Room to Breathe

by Nicole Brightman

  “Did you send a message to Tristan about Cora?”

  “Yes, I did,” Dean knows there is no reason to lie. Eric has a way of always finding things out.

  Eric feels his face flush even hotter. Now, he is going to have to find a way to keep Cora from Tristan. Tristan is his best mate but he likes to play with people. Eric knows Cora will be too tempting for Tristan to resist and the more he thinks Eric cares for her the more he will try something with her. If they weren’t in Cora’s room he would punch Dean in his face.

  “Hallway, now!” Eric demands. Maybe he can’t punch him with Cora sleeping a few feet away but outside the room is a different story.

  *********

  I wake to an angry voice, “Hallway, now!” I recognize the sound of Eric giving a command. I open my eyes just enough to see the door to my room is partially ajar. My eyelids feel heavy and gritty. I can barely see Eric’s silhouette in hall light. I close my eyes again and try to hear the conversation that has resumed in a hushed tone.

  “I didn’t know that Cora’s presence was a secret,” Dean said, the anger clear in his tone.

  “I never said she was a secret. I do not like my personal business of any sort being handed out to anyone. Something, that as my employee of several years you bloody well know. Now, tell me exactly what you said to Tristan to make him want to come here.” I have never heard such concern and anger in Eric’s voice.

  “I just told him that you had been very busy lately with the new girl,” Dean says defensively.

  I hear the sound of something heavy being pushed against the wall. I open my eyes again to see the outline of Eric holding Dean against the wall by the front of his shirt. Deans blue eyes are wide in a mix of surprise and fear.

  “Damn it Dean,” Eric said in an angry whisper. “Tell me everything you told him about Cora and tell me now or I will throw you out of this house through a window.” Eric’s tone leaves no room for doubt that he was serious. Dean lets out a heavy sigh.

  “I told him that you have a new charge named Cora Allen and that she is American. I told him that she is only twenty-three and from a working class family. Also, that this is causing you to spend a lot of extra time with her.”

  “Dean, I know you aren’t stupid. You knew that what you said was more than enough to peak his interest in her. Why?”

  “I am concerned that it’s a bad idea to have her here. She is too young and naïve. I have tried to plead with you since she first arrived that this is not what is best for her or for you, but you refuse to listen. I didn’t plan it but when Tristan asked why you hadn’t interviewed the any of the new candidates yet I took the opportunity. I thought you might listen to him. I have been right about her. Yesterday proved my point didn’t it? I told you she wasn’t strong enough for your lifestyle.” Dean offered in defense.

  “I will only say this once; Cora and what is best for her is my concern and no one else’s. You are not to question me or the decisions I make regarding her again. You are not to give anyone information about any of my charges without my permission. If you do anything again that is even remotely disloyal it will be the last thing you do as my employee. I don’t care how long you have worked for me,” Eric hisses through clinched teeth. “Cora is staying until I feel she should leave and that is my final word on it. Now go respond to Tristan and tell him we will welcome him on Thursday and to please let us know how many will be in his party,” Eric released Dean’s shirt only after issuing his orders. I could hear Dean silently rush down the stairs to fulfill his employer’s request.

  I close my eyes just before Eric enters my room again. He gently brushes my hair from my face. I want to see him. I need to talk to him. I open my still sleepy eyes.

  “Well good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Eric says with a smile. He reaches for the command center and presses a button. “Sally should be bringing you up some tea and something to eat.”

  I don’t want to accept any favors from him, but my mouth is really dry and my stomach is painfully empty. One of my dressing chairs has been moved the side of my bed along with a small table. There is a tea tray, a few books, and Eric’s tablet resting on top. Eric himself looks strangely unkempt. He hasn’t shaved and his clothes are rumpled. He is wearing a plain black t-shirt and jeans that look like he literally threw them on.

