“I know, sweetheart, but it’s in the past and I want to keep it there.”
“I can’t believe you’re not my biological father.”
“I know, Angel, but you will always be my daughter and I will always be you father, you got that? That has, and will never, change. Please don’t lose that thought. I was the one who held you when you were born, who got up during the night to help feed you and change your nappies. I taught you to ride your first bike and nursed your cuts when you fell. I am your father, Angelina—because that’s what real father’s do. I love you so much and nothing—or no one—will ever be able to get in the way of that.”
I pulled my hand over my mouth, trying hard to hold the sob about to escape, but it was no use. In between sobs, I managed to tell him just how much I loved him too.
At the end of the conversation, I promised him that I wouldn’t leave it too long before calling my mum. That was the best I could offer right now.
The very next day, Seth came in with what distinctly looked like my suitcase. I looked at the case and then at him.
“I know you’ll probably say no, but I want you with me at the penthouse for a couple of days. I spoke to the doctor yesterday and he said you’ll need another couple of days to rest. I want to be the one to look after you. However long it takes.”
He looked away, probably because he didn’t want to look at me when I said no. The problem being was, I didn’t think I could cope being on my own at the moment. Finding out about Seth and I was one thing, but finding out we had now lost a baby was another. He had lost this baby, too. He probably needed me as much as I needed him. No matter what the circumstances were.
“Okay,” I said softly.
He looked up from the floor and smiled. It was a hint of a smile I thought I had lost forever—a smile of hope.
He placed the suitcase down and gave me a big hug. I couldn’t help but inhale his scent. It had always made me feel safe—made me feel content.
It was very soon after that the doctor came in to let me know I could leave. I was given some leaflets and told to rest for a couple of days.
The closer Seth and I got to his penthouse, the better I felt. I felt I was going to be locked away in the highest room, in the tallest tower—and that was completely fine by me. I really couldn’t handle seeing anyone right now.
Once inside, Seth set my case down and put the kettle on for a cup of tea. “I’m going to sleep in the spare bed for now. I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”
I shook my head with a smile. “Seth, I’m fine in any of the other beds. They’re all just as luxurious. I don’t need special treatment.”
“But you do. What you’ve been through—” he paused a moment and looked away—tears welling in his eyes. “With everything that’s happened, I want to try and give you as much as I can—because you deserve the world. I’d give that to you if I could.”
I walked towards him and took his hand. I pulled him towards me and we stood there for a while, just savouring the warmth of each other’s arms.
“Seth, you’ve been through it all, too. It’s not just me that’s lost—” I couldn’t seem to get the words out. Seth looked at me and nodded. He knew what I was trying to convey and that was enough for me.
For two days I was with Seth, and for two days all we did was laugh, cry, watch movies and ate popcorn until our stomachs hurt. I thought it would be hard to stay here with Seth, knowing that I couldn’t touch him and kiss him like I used to—but I found that having him with me was a great source of comfort. It may have been the fact that what we had lost, we lost together. That was one thing that couldn’t be taken away.
Mid-morning on the third day at Seth’s penthouse, we had a surprise visitor. Melissa exited the lift and immediately my back was up. I thought she was here to shout at me, but Seth made sure she was going to be nice before he let her in. He had found out since from Joey how badly she had treated me all this time. He knew I couldn’t deal with that right now.
She wanted in as she said she had something very important to tell us that couldn’t possibly wait any longer. I had to admit—I was intrigued.
When she saw me she actually smiled, and for the first time, it seemed genuine. She even asked me how I was.
I made us all a coffee and once we sat down, she took a deep breath. “I’ve been debating in my mind for the last three days what I should do. I heard you that day at the hospital,” she said, looking at me. “I heard what you said to Thomas, and you had no reason to say all of that to him after the way I treated you. All I can say now is how sorry I am.”
I nodded my head towards her and smiled my acceptance. She had been through a lot these past few days—we all had.
“I can see that you love my son very much—and because of that—I want to be given the chance to confess something to you. Something that will change both your circumstances.”
I looked over at Seth, confusion mirroring my own. I couldn’t possible fathom what it was she was about to say.
“You see, I knew about your father, Seth. I knew he was having an affair with Rachel. It cut me up pretty bad when I found out. I was so upset, I went to see someone who I thought could help me through the pain—offer some sort of solution. The problem being was—in our grief—we took things further than we should have. I didn’t know then, but I definitely know now.
“Seth, Thomas is not your father. I know this because of what blood group you are. You can’t possibly be Thomas’s son.”
Seth shot up out of his seat and ran his fingers through the little bit of hair that he had now grown. “I don’t understand this,” he said pacing the floor. “If I’m not Thomas’s son, then whose son am I?”
Melissa took another deep breath and looked at me. “Clive’s.”
Now it was my turn to stand to attention. I couldn’t believe my ears. “Clive... you mean, my father, Clive?” I asked in shock.
“Yes, you are the daughter of Thomas, and Seth is the son of Clive.”
