He responds immediately. Today? In two hours at Tristan’s?
I respond. Yes
“He is meeting me at Tristan’s in two hours.”
“Aren’t you supposed to see Harrison tonight?”
“Yes, I am supposed to give him my answer about Japan. This way I have an out if Eric wants to stay too long.” I want to be able to get away from him with a legitimate excuse if I have to. I don’t know how much time with him my heart can bear.
“Oh well, that makes sense. I guess we should get going so you have time to get ready.”
“Yep, we should.”
“Hey Cora, go easy on him. Eric has a lot of issues. He probably doesn’t even know he hurt you,” Claire says sweetly biting her lip.
“I will try but whether it was on purpose or not it still hurts.”
I am sitting in my favorite room in the Cooper’s large home. It is a large sitting room. It has comfortable couches and lots of natural light. There is also a large grand piano in one corner. I don’t know how to play but it inspires me to try.
I am curled on a couch near the fireplace with my laptop. Claire dropped me off over an hour ago. I have already changed into the same charcoal grey dress I wore the first time I went to Greenwood. I have freshened up my makeup and left my hair down. I think look good but not like I am trying to look good. I glance at the clock on my computer. Eric should be here in about fifteen minutes.
I have been wasting time online looking at my social media sites. I can feel the nervousness growing in my stomach. There is a slight knock on the door. Before I can answer it swings open and Lord Eric Ashford walks in.
One look at him and I feel like I have been slapped in the face. I know my face is bright red and my jaw is hanging open. He is in a black three piece suit with a burgundy shirt underneath and no tie. His dark brown hair is slightly a mess and he has a few days stubble on his jaw. He looks like a walking orgasm.
How in the hell could I have ever thought he had feelings for me? He could have an entire catalogue of lingerie models and I am just me. I feel the room tilt a little as I stand to greet him.
“Hi Cora,” he says, walking over to me. He leans forward and kisses my cheek. My body stiffens in defense. I hold my breath to keep from breathing him in.
“Hello Lord Ashford,” I say once he has returned to a safe distance. He flinches at my formal address.
“How have you been?” he asks, running his hand through his hair.
“Fine. Tristan and Jane have really been wonderful.”
“Good.”
“Why are you here?” I blurt out, unable to go any further with the small talk.
“I, um, wanted to see you. I missed you,” he says, shuffling his feet.
“Really?” I ask, sounding surprised.
“Yes. I miss you a lot actually. Cora, I understand you are supposed to tell Harrison if you are going to Japan or not tonight.”
“Yes, we have dinner plans to discuss things one final time,” I respond. I am not sure how he knows that but I have a feeling Claire is to blame.
“Please don’t go,” he pleads, looking into my eyes.
“What?”
“Please don’t go to Japan or anywhere else.”
“Why not?” I ask as I feel my face start to get warm.
“Because,” he says, looking down running his hand over his jaw. He then looks right at me and our eyes lock. “Because I want you to stay with me.”
“With you? I don’t understand. You sent me away,” I say confused.
“Is that what you think? That I sent you away?” he responds, raising his voice slightly.
“That is what I know,” I respond defensively.
“I didn’t send you away. You left on your own.”
“Because you told me to! You said it was a ‘wonderful idea’,” I answer back, raising my voice now.
“I meant that if you wanted to go then Harrison was a good person to go with. I thought if you wanted to leave that at least he was stable. Look, I don’t care about any of that. I just know that I miss you, all the time. I want you to come home with me and things to go back to how they were.”
“I can’t Eric. I can’t stay in limbo hiding in your house forever. I thought I could let go of part of me. That I could just have fun with you. No strings attached but I can’t. I can’t be with you just a little bit. It has to be all or nothing,” I say as I hear my voice start to shake a little.
“Cora, I lo...”
“Stop. Please stop. You can’t say that to me. I don’t take that lightly,” I beg, shaking my head.
“Good, because I don’t say it lightly.”
“Stop it! I mean it. You told me once that you didn’t want to share me. You said I was yours and then the next day you just send me away. Like I am just another one of your girls.” I know my cheeks are starting to burn. I can feel the anger from the past month ready to spill over. I know that I can’t take any more empty words.
“That was never my intention. I thought it was what was best for you,” he says, clearly irritated with me.
“Did it ever enter that thick head of yours that maybe I didn’t want to share you? That maybe I wanted you to be mine?”
“No. I thought Harrison was what you wanted. You seemed awfully quick to go off with him,” Eric responds, narrowing his eyes at me.
“Harrison is a great guy but that doesn’t mean he is what I want. Since you never bothered to ask me, I will tell you. What I want is someone that sees me for who I really am. Not where I am from, how old I am, or what I dress like. I want someone that I can have fun just wasting a day with. Someone that can make me blush every time I eat a strawberry. Someone that will dance with me anywhere and not get mad when I step on his toes. I want to be with someone I love with my whole heart and who loves me with theirs.”