  I sit up in bed and lean back on the pillows. I am careful not meet his gaze. I know if I look in his warm eyes my resolve will melt and I will start sobbing all over again. Mercifully, Sally is as swift as always and comes into the room only a moment later. As promised, she has a tray with tea and some sandwiches. Sally sits the tray on the bed next to me.

  “I am glad to see you are feeling better, Miss Cora,” Sally says kindly with a warm smile. “I brought you some of the cucumber sandwiches you like. Can I bring you anything else?”

  “No, thank you Sally. This is perfect,” I am genuinely grateful for the food as my stomach gives a rumble. Sally nods before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. I drink a cup of tea quickly. The hot liquid feels like heaven on my sore throat. The cold air had made it feel raw.

  I didn’t realize how hungry I am until I bite into a sandwich. I eat a few of the petite sandwiches, drink a second cup of tea, and then move the tray a little ways away.

  “Do you feel any better?” Eric asks as he sits on the edge of the bed.

  “A little. I am still very tired,” I answer, keeping my eyes lowered to the bed. “How long was I asleep?”

  “Almost a full day. The doctor gave you something to help you sleep last night and then again this morning.”

  I dare to look straight at Eric for the first time since waking up. Even disheveled he is breathtaking. His shirt is clinging to his toned chest and arms. His jeans hang low on his hips. He runs his hand through his dark brown hair and leaving it messy. Even his stubble simply adds to his masculinity. I can feel my thighs clench at the sight of this rough version. I am enjoying looking him over so much that I had almost forgotten why he is here.

  “Honey, would you like to tell me what happened to cause you to end up in the garden half naked?” Eric’s voice was calm and measured. It is clear he trying to be delicate. I am not sure how to answer him. I don’t want to think about last night. I am afraid I will start crying all over again.

  “I don’t think I have ever slept that long,” I say with a weak attempt at avoidance. “There was one time I slept sixteen hours, but that was after a graduation party. And I hadn’t slept at all the day before. It is funny that I could sleep that long and still feel so groggy. I have always thought that was odd about medicine to help you sleep.”

  “Damn it Cora! Enough,” Eric demands in a voice that makes me jump. “Stop rambling and tell me what in the hell happened. I have spent the last day worried sick about you. You could have died from exposure. Did you know that? The temperature was below freezing last night. When we found you, your lips were blue. Now you are going to tell me what is going on and you are going to tell me now!”

  I have never had someone talk to me like that before. Part of me wants to tell him off and the other part of me is a little scared.

  “I saw you,” I say quietly looking down.

  “What do you mean ‘you saw me’? You saw me where?”

  “I saw you in your study with… them”

  “Them?” Eric looks confused for a moment then it seems to become clear. “I assume you mean with Lucinda and Claire?”

  “Yes,” I can’t help but shudder at their names. I get a flash of a memory from last night. I think I am going to be sick. I take a deep breath and calm myself. “I saw… I saw you kissing Lucinda and Claire was… Claire was…” I can’t finish my sentence. My eyes are pricking with tears. I fight to hold them back.

  “I see. Why would that bother you to the point you ran out of the house?”

  “You said I was special,” even as the words leave my mouth I know I sound like a spoiled child. I feel like I have been wrong about him
this whole time. I don’t feel like I mean anything to him. I feel like he will be happy to unload me to the first person that shows any interest.

  “Honey you are special,” Eric’s tone is soft. “You have no idea how special you are or how many of my own rules I have broken for you. You apparently did not stick around a few more seconds to see me push them both away and demand they leave my office either.“

  “What?”

  “Yes, Lucinda kissed me and Claire did attempt to unfasten my trousers. It lasted only a moment then I pushed both of them away and asked that they leave. The whole thing was odd really. I have never had even a little interest in Lucinda and I have made that quite clear to her. I think of Claire more like a sister. In fact, the reason I first took such interest in her is that she reminds me a great deal of my sister.”

  “Oh, no I didn’t see that,” I respond. I feel as though someone has lifted a boulder off my chest. It is wonderful as long as I can believe him. “I just have been feeling so tense lately. Once the panic started I just couldn’t stop it.”

