by Tania Joyce
It was like being kidnapped all over again. She couldn’t move without Kyle. She’d lost herself in him. What had happened to her?
She could look after herself.
Didn’t need anyone holding her hand.
And when she did . . . he left.
She thought he knew her. How did she get it so wrong?
But was she any better? After the way she’d treated him, she deserved it. Didn’t deserve his love. She was just like her father, running away when things got tough. Just like her mom, never letting anyone get close, using them for her own gain. God—was that what she’d done with Kyle and Hunter? Used them to ride to success? Vicki was right. She was a self-absorbed bitch.
No wonder Kyle had left.
The door burst open. Her gaze shot up, hoping it was Kyle. But it wasn’t. It was Hunter.
“Oh no, babe. You still here?” He rushed to her side and squatted. He’d left her there late last night; she hadn’t moved from the room. He rubbed the side of her head. “He’s still not back?”
She sobbed and shook her head. She’d been inconsolable when Hunter told her he’d gone to the beach house. It had crushed her even more when he hadn’t come home.
“He’ll be fine once he cools off. Trust me.” Hunter swatted his hand through the air but he couldn’t disguise the doubt in his voice.
“I don’t think so. Not this time.” The blood drained from her heart. “Hunt, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep on fighting with him. Hurting him. It’s exhausting. It’s sucking the life out of me. Out of us. It has to stop.”
He sighed and sat down beside her, hooked his arm around her shoulder and drew her against his chest. He rested his cheek on top of her head as she sobbed against his T-shirt. “I hate seeing you like this, Gem. Hate what Vicki did to you. But we’re here for you. Always will be. Kyle crazy loves you. Not psycho Vicki cray cray; more like I’ll-do-absolutely-anything-for-you crazy. Everything will work out. I promise.”
Her heart squeezed against her ribs. “Stop. Fucking. Saying. That. It hurts too much.”
He just held her closer, tighter. “Been there, done that.”
She clutched a handful of his T-shirt like it was a stress ball. She’d had a similar conversation with him about Kara. But this was different. This wasn’t a take-a-chance-on-love moment; this was an if-we-don’t-stop-we’ll-destroy-each-other situation.
“I really hurt him, Hunt. He hates me. I hate me.” She jumped to her feet and paced beside the rack of guitars. How could she have been so cruel to him? Blood surged through her veins like a raging inferno. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, she pulled.
Hunter stretched his neck and mumbled. “Life sucks, then you die.”
And she’d come too close to that. The kidnapping. The drugs. Vicki. She’d been scared. Afraid. Terrified. Contradictions clouded her every thought—she needed Kyle, she needed space. There was no way she could have both. Her breath seesawed, hard and fast. The pain inside her needed to escape. She reached for her acoustic guitar and swung it above her head. “I nearly did die. I hate that he’s not here.” With one big swing, she smashed it to the floor. Thwack. The wood exploded in splinters. Strings twanged and snapped. She lifted it and smashed it again, and again, and again. “I hate him for leaving. Hate myself for hurting him. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.”
Hunter leaped to her side. “Stop. Jesus, Gem. No.” He caught her arms and pulled her to his chest. “You’re so going to regret that.”
She stared at the shattered guitar her dad had given her and gripped onto Hunter’s arms. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Why? Why is this happening? I love him so much.”
He stroked her hair. “Babe, I know you do. And he loves you. More than anything. He took off because that’s what you wanted. He’s majorly self-torturing himself just as much as you are. He thinks he’s not good enough for you. That he’s changed you. And that he’s not able to protect you.”
“But he can’t.” She pulled out of Hunter’s arms and plonked onto the piano stool.
“You know Kyle is extreme when it comes to you, Gem.” He rested his elbows on top of the piano.
“Since when did you become the expert on relationships?”
“Me? Never.” He smirked. “I just love you two. I’ll always be like your younger, super-cool, goofy, favorite brother.”
