I went over to my mum and put my arm around her. She was cooing like anything over the house. I guess her face was the exact same as my reaction when I first saw it.
“It’s beautiful, Angelina. I know you said it was grand, but I didn’t think it was this grand.”
I looked over at Seth and he placed his arm round me, squeezing me in tight to him. I glanced up to his baby blues and smiled. We had secretly set a date and were going to announce it today at dinner. We spoke in detail about what we wanted once we got back from Cornwall. Seth knew me by now and although he would be more than willing to give me the wedding of the century, he knew I didn’t want a lot of fuss. I would get married in a black bin liner, in a garbage dump, with a tea cosy on my head if it meant I had Seth for the rest of my life. I told him that much when we were talking about it. He said the thought of me with a bin liner and a tea cosy on my head turned him on no end. I held that thought for him as I went and did just that. After his incessant laughter at how ridiculous I must have looked, he peeled it all off me and showed me just how much it turned him on. Point taken.
After all that was said and done, we decided that a small affair in Cornwall would be best. Seth knew that if we had it in Kent, there would be hundreds upon hundreds of people there that we didn’t know, and the whole scene would be completely over the top. At least this way my mum would be happy and I knew I would get the smaller, intimate affair I was after.
The only problem being was, we didn’t have long. We were planning on getting married in a month’s time. This I knew would send my mother into hyperactive mode. No doubt she will have a pop at me for not giving her enough time. Not that she needs to do anything. Seth and I were planning on getting most of the work done ourselves, so our families didn’t have to worry too much.
We got up to the door and past through the hall, where I could see them all gaping at their surroundings. Even Jack was having a hard time not looking at everything. He gestured a thumbs up at me and smiled, but I quickly waved my hand at him to shut up. Seth’s mother already thinks I’m after his money. I didn’t need my best friend to go rubbing it in even further.
We made our way out to the gardens, where there was an intimate long table situated by some elegant trees. I had to sigh my relief when I saw that.
As we got closer, I could see my mother squinting to see Thomas and Melissa, who were both standing there staring back. The closer we got the stranger all their expressions became—until my mother was practically rooted in shock on the grass.
“Mum, what’s wrong?” I asked. I looked across at my dad to offer some guidance, but he, too is looking at them in surprise. Seth squeezed my hand, complete confusion written all over his face. Thomas and Melissa had their mouths pretty much on the floor in shock also.
“Mum, dad, what’s going on?” Seth asked.
I stared at my mother and finally she looked at me. Tears were welling in her eyes as she started shaking her head.
“I’m sorry, Angelina. I’m so sorry.”
“Mum, you’re frightening me, what’s going on?” I implored.
“You can’t marry this boy,” she finally said, storming off in floods of tears.
“What?” I asked. “Dad, please explain, I don’t understand.” I wanted him to explain, but he was too busy staring across at Thomas now, hatred written all over his features. He took a few steps toward him and punched him square across the face.
Everyone erupted with gasps wondering what the hell was going on.
“You bastard!” my dad yelled. “I thought I had gotten shot of you, years ago.”
“Clive, please calm down,” Thomas replied rubbing his face.
“You all know each other?” Seth asked, his mouth wide open.
Everyone was still in shock, and everyone was still wondering what the hell was happening, but after what my mum said, realisation of what this all could mean kicks in.
“Angel, are you okay?” Seth asked, noticing how pale I must have become all of a sudden.
I couldn’t answer though. Instead I moved over towards Thomas without saying a word to anyone. Everyone noticed me at that instant, but I seemed to be running on pure instinct. I knew I had to see it for myself. Knew I had to find the reason why I always felt comfortable around Seth’s dad. Why it almost felt like I was coming home.
It was the first time I looked—and I mean really looked. I gazed up into Thomas’ shocked expression and searched his eyes. He was the only one there with brown eyes and green specks.
Just like me.
