Room to Breathe

by Nicole Brightman

  “How did you know this is my room and how did you open the door?”

  “It isn’t your room. It is Claire’s. You two are trading for the night.” Tristan explains.

  “Huh?”

  “Just trust me Cora,” Jane says helping me over to the bed. “Here sit down and I will help you with your shoes.” I sit on the edge of Claire’s bed and she slips my heels off for me. It is really tempting to lay back and not move for a few days.

  “Here put these on,” Tristan hands me a pair of my pajama shorts and a tank top.

  “Um no! Not with you standing there. I am naked under here!” I don’t care how drunk I am. I am not showing him my tits.

  “Okay,” Tristan says with an exasperated sigh. “I will be right back.” He disappears into the bathroom. I try to shimmy out of the dress but almost fall off the bed instead.

  With Jane’s help I manage to get the dress off and my pajamas on. She is just helping me into bed when Tristan comes out of the bathroom.

  “Jane,” I whisper, “your husband is hot.”

  “Thank you and I couldn’t agree more.” She smiles at me.

  “Here take this and you will feel fine in the morning,” Tristan offers me a large glass of water and a few pills. I am not sure it is wise to take pills without knowing what they are but what the hell.

  “Alright, good night Cora. We will talk more about you coming to London tomorrow,” Jane says softly heading towards the door.

  “Jane,” I call after her. “Did I do something wrong for Eric to be sending me away?”

  “No, you didn’t,” she responds glaring at Tristan.

  “Don’t worry, it will work out in the end,” Tristan says to us both.

  “Okay, Good night and thank you for being so nice to me,” I yawn and close my eyes.

  “This had better work Tristan Cooper or so help me I will never forgive you.” Jane says sounding a little angry.

  “It will. Just trust me. I know him. He just needs a little push,” Tristan says, closing the door to the room, cutting off the rest of their conversation. I want to think over the night, so much has happened, but I am so sleepy. I take a deep breath and fall fast asleep like a rock.

  Chapter 25

  It is Monday morning and I am just finishing packing my things. I have ended up with a lot more clothing then I had before I got here. Eric has offered to store most of my personal belongings as long as I wish so I can travel a little lighter. We haven’t spoken much since Saturday night and when we do he won’t look at me. I am still at a loss as to what made him change towards me so quickly. He won’t even stay in the room once I enter.

  I am laying out all of my shoes on the bed in their boxes to decide what to take when there is a knock on the door. It swings open without waiting for a response from me.

  “Hi,” Claire says walking into the room. “You still packing? I was finished last night.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t even start until an hour ago. I always procrastinate packing. Are you excited to be leaving?”

  “No not really excited but I am happy. Brandon is a great guy,” she says smiling.

  “He seems like it,” I say smiling back.

  “He is really sweet and unbelievably brilliant. He is the youngest person in the history of his company to make VP. That is why he needs me though. He works at least seventy hours a week and then is still expected to entertain clients and their wives. He said he knew we would be great friends when I got a Star Wars joke he made.” she says, twirling her hair. Claire is really pretty and truly one of the sweetest people ever. She is also a big geek.

  “So do you think you would want things to go to another level with him?” I have been wondering if they were going to have that kind of a relationship but I haven’t really found the best way to ask.

  “Do you mean would I shag him if he asked?” Well, leave it to Claire.

  “Yes, I guess I do.”

  “I think so. Like I said he is a really kind person and we have lots in common. I know he is kind of average looking but I think everything else more than makes up for it. I just don’t know if he has had a lot of experience, if you know what I mean. He works so much I am not sure he has ever taken the time to shag someone,” she says with a shrug.

  “Well you could always teach him,” I say winking at her. “Now come on and help me decide what shoes I need.”

  “They are shoes Cora. I am sure you will need them all at some point. You are still you after all. Are you okay? You seem kind of sad.”

  “Yeah, I am fine. I have just been wondering if I made a mistake coming here in the first place,” I answer fiddling with the shoe boxes.

  “Well why did you? Was it just to be with Eric?” Claire asks as she sits on the bed.

  “No, I wanted to spend more time with him but that really wasn’t at all why I decided to come here. I really thought with the right connections I could make a difference,” I respond and sigh.

  “Well then what is your problem? Harrison has the connections and the money to help you do what you want to. I know you are upset that Eric isn’t as invested in your relationship as you want him to be but you said he told he wasn’t interested in a relationship upfront. So stop your bitching.”

  “You are right. You are completely right. I am sorry. I have been kind of a whiney bitch. I am done.” I respond honestly. I didn’t realize how I am acting until Claire pointed it out. I look down at all the expensive clothing and accessories littering the bed. I pick up one of the shoe boxes and remove the lid. Looking at the red, spikey, overly expensive heels a thought occurs to me.

  “I just had a great idea. How much do think someone would pay for these shoes?” I ask holding up one of the heels. “I mean I only wore them once and never outside.”

  “Probably still a lot of money,” she says taking the shoe out of my hand. “They look brand new. Why?”

  “Because I am going to sell them and the handbag that matches.”

