‘Motorhome,’ I corrected.
‘Is it?’
‘Yeah. The camper van ceased to exist in 1967, apparently.’
Hayley stared at me for a moment, shook her head and asked, ‘Can we sleep in here tonight?’
‘You and James?’
‘Yeah.’
‘No, there’s not enough room, and, anyway, I don’t want to listen to you two shagging all night.’
‘We won’t.’
‘You will too. Besides, he farts a lot.’
‘I do not,’ protested James.
‘You do so. Hayley told me.’
James frowned at Hayley. ‘Do you tell her everything?’
Hayley nodded. ‘Pretty much.’
I giggled. ‘What about me?’ asked George.
‘Do you fart a lot?’
‘Not unless I’ve had lentil soup.’
‘Have you had any?’
‘No.’
‘Well, you can’t stay anyway. There’s not enough room.’
*
We managed to finish filming the boring ‘talking head’ bits with the bearded wonder in under an hour, then they filmed me playing ‘piggy in the middle’ with the girls, which got a bit out of hand when Daisy started crying because she couldn’t catch the ball. I ended up hugging her.
James smiled. ‘That’ll look great on playback; you came over as caring and fair.’
He wandered off and I watched the love-sick puppy look of longing that Hayley sent after him.
‘Hayley, you’ve really got it bad, haven’t you?’
She blushed. ‘Yeah, well, it’s like he’s come alive since we started planning this. He’s full of passion about making films and documentaries. That’s what he did at college and what he wants to do. That passion spilled over into last night. I don’t think we slept much, to be honest. We’re running on oxytocin today. Thank God George did most of the driving.’
‘Oxytocin?’
‘The sex hormone.’
‘Oh, I should probably know that with my background.’
‘Not much call for oxytocin amongst the dead.’
‘No, I suppose not.’
James interrupted us. ‘Well, that’s about it. I need to get all this home tonight, a quick final edit and—’
‘We don’t get another night in a cosy Highland hotel?’ Hayley asked, disappointment dripping from her voice.
‘I’m afraid not, babes. I need to get this over to the Channel 5 team tonight before the story goes cold or something else happens.’
‘Like what?’ I asked.
James shrugged. ‘Anything. Some MP caught with his or her trousers down, a celebrity ménage à trois, anything like that. The only reason this story has had any air time at all is because there’s not much happening at the minute and some researcher, or maybe Lance himself, fancies Nathan’s missus.’
‘Isn’t he engaged to that actress that used to be in Hollyoaks?’
James shook his head. ‘Nope, that ended last month, so he’s single and on the prowl again.’
‘That’s crazy. Why would he want to get involved with Laura and her whole domestic mess? I mean, what sort of person would do that …?’
I stopped speaking as both Hayley and James locked eyes onto me and raised their eyebrows at the same time. I’m not sure what surprised me most: the realisation that I’d just described my own situation perfectly or the fact that they’d only been together a short time but, already, had managed to synchronise their eyebrow raising.
Chapter 25
James, Hayley and the bearded wonder packed up their equipment, stowed it into the boot of their car and headed off. I’d hugged Hayley before she’d left and we’d agreed to meet up in Edinburgh in a few days to compare notes. In the meantime, Hayley would let me know if James managed to get our footage on the air.
Nathan and I had planned to head across country to a huge campsite just north of Pitlochry, where the girls could join up with other kids and enjoy the entertainment programme and swimming pools.
Personally, I could cope with being the other woman if it meant we could stay in our little holiday bubble a little longer, and Nathan seemed keen for the girls to have some fun.
I’d hoped for another night under the stars with Nathan, but the rain really started lashing down just as twilight closed in and we were destined to spend the night cramped inside.
With three kids in there with us there would be no chance of Nathan and I snuggling up. ‘Kids are great contraceptives, aren’t they?’ I asked, smiling.
‘Yep, best there is.’
‘Makes you wonder how anyone ever has more than one kid.’
‘Nature always finds a way.’
