No Place for a Lady

by Joan Smith

“You are right, of course. Home is where the heart is. I shall join you as soon as possible.”

  “Are you sure you’ll be all right?”

  Sharkey said, “I told you I’d take care of him for you, Miss Irving. You go home and put on that kettle. Demme, forget the kettle. Bust open a bottle of your aunt’s best wine.”

  “I do not have any wine, Mr. Sharkey.”

  “She keeps the good stuff in the second room of the cellar, under a pile of wood. I left you a couple of bottles,” he said, and laughed.

  “So you did steal my wine!”

  “Just joshing, Miss Irving. Would I steal from you?”

  “Why not? You steal from everyone else.”

  “Not from friends! And we’re good pals.”

  A reluctant smile stole across my lips. “Then perhaps you will return the wine.”

  “Too late. It’s already sold, but I can buy it back for you at a good price.”

  Mullard soon arrived with the carriage. Algernon helped settle Anne in on one banquette, with Butler holding her. Before I got in, Algernon said, “It was foolhardy of you to come here, Cathy. Why did you do it?” His voice was tense.

  “Why do you think?” I asked, peering at him through the shadows.

  “To rescue Anne?”

  “That, too.”

  The expression that seized his handsome features was not a smile, exactly. It was a look of deep satisfaction, tinged with triumph. He took my two hands and held them, then drew me a little away from the carriage door, into the concealing shadows.

  “I have tried, but I find I cannot wait to get to Wild Street to tell you how much I love you, Catherine,” he said—in a voice made husky with emotion. It flitted through my mind that he, like Miss Thackery, reverted to my formal name at an important moment.

  His eyes were two glittering diamonds in the darkness. They drew close, gazing intently at me all the while, as if to absorb my likeness into his mind forever. I closed my eyes as his lips found mine. At the first hesitant touch, my heart fluttered like the wings of a thrush, and my lips—my whole body—quivered. He pressed my trembling lips firmly, and the flutter in my heart became a roar, echoing in my ears.

  Then he crushed me into his arms, and the roar became a distant echo of heavenly bells, while the kiss deepened to abandonment. After risking life and limb, it seemed natural to risk my heart as well. This was not the time to hold back. His lips demanded a total commitment, and promised the same in return. My thoughts were not so reasoned as I make them sound, but there was a feeling of inevitability and “forever” in that kiss. It was not the practiced performance of the flirt I had first known.

  My body felt warm and light, with love swelling inside me like the hot air in a balloon, ready to take off into the blue sky. It was only Algernon’s arms, holding me tightly, that kept me tethered to the ground. After a long, leisurely embrace, he slowly released me. He brushed my cheek with his warm fingers. His lightest touch sent another disturbing tremble through me.

  He pressed a fleeting kiss on my eyes, my nose, my cheek, like a benediction. “We shall continue this delightful exercise very soon,” he said, then we returned to the carriage and were off to Wild Street. Algernon stood, looking after us.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Miss Thackery was waiting for me at the door with fear in one eye and fire in the other. When she saw me safely home, her anxiety found its customary outlet in verbal abuse.

  “What do you mean, Catherine, rushing out of the house in the middle of the night? And Mullard aiding and abetting you! I shall notify your papa of this.”

  “We got Anne home safely, so you must not scold,” I said, and kissed her roundly on the cheek.

  She looked over my shoulder, spotted Butler carrying Anne, and rushed out to meet them. “Is she all right? Oh, my, she looks like death. What have they done to her? And you, Mr. Butler! Your eye is all purple.” I had seldom seen Miss Thackery so close to hysterics.

  “There was a bit of a scrap, but I am fine,” Butler said. He carried Anne straight upstairs to Miss Lemon. Anne was beginning to show signs of awakening. She was put into bed, and Mullard went off for a doctor. We left Butler upstairs, and I took Miss Thackery back down to give her an expurgated account of my night’s doings. I told her that Algernon had discovered, through a friend of Sharkey’s, where Anne had been taken, and they went to rescue her. A young woman had come to the door and warned me Alfonse was spying, so I had Mullard go after Algernon to warn him. Yes, there had been a little altercation—during which Butler got hit in the eye—but the constable had come, and all was well now.