Gasping, I held a hand over my mouth. Thomas seemed to see the same thing as me as he tried to reach out to me. I pulled away, shaking my head as Seth was shouting at someone to explain what the hell was going on.
“It would seem you were nearly about to marry the lovechild of your very own father,” Melissa said, angrily.
I looked over at Seth, pain etched into our faces. Seth was more to me than just the love of my life.
He was my brother.
Just then, I turned away and ran. I could hear Seth shouting at his mum and dad to explain to him what exactly was happening. I knew all too well and so did Seth, but I think the shock was just too overwhelming.
My dad followed me out of the house and I asked him to please take me as far away as possible. I didn’t want to be around any of them at the moment. I needed to get away and clear my head. My dad happily obliged and drove me away to a café about three miles away. He parked his old Jaguar XJ6 up and we walked in to grab a coffee. My dad had his arm around me the whole time, trying to offer what little comfort he could. I just wanted an explanation, if he had one.
I got myself a black coffee and my dad a Cappuccino as we sat down at a small table in the corner of the café.
“I know you must be shocked and I know you must have a lot of questions.” My dad placed his hand on mine and I dipped my head, wishing it would all just go away.
“Please, Dad, tell me it isn’t true?” I implored. I wanted to wake up. I must be having a bad dream, surely?
I could hear “Angels” start to play from my bag and I knew it was Seth trying to call me. I knew he must be hurting, and I knew he must want to talk to me, but I haven’t got the courage right now. Instead I ignored it and looked towards my dad.
“As you know, long before you were born, we lived in Kent. We were all happy there and thought we were going to raise a family. We met Thomas and Melissa at a party one night and we all just hit it off. Your mum and Melissa became best friends and Thomas and I used to shoot pool and watch some matches together. We were all pretty inseparable. The problem being was, your mum and Thomas became a little too inseparable. I started to notice something was wrong when she would disappear for hours on end and tell me she was in places I knew very well she wasn’t.
“To cut a long story short, Melissa and I found out about the affair and we cut our friendship and moved to Cornwall, never to see them again. I could have left, but I loved your mother too much. It killed me for a while, but we got counselling, and very soon after we moved, we found out we were having you. We both knew that you may not be my daughter, but it wasn’t until that night in hospital when you lost all that blood, that we realised you couldn’t have been.
“At the end of the day, we got on with it, and life seemed to get better after we moved. We soon forgot all about the Delaney’s and what had happened. I assume they’re now called Jacobs because of what happened all those years ago?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said solemnly. Of course he knew about that. They must have seen it on the news when it all happened.
My dad shook his head and closed his eyes. “Oh, God, that means Seth was the little brother who—”
“Yes,” I interrupted. “This is all such a mess. How could Mum do this? I was so happy. I had finally found someone, Dad, only for it to get ripped away from me. Is this really something she wanted? I was fine until I met Seth. Now I’ll never be able to recover from this.” I buried my head in my hands just w
ishing and willing for it to all go away.
“Angel, please. You can’t blame your mother for this. It’s just the most extreme coincidence I have ever known. She wasn’t to know you would fall in love with—”
He hesitated, causing my head to snap up with the pain of almost hearing that word. “Go on, say it—my brother.” I stood up, not wanting to hear anymore. I wasn’t angry at my dad, how could I be? He was just as much a victim in all of this as I was. I just needed to get away as fast as possible. I needed to be alone.
I ran out of the café and just kept running. I could still here Robbie Williams singing to me from my bag, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t hear his voice. If I did, I knew I would break down and I didn’t know whether I would be able to get back up.
I must of ran a mile until I spotted my saviour from across the road—a taxi firm. I ran across and asked them to get me a taxi back to London as soon as possible. I needed away from here and fast.