I know I am yelling at this point but I really don’t care if all of London hears me. I am finally feeling all the pain and hurt I have been trying to hold back. He shifts his feet. For the first time since I have known him Eric looks unsure.
“And now I don’t hear from you for weeks and you show up here telling me that you miss me? How am I even supposed to even believe you?” I ask with my voice shaking with emotion.
“Cora, I am sorry for not calling you. I didn’t know if you wanted to hear from me. I thought maybe you wanted a little space,” Eric explains, running his hands through his hair. “Honey, I have thought about you every day since you left. I want nothing more than to just be with you. Damn it! I don’t care if you don’t want to hear it, Cora, I love you.”
“What am I even supposed to do with that right now? I don’t even know what I am feeling anymore. Am I just supposed to say ‘okay’?” I demand. Eric’s face falls slightly. “Even if I ignore the fact that you told me it was a good idea that I leave or that you haven’t contacted me for weeks, I’m just supposed to go back with you? Am I to stay at your house like a pet as you parade women out of there all day and night?”
“I don’t know how we will make it work. All I do know is that for the first time in my life I have found someone I can’t get enough of. You don’t want to change me. You have accepted me as the mess I am. I love you beyond all reason and that is all the reason I need.”
“Then why did you wait until now to tell me?” I ask, knowing that I sound like a hypocrite. “If you love me so much why did you wait until someone else wants me to say anything?”
“When I watched you drive away that day all I wanted to do was run after you,” he responds. He looks almost sad and I really want to believe him. “I wanted to pull you from the car and make you stay with me. I blew it. I stood there and just watched the person I cared most about leave.”
“I wouldn’t have left if you didn’t send me away.”
“You keep saying that. That somehow it is my fault you left. Bullshit Cora. You could have said ‘no’ at any point. I kept hoping you would but you didn’t. It hurt Cora. There. I said it. It hur
t that you jumped at the first chance to run away again.”
“I wasn’t running! I thought you wanted me gone!”
“After what I said to you the night before?”
“You were drunk!”
“I still meant every word I said and I thought you did too. I thought that if I gave you a chance to stay you would take it, but you didn’t. So no, I didn’t contact you but I thought about you every single day. All damn day long. I stayed up all night drinking trying to drink you away but it just made it worse. I would walk in to a room and swear I could smell your hair; raspberries and flowers. I kept thinking that I would start to forget you but god damn it Cora! It is like you are in my veins.” He rubs his hands over his face. His usual sophistication has vanished. He looks desperate and tired.
“I…” I start but I am not sure what to say.
“I found one of those dumb vampire books that you love and I knew. I knew that I was never going to forget anything about you. So I came to London so I could be close to you. I came here because I needed to tell you what I should have said to you after that first night you fell asleep in my arms. I feel like my whole life was leading up to meet you. All of my choices, all of the loss, all of my regrets. All of it is completely worth it. I wouldn’t change any of it because it all lead me to you. I love you Cora.”
“Eric please, stop saying that,” I beg. My knees feel weak.
“No! I. Love. You. Cora. And I know you love me. It is that simple,” he says with the fire blazing in his eyes.
I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I can’t seem to find a way to process this.
“Yes, I do love you. I love you more than I thought I could love anyone. But no, it isn’t simple. It is anything but simple,” I say softly. It is taking all my strength to say what I have to. “I think you should leave.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I can’t do this. I can’t. I am sorry but you need to leave.”
“Tell me you don’t want to be with me.”
“I can’t but, Eric, please I am begging you. Please just leave.” I can feel the sobs building in my throat. God, please let me stay in control until he leaves. “I know you may think you love me but you don’t. Whether you see it or not, you sent me away or at least let me leave without a fight. Do you know what it is like to feel unloved? To think the one person who means the most doesn’t love you? It makes you question everything. Your entire value in the world. Everything.”
“Cora, I never meant to make you feel that way,” Eric pleads shaking his head slightly.
“I think you miss having fun with me and you may even actually miss me but you don’t love me. One day you will realize that and I don’t want to be there when you do. I won’t survive that. So please just go.”
“Fine. You are completely wrong, you know? I do love you. I love you so much it scares the hell out of me and if you need time to see that then so be it. I am not going far though. I know you aren’t supposed to be leaving for Kamoshi in a week. I will be at my house here in London. I will be waiting.” He brushes the back of his hand down my cheek before I can move away. I can feel my legs start to shake from his touch.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” he says, pulling a piece of thick, folded paper from a brief case I didn’t even notice he had. “This is for you. I wanted you to know how much I support you. You need to know that I will always support you.”
He hands me the paper and turns to leave. The door clicks behind him before I unfold it. In the center are the words ‘Thank You’ and they are surrounded by children’s signatures. There are also a few little drawings obviously done by children as well. I notice a small note and photo that fell out when I unfolded the paper. I look at the photo of smiling children all holding their own water bottles. Before I even read the note the realization of what this is sinks in.
I can’t believe he did this for me, well for them really, but because of me. I have never had anyone believe in me. Not really anyways. My family has always been good at lip service but this is the first time anyone has ever done anything to show me.