  “I trust you remained in the carriage, Catherine, and did not go hurling yourself into the midst of spies and guns.”

  “I was in no danger,” I assured her. She took this for confirmation that I had remained in the carriage.

  “I hope this running around town like a hurly-burly girl does not give Lord Algernon a disgust of you,” was her only remonstrance.

  Even that was cut short by the arrival of a very dignified-looking gentleman driving a crested carriage and escorted by two liveried postboys. I discerned traces of Algernon in his face and bearing. He was carrying a black bag.

  “I am sorry to call at such an hour,” he said, “but it is most urgent that I see Mr. Alger.”

  “Lord Dolman?” I ventured. He gave me a startled look.

  “Lord Algernon should be along presently. The ... matter has been taken care of satisfactorily.”

  I could see he did not like to speak, for fear of revealing state secrets. To set him at his ease I said, “We know the whole, my lord. If that black bag contains the five thousand ransom, you may return it to the Horse Guards.”

  “I see my son has been indiscreet,” he said, rather angrily. “As you appear to know things you should not, perhaps you would tell me if he has found Mrs. Clarke.”

  “She is upstairs in bed. The doctor should be arriving any moment. We do not believe she has been harmed, but she has been drugged.”

  He nodded in satisfaction. “When you say the matter was taken care of ... ?” He looked at Miss Thackery as if he disliked to speak in front of her.

  I introduced her. She suggested a cup of tea, and Dolman accepted, to be rid of her. I invited him into the saloon. He sat down, his eyes skimming the room, trying not to reveal their distaste.

  I said, “Professor Vivaldi, Alfonse, and Madame Lalonde are being taken into custody. Alger—Lord Algernon—believes Professor Vivaldi is in charge of the spying operation.”

  I outlined the night’s happenings, and Lord Dolman did me the courtesy of listening without interrupting. As I spoke, his stiff demeanor melted to approval.

  “By God, you are an extraordinary woman, Miss— What the deuce is your name? You never told me.”

  “I am Miss Irving—and I am more accustomed to hearing myself called a lady, milord,” I said, as he was smiling. I wished to apprise him of that fact, as I felt Algernon would soon be asking his papa’s approval to marry me.

  “You must forgive me, Miss Irving. The excitement of your news— What the devil is a nice girl like you doing in a hovel like this?”

  “I have just recently inherited it from my aunt.”

  “Ah, you are Thal Cummings’s niece. A lovely woman—er, lady. And you plan to continue running the house as your aunt did?”

  “Since becoming a little embroiled in the doings of my tenants, I confess I dislike to sell the house out from under them, for it is hard to find a respectable, cheap place to live.”

  “Just so, and it shows a good profit as well, I should think?”

  “Better than Consols,” I agreed.

  He gave a smile not unlike Colonel Jack’s and moved his chair closer. “By Jove, you really are a clever minx. And pretty as well. Still, no reason you must live here to run the house. Hire a housekeeper. I see you in a tidy little cottage in Camden Town, or a flat in the West End ...”

  He was either thirsty, or forgot about the
tea, for he rose and poured two glasses of brandy, handing one to me. When he sat down, he joined me on the sofa. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, and when his arm slipped around my waist, there was no longer any ignoring his intentions.

  I leapt up and said, “Lord Dolman! I must tell you, Lord Algernon—”

  “Beat me to it, has he, the sly rogue? I might have known—and he not saying a word to his old papa. Never mind, Miss Irving. You can sit down. I never poach on another fellow’s territory, especially my own son’s.”

  It was clear to the meanest intelligence that he took me for a lightskirt. Before I could enlighten him, the doctor and Miss Thackery arrived simultaneously. I was eager to escape, and led the doctor upstairs while Miss Thackery served the tea. I stayed upstairs as long as possible, for I did not know how to treat Lord Dolman. I did not wish to come to cuffs with him, yet I could not allow him to take such freedoms as he had been taking.

