by Callie Cole
“Yes, Ms. Mackenzie.”
Hold it together for just a few more minutes, Jordan.
Trying not to run, I walk to the elevator and hope no one can see me fighting to hold back tears.
Chapter Five
Jordan
I make it to the underground parking garage without running into anyone from my office. By the time I get to my car, I let the flood of tears fall. I throw my bag on the ground and kick the car’s tires. All the frustration and hurt comes raging out of me, and my body needs the release of anger that’s been building for so long. I’m pummeling my car for several seconds before someone notices.
“Whoa, hold on. It can’t really be the car’s fault, can it?”
I hear a familiar voice moving in my direction.
The tears have blurred my vision, and I’m not sure who it is that’s talking to me.
“It must be pretty bad if you’re willing to kick the crap out of a sweet ride like that.”
My vision clearing, I can see Julian Sanders approaching.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m fine, Jordan. Thanks for asking.”
Trying to regain my composure, I pull my shoulders back and stand taller, taking a deeper breath.
“I’m sorry. I’m just surprised to see you here. That’s all. I’m all right, Julian. I had a rough morning. I guess I needed to vent a little. What are you doing here?”
“Towing a car back to my garage. Must be someone in your office.”
Julian moves closer, and the familiar scent of him tugs at my lower belly.
“How are you doing, Jordan? You look as amazing as ever. Nice to know some things don’t change.”
My body isn’t paying a damn bit of attention to what I’m trying to tell it. My nipples are getting hard, and the wet between my legs reminds me of a past I’ve tried hard to forget.
“I’ve got to go.”
“Wait. I want to see you again. Let me get this car back to my shop, and we can get a bite to eat or a drink.”
“No. I can’t.”
“Jordan. I know we’ve got history, but a lot has changed since we were together. I just want to talk to you. I’m not trying to make a move. I just want to talk.”
Why did I have to run into Julian today of all days? I swear I have shitty timing.
“I’m sorry, Julian. I can’t. I just can’t.”
I open my car door and get inside as fast as I can. Julian pulls away from the car and puts his hands up in the air as if to say, “I give up.”
The pain I feel seeing him again is too much for me, so I drive out of the garage and don’t stop for two hours. Every time the memory of Julian Sanders pops into my head, I push it away and focus on the meeting. Julian and Mackenzie Hale. Two reminders that I’ve failed miserably.
Somewhere between feeling like a loser and thinking about jumping off a roof in downtown Boston (for greatest impact), I find myself surrounded by fields of cows. Looking at my GPS, I realize I’ve driven over one hundred and thirty miles. I pull my car off to the side of the road, get out, and walk to the fence. A horse walks over and stands in front of me, staring into my eyes as if he knows how I feel.
“Do you want to swap lives, handsome? You go back to the city and I’ll stay here. What do you think?”
The horse turns and walks away, as if to say, “No thanks, your life sucks.”
I check my cell phone to see if I can find a restaurant or bar near my location. A car pulls up behind mine and right away I assume I’ve done something wrong, like trespassing or bothering the animals.
Julian Sanders gets out of his car and walks toward me.
“Are you all right?”
“Julian? What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?”
“When you say it like that, it sounds awful. No, I’m not stalking you, but you seemed in a bad way back at the garage. I was worried about you. Correction. I am worried about you. Is it so terrible I followed you to make sure you’re okay?”
“You followed me all the way out to the Berkshires? At some point, you must have thought I was doing just fine. Don’t you think driving all this way is a little over-the-top? Besides, didn’t you have a car to tow?”
“There were two of us in the garage. I let Mike handle the tow. Anyway, you don’t really care about the tow. Why don’t we talk about what’s really bothering you?”
“If I wanted to talk to you about it, Julian, I would have done so back at the garage. It’s no big deal, anyway. I just needed to blow off some steam. I thought taking a long ride would help. You don’t have to worry about me. You can turn around and go back to the city.”
“Jordan, look around you. Do you see where you are?”
“I know where I am, Julian. I’m in Lenox. I have a GPS.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. Don’t you think it’s strange that you end up driving here? Do you remember that trip we took here years ago? The bed & breakfast place we loved so much is just over that hill. Isn’t it possible that you drove here because of us?”
I can’t think about what he is saying. I can’t think about that time. I don’t know why I came here. I just know I needed to get out of the city.
“I’m sorry. I’m putting pressure on you and I didn’t mean to do that. Listen, why don’t we have lunch? That bed & breakfast place is the closest, and I know they have a lunch menu. Let’s just eat and talk a little before driving back to the city.”
I nod my head in agreement but worry that the more time I spend with Julian, the harder it will be to walk away from him again.
I can’t think about that now. Right now what I want is a few minutes listening to his voice and looking into his eyes. What can be wrong with that?
Chapter Six
Jordan
Sleeping Hill Fields Bed & Breakfast is an old farmhouse that sits atop a hill overlooking fields of wildflowers. There is a vegetable garden area on the property, and everyone comes here to cut wildflowers and enjoy the delicious farm-to-table entrees and the gentle quiet of the area.
