His body grew hard at the sensation of the wet folds of her sex sliding between his fingers. He parted the swollen flesh and found the bundle of nerves at her cleft with his thumb. As he pressed against it, he dipped one finger inside.
A mewl escaped her throat, sending a shock of sensation along his spine.
“Do you have a condom?” she asked in a raspy voice.
“Mmm hmm,” he murmured against her breast. He removed his hand long enough to grab the wallet from his back pocket. As he retrieved the condom, Ivana pulled her bra over her head and shucked the jean shorts and panties from her hips. She kicked them onto the floor, then reached for his shirt. Jonathan sent it the way of her shorts, then did the same with the basketball shorts he’d thrown on this morning.
In a matter of minutes they’d gone from putting together furniture to lying atop her new, bare mattress, buck naked in the middle of the morning. Jonathan didn’t think life could get any more perfect.
That is, until Ivana reached down and closed her soft hands around his throbbing dick. He pitched his head back as she squeezed him, moving her closed fist up and down his hardening flesh. She took the condom from him and opened it. Jonathan watched as she rolled the latex over his erection. When she laid back on the mattress and let her legs fall open, he found heaven.
Three years.
He’d been waiting three years for this. He’d all but convinced himself that he would never experience loving her like this again. He thought the image of her beautiful, naked body was something he could only conjure up in a dream.
But this wasn’t some mirage. She was here. And she was his.
Even if it was only for a little while.
Fitting his hands on the underside of her thighs, Jonathan lifted her knees and pushed them back toward her head. Looking into her eyes, he found the entrance to her body and plunged in with one smooth, deep stroke. Her head pitched back as another moan climbed out of her throat.
Pleasure coursed through him. His body gloried in the delicious sensation of finally being joined with her again.
“Dammit, Ivana,” Jonathan gritted through his teeth. “Why’d you make me wait so long to feel this again?”
“I’m sorry,” she said with a whimper. “Please…please.” She thrust her hips upward and Jonathan met them with another deep plunge. Bracing his hands on either side of her, he dipped his head and sucked on her nipple while his hips pistoned up and down. She met him stroke for stroke, lifting her hips and bowing her back, forcing him to take her breast into his mouth.
Jonathan captured her waist and flipped them over on the bed so that she straddled him. Her wild hair looked like a crown, the crinkly curls falling around her shoulders in riotous waves.
“I’ve missed this so damn much,” Jonathan whispered with a worshipful breath. He reached up and closed his hands over her breasts, massaging the tender flesh once again. Ivana flattened her palms over his pecs and began to pump her hips, lifting herself nearly all the way off his cock before planting herself on it again. They moved with a slow, even rhythm, reveling in each other. After a few minutes she began to pick up the pace, twisting her hips slightly on the way down.
He was so close to losing it. Too damn close. He wanted this to last for hours—for days. He never wanted it to end.
But his fevered body could only take so much before it had to find release. Clamping his hands on her waist, Jonathan held her steady while he pumped his hips up, moving in rapid succession, his legs straining with the need to move faster and faster until, finally, he exploded with an orgasm so strong it nearly took him out.
Ivana rode his erection for another few seconds before her inner walls clenched around him. She called out his name, her legs shaking. Jonathan ran his hands up and down her firm thighs, then up to her flat stomach. He lifted his head and licked both nipples again, still unable to get enough of her.
“Have you any idea how much I needed that?” she said with a breathless laugh.
“If it’s anywhere near how much I needed it, yeah, I think I know how you feel right now.”
She looked down at him, an angel with wild hair and flushed skin. She leaned over and kissed him. It was slow and deep and erotic enough to make his dick twitch with excitement, despite what had just happened a few minutes ago.
“I can never have enough of you,” she said. “Even after all this time, there’s nothing that compares to you.”
So many thoughts swirled around in his head, but all Jonathan could think about was allowing his body a few minutes to rest so they could do this again and again and again. Now that he had her in this bed, he didn’t want to let her go. Ever.
Chapter Ten
“I can’t believe I let you do this,” Ivana said from the passenger seat.
“You don’t trust me?” Jonathan asked, a humorous lilt to his voice.
“The fact that I do trust you is the only reason I allowed you to put this blindfold over my eyes. But if I don’t take it off soon I’m going to start to hyperventilate.”
“We’re almost there,” he said. “I promise, it’ll be worth it.”
She sucked in a slow breath and tried to calm herself, despite the needles of anxiety prickling her skin. She’d spent the past week trusting her body and her heart to him, what were a few more minutes at the mercy of this blindfold?
Just thinking about this past week sent a current of desire shooting through Ivana’s veins. It was exactly what she’d feared would happen if she found herself back in Jonathan’s arms. She now couldn’t stomach the thought of ever leaving them.
And she hadn’t. They’d been together every single night this week, but always at her place. It had taken great effort for her not to think of the many women he’d been with over these past three years, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to ignore it if she spent the night in the same bed where he’d made love to them.
