by Jade Lee
“This is good?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said, his voice tight.
She rolled her thumb along the tip, surprised at the moisture there. Meanwhile, he returned to kissing her neck, to nipping lightly at her flesh before soothing it with his tongue.
“Robert,” she said, frustrated because she could not touch more of him.
“Yes?”
“Take off all your clothes.”
“Hmm. Yes.”
He spent one last moment kissing her neck, and then abruptly he was gone. He leaped off the bed onto his feet and then was stripping out of the last of his clothes. She lay there, watching him closely. It wasn’t just his organ, which was so large and thick to her mind. It was all of him. She loved the play of light and shadow on his muscles. The glow from the fire cast his skin in a golden red tone. But most of all, she saw him as he slowly straightened to his full height. To her shock, he dipped his head in an awkward movement and his hands twitched at his sides.
“Are you embarrassed?” she asked, her surprise clear in her tone.
“A little. You are staring so intensely.”
“I have never seen—”
“I know. That’s why I’m standing…I’m letting…” He cleared his throat, obviously working hard to stay calm. “I know you want to see, but it’s a little unnerving. I don’t know what I look like to you.”
“You look like you,” she said as she pushed up from the bed. “Strong and proud.” The sheet moved with her, but soon pooled about her waist as she reached for him. He was near enough to touch, so she did. She stroked his chest, watching her fingers outline his muscles, the narrow tapering of hair down his belly, and even lower. She touched him gently, finally able to stroke his length, curl her fingers around, and even shift to touch the sac beneath.
She watched as his thighs bunched beneath her strokes, and she heard his breath grow ragged. “Should I kiss you? The way you did me?”
“Sweet God,” he muttered as she moved to do just that. But he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “If you do, I shall explode. Helaine, you don’t know what you do to me.”
She looked up at his face. “Only what you do to me.”
“Lie back, Helaine. Let me love you.”
She nodded, a little afraid of what was to come. And yet, one look into his heated eyes and her fear drained away. He was hungry for her, but he was not out of control. She could trust him. So she slowly lay back, the sheet still covering her from the hips down, but her torso bared for his view.
He didn’t look. He touched. He stroked her breasts, lifting the nipples for his thumb and mouth. He was a master at what he did, caressing her until she was mad from heat and desire. Her breasts came alive under his mouth. Her body arched, giving him better access and relieving some of the heat that he built. But it wasn’t enough and she grew restless. She wanted a return of what he had done before. Of that wave of pleasure, and so her thighs slipped open in invitation.
He didn’t disappoint her. His hand slid down, stroking her. His touch invaded every part of her. He pushed his fingers inside, stretching her again while his thumb circled the place that was so hungry for him.
The wave was building; the tension made her belly taut and arched her back. She was losing control of her body in a way that was wholly amazing. And still he stroked her, rolling his thumb up and down, up and down.
And then, just as she neared the precipice, he stopped. He stripped away the last of the sheet and moved so that he was poised above her. She didn’t bear his weight. There was room between them, and she was so startled that she opened her eyes.
She had begun to ask what he was doing when she felt him. His organ, thick and hard as he placed it at her opening. It felt right, pressing against her. But he did not stop there. Slowly, while her eyes widened in surprise, he pushed inside. She felt every inch of his invasion, every excruciatingly slow push. Every time she thought she had him all, there was a little more. A little more, until he stopped.
She looked at his eyes, seeing that his jaw was tight and his breath came in tight pants.
“Robert?”
He met her gaze and held it. “Lift your knees, sweetheart.”
She did, feeling herself open even more to him. She knew his weight was on his arms, and she could see the fine tremors that shook his shoulders. But her attention was below on where he was so thick inside her.
“Rob—”
He thrust hard and true.
“—oh!”
The pain was not so bad. She felt it, but only as part of the whole. His hips had dropped down onto hers and his weight was now fully seated. Her knees were wide enough to grip him and as his face lowered to hers, she lifted her mouth to his kiss. He started slowly, for which she was grateful. Tiny kisses along her lips while below she simply absorbed the size of him inside her.
But in a moment she was kissing him back greedily. Opening to him above, dueling tongues, press of teeth, and the slow slide of him out below. She was gripping his back, holding his smooth skin tightly. She used that leverage now to break away from his mouth, to gasp for air while below he slid back out before another slow press inside.
“Oh,” she whispered, enamored of the sensation of fullness in and out. Of his weight pressing her down as she rose up to meet him. Of everything about what he was doing. “Again.”
He did as she bade, drawing out, then pushing back in. But it wasn’t enough.
“Harder?” he asked.
She nodded, her breath held suspended.
He withdrew, then slammed against her. She gasped, liking the impact. Glancing at his face, she saw he was grinning. Clearly he knew how she’d react. Smiling up at him, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his bottom. Then she lifted herself up into him, grinding against him as best she could. She watched his eyes darken and his nostrils flare. He liked what she was doing, almost as much as she did.
