by Angel Lawson
Maybe my period was just confused—that happened, right?
No. It hadn’t. Because I had one of those bodies that worked like clockwork—especially since I got on the pill. Every twenty-eight days. Five days of bleeding. The boys knew to clear out and leave me alone, with a box of chocolate and a heating pad.
I picked up my phone and checked the calendar. Thirty-three days.
Then I remembered how I’d changed pills this month—the new prescription--and that was probably it. It was stronger, and the doctor had said it may take a minute for my body to adjust. I assumed that meant different symptoms and maybe a different length period. I mean, that was why I changed, right? To help with my flow.
With shaking hands, I swiped on some mascara and ran a hand over my hair. I was being ridiculous. I’d been sick on those days—not having sex with the boys at all. And we’d only had sex a few times since.
I was definitely being overdramatic, and grabbed a stash of tampons because it’d be just my luck to start my period in the middle of the party in this tight, pale pink dress.
Hayden called my name—a bit more impatiently. “Heaven…I’m sure you look amazing, stop fussing.”
“I’m coming,” I said, taking one last glance in the mirror. I needed to get my shit together. I’d taken up so much head-space with these boys over the last month. This night was about them and their success. I rearranged my face and turned off the light and walked out of the room where Hayden waited for me. He leaned against the wall, hands in the pockets of his dark gray slacks. Between the heather gray of his shirt and the darker one of his jacket, his eyes looked like hammered steel. His dark hair flopped in his eyes and God, he looked...damn.
“I knew you’d look breathtaking.” He smiled, eyes lingering over my body. All my insecurities vanished just having him look at me like that. How could they not?
25
Hayden
Walking into the party with Heaven, beautiful and sexy in her slinky pink dress, was enough to make me feel like a king. The party was fancy—catering to a high-end crowd that paid high rates for a level of training they couldn’t find elsewhere. I was part owner—more silent than anything else—a face along with Anderson’s to provide professional legitimacy, but in truth, A5 was all Oliver and Jackson. They’d done an amazing job and were on their way to building an empire.
“I’m going to go say hello to the boys,” Heaven said, squeezing my hand and walking off.
I plucked a glass of champagne off a waiter’s tray and watched her greet my best friends, hugging them in congratulations. At public events like this we kept our closeness on the down-low, a decision we’d all come to years before. Only we knew the truth behind the body language, the glint in one another’s eyes. There was something intoxicating about events like this one where few knew the truth about our relationship. It was like the word’s dirtiest secret and to be honest, it made me a little hard.
“Here,” Amber said, walking up with Ginger. She held a full glass of champagne in my face. “The waiter gave this to me. Drink it for me.”
“My pleasure.”
Amber had on a tight dress, one that clearly showed her pregnancy. Ginger beamed next to her, occasionally pointing out a celebrity or two. “How are things going—health-wise?”
“Good,” Amber smiled. “Just the normal stuff. I’m tired all the time. None of my clothes fit. I only want red meat.”
“Don’t forget moody and irritable,” Ginger added.
I looked between them. “Those are all normal?”
“Completely.” Amber sighed and rested a hand on her belly. “Even the moodiness. There’s a whole boat-load of hormone changes going on.”
“Well you look fantastic. I think it suits you.”
“Thank you.” Her eyes followed a movement across the room. “I think those are the crab cakes. Will you get me a few,” she asked Ginger. Her wife sighed, kissed her on the cheek, and walked off.
“How are you holding up,” she asked me.
I tilted my head. “In what way?”
“I know you guys and Heaven have been dealing with some big issues.”
“Right.” I fought a grimace. Amber had always been up in our business, but Heaven needed someone to confide in—a female—and I didn’t begrudge that. “I think we’ve worked through it.”
“And you’re okay with her decision of no kids.”
It took me a moment to swallow the truth. “Yes—her fears are well-founded. There are a lot of obstacles that we’d have to navigate.”
“I hate that our decision fell like a landmine in your house. You know how Heaven gets sometimes.”
“She fixates, but we talked it over. She got sick too, which pushed it aside. Now that she’s better she seems to have moved on.”
“Good.” She looked visibly relieved. Ginger reappeared with a plate piled with snacks. “Oh thank god, I thought I was going to die.”
Ginger rolled her eyes and we shared a smile. Then she slipped an arm around Amber’s waist, settling it on the baby growing inside. A sweet moment between two expecting parents, and I felt a slight twinge in my chest.
“Hey guys,” Heaven said, sidling up to us. “What’s going on?”
“Just stuffing my cake-hole,” Amber said, popping in another crab cake. “You want one?”
Heaven shook her head. “No way. I could barely get this dress zipped tonight. And ugh, the thought of seafood is not appealing. I swear I totally lost my appetite while I was sick and it hasn’t come back yet.”
I finished my drink and noticed Anderson coming our way. “They want to take some pictures with all of us,” he said, once he reached us.
“Sounds good,” I said, knowing publicity was part of my obligation.
Anderson looked at Heaven and she said, “What?”
“A5, babe. That means you, too.”
“Oh, right, I can do that.” She turned to Amber. “Do I have anything in my teeth?”