The journey was long and my mind was a flurry of exhaustive activity. Once I was back, I was relieved to find that Seth wasn’t at the Penthouse yet, so I went to work, packing some things. I was being cruel to Seth and I knew I was, but I had to rip this like a band aid. We can’t be together, not now. What’s the point in prolonging the agony? I was doing it more for my own selfish reasons. My heart was breaking and the thought of seeing the same in Seth, would break me even further. My self-preservation was kicking in big time. I knew I had to get away.
I packed as much as I could and fled. I was scared that Seth would be back at any moment and wouldn’t let me leave. If he asked me to stay, I wasn’t sure whether I would have the strength to say no. How sick is that?
I said my goodbyes to Jerry and Lucy and ran for the lift as fast as my feet could carry me. Luckily for me the lift was still up on Seth’s floor. It would seem not a lot of people had moved in as yet, so Seth had the building virtually to himself.
I ran like the wind down the King’s Road, seeking my little flat for shelter. It was the one place I knew I could feel safe. It always was my little sanctuary and I was hoping that it would be that for me now.
I rushed into the flat and threw my suitcase onto the bed. I lay in the darkness wanting it to swallow me whole. I daren’t put on the lights as I knew this would be the first place Seth would look for me after he realised I wasn’t at home.
About an hour or so later that’s exactly what he did. I could hear the buzzer downstairs and my phone was constantly ringing. He was desperate and I was abandoning him.
My despair grew deeper as the sound of the door grew silent and so did the calls. Now started a life of complete torture.
A life without Seth.
Chapter 19
It was four weeks later and I was still no better off. The week that I was back at the flat I called in sick and stayed in bed the whole time. I hardly ate, I hardly did anything. Everything was meaningless to me now.
Seth did try to call back several times after, until I plucked up the courage to send him a text to ask him to stop. That’s if you could call that courage. More like a coward’s way out. I knew what I was doing was wrong and hurtful. I just couldn’t help myself.
I told Jonathan the whole sordid story and he was shocked beyond belief. He has been my only rock throughout this whole fiasco. I really hoped that Seth had that, too.
My mum tried calling me several times also, but I wouldn’t pick up. They had to resort to getting Jonathan to call round and beg me to answer the phone. I told him I wasn’t ready for that yet, and I needed more time. Trouble was, I didn’t know if time would ever help my situation.
It was a Friday night now and I was shutting up shop. Shelly asked me to come with her for a drink. She said she hated seeing me so upset all the time and wanted to try and cheer me up. I was going to say no and just retreat back to my little sanctuary and hide as normal, but something told me that I should go. I agreed and off we went to Antonio’s—the bar I met Seth in the second time. I’m not trying to torture myself at all!
Getting in there wasn’t torture so much. It was what I found when we entered the bar. Seth was sitting in the corner with a drink, brooding. What didn’t help the scene was the fact that a hungry Tania was pawing all over him. It was sick to watch. He looked up as I entered, and I saw his eyes bulging slightly. Tania, noticing his reaction, looked up too. Her smile was the most evil, conniving smile I had ever seen. I thought Melissa’s were bad, but this woman took the biscuit.
Turning to Shelly, I apologised. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stomach seeing him with that woman any longer. She knew what was happening when she spied Seth in the corner. She nodded her head, understanding that I had to leave, and I fled. I was about half way down the road when I felt an arm grab me from behind.
“Angelina, please.”
I don’t know why, but I felt anger towards him. Full-blown, pent up anger. I turned around and saw his pained expression. I saw the darkness under his eyes, and his blues—instead of looking a sparkling blue—had turned a sudden dull grey.
“I see you didn’t waste any time,” I seethed.
“She means nothing to me, Angel. I went in for a drink and she was there.”
Hearing him trying to explain it all just made me even angrier. “And she just happened to park her butt virtually on your lap? Yeah, I get that.”
“I can’t help it if she just turned up and sat next to me now, can I? You’ve not been there, Angelina. You haven’t answered any of my calls, nothing. Why won’t you talk to me?”