The subject of past relationships had yet to come up. Not that she was complaining. If Jonathan asked, she would have to tell him about her time with Xander Robinson, and Ivana still wasn’t sure how to do that.
They’d dated for less than two months, and the entire time she and Xander were together, she’d felt as if she was cheating on Jonathan. It was foolish. She hadn’t so much as even thought about being with another man until nearly a year after she’d left New Orleans, and when she finally did come to terms with the fact that she needed to move on, she’d been blessed to find someone as kind and patient as Xander, a Haitian doctor who had worked with their relief group.
But her heart had never been in it. The first time she’d allowed Xander to spend the night, she’d awakened the next morning drowning in guilt. That’s when Ivana knew she was pretty much done for when it came to men. Her strong feminist spirit had railed against the thought of being forever ruined for all but one man, but her heart wouldn’t allow her to lie to herself.
And here she was again, back with the one man she craved like no other.
What if she told him right here, right now that she wasn’t going back to Haiti? That she planned to stay? Would he be willing to give their love a second chance?
Ivana knew he still didn’t trust her, and that, despite his claim to the contrary, he hadn’t truly forgiven her for what she’d done to him three years ago. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have suggested this “let’s pretend everything is fine for the next few weeks” farce they were now engaged in. He would have been opened to hashing things out, instead of evading the hard conversation they must have in order to truly move forward.
What if she forced him to listen? Would he understand why she left? If she told him about the suffocating fear that had been eating away at her in the weeks leading up to their wedding, how flashbacks of her marriage to Michael had consumed her? Would he be able to truly forgive her then?
She wasn’t sure she was ready for that answer either. Instead, she would be satisfied with where she now found herself, back in Jonathan’s good graces. She may not eve
r earn his complete forgiveness, but at least she was no longer the target of his scorn.
The car pulled to a stop and the engine powered off.
“Okay,” Jonathan said. Ivana waited while he untied the knot at the back of her head. “We’re here.”
The fabric fell from her eyes and Ivana’s eyes widened.
“Oh, my goodness,” she breathed, taking in the familiar building with the welcoming red door and hand-painted sign above it proclaiming it as Ethel’s House.
Ivana’s heart melted in a thick puddle around her feet. Years ago, when she’d finally agreed to go out on a date with him, she’d brought Jonathan here to Ethel’s House, a food pantry that served meals to the homeless. He’d been frustrated at her reluctance to let him wine and dine her, but he’d rolled up his sleeves and didn’t stop until every hungry soul was fed. She’d started falling in love with him that very night.
“Let’s go,” Jonathan said. “You know the people who eat here don’t like to be kept waiting.”
When they entered the building, Ivana was greeted by a sea of familiar faces. Many of the volunteers she’d worked with for years were still here, still giving their all to the community around them. Several of her sisters from the voodoo religion were also at Ethel’s, which didn’t surprise her at all.
What did surprise her was Jonathan’s camaraderie with everyone. Ivana’s mouth gaped as he went from person to person, sharing hugs and apologizing for not being around these last few months. When he came to stand next to her again, she peered at him with a curious frown.
“Have you been volunteering here all the while I’ve been gone?” she asked.
“I’ll explain later,” he said. “Right now we’ve got some spaghetti and meatballs to dish out.”
They made their way into the open hall, where two dozen tables were filled with people of all ages and races. Seeing the little ones always tore at Ivana’s heart.
A line instantly formed the moment Bettina Simmons, Ethel Simmons’s granddaughter and the long-time director of the food pantry, announced they were ready to serve dinner. After an hour of handing out chocolate pudding cups, Jonathan guided Ivana to the kitchen, where another set of workers—most who were unfamiliar to her—were packing to-go boxes.
“Bettina was able to secure a grant last year from a private philanthropic group,” Jonathan explained. “Not only are they able to feed the folks here three times a week, but they also send them home with a plate and a small bag of groceries.”
“You and that modesty,” came Bettina’s voice. She joined them, giving Jonathan’s arm a playful slap. “The way he tells it, you’d think he had nothing to do with it. We got that grant because he went out looking for it, and he secured it for us.”
“I helped,” Jonathan said, a self-deprecating smile curling up one side of his mouth.
“Helped.” Bettina rolled her eyes. She patted Jonathan’s shoulder and gave Ivana a kiss on the cheek. “It’s great to see you again. Don’t be a stranger. You two go grab something to eat.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Jonathan saluted her.
He motioned for Ivana to precede him to the counter, where they fixed themselves plates of spaghetti and meatballs, green salad, buttered corn and garlic bread. They carried their plates, along with cans of soda, to a table in the corner of the hall.
Once they were seated, Ivana said, “So you did continue to work here.”
“Actually, it took me a while to come back,” he admitted with a shrug. He cut into a meatball, but then set down his fork and brought his elbows up on the table. He rubbed his hands together as if trying to warm them. “It wasn’t easy to face this place after you left. I just despised being near anything that reminded me of you.”