  “As of right now you are going to start taking better care of yourself. I can’t imagine what could have happened to you if we hadn’t found you,” he says gently tucking a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. “That still doesn’t answer why you were wearing a bathing suit in January.”

  “Oh, I was on my way to the infinity pool. I just was going to see if I could talk you into joining me.”

  “The infinity pool? It has been broken for two weeks now. Waiting on a part from Germany, I think. Who told you about the pool?”

  “Lucinda mentioned at dinner I should try it,” I say as I start to put the pieces together. I should tell him that I am starting to think I haven’t given Lucinda’s evil nature enough credit.

  “Lucinda? Well I think you may have been set up, honey. I will certainly speak with her in the morning. I can promise you that nothing has happened or will ever happen with either of them.”

  “But just them?”

  “Cora, nothing has happened with Claire or Lucinda.”

  “But you can’t promise that it won’t happen with someone else.”

  “No, I can’t. I don’t make promises I am not positive I can keep.”

  “I know. I also know that you don’t belong to me. And I know that I have no right to ask anything of you but I am asking anyways. If you want someone else then let me go. I am not going to pretend that if you decide you want to be with someone else that it won’t matter to me. I think last night proved that it would matter a whole lot. I just don’t want to feel like I am being made a fool of.”

  “Honey, I don’t know who you take me for but I can assure you that if I was interested in engaging in anything with someone else I would tell you. For the record, I am not by the way. I enjoy being with you more than I should. I would never intentionally make a fool out of you,” he says bringing my hand up and kissing the back of it. “Now if you don’t mind I am exhausted.”

  Eric takes the tray from the bed and places it outside the door. He then kicks off his shoes and pants while climbing into bed next to me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls my back against his front. I want to pull away but his embrace is so comforting and familiar that I give in. I breathe him in and feel my body relax. I wonder if I will ever get over the calming effect he has on me.

  “Cora, I have something to ask of you. Promise me that if something upsets you again that you will talk to me instead of running away.”

  “I promise,” I answer simply.

  “Good. Now, honey, I need to get some sleep. I have a lot of things that will need to be accomplished tomorrow,” Eric says with a yawn.

  “Eric, why are you worried about Tristan coming here,” I ask unable to hide my curiosity any longer.

  “Hmm, eavesdropping I see? You know if I wasn’t so tired that would earn you a very good spanking. Maybe I will just save it for tomorrow,” Eric playfully warns me as he squeezes me slightly.

  “Spanking? I am going to have to start eavesdropping more often.”

  “Tristan is my best mate but he isn’t what I would call stable. Just please be on your guard around him. He will probably be here with his wife and her assistant. Now as I said it is late and I am beyond tired. We can discuss Tristan’s visit tomorrow but for now I am going to sleep.”

  “In my bed?”

  “If that is alright with you then, yes. I am really glad that you are alright, Cora.”

  I turn off the lights from the command center. The room is lit by the subtle glow from the outside lights alone. I am surprised he is sleeping next to me. I can’t deny that I love the feel of him in bed next to me. The way his arms cradle me and the feel of his breath on my neck makes me so at peace.

  It only takes a moment for Eric’s breathing to even out and deepen. I just lay here listening to him breathe and feeling his heart beat next to me. I can’t help but replay the events of last night in my head.

  I wish I had gone in the room instead of out the door. He seems to have such a calming power over me. I think that even as upset as I was he could have calmed me down.

  I hear him sigh softly in his sleep. I realize in that moment how much I truly love him. I don’t just love being with him or having sex with him. I love all of him. The pretty put together parts and the messy complicated parts. I love him completely and if he asked I would stay wrapped up in him like this forever. It is a thought that scares the hell out of me.

  I try to switch my thoughts to something else so I can sleep. I begin to wonder about Tristan’s early arrival. I fall asleep to the gentle rhythm of Eric’s breathing while trying to imagine what lies ahead.

