by Shelley Day
Now, the final part of my Epilogue is more difficult. It’s a bit of a bombshell, so you’d better sit down. As I said, a story of a life can only ever be true for a moment. Now I have something to add which changes the colour of everything.
My grandmother gave me Muriel’s diaries. I haven’t read them hardly at all, I haven’t been able to face them. Not after I read the final entry, written on the morning of the day Muriel died.
The last entry refers to the ransacking of the Beach Hut, which I told you I had seen. It also refers to the removal of the body of Baby Keating, which you will read about in the blue book. According to the diary, those events terrified Muriel completely.
But the hardest thing of all, Marcia, is that Muriel states quite clearly she intended to take her own life. She even describes the manner of her death, so close to the way it actually happened, the only real difference being that she intended to take me down with her when she jumped. It says in the diary she intended to cling on to me so that mother and daughter would never again be parted.
But Marcia, I know that Muriel changed her mind about that last bit. She must have changed it as a result of seeing me. Because she didn’t take me with her, did she, Marcia? I remember her telling me to go. I can hear her begging me to leave her. But I loved her, I refused to budge without her, I was angry and abandoned and so wrapped up in my own feelings I couldn’t see what was happening.
I know now that Muriel loved me, because she let me go. She spared me. I should have tried harder to save her.
Write soon, dearest friend.
Yours always,
Stella.
Acknowledgements
So many people have wittingly or unwittingly helped Stella and me. A massive THANK YOU to you all.
Chronologically:
Caron Freeborn told me I could write.
The late Gordon Burn told me I could write better.
Patrick Gale suggested I put Stella into a novel.
April Moon let me borrow her name.
Janette Jenkins took me aside.
Laura Degnan said I could do it.
Sean O’Brien, Gail-Nina Anderson and Chaz Brenchley – Phantoms at the Phil.
Jackie Kay taught me, inspired me and has always believed in me – very special thanks for supplies of magic dust.
Olivia Chapman and Claire Malcolm at New Writing North, and the family of the late Andrea Badenoch, recognised Stella’s potential when she was only half formed. They gave me the award that changed my life. Their ongoing support has made all the difference.
Charles Boyle offered to read my scrappy first draft but in the end I didn’t need to inflict it on him: the fact that he offered was amazing.
Lucy Ellman and Todd McEwen: sharp critics, always encour-
aging.
The Literary Consultancy – Helen Gordon and Becky Swift – gave editorial feedback, believed Stella had commercial potential and helped me find my agent.
Helen Ivory said Stella had stayed with her even after the book was closed.
Peggy Hughes and Ali Bowden and everyone then at the Edinburgh UNESCO City of Literature picked me to be one of their Emerging Writers in 2013 and gave me the opportunity to read at the Edinburgh International Book Festival.
Everyone at the Scottish Book Trust was generous and inclusive and helpful and kind.
Russel McLean suggested parings and re-orderings and caused mild panic.
AL Kennedy said fear was the only enemy I needed to be afraid of.
My agent Jenny Brown, whose unwavering belief in Stella kept me going as I revised and bit my fingernails and revised some more.
Sara Hunt at Saraband who fell for Stella and who has been so brilliant to work with. A very, very special thank you Jenny and to Sara, my excellent editor, Louise Hutcheson, and all the team at Saraband.
My friends, all of you, fellow writers, real friends and Facebook friends, my teachers and mentors at the NCLA Newcastle University and Edinburgh University, who’ve been rooting for me all the way. You know who you are, and I’m so very grateful.
Finally, my partner Andrew, and my kids Poppy and Nico, who’ve always been there with their love and their support and only the occasional dollop of disapproval.
Thank you so much, everyone!
Copyright
Published by Saraband
Suite 202, 98 Woodlands Road
Glasgow, G3 6HB, Scotland
www.saraband.net
Copyright © Shelley Day 2016
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted,
in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without first
obtaining the written permission of the copyright owner.
ISBN: 9781910192412
ebook: 9781910192429