I collapse on to the couch. I am just staring at the note. I can’t even cry. I am in shock and I don’t know how to react to everything. Suddenly my phone pings in the quiet, making me jump.
It is a text from Harrison; See you in thirty – xo
I take a deep breath and stand from the couch. I still need to get dressed for our dinner date. I resolve to take my things up stairs and leave Eric and everything that just happened to another time. I push it out of mind as best as I can.
I am almost to the door when Jane walks in. I can tell by the look on her face that she talked to Eric.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a moment? It is about Eric.” Urgh. I really don’t want to talk about this right now but I am a guest in her house so I don’t feel like I can just brush her off.
“What is it?” I ask sounding short on purpose.
“Eric didn’t want you to leave Greenwood. It was kind of Tristan’s idea.”
“Tristan wanted me to leave Greenwood?” I respond, raising my eyebrows.
“Well yes. It was kind of a set up. I know that sounds bad but it isn’t what you think,” she says, fidgeting with her hands.
“Okay. Well I am not sure what I think so why don’t you tell me?”
“Tristan thought Eric was falling in love with you. Just the way he was acting wasn’t anything like him and it turns out he was right.”
“Well that is debatable but go on.” I am not sure I have the energy for this.
“Tristan knows Eric better than most people. He thought that Eric would fight against his feelings. This was the happiest Eric has been since Sarah. The thing is that Tristan doesn’t do things the way a normal person would. I mean his whole life has been really unusual so it makes sense,” she explains like that makes everything okay.
“Okay.”
“So he thought that if he could get you to leave Greenwood Eric would realize how much he felt for you. I mean I know it sounds mad but it did work. The only problem is Tristan didn’t consider how you would feel about it. Cora, I am so sorry. I should have stopped him but Tristan gets so carried away.”
“Okay so my coming here was just part of some game. Does Eric know any of this?” I inquire with more than a touch of irritation in my voice.
“No. I know he thought Tristan would try something. Eric thought Tristan wanted to keep you two apart since you aren’t like us, but the truth is Tristan adores you,” she adds like it is a compliment.
“Oh well thanks. I am glad that he can tolerate me being so different.”
“I don’t mean it in a negative way but you have to admit you are different from us.”
“Okay, you’re right,” I shrug. I would like to argue with her but she has a point. I am different than them but it just makes me more certain I made the right decision. “If that’s all, I really need to go get ready. I am going to dinner with Harrison and he will be here soon.”
“You are still going to see Harrison? Don’t you see? This should change everything,” she states looking completely confused.
“No, I am sorry but it doesn’t change anything for me. Eric still had a chance to keep me. All he had to say is that he thought it was a bad idea for me to leave and he didn’t. He said I should go so why would I fight to stay?”
“But it wasn’t his fault. Tristan knows him really well and knew what he would do,” Jane pleads.
“Jane, I am sorry but I think it is better this way. I really do have to get dressed now or I will be late.” I hurry upstairs, leaving Jane alone.
Twenty minutes later I am at the front door as Harrison walks up. Thank goodness my hair and make-up were already done.
“You look fantastic as always,” Harrison comments, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
“Thank you,” I say, smiling at him. He really is a good guy after all and so easy on the eyes. He leads me to through the front door and to his car. We drive alo
ng in silence for about a mile.
“Are you alright?” he asks, looking a little nervous.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“You are just very quiet for you.”
“Oh, well it was kind of a long day,” I say in an attempt to be vague. He scowls at me and I know I am going to have to confess everything.
We have been spending a lot of time together and he has begun to know me pretty well. I take a deep breath to steady myself. Please God, just don’t let me start crying.
“Eric came to see me today,” I start trying to gauge his reaction.
“What for?” he asks, still scowling.
“He wanted to tell me not to go to Japan with you.”
“That is odd. I didn’t know he has anything against me.”
“Well I don’t think it is you so much,” I sigh. I might as well tell him the rest. “He wants me to stay in England so I can go back to Greenwood Manor with him. He said that he thinks you are a great person and would be great for me to be around but that he misses me. He wants things to back to how they were.”
“Oh, I see. So what did you tell him?” he asks carefully.
“I told him that I have no desire to have things go back to how they were. I appreciate that he misses me but I have moved on,” I state, leaving out the emotion. I don’t have any desire to tell Harrison how I feel about Eric or how Eric thinks he feels about me.
“Oh,” he says, still seeming apprehensive. “What did you tell him about Japan?”
“I told him I am going. I want to go to Japan with you,” I respond, smiling at him.
“You do?” he inquires, sounding relieved.
“Yes, I do. I think it will be a great learning experience. I also think you and I can have fun together.”
“Well that is good to hear,” he says, smiling back at me. He is clearly pleased that I am going with him. “I don’t know how much fun this trip will be. A few of villages we will be going to during the day are kind of remote. There are a few black tie events at night which is why you are coming with me. You will be working as sort of my assistant as well.”
Room to Breathe Page 19