‘My dad said that he and my mum didn’t have sex for ages after I came along.’
‘Your dad told you that? I didn’t know parents talked to their children about such things.’
‘Yeah, well, mine do, unfortunately. The last time I went home he offered me a pint of Leg Spreader.’
Nathan blinked a few times, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. He’d likely be wondering how my family managed to escape the attention of social services. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that; it was up there with the ‘you’re beautiful when you’re sleeping’ line and would have been better remaining firmly in my head. Still, he recovered well and suggested, ‘Maybe we could sneak outside when the rain stops?’
Unfortunately, by the time we got the girls to sleep the rain had begun to rattle off the roof so hard we could barely hear ourselves whisper so we had a steamy snog and retired to our respective ends of the van. I lay in my little bunk frustrated and horny, but consoled myself with the thought that we had all the time in the world in front of us.
*
After a late breakfast we packed up all our stuff and headed out. We planned to arrive early to mid-afternoon to make the time worthwhile. I made sure everyone had strapped themselves in and that the Trolls DVD had started. Daisy sat holding her Minion character, which continued annoying everyone periodically with its cry of ‘Wayhay’. I hadn’t managed to work out how to switch it off or even how to remove the battery, as there didn’t appear to be any kind of access to the damn thing’s insides.
Millie watched me try to find an off switch or battery lid. She smiled smugly and said, ‘All the Minions come from a special factory where each figure has embedded within it a magical sprite that speaks the word of the Minions everywhere, “Wayhay”. So, you won’t find a battery because the spirit within doesn’t need any power.’
I must confess for a moment she spooked me but then I decided that Millie watched too much adult TV. ‘So how do I get it to shut up, then, smarty pants?’ I asked her.
‘You don’t,’ she replied smugly. ‘You have to sit and listen to it all day.’
‘I don’t. I could throw it out the window.’
Millie nodded, the smile leaving her face. ‘You could, but Daisy might not like it.’
The way Daisy now held her Minion, rather warily by its leg, made me believe she probably wouldn’t be too bothered, but I left my options open and buckled myself in the seat beside Nathan.
The sunny morning that had greeted us at breakfast had clouded over and the sky had darkened considerably since then; no doubt more rain would follow. My initial assessment about the spring Scottish weather being warm and sunny in the Highlands had to be reassessed, given the amount of rain we’d endured since then.
About an hour into our journey the heavens opened, almost like a cloudburst, and the narrow road became slick with water. Nathan slowed down and started to look for somewhere to pull in and wait for it to pass. Suddenly a deer sprang out of the undergrowth and ran straight into our path, Nathan slammed on the brakes and wrenched the wheel to the right. The tyres squealed, and the motorhome lurched onto the verge of the road and, almost in slow motion, began to tip over. I screamed, and Nathan twisted his head towards me and I saw the look of terror on his face as we plunged
down the grass verge into the trees.
The first thing I noticed when we eventually stopped was the silence and the disorientating sensation of looking at the world upside down. A fine layer of dust covered me, and an acrid smell permeated my nostrils. I glanced over at Nathan. His eyes were closed, and he had a large red circular bruise on his face, but I couldn’t see anything that could have caused it. Then I wondered in horror if he might be dead again. Thankfully, he quickly dispelled that thought by groaning and opening his eyes. Then he started awake, shouting, ‘The girls!’
I suddenly came to my senses and carefully unbuckled my seat belt and dropped to the roof, a strange and disconcerting thing to do. I then helped Nathan out of his seat.
My shoulder ached, and I could feel a bruise beginning to form on my bum, but nothing seemed too serious. I didn’t bother to ask Nathan how he was feeling as he’d already clambered into the back of the van. I crawled back with him, hoping against hope that the kids were okay.
Daisy had a huge smile on her face and still clutched her Minion, which predictably uttered, ‘Wayhay’. Daisy giggled and asked enthusiastically, ‘Can we do that again?’