As I drive up the long road leading to the restaurant side of the building, I can’t keep the memories from flooding back. Three years ago, Julian and I stayed here for a long weekend. It’s where we both admitted for the first time that we loved each other.
We were so innocent back then. Everything seemed so simple and easy. We didn’t see the obstacles. That’s what happens when you stick your head in the sand and refuse to admit the truth.
Julian parks his car next to mine, and we both walk into the restaurant. It’s the middle of the week and so quiet. Since we have the entire restaurant to ourselves, the waitress seems especially excited to have customers to wait on.
“You’re in luck, you can have any table you want.”
Even though there isn’t another person in the place, we pick a booth toward the back of the room. We place our orders, and before long, the waitress returns with our beers. Julian holds his up.
“To the future. Whatever it may hold.”
Thank God he didn’t say “To the past.”
I lift my bottle.
“To the future.”
“So would it be bad if I ask what got you so upset this morning?”
“I thought the idea was to get away from the city?”
“Fair enough. What would you like to talk about?”
“How about you, Julian? Tell me about what you’ve been doing these last three years. I see you’re still working at the same place.”
“Actually, I own that garage now.”
“Really? I had no idea you were interested in being a business owner. I thought you liked the freedom of not having any responsibilities. Just a go-with-the-flow kind of guy.”
“Well, first, that was three years ago. I don’t think I was ready to own a business back then. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life at that time. Not you, though, Jordan. Three years ago, you were on the fast-track to the big corner office at Mackenzie Ha
le, and look at you now. How does it feel to be a big-time executive at one of the biggest firms in Boston?”
“I’m not sure how to answer that, actually. There are moments when I feel like I’ve finally arrived, and then…”
“And then?”
“And then there are days when I wonder what I’m doing. I can be in the middle of an important meeting, and I feel like I’m watching it from above. Like I’m flying around the office watching everyone but not taking part in it. I don’t know. I’m sure everyone feels like that once in a while.”
“I don’t. I’m happy with what I’m doing. Are you happy, Jordan?”
I don’t answer him. Instead, I call the waiter over and order a margarita. Julian orders another beer.
We spend the next two hours laughing and reminiscing about stupid things we did when we were dating. I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed. It could be the drinks, and I’m sure because of them I’m able to let my guard down, but it’s Julian who can make me forget my life in Boston, at least for a little while.
If you had told me at eight o’clock this morning that I’d be in the Berkshires, sipping margaritas with Julian Sanders, I’d have said you’d lost your mind. And yet, here I am, doing that very thing and wondering why I ever walked away from this man.
Several margaritas later, we make the wise decision not to drive back to the city. Instead, we book two rooms at the inn, saving ourselves from getting pulled over for driving drunk. We meet again later in the evening for dinner and more drinks and agree to have breakfast together the next day before driving back to Boston.
Sweeping my hair up into a bun, I take a hot shower before climbing into bed. Since I don’t have a change of clothes or anything to sleep in, I have no choice but to sleep naked. At least I have the hotel robe if I need it.
I try to sleep but toss and turn instead, unable to relax.
For all the booze I’ve had today, you’d think I’d be sleepy.
Julian’s room is right next to mine, and the thought of him probably naked in bed on the other side of the door is distracting as hell. Since I can’t sleep, I grab the hotel robe and go outside through the door that leads to a small patio.
Julian is sitting outside his room, wearing his jeans but no shirt.
“I see I’m not the only one who can’t sleep.”
Seeing me, Julian walks to my side of the patio and laughs.
“What do you think our problem is? I’d suggest a drink, but I don’t think that will help.”
He comes closer and puts his hand on my lower back, pulling me into his arms. He kisses me with such intensity, I’m thrown off guard. I pull away from him, confused about my feelings.
“Julian, I…”
“What is it, Jordan? This isn’t a mistake. At your core, you know that. I feel like there is a wall I can’t penetrate. Why do I feel like there is something you’re not telling me?”
Julian takes my face in his hands. “Let me love you.”
Julian kisses me again, this time gentler and more teasing. I don’t resist. Instead, I kiss him back. My body responds, showing me exactly what I need. It melts under his familiar touch, bringing me back. My nipples are hard, and I can feel the wetness between my legs.
Julian reaches for my belt and pulls it away, exposing my body. He slides his hands inside the robe and glides along every curve, finally forcing the robe to the ground.
“I don’t want to fuck you, Jordan, not tonight, but I need to taste you and make you feel my love.”
Julian lifts me and carries me to the edge of his bed. Pushing both knees up, he kneels in front of me, spreading my legs to get a better look. He buries his face close, breathing my scent. His tongue licks my wet folds, moving up and down, stopping to suck on my clit. He enters me with his finger and pulls back and forth while his tongue continues to focus on my clit.
I dig my nails into the bed, pulling the sheets into my fist as he adds a second finger. My hips rocking and responding to every move, I push closer to him, fucking his fingers. My body tenses, and I climax as Julian drinks in every drop.