Then the moment changed. One second he was gasping, his eyes turning dark with hunger, and the next he was moving with a power she hadn’t felt before. Her legs were still wrapped around him, gripping as tightly as she could, but he was unstoppable.
He began slamming into her, again and again, his breath rasping harsh in his throat while her blood seemed to burn hotter with each impact. Hard. Hot.
Her back arched.
Her belly tightened.
He thrust.
Yes!
She cried out, feeling her whole body tumble into bliss.
He was right with her, his body jerking, but his face alight with happiness.
And in that moment she felt it. Not bliss, not joy, but something even sweeter.
Love.
Chapter 21
Helaine woke slowly, her body unfamiliar only because it felt so content. Usually her mind was working furiously before she opened her eyes, planning the day, thinking of dress designs, and worrying about countless little details. This morning was marked by a complete absence of those thoughts, and it made her smile with pleasure. More than that, it made her stretch like a well-fed cat.
“Now, that’s a sight to wake with.” Robert’s voice rumbled through her consciousness, the perfect complement to her very delightful morning.
She opened her eyes. He was looking at her, his face creased by the pillow but his chocolate eyes heating as he smiled a lazy grin. The covers only came to midbelly on him, so she got to look at his bare shoulders and chest as sunlight turned his skin to gold.
“Mmm,” she said as she reached out to stroke him from shoulder down to lean, narrow hip.
His grin turned wicked, but he didn’t move. He just watched her, his gaze roving over her body. It took her a moment to realize that she, too, was naked, her upper body exposed to his view. And as the thought registered, she also felt her nipples tighten, her belly go liquid, and that sweet hunger stir her blood. Meanwhile, her stroke had reached his hip and was about to wander deeper beneath the covers, except he caught her hand. He drew it to hi
s mouth, pressing his lips to her palm.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Happy,” she answered.
“Sore?”
She frowned. There were aches in places that were new, but they were minor. Something else was bothering her, something that lingered on the edge of her awareness but she held off by sheer force of will.
“The past is gone,” she said to that part of her that wanted to ruin this moment. “The future is for tomorrow.” He raised his eyebrows, wondering at her bizarre comment. So she smiled and pulled him close enough to kiss. But just before their mouths connected she whispered an explanation. “Right now is all that matters. And right now, I want you.”
He needed no more prompting. They kissed, he conquered, and after an exquisite interlude, they were again building toward that sea of bliss. No, not bliss. It was love. Sweet, joyous love. And at that moment, the fear hovering on the edge of her mind crashed through.
She loved Robert. Finally, she was in love. It was a state that she’d all but given up on, and now here it was. Love from the innermost, secret part of her soul. For the man who was her protector and would never, ever be her husband.
Pain from that thought cut through her. He was deep inside her, still pressing her heavily into the mattress, so she was able to grip him both inside and out, holding on to him like an anchor as a storm of emotion blew through her. It merged with the sensations he built as he thrust into her. And soon she lost all fear as she tumbled over the cliff.
But when the bliss faded, she was left with a melancholy kind of joy. After all, she was with him. He was kindness itself for the moment. And she was sure he cared for her, perhaps even deeply. Nothing else mattered, or so she told herself over and over while he collapsed onto his side, pulling out as he fell.
“My God,” he breathed, “this has been the best night of my life.”
“Mine, too,” she said, pleased that the words were true. Then she let him tug her tight to his side and gratefully closed her eyes. She would sleep with the man she loved. For an hour, perhaps. Maybe more.
He was asleep within five minutes. She lay awake for a good deal longer. In the end, she slipped out of his arms. Unlike him, she really couldn’t waste the day in bed. She had responsibilities to Gwen, if no one else.
She dressed quickly, careful not to make a sound. Or so she thought. But as she was struggling to fasten her gown, she heard his voice, a low rumble that heated her blood.
“Come here. I’ll get it.”
She looked up, seeing that his hair was tousled, his eyes sleepy, but his expression was anything but. Did he really want to make love again? And was her body heating again?
“You’re insatiable,” she said, speaking as much to him as to her.
“Only with you,” he answered.
She nodded, dismissing his comment as the usual flattery. But as she neared the bed so he could fasten her gown, he touched her arm and waited until she looked into his eyes.
“It’s true, Helaine. I cannot look at you without wanting you. And that has never happened to me before. Why do you think I pursued you so vehemently?”
“Because that is who you are. Doggedly persistent.”
He shook his head. “Because of you, Helaine. Because you are worth everything.”
She smiled, but the gesture was forced. In the end, she gave in to the whisper of sadness and asked the question. “But you have me now,” she said. “How long will you still want me?”
He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. She shivered in delight at the feel, but that did not stop her from waiting for an answer. Eventually it came. He looked up at her and shrugged.
“I cannot imagine a time when I won’t want you.”
She had no answer to that. Common sense told her that whatever he felt now, eventually their time would end. But common sense was hurting her mood, so she forced the thought away. She bent down, gave him a searing kiss, then straightened up and presented him with her back.