Seth’s pacing became more pronounced. “I can’t deal with this,” he said with gritted teeth. “I have to get out of here. I need some space to think.”
Seth rushed off at this point, leaving Melissa and me together alone. I was still in shock. I still couldn’t quite believe my ears. They were all best friends and all screwing each other. It was sick beyond belief. How could they have done this to one another?
“I can imagine what you must think of me,” she said sheepishly. “It only really dawned on me at the hospital that Seth was definitely Clive’s son. Both you and Thomas are AB negative, and Seth is O positive. It’s impossible for Seth to be O positive with a father who is AB negative.
“I really didn’t want to believe it at first. It was only that one time, and Thomas and I were still... well, you know.”
I looked away, only noticing then that I had my hand over my mouth. Shock can do that to you.
Melissa and my dad. It was only then that I realised the reason why my dad was more than keen to get me and my mum talking. He was just as guilty as the rest of them.
“I don’t hate you, you know,” Melissa whispered.
I swung my head back round to meet her. I really didn’t know whether I wanted to hear this.
“I was jealous. Seth was always such a happy-go-lucky child. He was full of beans when he was little. He always had a smile for his mum and dad—always had a way of making us melt, even when he was being naughty. But then that terrible night happened and I not only lost my daughter to a terrible nightmare that will haunt her for the rest of her life—I had also lost a son. He has never been the same again since that night—that is of course—until he met you. I could see a spark in his eyes I thought was lost forever. I was jealous of the fact that we had been trying for years to get him to find that spark again. You come along and within days—weeks—he’s Seth, my happy, jumping little boy. I resented you for it. I admit that now—but I can’t hate you. In fact, I want to thank you.”
“I realise now that I let my own selfish jealousy get in the way of Seth finally finding the happiness he deserves. I know that’s with you, and I know how much you love him, too.
“I knew I had to tell you both. I knew I had to confess. Seth was back to where he used to be all those years when he witnessed something no little boy should ever witness. I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t do it to both of you. I owe you that much.”
It took a while, but after a few seconds her words started to sink in. Seth was not my brother. He never had been. There was no blood linking us now. We could be together. No one could stop us now.
“I want to thank you for coming,” I said rising in a panic. “But I really must ask if you wouldn’t mind leaving now. I have somewhere I need to be.”
She smiled at me, knowing exactly what I meant, and she turned towards the lift to leave. I grabbed my coat and phone and headed that way also. We rode down the lift together, my heart racing like a drum.
“I know I don’t have to ask this of you, Angelina—but please take care of him.”
She placed her hand on my arm, and looked so sincere that I couldn’t help but smile. Placing my hand on Melissa’s, I patted her tenderly. “Don’t worry, Melissa, I fully intend to.” I gave her a big beaming smile, which she matched quite nicely.
Once the lift was on the ground floor, I nodded to Melissa and she nodded back. I was on a mission and couldn’t wait another second.
As soon as I was out the doors, I was calling him. I was desperate. I needed to be with him, and didn’t want to wait another second.
After only one ring, he answered. “Seth!” I shouted in his ear. “Where are you?” I could hear heavy breathing like he’d been running.
“I’m at the top of King’s Road. I have to see you, Angel. I have to be with you now.” The excitement in his voice was unmistakable.
“I know, I know!” I shouted. “I’m outside your apartment block. I’m running to you now.”
“Angel, please. No running. You’re supposed to be resting.”
“Oh, you just try and stop me!” I ended the call and belted like a mad woman towards the end of the King’s Road. I had to see him—had to be near him, touch him, caress him. There was no one stopping me this time—and I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me.
I ran and ran like a woman possessed. If anyone from that horrible day from before could see me now, they would think I was a complete nut job. “Oh look, there goes the mad running woman of the King’s Road.” I wouldn’t blame them, but I just didn’t care. This time I wasn’t crying. This time I was smiling. I had the biggest goddamned smile ever, and it was all because of Seth.
I was out of breath, but I didn’t care. I was a little more tired than normal, but I put that down to the trauma I had been through. I was running more on adrenaline then anything. Seth was mine, and I was never letting him go again.
Through the maze of people, I suddenly spotted him. He was running just as crazy as I was—a smile to match just how silly mine was. Once he saw me though, the smile disappeared. I knew he wasn’t happy about me running, but the less time we were apart, the better. I wanted to close as much of the distance between us as possible. I couldn’t wait to be in his arms—and for real this time.
“Angel, stop running!” he shouted, breathlessly.
“No!” I shouted back, grinning.
Soon, we were there and the first thing Seth did was pick me up and spin me around until we were both dizzy. We kissed over and over and over again, crying and laughing all at the same time. I was safe in his arms and life was beautiful again.
“Angel, we can be together.”
“I know,” I said kissing him all over. “I love you, Seth.”
“I love you, too, baby. Can I take you home now?”
“Yes please,” I said, laughing.
“Hold up. There’s something I have to do first. Where’s your ring?”