  “Why? Aren’t you staying with the Coopers?”

  “Yes, I am going to take the money and donate it a charity that helps with clean water,” I smile as her jaw drops.

  “Cora, are you serious?” she asks, looking at me like I just told her I am from Mars.

  “Yes, I am. Also you are going to go with me and sell one of your bags,” I say as I put the shoe back in the box.

  “Oh really? What makes you so sure?”

  “You are a good person. You also like me and I am asking you.”

  “Fine,” she sighs as she takes her phone from the pocket of her jeans. “My car is here. I should be going.”

  “Okay. I am leaving as soon as I am packed. Angus offered to drive me.”

  “Okay. Lunch in a few days?” she questions as she walk toward the door.

  “Yep, that will give me some time to find the best place to sell couture.”

  “You aren’t going to forget this are you?” she asks rolling her eyes.

  “Nope,” I smile at her.

  “I will call you tonight.”

  “Okay, be safe.”

  “You too,” she says as she leaves the room.

  I finish my packing after separating the things I am taking to the Cooper’s for what I will send for later. I use the command center one last time to have someone take my bags to the car.

  As I look around the room I wonder how I could have been so sure of something and so wrong at the same time. I spent most of yesterday in my room alone and crying. I feel drained but I am refusing to let it sink me. I take a deep breath and put my shoulders back. I will do what I can to move on. I have to. I don’t want to cry one more tear over Eric Ashford.

  I think the part that makes me the saddest is that I would have never given up on him. I would have done what was needed to make our two worlds co-exist. At least I know that even if I never find someone who truly loves me, I will know that I truly loved.

  I walk out of the room and close the door behind me. I walk downstairs. The place
seems unusually quiet after the chaos of last weekend. I start to walk towards the door and see Eric waiting next to it. I had hoped to avoid saying anything to him before I left. Now I am face to face with him alone.

  “Do you have everything you need?” he asks, running his hand through his dark hair. It is messy and he looks like he hasn’t shaved since Saturday. I love looking at him when he is a little rough. My hand twitches slightly from the desire to touch him.

  “Yes, I think I am good,” I force a smile. We stand there for a moment in awkward silence. He puts his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. I am fighting the urge to wrap my arms around him and slap him at the same time.

  “I guess I will be seeing you,” I say reaching for the door. I just need to go.

  “I guess so,” he says beating me to the handle and pulls the door open. The snow from the other night has melted. It is still very cold but just above freezing and it is pouring rain. The awful weather matches my mood perfectly.

  I want to say so much to him but I don’t think he wants to hear it. I am not in any rush to get my heart broken again. Instead all I say is, “Good by Eric.”

  “Good bye Cora.”

  Without giving it much thought I lean forward and kiss him lightly on the lips one last time. I run down the front steps and to the car before he can respond. Angus shuts the door behind me before getting in the driver’s seat. We start down the long drive leaving Greenwood Manor behind us.

  “I have to say Miss Allen, I am sorry you are leaving. You will be missed.” Angus says in a soft voice.

  “Thank you Angus. Would you mind turning on some music?” I ask. I like Angus but I am not in mood to talk with anyone. He turns on a satellite station that I like and turns the volume up. Feist is singing about how her heart behaves as we pass through the main gate. I rest my head against the back of the seat and close my eyes.

  *********

  Eric stands on the front steps of his home watching his car drive away with Cora. He has already stopped himself twice from running after her in the rain. As the car drives through the main gate of his estate he wonders how everything has gone so wrong so fast.

  As the tail lights vanish into the gloom he turns to go back inside. He makes his way through the empty home to his office. He doesn’t have much work to do since he had originally planned to spend it with his sweet American girl.

  He sits at his desk glancing at the couch against the wall. He suddenly remembers the fun he had with Cora what feels like a lifetime ago. He shakes his head and turns back to his computer. He decides to find some work to do. It isn’t going to do any good to drown in memories of Cora.

  He becomes absorbed in the figures of his sister’s accounts. He is trying to understand how she is going through money so fast. He is in the process of tracing some large transfers when his assistant Dean comes in.

  “Sorry to interrupt. Here is your post,” Dean says as he places a stack of mail on Eric’s desk. One of the items is a cardboard mailer. The kind used to mail important stacks of documents. Eric reaches for it first.

  “I saw that the car was gone. So I take it everyone has left?” Dean asks. He is curious about Cora but wants to let Eric bring it up.

  “Yes. It is just us now,” Eric answers, opening the mailer.

  “I am really going to miss Claire. She is really a ray of sunshine. I have to be honest though, if I never see Lucinda again that is fine by me,” Dean comments in hopes of leading Eric to talk about Cora. He has known Eric along time and is worried Eric will start to self-destruct over this.

  “Uh huh,” Eric responds not really paying attention. He pulls out a large piece of thick paper that had been folded in half and small note.

  The note reads: Here is a thank you card from the children in the village and a photo of them. Your donation will guarantee them all safe water for the future. We hope to continue to work with you and Miss Allen and thank you for your generous support.