“Oh my god, you look fine. Go.”
We walked off to meet the others, each watching Heaven closely. Following the photographer’s directions, we huddled close, a circle of protection and love around our girl. I couldn’t help but wonder if people could tell about us when we were all together like this. If they knew.
As the camera flashed and we smiled, celebrating success, I knew damn well that not one of us really cared.
26
Heaven
Three days later, I arrived home from shopping to the sound of shrieking children and splashing in the pool. Sadie raced around the pool’s edge, trying to get to Anderson, who was holding a small child in his hands. Across the pool, Jackson urged a bigger child to jump to him.
It was like I’d entered the twilight zone.
I opened the gate and walked through. “Make sure you close it,” Anderson said. “Davis is quite the runner.”
I snapped the latch in place. “So, what’s going on?”
Oliver walked out of the house with a tray of snacks. Crackers, cut-up fruit, cheese. “Monique stopped by and asked if we could watch the kids—she had an appointment and no babysitter.”
“And you all just said yes—to watching a stranger’s children?” Jackson’s charm apparently worked on three-year-olds as well, because Davis jumped happily into his arms.
“She was in a bind,” Hayden said. I turned and found him lounging on a chair in the shade. “We couldn’t say no.”
“Huh.” I watched Ashley, in a bathing suit with built-in floaties, smile as Anderson cruised her around like a boat. It prompted me to ask, “How did you even know how to do that?”
“What?”
“Make her happy?”
He shrugged those broad shoulders and continued entertaining the little girl. “I taught swim lessons in high school. You know that.”
“I guess.”
That didn’t explain whatever bromance Jackson and Davis had started up by the stairs or the little smile on Hayden’s mouth as he laug
hed at Ashley’s giggles.
“I guess you guys have it under control. I’ll head inside for a bit.” I’d been craving a nap the whole time I was running errands.
“Why?” Oliver asked. “You don’t want to stay out here with us?”
“I’ll come back out. I just need to put this stuff away and do a few things.”
“Need any help?” Hayden asked.
“No, thank you.” I smiled and slipped into the house just as Davis jumped in again, trying to splash Jackson.
I wasn’t trying to be weird. I was trying to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t care that Monique asked for a favor—god knew how she did it alone all the time. I should have offered before. But today something heavier lingered on my mind and I tightened my grip on the plastic bag in my hand and made a beeline for my bathroom.
I pulled the box out of the bag and laid it on the counter, trying to calm my nerves. It was just a test—a test that could change my life, rock my world.
Thirty minutes later I’d taken it out of the box and the stick sat on the counter while I sat on the closed toilet lid, studying the directions over and over.
This was dumb.
I wasn’t pregnant.
I was just late.
I didn’t even want kids.
But…
What if?
What if?
“Heaven?” Anderson called, startling me from my ruminations.
I steadied my voice. “Yes?”
“The kids just left. I was checking to see if you’re okay.”
I glanced away from the test—terrified. “I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”
I needed a minute. I needed air, then I’d take the test. I just needed a few minutes to get ready. Maybe later when all the guys weren’t home.
I flung open the bathroom door and yelped when I saw not just Anderson in the room but all four boys. “What are you doing here?” My heart raced in my chest.
“You seemed out of sorts—you’ve seemed that way for days,” Oliver said. Jackson, changed into dry shorts, nodded. “Are you really okay?”
I glanced behind me, fully aware that the test was just out of sight but on the counter. “I was, uh…” Anderson looked at me with that line of worry on his face. Hayden’s jaw clenched. I couldn’t string them along like this. It wasn’t fair. “I’m late.”
No one spoke until Jackson replied, “For what?”
Oliver elbowed him. Hard.
“My period is late, which is unusual, but I was sick and on all those meds and then I changed birth control and it’s possible that things got mixed up.”
No one said anything. Not a word. I didn’t blame them. What would they say? We agreed. We’d finally, totally agreed, and here I was, complicating things in the most complicated way.
“But you’re not sure,” Anderson finally said, hand running through his hair.
“No. I, um, I was going to take a test. I have one. It’s in the bathroom.”
Again no one spoke, like they were waiting for me to decide, and all the emotions of the past few weeks brought hot tears to my eyes. “I’m scared.”
Jackson frowned. “Of what?”
“Losing you. Losing this. Us. All of it.”
He got to me first but the others followed. It was one thing to be soothed by one person that loves you—but four? There was no comparison.
Anderson spoke first. “Heaven, we love you regardless of what happens when you take that test, and we’ll deal with whatever the outcome.”
“He’s right,” Hayden agreed.
Oliver nodded. “Absolutely.”
“You’re never getting rid of us, understand?” Jackson replied, kissing my cheek.
I nodded, believing them. I didn’t really ever doubt it—I guess I doubted myself, but I’d been through worse—harder things, and it was time for me to step up and deal with reality.
Two minutes later we stood, huddled around the bathroom counter waiting for the test to confirm one way or the other.
Without looking, I grabbed it off the marble and I turned to face them. “No matter what happens, know that I love you so much.” I exhaled. “Ready?”