Looking up to his eyes, I felt the anger fading away. How messed up was this whole thing? If he wanted to have a woman paw all over him all night, then who was I to tell him that was wrong? Seth and I were wrong. This whole thing was just... wrong.
“Please,” he begged. “I don’t want to discuss this here with you. Come back to our home and let’s talk. This isn’t the place.”
He was right about that, this wasn’t the place. I nodded my head as I owed him that much. Some time had passed since that horrible day, and I felt I could possibly face this now. At least that’s what I was trying to tell myself.
We made our short journey back to his place and I felt a pang when we exited the lift. I had really missed this place and didn’t realise how much until now. I rushed over to Jerry, who was squawking his appreciation when he saw me.
“He’s really missed you,” Seth sighed.
I turned around, feeling as guilty as ever, and apologised.
“What for?” he asked.
“For everything. For leaving you and not speaking with you first. For not taking Jerry with me and leaving you to look after him. For being a coward and running away like I always do when I can’t handle a situation. For having a fucked up family who has made sure we can never be. For being so fucked up myself that I couldn’t even handle seeing you after what happened. For all the days, weeks, and years we’ll miss together because we can’t be as one. For being your—”
He whipped his hand up stopping me. “Please don’t say it,” he begged. “Please, if you say it, then it’s real.”
I looked up into his lifeless eyes and the pain that gripped me was as hard as that day a few weeks back. This is what I was protecting myself from. I’m right back to where I was—not that I had ever left. I had managed to keep a lid on the pain. It was there on the surface, but I was managing it. Now it threatened to engulf me again. I was trapped in a body filled with endless agony. It seared right through, cutting piece by piece until there’s nothing left of me but a shell. The shell I had always used to protect myself.
“I won’t say it, Seth, but we can’t hide away from it. It’s always there in my mind. Drumming and drumming it in, until my head cries out with the pain.” I took a deep breath. I could feel myself losing it and I didn’t want Seth to witness that. He was going through enough as it is without me breaking down.
Sensing my pain, Seth rushed towards me and stroked my cheek. I immediately gave
in to his touch. Closing my eyes, I briefly let myself wander to a happy place. A place where we weren’t bound by parents. A place we could just be.
He leaned his forehead on mine, and I saw his eyes grip tight in frustration. I knew I shouldn’t touch him, but I couldn’t help it. I caressed his stubbled cheek and for a brief second I giggled inside remembering how much I loved to touch it.
Seth closed his eyes, but this time it’s more in relief at the feeling my touch. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, just like the way he used to. Always the perfect gentleman—just always perfect.
He leaned his mouth down towards my lips, and for a fleeting moment I forgot where I was, and why I was here.
I gave in. I let his soft lips linger on mine for the briefest of seconds. Let the feel of having him close to me wash over me like I’m riding a glorious wave.
But all too soon I remembered—all too soon that wave was threatening to drown me.
I pulled away. “We can’t, you know we can’t. It’s not right. We can’t be together—not like that anymore.”
Seth cupped my face in his hand and closed his eyes. “But it hurts,” he complained.
“I know, Seth. I know. But we can’t. You know it as well as I do.”
“I don’t think I can see you every day—be with you—knowing that I can’t touch you... I can’t kiss you like I used to.”
I knew what he was saying was true. I knew because I felt exactly the same way, too. There was only one way to deal with this situation. Only one way to deal with the pain.
“Then we have to say goodbye.”
Sheer panic raced across his eyes. “No, please no, Angelina. This is killing me, but knowing I can never see your face again is pure torture.”
“I can’t do this anymore, Seth. I can’t... please, you have to let me go.”
He threw his arms around me in a tight grip. I didn’t want him to let go. I didn’t want to live without him... but I had to get away. We couldn’t go on like this anymore.
“Please, no. Don’t do this to us. Angelina, I can’t live without you. I love you, baby. Please don’t do this.”
Until I Met You Page 27