  “What is that?” Dean can’t make out the picture from where he is standing.

  “It is something I did as a gift for Cora a few weeks ago. I don’t know if you recall I told you about her safe water crusade, and I wanted to show her support. I sent this charity all the money they needed to provide an entire village in Ethiopia with clean water in Cora’s name. I asked them if they could send me a picture so that I could show her. They did, as well as a thank you card signed by the children in the village,” Eric explains showing Dean the picture.

  “I take it you didn’t tell her what you told me the other day?” Dean asks, raising his eyebrows.

  “What? That I love her?”

  “Yes.”

  “No, thank god for that too. I would really have looked the fool.”

  “I know that in your world looking like a fool may be one of the worst things that can happen but in mine crazy grand gestures of love are wonderful reasons to be seen as foolish,” Dean says sarcastically. He has come to understand the way Eric lives but that doesn’t mean he agrees with it.

  “Maybe, but your world isn’t my world,” Eric responds, brushing Dean off.

  “No but my world is Cora’s world,” Dean points out. After all the one thing he has in common with Cora is where they come from, more than just both being from America.

  “Why the sudden change of heart, Dean? I seem to remember you thinking I should get rid of her as quick as possible.”

  “I did think that when I saw her as a liability. When I saw the two of you together that day in the library I realized I had been wrong. I still don’t understand though. You told me Saturday afternoon you were in love with her and by the end of the night she is all set to leave with Harrison and your blessing.”

  “I was in an awkward position. Tristan and Harrison were both there when the offer was made. I felt I should leave the final decision up to her so I did. She chose to go,” Eric says in somber tone.

  “I understand that part but why didn’t you try and tell her later not to go? I mean you could have said something later that night or even the next morning.”

  “It was her choice. She didn’t have to say she would go and she did. I felt that was what she wanted and it probably is what is best for her. She will have fun staying with Tristan and Jane. Harrison is a decent bloke and can help her achieve her dreams as well,” Eric responds. He leaves out that he did go to Cora’s room that night. He got there just in time to see Harrison knocking on her door. He doubts that Cora was sober enough to let him in but it seemed to be a sign.

  “Well I would consider you a decent bloke and I am pretty sure you could have helped her with her goals faster so I still don’t follow,” Dean counters, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

  “Well to put it simply, Harrison is normal. He is a little egotistical but normal. I am damaged. Time spent with him would be easy for her.”

  “Eric I know that technically you’re my boss and all but I have to tell you, you have really fucked this one up,” Dean says fearing he may have crossed the line. You never really know with Eric.

  “Excuse me?” Eric asks, looking surprised.

  “You heard me. Go see her. Take all of that water stuff to her and go tell her how you feel. You may look like an idiot for a moment but that is better than spending the rest of your life wondering what might have happened.”

  “Fine.”

  Chapter 26

  I take a large sip of my latté. I am so glad there are Starbucks around London. It’s like finding my own little piece of home here. It is still pretty cold here in March but it is dry so Claire and I are sitting outside. It just feels nice to see the sun after weeks of it being so grey out.

  “So, how was your last outing with Harrison?” Claire asks hugging her cup with her hands.

  “It was alright,” I say with a shrug. “It still feels kind of strange to me.”

  “Being with someone other than Eric?”

  “No, well yes actually but that isn’t what I meant. I mean that it’s a d
ate but it isn’t a date. I mean it is kind of a job but isn’t really a job. It just makes it hard to figure out how to act.”

  “I understand that. Have you fucked him yet?” she blurts out.

  “What?” I stammer, choking a little on my coffee. I have really come to love Claire but sometimes she has very little tact. “No. We haven’t even kissed. It really isn’t like that with us.”

  “Do you think he wants to?” she asks, sipping her own coffee.

  “Well he is a man and I am at least fairly attractive so yes, I am sure he wants to. I just really don’t want to get the lines blurred again. It really caused too much hurt last time.” I leave out that I seriously doubt I could do anything sexual with anyone without breaking down into sobs from missing Eric.

  “Why are you letting Eric have such an impact on your life? You only really knew each other just over a month. Does that seem a little fast to be so attached?”

  “No. I don’t think how long we knew each other matters at all. If it is the right person one day is long enough for them to change everything.” I answer, shrugging. I take another drink of coffee and force back the tears that are threatening.

  “I’m sorry and you’re right. How about a new topic?” Claire says in her sunny voice. “Brandon and I are getting a long fabulously. I guess he has never had a girlfriend, like ever.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, well he is really busy. Like nothing more than a few texts for days kind of busy. You don’t get to where he is and as quick as he did any other way. He is a little awkward though. Oh and we are fucking. It is rather wonderful too. Like last night,” before Claire can finish, my phone beeps loudly announcing I have a text message. I am thankful for the interruption. I normally wouldn’t mind hearing the details but in my current state it is just too depressing.

  “It is from Eric,” I tell Claire. “It says, ‘Can I see you?’ What should I say?”

  “Well do you want to see him?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, staring at the phone like it is a bomb. “I guess it would be okay.” I send him a message telling him ‘yes’.