His words, though spoken softly, cut across her face like a whip.
“That’s…understandable,” Ivana said.
“No, Ivana. You don’t understand.” He released a heavy breath. “For a while there, I wouldn’t let anyone even mention you when they were around me. Your name was like poison. And even though I’d come to love the charity work we used to do together, I just couldn’t continue doing it.”
He picked up the fork, but again set it down without taking a bite.
“About a year ago—maybe a little less than that—a friend came to visit me. She told me about this mentorship program she was involved with at her old firm. Seeing the way her eyes lit up as she described it triggered something in me. I recognized that gleam. I used to have the same look in mine when I was out here, helping out the community.”
He lowered his head briefly, then looked up at her again, a measure of gratitude in his compelling gaze.
“You brought out the best in me, Ivana. You made me a better man—a better human being.” He hunched his shoulders. “I decided it was time I come back to Ethel’s, and Bettina and the crew welcomed me with open arms.”
“I’m sure they did,” she said. “They’re always happy for any bit of help they can get. Was your friend’s visit also the reason you started mentoring Nicolas?”
He nodded. “Well, the reason I started mentoring in general. I went through several law students before Nicolas. The first kid quit after the first week. Not just the mentorship program, but everything. Dropped out of law school completely. I began to wonder if the mentoring was really something I wanted to do.”
“Ouch.” Ivana grimaced. “Was it something you said?” she asked, only half joking.
“Actually, it was something I said. He came to me after he quit to thank me. He’d wanted to be a science fiction novelist from the time he was a kid, but his parents pushed him to go to law school. The very first conversation I had with him was about the pressures of the profession. I told him that he really had to have a passion for it if he wanted to succeed as a lawyer.” He shrugged. “Guess he didn’t have the passion for it.”
“He was lucky to have landed you as a mentor. Imagine how miserable he’d be if he’d gone through four years of law school, knowing his heart wasn’t in it,” Ivana said. “I’ve been there before. I deeply regret the years I spent in that soul-sucking job.”
“Are you happy now?” Jonathan asked after several moments passed. His voice was soft. Nearly a whisper. “Have you found your life’s passion working in Haiti?”
This was her chance. She could tell him right now that she very likely was not going back. But this wasn’t where she wanted to share that news. She would wait until they were alone, and not surrounded by dozens of strangers.
“It’s probably the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever been a part of,” Ivana said. “The poverty is devastating, yet there’s so much joy. We go into schools to help the medical professionals provide immunizations and the kids are just so happy, despite the little they have. It’s been life-changing.”
His smile was brief, rueful. “Pretty hard to compete with that.”
The lump that formed in her throat made it hard to swallow. She reached over and captured his hands.
“There’s no competition between the two, Jonathan. I’m grateful for the experience I’ve had with Operation: Heal. But what I had with you…” She paused. Swallowed. Debated the wisdom of putting herself out there, and decided that if she didn’t go for what she wanted right now, she might never get it. “What I pray nightly that I can have with you again,” she continued. “That also was life-changing.”
His eyes fell shut and he expelled a heavy breath.
“Don’t do this to me.” He opened his eyes. “We’ve been through this already. I’m not going to let you hurt me again, Ivana.”
“I won’t,” she said.
He extracted his hands from her hold.
“This week has been…it’s been like something out of a dream. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again, so to spend this time with you—to kiss you again—it’s been amazing. But if your plan is to somehow make me forget what you put me through, it’s not going to happen. Can you stick to what we agreed, or should we just end this
now?”
She feared her voice would crack if she tried to speak, but she knew she had to make things clear. “No, I don’t want to end it,” she said.
“Do you understand where I’m coming from?” he asked. “Why I’m so damn afraid to trust this—to trust you?”
She nodded. “I do,” she said.
“Do you know what scares me the most in all of this? I came so close to saying yes a minute ago,” he said. He closed his eyes again. “Sometimes I think the easiest thing in the world would be to just forget about these past three years and go back to allowing myself to love you again.” He looked at her. “But then I think about how I’ll feel when you leave in a few weeks and I just know that I can’t do that.”
This time he was the one who reached for her hand. He brought her fingers to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on them, and her heart felt as if it would burst with the longing that filled it.
“I’m always going to love you, Ivana. But letting myself fall back in love with you—it’s more than just misguided, it borders on insane. It’s setting myself up for heartache.”
“I know all too well about heartache,” she whispered. “I don’t want to cause you any more than I already have. Let’s just continue the way we’ve been going.”
He dropped his head and gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “Thank you,” he said. When he lifted his head, the smile on his lips was one of relief. “Our time together may not be long, but I promise to make it count.” He winked. “I can’t wait to show you what I have planned for you next.”
Jonathan stood off to the side, observing Ivana as she methodically studied every ruffle and button on the green and white gown, her eyes filled with wonder. When he’d read about the exhibit of gowns and other items from England’s Regency period at a small museum in West Feliciana Parish, Jonathan knew he had to bring her here.
Return to Me Page 17