I smiled and pulled a chain from around my neck. Although I had to take it off after what we found out, I always wanted it close to me. I unhooked the chain and handed Seth the sparkling diamond ring.
He got down on one knee making me blush a scarlet red. “Angel, my little cookie monster. I want to ask you again. Will you marry me?”
I shook my head laughing. “Of course I will, you big Jessie,” I said, pulling him up.
“What, not ‘I don’t have to answer that’ this time?” His crooked grin was back again and it warmed my heart to see.
“I’m not wasting anytime with funny answers, Seth. I’m too bloody happy at this point in time—and I can’t wait to be your wife.”
He placed the ring back on my finger and kissed me longer this time. Our breaths calmer after the run we both just endured.
“I can’t wait to be your husband my beautiful angel—but I must say one thing.”
“Okay, what’s that?” I asked linking my arm in his.
“You will have to start learning to obey me from now on. We are—after all—getting married. When I tell you not to run, you shouldn’t run. You’re a very naughty girl.”
I nudged my arm into his and gave him a ‘Don’t you dare’ look. He started laughing and I couldn’t help but laugh back.
We were back together—and it just felt better than ever.
epilogue
It was six months later, and although we were blissfully happy, things had been tough. After the euphoria of realising that Seth and I could be together, we were left with the heartache from the loss our baby. Anger quickly formed with Seth. He blamed our parents for a while, for putting us under so much stress that it could have been a contributing factor in the loss. To say that didn’t cross my mind would be a lie, but no one could ever really know for sure. For some reason, it wasn’t meant to be. I had to hold onto that as any other thought would have sent me spiralling.
Aside from any blame and what could have caused the miscarriage, I still grieved like any other normal person would. It made me think finally about what it would be like to have children of our own. Seth and I discussed it, and I couldn’t believe that I admitted the fact that having children could be an option for us, but not right now. I needed us to be married for a while and needed us to be in a better place.
I couldn’t believe we did this, but we ran away and got married. A few days after we were back together, we took a plane to Anguilla and got married on the beach. It was just the two of us and a British couple who were holidaying there as witnesses. It was the most magnificent day of my life. We stayed in luxury the whole time, soaking each other up—no distractions, no one getting in our way. It was heaven.
When we got back though, it wasn’t pretty. Once we told our parents, they were upset that they were never told, or invited. Once we explained that we just wanted to be together and that a wedding back at home was also on the table, they calmed down. It was going to be a while for us all to be in a better place. And a while before we can have both sets of parents—in the same venue—on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. I just didn’t want that kind of stress.
Building a relationship back up with our parents was going to be hard. The fallout from this extra bit of news about Melissa and my dad was going to take some time to adjust to. They were all hurt with one another and my mum didn’t talk to my dad for a number of days. Once she calmed down and thought about it, she realised that she didn’t want to let it get in their way of a happy marriage they had built for so many years. They were all to blame for what happened. Saying that I did this because you did that was fruitless. They all had choices to make, and unfortunately they all chose badly. There could have been other avenues to take instead of the ones they picked, but saying that would have meant Seth and I would never have existed. At least one great thing happened out of all this mess
. We found each other.
I finally spoke to my mum about two days after returning from Anguilla. I said I wanted us to talk, but I still wasn’t quite ready to see her and be one big happy family again. Of course I wanted this more than anything, but you don’t get over something as huge as this quickly.
Julia and Jack called regularly. They even came to stay with us for a few days in the penthouse, which was nice. Of course, I did suspect that they had a hidden agenda for the visit, but I didn’t mind too much. I was just happy to see them both.
After only a few hours of being there the subject of my mum and dad came up. Seth wasn’t happy, but then Seth was still in a bad place as far as our parents were concerned. He was still trying to adjust to the fact that Clive was his father. Someone I always thought was my biological father. It couldn’t get more complicated than that.
Julia brought over my new niece of course, which I was ecstatic about. Both Jack and Julia were worried that by having my niece, Louisa close by, might upset me after what had happened. I was more than eager to put their minds at rest and concentrate on their happiness at the birth of their beautiful daughter. And she was beautiful. I told them that much.
Seth doted on her. It actually made me a little bit tearful—and I must admit—broody when I saw how wonderful a dad he could be. He was more than willing to take her when she cried and walk her around the penthouse so we could talk. I caught him talking to her one evening when he was holding her by the patio doors. They both looked like they were staring out onto the buildings of London, soaking everything in. Seth was telling Louisa just how much he loved his precious angel. That he hoped one day—when she was all grown up—she could find that someone special in her life. That the whole world was just waiting for her.
I stood there in the shadows and watched with a tear in my eye. I never hid the tears now when they came. I accepted them as a way of letting go of pain—or in this case—even joy.
I was already at that stage where I knew forgiving and forgetting was something that had to be addressed soon, but Seth wasn’t quite there yet. I certainly wasn’t going to push him. It was the most bizarre, complicated, fucked up family situation any of us had ever heard of, and it was going to take time—lots of time.
Until I Met You Page 29