“You got goofy right.” She sighed, scanning the awards and plaques and mounted platinum records lining the shelves and walls. Life was so good. Until their hearts got tangled. “What am I going to do?”
“Snap out of it. You haven’t lost him. You just need to talk it out.”
That was one thing she could always do with Kyle. They could sit up all night talking, losing track of time. They could even finish each other’s sentences. They knew what the other was thinking and sometimes didn’t have to say anything at all. They could just feel and tell what was on each other’s mind. What happened to that connection? “I told him I didn’t want him. I walked out on him.”
Hunt came and sat beside her on the stool. “You did pull out the big guns.”
“I broke his heart.” She rested her head against his shoulder, and he hooked his arm around her back.
“Yeah, you did. But what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Gem, you’re a kickass bitch who’ll stop at nothing.” He turned her to face him and tapped his finger above her heart. “Your spark is in there; it just got snuffed out for a while. It’s time to fire it up again. You need to slap the fuck out of this shit.” He swiped his hand through the air, then stabbed his finger. “Come out saying, ‘Don’t fuck with me, bitches.’ I know Kyle. He won’t be able to stay away. He loves you too much.”
She stared at the photo of Kyle and her at their engagement party. The gorgeous one Lexi had taken. A black and white closeup of him holding her hand against his chest, kissing her forehead. Her ring sparkling, even in monochrome. That night had been magical. Had it all gone up in smoke? “I’m terrified I’ve lost him.”
“Then fight for him.” He grabbed her hands and shook them. “You know him better than anyone. Better than me.”
“What if he doesn’t want to marry me anymore?”
“The question is, do you want to marry him? Kyle would do anything for you. That’s all he’s ever done. He organized the wedding. Tried to keep you safe. Turned the world upside down to find you. Can’t you see that? He’s not controlling you; he’s so under your thumb it’s ridiculous.”
“What?”
“You were so stressed out trying to keep everybody happy, you stopped being you. Stop letting Kyle get carried away. Stop listening to my girlfriend’s idea of a dream wedding. Stop not standing up for yourself. The minute you did that is when things went wrong.”
“So I can blame Kara for this?” She laughed through her whimpers. “You’re going to have fun if you ever marry her. Your wedding will be bigger than Kim and Kanye’s.”
He stretched the collar of his T-shirt and gave a nervous laugh. “I’m not rushing down the aisle, Gem. No way. But if I ever do, you can rest assured I will have the biggest wedding ever. It will be big, bold, and totally lit. Forget Kim and Kanye. You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
“You’re a nutter.”
“Yep.”
Her shoulders slumped. “I never wanted a big wedding. So much bullshit.”
Hunter chuckled softly. “Gem, your wedding guest list isn’t big. But if it’s not what you want, you’re either going to have to stand up to Kyle or bite the bullet and think of it as just another day in the spotlight.”
She never wanted that. “I just wanted it to be him and me. You, Kar, Lexi and Hayds. A day away from the limelight.”
“Then remind him of that.”
“There’s no point. It’s too late.” Kyle didn’t want anything to do with her. Hunter was doing all he could to make her feel better, but nothing worked. “Thanks anyway. You’re the best.”
“I know.” He crinkled his nose. “But you chose Ky
le.”
She thumped him on the arm. “Yes. I did.”
Love had done nothing but hurt the three of them. Hurting Kyle would be something she’d always regret.
She looked at the wooden splinters on the floor. Some good had come out of it. There were no more ghosts in her past. She no longer worried about her father—he was dead, gone. Her mother could flit around the world from one man to the next—she was out of Gemma’s life. But Kyle she couldn’t live without. Was it possible to go back to being friends?
“You want some help to clean this up?” Hunter pointed to the mess on the floor.
“No. Leave it.” It was her past. No more holding onto strings of hope.
“You gonna go see him?”
A tear fell from her eye. All their wedding plans, gone to waste. Because of her. “No-pe.”
“Damn, you can be stubborn.”