I laughed; it was impossible not to, especially as I noticed that Millie and Chloe were fine too. Upside down, still harnessed into their seats, but fine. Millie said in a grumpy voice, ‘I suppose this means we’re not going to Pitlochry now?’
We got everyone out of the SE39 and seated under a large umbrella on an overturned log far enough away in case the motorhome blew up (though I suspected this only really happened in movies). We remained close enough for the emergency services to find us when they eventually arrived. Nathan had been surprisingly reluctant to phone the police and suggested maybe the RAC would be able to get the van back on the road. I’d shown him the crumpled rear-corner section of the thing and he’d come to his senses and immediately dialled for help. We’d given them the grid reference from the satnav, then I’d gone back and retrieved my handbag from the footwell, which now formed the top of the van.
The police and ambulance arrived together. They didn’t have any flashing lights or sirens as I’d told the dispatch person that we were all fine and, although nobody had any life-threatening injuries, we did have young children with us and would like them to get checked out as soon as possible. There were two police officers – an older male with greying hair and a young woman with red hair tucked under her police cap.
The paramedic called Julie examined the children first, making sure nobody had any broken bones. Satisfied that they were fine, she said, ‘Right, girls, I’ll just make sure your mum and dad are okay.’
‘She’s not our mum,’ said Chloe.
‘Our real mum’s in London,’ clarified Millie. ‘That’s Kat.’
Julie paused for a moment, then smiled with recognition. ‘I saw you on the TV this morning. They played a clip of you being interviewed and playing with the children.’
I wondered why James or Hayley at least hadn’t told us it had gone out. I pulled my phone out of my bag; it had no power. I’d forgotten to charge it up. I didn’t know how long it would be before I could do that again, given our current predicament. I could get by without clean clothes or even a shower for a day or two if necessary, but not having a working phone would be really irritating.
‘How did it come across?’
‘Well, I’m … I hadn’t seen yesterday’s programme so I’m not that up on your, err … situation?’
‘Situation is as good a word as any.’
‘Yeah, well, as I say, I didn’t see the other point of view, but I suppose my overall impression is that you all looked happy.’
‘We were having a great time … well, until now.’
Julie nodded. ‘Well, yeah, I don’t suppose this will help your case much.’
My brain hadn’t caught up with events yet, but now I understood Nathan’s initial reaction and his reluctance to call for help. In the end, though, we’d had no choice and we were just glad everyone got out uninjured. Nathan’s only visible injury was the nasty bruise on his face. Julie had prodded it and announced, ‘That’ll be the result of the airbag going off. Most people in accidents don’t even notice the airbags deploying because there’s too much else going on.’
That explained the acrid smell I’d noticed just after we rolled to a stop. I had a strained muscle in my shoulder and a bruise on my bum, which Julie reckoned came from bashing it on the door handles.
The police stayed in the background, occasionally answering their radios or phones or whatever it was they used now. When the paramedic eventually gave us all a clean bill of health the female officer came over and spoke to Nathan. ‘The nearest hospital is Fort William, but it seems that you’ve been really lucky and none of you need any urgent attention, so we can arrange for a recovery service to come and retrieve the motorhome from the ditch. We can’t give you all a lift in the police car as there’s too many of you, so what I’ve done is to arrange for the local taxi firm to take you to the nearest railway station where you can catch a train back to Glasgow. Unfortunately, there isn’t a train until noon, so you’ll have to wait around for a while.’
‘I need to get our clothes out of the motorhome,’ I said, panicking at the thought of being separated from my clothes.
‘I’m not sure the vehicle is safe enough for you to do that—’ The male officer started to explain but I’d already gone; I wasn’t going anywhere without my stuff.
Twenty minutes later I’d managed to drag my suitcase and most of Nathan’s and the girls’ items from the van. Nathan lent a hand when he spotted me struggling up the slope with my huge case.
‘You didn’t need to bring it all up with you. You could just have got the essentials.’
I glared at him. ‘These are my essentials.’ I lugged the shiny silver case up onto the tarmac and sat on it.