My legs aren’t able to support me, so I don’t stand; rather, I sit up and embrace Julian, pulling him into my body. We stay like that for a few minutes before he stands and moves me up on the bed. He removes his jeans and slides under the sheets, pulling me into his arms.
I wait for the sound of his steady breathing, signaling his deep sleep. Not able to leave him just yet, I sit up and watch Julian sleeping on his stomach, smiling at the tattoo on the back of his shoulder. It’s a heart with one word on the inside. Jordan.
Chapter Seven
Julian
I’m not surprised that Jordan wasn’t in my bed this morning when I woke up. What I am surprised to see is that she left the inn and drove back to Boston without saying goodbye.
“Mr. Sanders, Ms. Mackenzie left a note for you before she left early this morning.”
Innkeepers have an uncanny way of injecting themselves into the lives of their guests. This one’s face looks as sad as I feel and makes me feel like I’m supposed to read the note aloud so he can hear too. Despite those feelings, I thank him and find a quiet spot in the sitting room next to the fireplace so that I can have some privacy.
Julian,
I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye to you this morning, but I felt it was for the best. You and I both know that last night shouldn’t have happened. I won’t blame it on the alcohol, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. Thank you for your concern for me, but let’s not make this something bigger because of it.
I sit staring at the fireplace for a few minutes and then throw Jordan’s note into the fire. I check out at the front desk and try to ignore the pitying look on the manager’s face. Thanking him, I head out to my car and get on the road.
I’m angry at myself for letting Jordan do this to me again.
What the hell is wrong with you? Wasn’t the last time painful enough?
I remember our last fight like it was yesterday, Jordan’s words piercing my heart.
“I have big plans, Julian. I’m going to rise to the top of Mackenzie Hale and nothing will stand in my way. I’m not willing to spend my life struggling trying to make ends meet every month. You’re happy hanging out with friends, drinking beer, and shooting targets in the backyard. I bet you’d love nothing more than to have me barefoot and pregnant, cooking for your friends while you all sit in front of the television watching football.”
“My God, woman. When did you get so high and mighty? Do you constantly have to remind me of the fact that you come from money? It’s your parents’ money, not yours. You didn’t earn it; they did.
As far as your plans go, are they your plans, Jordan, or are they Daddy’s plans? The last I knew, you wanted to do something with your art degree. Whatever happened to your painting? That was your dream, Jordan. Have you forgotten?
Besides, you make it sound like I’m never going to make anything of myself. You think you’re the only one with dreams? And as far as being pregnant? Don’t you worry about it. I don’t think anyone as self-absorbed as you would be a good mother anyway.”
That last comment might have been too much because it preceded a vase being tossed across the room at my head. She missed, but she didn’t try a second time. Instead, she looked like she was going to cry. My heart broke in that moment, and I went to reach for her, but not before she ran out of my apartment.
For months I tried to talk to her. I called everywhere trying to get in touch, but she was nowhere to be found. Worried, I finally had to give in and call her parents.
“Hello, Mr. Mackenzie, this is Julian Sanders. I’m trying to get in touch with Jordan, but I haven’t been able to. I was wondering if maybe you might know where she is.”
“Mr. Sanders, Jordan is staying with us. She doesn’t want to talk to you, so I would ask that you not call this house again. If she wants to see you, she’ll let you know. For now, I suggest you give her some space.”
That was the last time I tried to reach Jordan. I knew how badly she wanted her father’s approval, so it seemed only natural that she would reach out to him. I let it go, but I never let her go, not for one minute.
Now, three years later, I’m feeling the same damn rejection again, but I’m convinced this has nothing to do with how she really feels about me. I didn’t imagine this. Jordan still feels something for me. Whatever it is, I’m going to get to the bottom of it. She was mine years ago, and she’s still mine. I’m going to make sure she knows it.
Chapter Eight
Julian
Back in Boston, I prepare for my meeting with Winston Tudor Investments. Even though I run several garages and towing operations, I’ve wanted to expand and branch out into a different industry. Starting my own OTR fleet has been a dream of mine for some time.
Hauling freight across the country is something I did myself for a while. It didn’t take long for my entrepreneurial spirit to kick in. I could see the potential right away. I already own eight trucks, and hope to buy more. I can’t do it without investors, though, so today’s meeting with these venture capitalists might get me what I need to grow this business.
I realize I could have told Jordan about my success and the money I now have, but I don’t want her to come to me because she thinks I’m rich. She has to come to me because she wants and needs me, and only me.
I was prepared to pitch to these guys, but they were on-board the minute I stepped into their conference room. Feeling invincible, I leave their office and decide to see Jordan one more time. I’m only a ten-minute walk to Jordan’s office, and I use those minutes rehearsing what I want to say to her.
Standing at the reception desk, I listen as the receptionist announces my name into the phone. A few seconds later, I’m escorted down a corridor to Jordan’s office.