“Me?” Her voice jumped two octaves.
“Go. See. Him.”
“No.”
Hunter groaned, slapped his hands on his thighs and jumped to his feet. “You’re being a fool. I’ve sat around wallowing with you long enough. I gotta go. Kara’s waiting. Do you want to come to brunch, since we’re not in Belize?”
Ow! That stung.
“Thanks. But no thanks.” She wrapped her arms around herself, jutted her chin toward the door. “Go. Have fun. I’ll stay here. I need to be alone.”
“No. You don’t.” He bent down and glared at her. Shards of silver flinted in his azure eyes. “You need to be around people who love you.”
No. She didn’t. “I’ll be fine. Might try and get some sleep.” Not that she’d be able to.
He puffed through his nostrils. “You are one cantankerous chick sometimes.” He stood and kissed the top of her head. “But I love you. I’ll come see you later.”
He turned to leave but she caught his arm. “Hey . . . I love that you’re in love with my best friend.”
“So do I.” A cheesy grin flashed across his face, then it warped and transformed into a frown. “And you love my best friend. The sooner you and Kyle sort your shit out, the better.” He ruffled the top of her head and headed out the door.
Dragging her footsteps, Gemma ambled up to her bedroom. The apartment was so cold and empty without Kyle. With clouds fogging her thoughts, she opened the walk-in wardrobe. It smelled of him, all woodsy and spice. It reminded her of him. Suits, shirts and jeans hanging neatly on the rack. Piles of hoodies, T-shirts and shorts in stacks on the top shelf. She grabbed one of Kyle’s old T-shirts to wear to bed. As she pulled it down, a letter-sized box tumbled to the floor, scratching her on the arm as it fell. “Ow!”
Notebooks, pieces of paper, and music sheets spilled onto the carpet. Shit. She’d thought this box was full of old ties, belts and cuff links Kyle didn’t wear anymore.
She dropped to her knees and picked up a single sheet. It was lyrics. She stared at the date. The first day of high school. The day they first met.
She skimmed the lyrics.
The moment you walked in the room,
I knew my life had changed.
You stole my breath right then and there,
I knew I’d never be the same.
She remembered being the newcomer, out of place. She’d walked into her first lesson and there they were. Kyle and Hunter. Geeky, lanky pimply teens. She’d felt a connection with them straight away.
She grabbed another crumpled music sheet. Going by the date, it was senior year, post prom, a few weeks after Vicki broke his heart.
The night I left broken hearted,
And thought I was all alone,
I looked up and saw you there,
Your smile and touch felt like home.
Another piece of paper. This one was dated a few months after Kyle’s parents had died.
In my darkest hours, when I’d lost everything,
You were there, helped me breathe again.
Your arms around me showed me the way,
Your heartbeat made me want to stay.
Another one. Dated shortly after she’d broken up with her ex, Ben.
You ran so fast, you ran so far, I could feel the rip in your heart.
While you bled, while you cried, I just stayed by your side.
Held you close, wouldn’t let you fall, wouldn’t let you end it all.
You deserved so much more, as you lay broken on the floor.
Knew I’d be a better man, give you everything I had.
Can’t you see, my love is true; I’d do anything, just for you.
That was the horrific night she’d found out Ben had sold naked photos of her to the tabloids. She’d cried so hard, felt so humiliated, and Kyle had just held her in his arms. Said he’d post naked pictures of himself online just to even the gossip. A few days later, he did just that. He jumped, butt-naked, into a hotel pool.
She half giggled, half cried at the memories, and wiped the tears from her lashes.
He’d done it for her. To get the gossip mongers off her back. She’d taken him for granted for too long.
Fuck!
Kyle had loved her . . . forever.
He’d told her his feelings for her changed after his parents were killed, not that he’d felt that way since he first met her in high school. She might have been wrong; those lyrics could have been about someone else. But she remembered every one of those moments.
He loved her.
He fucking loved her.