  Anne had awoken, and her first request was for Jamie. I went into her chamber to find Butler sitting by her bedside, holding her hand and smiling like a moonling. Jamie slept in his crib. All was well. I could not even discover which curl was missing.

  “I see there is no need to ask if you are all right, Anne,” I said.

  She assured me she had not been molested by her abductors. It seemed the promise of a high ransom had kept Alfonse in check. Best of all, she had caught a glimpse of the English traitor through the keyhole at the shop and could identify him. She described a tall gentleman, middle-aged, with a receding hairline.

  Butler listened impatiently to this. He had other news to announce. His face told the story without the necessity of words, but before much longer he said, “Anne has agreed to marry me, Miss Irving. We mean to do it up as soon as possible. Money will be tight now that she is out of work, but I shall work my fingers to the bone for her—and Jamie.”

  It darted into my head that moment that I would ask Anne to be housekeeper for this house. And if Florie returned, I would ask her to help out. Mary was only here temporarily, and Anne would need help—with the baby to look after as well as the house.

  I suggested this to them. Anne’s look of dazed happiness was answer enough. “And I can stay home with Jamie,” she said. “Oh, thank you, Miss Irving.”

  I left them to their well-earned happiness and returned belowstairs. Miss Thackery appeared to have convinced Lord Dolman we were not the sort of “women” he had taken me for. The talk was all of Radstock, and Papa’s parish, and such polite things.

  It was well past midnight when Lord Dolman rose. “I have kept you ladies up unpardonably late. It seems Algernon has been delayed. You might tell him I called. I shall expect to see him tomorrow, either at home, or at the Horse Guards. I am very happy to have made your acquaintance, ladies.” He bowed and left, with a sheepish glance at me. “Sorry about— Ahem. No hard feelings,” he murmured in passing.

  “We might as well retire, Cathy,” Miss Thackery said. “We can hear all the details from Lord Algernon tomorrow. His papa is very nice, is he not? Not at all high in the instep.”

  “Yes, very nice,” I said ... in a choked voice.

  Miss Thackery went to bed, but I remained in the saloon longer. I knew I would not sleep until I heard Algernon and Sharkey arrive. My thoughts roamed over the past week and all the unusual occurrences—more happenings than I had experienced in a whole life at Radstock. I had met rogues and scoundrels who stole my belongings; I had met a Bow Street Runner and spies and lords—and it was difficult to say which was worse than the other. I had been propositioned by a drunken colonel and an illustrious member of the House of Lords. I had seen more heroism in a young widow than in the rest of them put together. And best of all, I had found love.

  In a benign mood, I concluded that Mrs. Hennessey was not so bad as I had thought. Like everyone else, she was just trying to survive from day to day. It was not easy for her, with two daughters to raise by herself. And it was not easy for Papa, either. A minister needs a wife. Miss Thackery and I had helped with the parish work, but when the work is done, a man wants a special someone to come home to.

  I must have fallen into a doze, for I did not hear Algernon come in. When I opened my eyes, he was gazing down at me with such tenderness that it made me feel cherished above diamonds.

  “Your papa was here, Algernon,” I said, shaking myself awake.

  “I have been home. He told me all about it ... and apologized,” he said, biting back a grin.

  Sharkey’s crocodile smile appeared around Algernon’s elbow. “Can you two lovebirds control yourselves long enough for a little drink to celebrate the occasion? You done good, Miss Irving.”

  “Thank you, Sharkey, but—”

  He held out a dusty bottle of wine, presumably retrieved from beneath the woodpile. He poured three glasses and proposed a toast. “To me,” he said. “Eric P. Sharkey. This is the first time I ever put myself in danger for anything but money. I’m a hero, that’s what I am—or a fool.” He tilted his glass and emptied it.

  “You are a hero, Sharkey. You did it for England,” I said.

  “I’ll expect a reward,” he said, looking hopefully to Algernon. “What has England ever done for me? Was Bow Street here?” was his next question. No tremble of fear shot through me.

  “No. What have you prigged, Sharkey?”