*
Later, as we sat on the train home, Nathan said, ‘I don’t suppose the man at Motorhome World will be too happy with us.’
‘No, I guess not, but that’s what you paid the insurance for. Looking on the bright side, at least neither of us need to drive it to Cumbria now.’
Nathan’s phone started whistling. He answered it and then passed it to me. ‘It’s your friend,’ he said.
‘Hayley, you got my message, then?’
‘Yes, oh, my God, are you all right?’
‘Yeah, amazingly, we’re all fine. We’re still a bit shaken up but thankfully we weren’t travelling all that fast at the time. That’s why nobody got hurt.’
‘How are the kids?’
‘They’re annoyed that we’ve had to cut short our holiday but, apart from that, fine. We’re on a train home so if we get cut off you know why.’
‘Okay, listen quickly – did you see the Lance Donaldson show this morning?’
‘No, we missed it, I—’
‘But I texted you.’
‘My phone had died by that point.’
‘Oh, right, well, I think you came over really well, and they couldn’t get Nathan’s wife to come back on and face up to some of the lies she’d told, so in the end it makes you guys look a lot better. The bonus, I suppose, is that James says it’s becoming a non-story and likely nobody will be that interested in you two now – that and the fact a Premiership football manager just got caught in bed with Samantha Wentworth.’
‘The prime-time newsreader? When did that happen?’
‘The story broke this morning and has kind of swept everything else off the news agenda.’
I poked Nathan. ‘Some football manager got caught in bed with Samantha Wentworth.’
Nathan squinted at me and said, ‘Who?’
‘Samantha Wentworth, she reads the news.’
‘Does she?’
‘Oh, you’re hopeless.’ I returned to the phone. ‘I’ve got no internet access here; I feel like I’m cut off from the world.’
‘When will you be home?’
‘We’re due into Glasgow
about half two, then we’ll need to get another train to Edinburgh. We’ll be home for teatime, I think.’
‘You could come and stay at mine if you like – spares you going to Edinburgh. We can have wine and a catch-up.’
I knew she wanted to rave about James and, as pleased as I was for my friend, I couldn’t face an evening of her rambling on about the man who made my school life hell. I couldn’t quite forgive him for that, well, not yet, anyway.
‘I think I need to be with Nathan, babes; we’ve had a pretty traumatic day so far.’
Hayley remained silent for a moment before saying, ‘Well, maybe tomorrow. You’re not working this week, are you?’
‘No, I’m off until next Monday.’
‘Okay, I’ll text you later. Bye.’
Hayley’s clipped sentences worried me; she obviously had something to tell me and it wasn’t just to rave about her boyfriend. It would have to wait. I handed Nathan his phone just as it started to ring again. He frowned at the screen and declined the call. ‘Laura,’ he said by way of explanation. He sent a brief text and then switched it off. ‘I just told her we’ll be back in Edinburgh tonight. That should shut her up for a bit.’
The rest of the journey seemed to take forever as the girls were getting bored and restless. We grabbed some sandwiches and crisps in Glasgow before boarding the train to Edinburgh. An hour later we arrived at Waverley and fed the starving girls at the nearby Burger King. Then we piled into a taxi and soon arrived outside Nathan’s flat; he paid the driver and we wearily trudged up the stairs and inside. I parked my humongous case in his hallway.
I helped him get everyone settled then decided to go home. I felt weary and my bum hurt. I did think about staying over and satisfying the sexual itch that I could feel just below the surface, and the look on Nathan’s face when I announced my departure told me we would’ve had a nice time scratching it.
I promised to phone him in the morning and suggested we could maybe do something with the girls to make up for some of the disappointment of not making it to the holiday park in the Highlands.
I took what I needed from my case and stuffed it into a smaller bag. I couldn’t face dragging the case another step. I also knew that if I took my case home tonight I’d want to wash everything and wouldn’t be able to stop myself.
The Second Life of Nathan Jones Page 20