Four handsome faces nodded in reply and I knew they meant it. We were ready. We’d always been, and that knowledge gave me the courage to face the truth.
I another deep breath, held up the test, and read the results.
Epilogue
Water dripped down my legs—not from the juice Miranda spilled all over the table. Or from the pool water Ruby just splashed all over the patio.
“Oliver?”
He looked up from the wrestling match with Christian in the shallow end of the pool. He’d let the six-year-old get him in a headlock. “Yeah?”
“I think it’s time.” A sharp pain ran through my belly.
Jackson appeared in the doorway from the kitchen, concern on his face. “You think what?”
“It’s time.” I glanced down and grimaced. “My water broke.”
“I’ll call Dena,” Jackson said, vanishing back the way he came. Dena was our mid-wife. Oliver was already out of the water, dripping wet and giving Christian a towel. He picked up his phone.
“Who are you calling?”
“Texting Amber, she said she’d watch the kids when the time came, remember.”
I nodded. “And Hayden? Anderson?”
“They shouldn’t be far—I told them not to go more than twenty miles until that baby comes. I’ll contact them too, if Jackson hasn’t already.” Sadie came running through the room. “Shit, let me go put her in her crate.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling a flutter of familiar nerves. It never got old, the excitement and anticipation. This was my third pregnancy. Christian came first, followed by the twins Miranda and Ruby, and now this little one.
That first pregnancy scare was just that—a scare, but it also confirmed something for me. I did want kids. Just not then. It took a few years, but when we were ready we were all ready, and like my mother said that day about Amber: it was intentional.
We had to go over a lot of emotions—who would be the biological father—did we want to plan it, let it be spontaneous, would there be jealousies or hurt? In the end, their love for me and our love for one another prevailed, and we let nature take its course.
There was no doubt when Christian arrived whose gray eyes he inherited, and true to their word, my boys embraced him whole-heartedly as one of their own. Two years later I was pregnant again--Russian-roulette style with the other three (Hayden had to wear condoms for the first time in many years)—with twins. Girls who have never known such devotion from their daddies. As they aged and their features set, it was clear they weren’t identical—dimples on Miranda, curly blonde locks on Ruby. It soon became obvious their fathers were not the same. Everyone was happy—completely and utterly exhausted.
Despite that happiness, there was one lingering desire. I wanted one last baby and for Anderson to be the father. He’d owned my soul for as long as I could remember. He wasn’t petty or jealous. He was an amazing, outstanding father to our three kids. But it was something I wanted and something I knew he wanted, too. We tried hard. Often. For months. And it took a bit longer than it did with the others, but when I tested positive I saw the sheer joy and relief on his face.
He’d wanted this badly.
I placed a hand over my belly and watched as Dena rolled in with her supplies and set up the room. We’d opted from the beginning for home births—not wanting the questions or judgment from the hospital. Each had gone smoothly, thank goodness, and with baby Thompson making an appearance within days of its due date, I felt confident this one would too.
“Is he here yet?” I asked Oliver after changing clothes.
“Yep. He’s cleaning up. He’ll be here soon.”
Amber arrived in a flurry of her own two kids, Sadie barking at her arrival. I kissed them all and sent them on their way.
“You’ve got this girl,” Amber said. “I�
��ll call your mom.”
“Call her in an hour. I don’t need another person in here right now.”
“You got it.”
This was a moment for me and the guys, but I wanted a minute alone with Anderson first.
When he walked in the room, I was easing down on the bed that Dena prepped and sterilized. Handsome as ever, there were still traces of that thirteen-year-old boy I fell for in school. Now his stature was bigger, muscles lean and strong. His jaw sharper—all traces of youthful baby fat gone, even a bit of the sleek twenty-year old had vanished. I didn’t care. I loved him at any age as much as I did at the beginning. A few gray hairs pulled at his temples but the mop on top was the same, wild and disheveled. His green eyes zeroed in on me and he came to the side of the bed.
A sharp pain hit just after and I grimaced.
“Do you need anything? Ice? Heating pad?”
“I’m better now that you’re here.” I gripped his hand. “I love you, you know that?”
He tilted his head. “Is there something I should worry about? Is that baby coming out with blue eyes or something?”
“No. I just know everything’s about to get crazy and it will become a circus.” A wonderful, amazing circus but a circus all the same. I touched his chin. “You’ve made me so happy, Anderson Thompson. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.”
His hand landed on my belly. “You know I feel the same. Every day with you and this crazy, mixed-up family is a gift. Thank you for sharing your life, your body, and your love with us, Heaven.”
He kissed me and another contraction rolled through me, causing me to break away and gasp. I tightened my grip on his hand.
“Time for Dena?”
I nodded. “Where are the others?”
“They’re just outside.”
The door swung open and there they were, waiting for me.
Soon the room was full, just like my heart, as the final piece of our family entered the world. As the baby squealed, wrapped tight in a cocoon of blankets, his shock of dark hair peeking out at the top, I leaned against the pillow, exhausted. Anderson’s smile was a mile wide, the tiny baby tucked in his safe arms. Hayden peered over, kissing his tiny forehead. I’d learned the giant of a man was putty in the presence of a newborn.