  “Prigged? I ain’t a thief. I’m a wholesaler of odd lots. Ned was supposed to drop off the muslin and silk he napped from Lalonde. I have a customer in Cheapside I promised it to.”

  “Don’t bring it into this house.”

  “I told him to leave it at the back door. There is a bolt of blue shot silk there, Miss Irving. It would make a dandy wedding outfit.” He gave a lecherous little “Heh-heh,” and stared at us, as if expecting Algernon to fall to his knees and propose.

  “Why do you not give the silk to Anne?” I suggested. “She and Butler were smelling of April and May when she woke up. They are going to marry very soon.”

  “High time he made an honest woman of her.”

  “You are incorrigible!” I scolded, and blushed to recall I had accused her of being Algernon’s mistress.

  Sharkey said, “I’ll sell the silk to Butler.” I gave a tsk. “At a good price! He’d pay twice as much in a shop.”

  Algernon smiled tolerantly. “Why do you not ask him now?” he suggested, to be rid of Sharkey.

  “A good idea. If I make the sale in front of Mrs. Clarke, he’ll be ashamed to haggle.”

  He left, and I told Algernon that Anne had caught a glimpse of the English traitor and was willing to identify him. From the description, Algernon felt sure it was Makepiece.

  We sat side by side on the sofa. He took my hand and squeezed it. “Papa tells me you are thinking of keeping the house, Cathy.”

  “Yes, but I shan’t go on living here myself.”

  “You will be happier at Grosvenor Square,” he said, peering for my reaction. “That is an offer of marriage, my dear.” I just sat, dazed with happiness. “Is that a yes?”

  “Oh, yes! Yes, indeed.”

  We celebrated the betrothal with a kiss, and then another. Before we were properly finished, I drew back and said “Grosvenor Square? I thought you lived on Berkeley Square?”

  “I did, but as it seems Papa has also become enamored of you ...”

  “He thought I was a lightskirt, Algie!”

  “I rang a loud peal over him, I promise you. It would have been louder—had I not made the same mistake myself when we first met.”

  “Like father, like son.”

  “It is the fact of your living in this house. As you can have few illusions after this adventure, I might as well tell you the whole. Your aunt was Papa’s ... er ...”

  “Mistress!” Once the first shock was over, I realized I had suspected Thalassa of being no better than she should for some time. Those garish gowns, the very fact of her living in this neighborhood ... The greatest surprise was that she had a noble patron.
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  “Just so. That is why Papa chose this house for Anne when she came to us. She had been living in rooms at the edge of Long Acre. She could have afforded a little better, I think, but she was determined to save enough money to educate Jamie. She would not accept payment for her services. Remarkable, is it not? I occasionally prevailed on her to take a few trifles she required.” I thought of the chiffonier, and the watch.

  “Your aunt kept an eye on her, and of course I did likewise, with Miss Lemon’s and Sharkey’s help,” Algernon continued. “Your aunt’s death just as the affair reached its climax was a severe blow. Then you came, insisting you would sell the place. Not that one can blame you, of course. This is no place for a lady, mixing with such rogues as Sharkey.”

  “No, I will not have you disparage my house, or my tenants! I have decided they are all nature’s ladies and gentlemen. I want them to stay, but when I find a replacement for Vivaldi, I shall be a little more choosy.”

  “You will require a permanent housekeeper.”

  “I already have one. Anne has agreed to do it. She will do an excellent job, and she will be happier at home with Jamie than going out to work. It will ease the financial strain for them as well, if they do not have to pay rent.”

  “An excellent idea! Papa was right. You really are an extraordinary woman. Er ... lady.”

  “The sooner we are married, the better. When I am Lady Algernon, this doubt as to my gentility will disappear.”

  “I could not agree with you more. In the meanwhile, let us enjoy Miss Irving.”

  His embrace was not all gentlemanly, but Miss Irving enjoyed it very much.

  Copyright © 1994 by Joan Smith

  Originally published by Fawcett Crest [0449222195]

  Electronically published in 2010 by Belgrave House/Regency

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