“Tease,” he said without heat. Then she felt him slowly button up her gown, taking his time as he stroked her skin before covering it up. By the time she was dressed, she wanted to strip it all off again.
But she really needed to get her day started. She needed to be buried in dress designs and fabrics and Gwen’s happiness. And maybe if she managed it, she would also find time to sit and talk to Wendy about everything that had happened. More than anyone else, Wendy understood the different roles she juggled in her life.
So she stepped away, shooting Robert an arch look. “You’re calling me a tease? When you lie there in bed looking like that?”
He spread his arms wide, inviting her to join him. “It’s only a tease if you say yes then leave. I am not going anywhere.”
“But I am. I have to think of something for Gwen’s new mother-in-law to wear to the wedding, and I have to approve the shoe ideas. Penny’s good, but it all must match. Irene wants me to inspect a shipment of velvet to see if it will suit, and Mama…well, Mama will want to talk to me about something. Always something.”
He listened, his eyes never leaving her face. “Is there any amount of money that would induce you to give up the shop and stay in my bed forever?”
She bit her lip, part of her wondering if she would give up the shop for a wedding ring. But that was not what he’d asked. His question was about money.
“No, Robert. There isn’t.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t think so. Forgive me for wishing it anyway.”
She smiled. “Forgiven. And now I really must go.” So she did. She turned her back on him and the haven he’d created in this room. She walked steadily down the hallway past the women who looked at her. They all knew she had spent the night. They knew what she was now, and she was startled to see envy on their faces. And an undercurrent of warning. They were protective of their “Sir.”
She smiled as best she could, acknowledging their message. Only Chandelle greeted her with any warmth. Then Helaine made it outside to hail a waiting cab. To her shame there were many hansoms loitering here, ready to take the lords back from the brothels. Twenty minutes later she would thankfully, blessedly be back at home where she could bathe, dress in her normal clothes, and finally start her day at well after noon.
Robert felt the world go flat after Helaine departed. He busied himself as he always did at the Chandler. He dealt with patients, shared a meal with Chandelle, and generally occupied himself with whatever he wanted. Except what he wanted was Helaine.
So he began planning. He wanted to let rooms for them. Something close to her shop and near the Chandler. She would need a staff, of course. Butler, maid, cook, all very discreet. He wasn’t truly certain that he could afford to support both the Chandler and another household. Certainly not the kind he envisioned for Helaine. But he would find the money. She deserved that much at least.
It was midafternoon when the thought struck him. He was reading an article about cowpox and its similarity to smallpox. He wanted to make a note to contact the author of the article and reached into his desk to find paper. What he touched instead was his tin of French letters.
French letters. Condoms. The bulwark against pregnancy and disease that he purchased in large quantities for Chandelle to give away. He had her lecture the women ad nauseam about how these simple devices could quite literally save their lives. But only if they used them.
And he hadn’t.
Helaine could right now be pregnant.
Helaine slipped inside the shop and tried to dash upstairs. It didn’t work. Her mother saw her. In fact, the woman was probably hovering about the doorway waiting for just this moment. Either way she was right there, her expression anxious.
Helaine didn’t even speak. She just gave her mother a warm kiss on her cheek. “I’m fine. It was wonderful. And…” Dare she say it? No, she couldn’t quite confess it all right then. So she went for the easier truth. “I think I’m happy, Mama.”
Her mother released
a breath in relief, then gestured to the workroom. “Wendy and Penny are in there. They need to talk with you, but I’ll delay them.” Then she quickly spun Helaine around and undid her dress fastening. “Go and change. We will talk more later.”
Would they? She wasn’t sure. This was all so new to her. She wanted to hold it tight inside, savoring each second before she shared it with anyone. But she took the excuse while she could, rushing upstairs. She came down twenty minutes later, as clean and pressed as she could manage. Then she pushed her way into the workroom, ready to tackle whatever problem presented.
Wendy and Penny were bent over a table discussing which fabrics would match best between shoes and gowns of different colors and textures. A quick glance told her they were working on Francine’s newest order. The girl had ordered three new party gowns and was happier than Helaine had ever seen her. To the opposite side of the workroom sat her mother, playing a drop and catch game with Tommy. It looked to Helaine to be an exhausting game where the boy dropped something and her mother picked it up. But the two were laughing in delight, and so she supposed it was a good game. Thank goodness she wasn’t a mother. She didn’t know what she’d do if she had to add rearing a child into the mix. But at least that was one thing that…
One worry…
Oh, God.
She stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth dropping open as she stared at Tommy. For the first time ever in her life she did have to worry about having a baby out of wedlock. She could have gotten pregnant last night.
Her knees went out from beneath her and she stumbled, barely catching herself on the table. Everyone looked up, but her mind was still in the grips of terror. A child? She could have a child.
The idea of having Robert’s baby was not so awful. She could imagine an impish little boy with his chocolate eyes and the devil’s own determination to get into mischief. The idea was not so repellent. In truth, she rather liked it. But they weren’t married. They’d never be married. And the idea of raising a baby alone had her looking over to Penny in horror.