  Chapter 19

  I wake up and roll over to find that once again Eric is gone. I sit up and stretch. I decide to run through my yoga routine. I am sure that part of the reason my panic attack got so out of hand is that I have been skipping my morning routine. After yoga I take a quick shower and get dressed for the day. I am just fastening my jeans as Eric walks into the room. He doesn’t knock and that doesn’t bother me.

  “Good morning, honey. I brought you breakfast. How are you feeling?” He asks crossing the room in a dark grey three piece suit. He is carrying a silver tray with tea, fruit, and croissants. He is so handsome that seeing him still knocks me off guard. I am happy to see he has left the stubble from yesterday. It is manicured and gives him a manly air. Not that he needs it.

  “Much better after some yoga and a hot shower, thank you.”

  He set down the tray and leans in to kiss me. I turn my head at the last moment so his kiss falls on my cheek. I am not sure I am ready for physical contact with him yet. I know it is stupid since nothing happened but I feel betrayed somehow.

  “Honey, I thought we were over this. What is still bothering you?” Eric asks his patience obviously wearing thin.

  “I just feel kinda strange about kissing you. I can’t stop picturing you with them,” I say and realize I am pouting like a child. I don’t care.

  Eric lets out an obviously exasperated sigh. “Cora, I did nothing wrong. I tried to reassure you last night. I do not know what else I can do. You either put this foolish behavior behind us right now or you can leave.”

  “What?” I ask in surprise. I am confused. Did he really just tell me I can leave?

  “I am serious, Cora. Either we move on from the whole thing now or you can pack your things and go. I didn’t do anything wrong and won’t have you try and make me feel guilty,” he says forcefully. The fire in his eyes is bright but different than usual.

  “For that matter Claire didn’t either. I have spoken with her and with Lucinda. It seems the whole thing was Lucinda’s idea. Claire had one to many glasses of wine and it didn’t take much for Lucinda to convince her it was a good idea. She said had no idea it would upset you and seems to genuinely feel bad,” he says sincerely.

  “I am not surprised to hear that and I believe her,” I say still pouting.

  “So, is this in
the past or should I help you pack?” His manner leaves little doubt about his seriousness.

  I really only need a moment to make my mind up. He is right I am being ridiculous and I know it. He didn’t do anything wrong and it sounds like Claire really didn’t either. Even if he had, I think I would forgive him. I have never met anyone I just want to be close to like I do him.

  “I am sorry,” I whisper. “I promise I won’t bring it up again.”

  “Honey, I just want you to be happy here. Do you really think you will be?” He says as he pulls me into a hug. I rest my head against his chest. I love the smell of him and how warm his embrace always is.

  “Yes, I do. I really am sorry. You are right I was acting like a child.”

  “Good because I really don’t want you to leave,” he says kissing the top of my head. “I have an idea. I was going to send Dean with Claire to select the centerpieces for this weekend. Why don’t you go with her instead? It will give you a chance to get out of the manor. You two could go to lunch as well and maybe do some shopping. If you are with Claire shopping is almost mandatory.”

  I consider his offer for a moment. I am not sure I am entirely over Claire’s part in everything, but I do believe she didn’t mean any harm. Claire is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She is really the only friend I have here at the moment and I think she feels the same way about me.

  “Okay, that would be nice. Can we take the Aston Martin?” I ask as he pulls out of my embrace.

  “Um, no. Sorry no one drives that car but me. You can take the Land Rover or the Jaguar is back now too.”

  “Oh, come on! I will be careful,” I smile and wink at him.

  “Sorry, honey but there is no way I am letting you drive the Aston Martin. I am surprised you have an English permit.”

  “Oh, yeah, I don’t.”

  “Huh, well then you won’t be driving anything I own. I let Angus know to get the car ready,” he kisses my cheek and leaves the room.

  *********

  Claire and I are seated in the back of the town car. We haven’t said much since we got in the car. I have been peacefully watching the landscape roll by and she has been texting with one of her possible guys.