over it.”
I swallowed so loud as I took in the verbal blow that I thought the whole room had heard me. I couldn’t think of words to respond with right away. It was as if he’d tripped the breaker in my brain and I was trying to reboot the system. “You’re a bastard.” That was the best I had.
He walked out of his office while I stood there. I didn’t leave the office. I stayed right there.
I thought Leon and Butch were talking to each other, but I wasn’t hearing them anymore. I walked over to the couch and dropped down onto it.
Leon walked out, but Butch came and fell into the couch beside me.
We sat a cushion apart for a few minutes, him on one end and me at the other. All the while, I was waiting for him to say whatever it was he needed to say. It was easy enough to know something was coming. Butch wasn’t the type to sit in silence beside you unless he was preoccupied with eating.
“Why did you do it? Take off like you did without a word? You could’ve talked to one of us. Could’ve talked to Kane. He would’ve heard you out.”
I’d been wondering when this moment would come. Walking out of the Underground hadn’t just been about leaving the building, or Kane—I’d walked out on all of them. I wasn’t certain that Butch was right about being able to reason with Kane over Asher, but I owed him an explanation.
“Asher helped me so many times in the Shadowlands; he’d kept the crawlers at bay. When he appeared, I owed him the best shot I could of surviving here. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but there’s no denying Kane isn’t concerned about Asher living.”
Butch nodded, as if he’d known my answer but wanted to hear it from me. If anybody would understand loyalty, it was Butch. Didn’t matter what Kane said. I knew why I’d done what I’d done.
When Butch didn’t get up and leave, I found myself babbling to him before I knew what I was going to say. It was as if once I’d opened up this part of me, it all wanted to spill out to someone.
“I had to. I didn’t think I had a choice. What else could I have done?”
Butch didn’t say anything, only nodded as I talked.
“You’re standing there and someone who’s helped you is in need, you do what you can.”
Butch nodded again.
“And it’s not like Kane cared so much he came after me. It was nothing to him. I’d…”
What was I doing? There was having a heart-to-heart and then there was spilling your guts until you were lying eviscerated on the ground. What I’d just been about to say was something I didn’t even like to admit to myself.
“What?” he asked.
This wasn’t something I wanted to admit aloud, but now it was burning in me and I wasn’t sure I could hold it back. It was the reason why I hadn’t been that sad when I first left, been so-so for the few weeks afterward, and then gotten progressively more morose as the time ticked on. It was ridiculous and embarrassing, and sitting there right now, I felt the emotions and disappointment enveloping me even now that I was back.
Butch leaned forward until he could meet my eyes, waiting for me to continue.
I was teetering on the edge of an emotional abyss, and it swept me right into a tidal wave of words that I couldn’t stem the flow of. “I thought he’d come after me. I left because I felt I had to, but I always thought I’d be back. I wanted to be back. I thought he’d follow me, but he just let me go as if I weren’t worth the fight.” I turned from where I was staring at the ground and stared at Butch instead, not knowing what I’d find but hoping that one of the closest men to Kane would be able to give me an answer. “Why does he act like he cares when he doesn’t?”
I ran a hand over my eye, not giving the moisture burning there a chance of escape. If Butch noticed my deteriorating condition, he didn’t mention it.
Butch scooted over and patted me on the shoulder. “He was letting you live the life he thought you wanted.”
Kane hadn’t been letting me live my life. He’d been letting me go. I looked back down at the floor, finally managing to keep my innards where they belonged, inside my body.
I leaned forward, resting my arms on my legs. My hair curtained my face while I pulled myself together. I couldn’t go walking through the Underground a blubbering mess.
“You probably don’t know this, but he knew exactly where you were twenty-four hours after you left.” He cleared his throat before adding, “And what a dump you stayed in that first night.”
I glanced at Butch. “I thought it was the less obvious choice in hotels.” I wasn’t going to tell him how I’d woken up with bed bug bites the next morning and that was why it had only been one night.
“You do realize how many people we trail, right? It didn’t matter where you stayed. If Kane wants to find you, he does. And he did want to find you.”
Butch thought he was helping, but the more he talked, the worse he made it. Kane had known exactly where I was and hadn’t approached me in all that time? Of course, I wasn’t going to say that to Butch. I knew it was ridiculous, and I was done spilling my guts out all over the place.
I snorted.
“Look, this is between you and him, but if I could give you one piece of advice, next time you two start getting into it, why don’t you actually talk to him about the issue, and not all that other crap you guys throw at each other?”
He gave me a final pat on the shoulder and left me sitting there, while I stewed in his words.
Chapter 26
The elevator doors slid open in front of me before I decided whether to go upstairs to Kane’s apartment. He wasn’t normally there during the day, so it might be the best place to avoid him. Unless he was there, and then I was screwed.
Zee popped up next to me and tugged me toward a back exit in the hallway that I hadn’t known even worked. I’d thought it was welded shut. Could happen. It wasn’t like this place got inspected by the fire department.
Her old heap was sitting outside the door.
“You ready to work? I got a hairy were-girl waiting with bated breath and a suitcase full of cash.” She headed toward the car as if my answer was a foregone conclusion.
“I don’t have the spell.”
She froze with the car door half opened. “What?”
I walked over to her side, seeing no reason to get into the car. “I don’t have the spell.”
“Do you think I was born last century? I know what shadow kissed means. Now get in. Mama needs some gladiator sandals, particularly these black, almost knee-high ones I just saw—”
“Zee, you’re
not listening. I don’t know if I can do this.”
She walked around the car door that was between us and pointed at her feet. “Do you see these?”
I looked down. They were wedges with hot-pink straps. Not my taste, but not bad. Plus, I was wearing sneakers and jeans, not a place to judge from.
“Yes.”
“I’ve already worn these out several times.”
“Um, okay?”
She wagged her finger. “No, not okay.” She reached into her car and pulled out her purse. “Do you see this?”
Could I say no when it was right in front of me? “Yes?”
“This is so two seasons ago. I bought it used.”
“Okay?”
She rolled her eyes. “It looks like I’m going to have to give you the letters.”
“Letters?” What letters? Was someone writing and complaining about her clothes?
“Letters. In other words, I’m going to spell this out for you.” She tossed her past-season purse on the car seat and used both of her hands to wave down the length of her body. “You don’t serve up caviar on a hamburger bun. I can’t keep going around like this. I have an image, and I’m running through cash like a whore runs through crack. Now this has to happen. If you can’t come up with something when we get there then say it might take a couple of tries, but we gotta go!”
I wanted to argue, but as I watched her make stabbing gestures toward her shoes, I realized it was futile. I shoved the hair out of my face and nodded. “Okay. I’ll try.”
She grabbed her phone from the back pocket of a miniskirt that was so short I saw every cement inch of her legs, and almost more than I ever wanted to get an eyeful of. “It’s on. Meet at the designated place in fifteen.” She threw the phone in her purse and got behind the wheel.
I got in the passenger seat, a lamb to the slaughter, or maybe I’d be the slaughterer? Problem was, I had no idea what was brewing inside me, but I was going to find out.
She turned the car on and blasted “Let’s Hear It for the Boy,” with not nearly enough bass, as we moved down the street. Before we hit the corner, she was screaming the words louder than the speakers.
Walking in the Dark Page 16