It was stupid that two people so in love could hurt each other so much. She’d never been able to comprehend being cared for. Never felt worthy. But time had proven that every experience had brought them closer and made them stronger. He kept her head out of the clouds while she made him chase them. It wasn’t that she was losing herself in him; she was everything because of him. He didn’t smother her; he gave her strength, inspiration and solidarity. Their friendship had blossomed into something magical. She couldn’t picture her future without him. Couldn’t face writing a song or going onstage without him.
She loved him.
She had to fix this mess.
She’d been stubborn and foolish long enough.
After stuffing the papers and notebooks into the box, she put it back onto the shelf. She rushed to the hall cupboard downstairs and pulled out the shoe-sized box from her father. Sifting through the trinkets, she grabbed the one tucked inside an old black velvet pouch and hugged it close to her chest. Yes. This was perfect. Just what she needed.
Grabbing her purse, cell phone and keys off the kitchen counter, she rushed out the door.
It was time to grab her future. No looking back.
It was time to go get Kyle.
Chapter 23
The salt air pressed against Kyle’s face and the sun beat into his skin. From the front deck overlooking the endless ocean, he breathed in time with the rise and fall of each rolling wave. Since leaving home two days ago, the ache in his chest had remained constant.
It was as if life was stuck on repeat like a broken record, unable to move on to the next track. The wind rippled through the dune grass, seagulls circled the sky, and bugs zipped this way and that. The same shit happened over and over again. Like him and Gemma. They kept hurting each other. A vicious cycle. It had to stop. They didn’t need to delay the wedding; they needed to call it off.
Not having her would be like living with no heart. He’d be numb, but at least he could move past this constant pain. It would be hard to contemplate not kissing her, holding her, making love to her, or sleeping next to her. He’d loved her for so long. It had simmered beneath the surface from the moment they’d met, burst to life after the death of his parents.
All he wanted was to love her and become a family. Be united in happiness. Put their troubled upbringings behind them. But it all had gone terribly wrong.
He pushed his sunglasses higher on his nose and rested his head back against the cushioned deck chair. He’d fucked up. He’d never wanted Gemma to feel suffocated. But
that was exactly what he’d done. Worst thing was, he hadn’t realized it. He’d never thought he was controlling; she’d proven otherwise.
For their music, he was a perfectionist. He always sought the perfect lyrics, the perfect tune, the perfect melody. Always demanded the best, spending hours rehearsing and practicing, ensuring shows and performances went off without a hitch. Always took the lead in their business deals and contract negotiations. When did power go to his head? When did it make him oblivious to what others were feeling? Especially Gemma.
He was the sensible one. The one who kept Gemma and Hunter from chasing overzealous dreams and ridiculous ideas. He’d thought he was helping; instead he’d been an anchor dragging in the sand, holding them back.
Shit.
Love had blinded him. He’d seen too much hurt. Experienced too many broken hearts. Eight years had flown since they’d signed with SureHaven Records. Five albums and four tours later, they had a lifestyle they’d never dreamed possible.
Maybe they’d burned themselves out.
Maybe it was time Everhide took a break.
Maybe permanently.
Without Gemma, there’d be no music. Just being friends would be impossible. It would kill him to see her move on, be with other guys. He’d watched that happen for too long before they got together. It had slashed his heart every time.
For early October, it was hot. The sun burned like he’d thrown himself into hell. Reliving what happened to Gemma tortured his brain, sickened him to the core. Kidnapped. Fucking kidnapped. Taken so easily. It had shattered her spirit, like he had.
Fuuuuck!
Wiping the dampness from his eyes, he sniffled. He’d lost all sense of judgment. He’d trusted Vicki. He held those close to him next to his heart. From Hunter and Gemma, to Bec, Kate, Hayden and Lexi, and other friends and people in their entourage who’d been with Everhide from the start. He considered these people family. But, just like his own flesh and blood, they could hurt him. Destroy him. Take the people he loved away.
