by Jason Letts
“Ice is frozen water. It’s the same thing,” he said, but he didn’t understand. She didn’t feel the same connection to ice as she did to water. For one, it was too cold.
“No, it’s not. It’s a completely different thing. The words are different,” she said.
He gave her a dubious look.
“We still call chicken chicken even after it’s been cooked.”
“That’s just a quirk of the English language,” she said.
“That’s a quirk of like every language.”
He managed to coax a grin out of her. Maybe everything would be OK, or mostly everything.
“Anyway, I’m not into ice like I am with water, if that’s what you’re referring to, but I’m sure it’ll help with the swelling.”
“Yeah, try not to let that head swell up any bigger than it already is,” he said, turning away as her jaw dropped in offense. She laughed even though it hurt. To think she’d been through all of that only to get mocked by a detective.
“I’m the one with the big head? Which one of us thought he could sneak into a criminal organizations hideout without it being a problem?”
He raised an eyebrow at her as he smirked.
“Probably not the same one who broke into a suspect’s apartment and then dueled him to the death all through Southside Chicago.”
Brady had been attempting to tease her more, but instead turning the conversation back around on her made her reflective. There was so much that had taken place that she hadn’t intended to happen, and her inability to control the course of events left scars that would never fade.
“What I don’t understand is why it had to turn out this way. Couldn’t he have just submitted back in his apartment? It doesn’t make sense to me how this is better for him,” she said.
Brady adopted her pensive mood, scratching the back of his head and pointing over to the pool where the body still was.
“Robert Parkinson was someone who tried to fight his way out at every point. When his daughter couldn’t help him anymore than she’d done, he attacked her. When he was caught, he fought back. At no point was he thinking that life in prison may not be so bad or what might happen if he accepted responsibility.
“There are some people for whom thinking ahead and thinking logically doesn’t come into play. If he had, he wouldn’t have been in this position. He wouldn’t have done any of the things that got him into trouble. The gambling debts and the shady payback arrangements with drug dealers wouldn’t be there.”
Tera nodded. She’d gotten justice for Kim, but her triumphant victory rung hollow at the moment considering that it had led to more loss of life and a lot of pain on her part.
“He hadn’t ever gotten much help and so he didn’t know how to help himself. The things people do to get themselves a decent living, going to work and getting paid, didn’t afford him much. He ended up taking it out on his wife and daughter. There’s such a jumble of individual choices and external influences, and the end result is a dehumanizing effect and a dead man who couldn’t see what he had to live for.”
The ice pack on her head was beginning to feel too cold, so she took it off for a minute. Brady took a deep breath and released a wistful sigh.
“Welcome to police work. Sometimes it feels like trying to beat back the tide.”
Now it was Tera’s turn to give him some side eye.
“Welcome yourself, more like. You’ve only been doing this a little longer than I have.”
Brady laughed, and he ended up nudging against her shoulder when he leaned her way. Somehow it didn’t seem to hurt.
“Yeah, but that difference in time is when you learn so much,” he said.
She smiled and let it go. In some ways she did think she was ahead of him, or maybe they were in the same place, but she still had a plan to move herself forward.
CHAPTER 12
Something strange happened after that night in the park. The next time she returned to work, she found it impossible to do what she always did, which was walk through the halls minding her own business and pretty much not saying anything to anyone.
“Officer Caldera,” Detective Stetman said with a curt nod.
Tera stopped in her tracks as he passed. She was surprised he even remembered her name, much less cared to use it when he saw her. Usually when men started paying her attention it meant they had sex on their minds, but he walked away without even glancing back to check out her rear end. Was that what a professional greeting felt like?
The next person she saw was Harold Dreck, who had a foot on a bench and was reaching around his midsection to tie his shoe. His face lit up with a broad smile when he tilted his head and saw her coming.
“I’ve just got some new insoles in. Arch support. I’ll be good to walk all night. Ready when you are,” he said.
“Sounds great,” Tera said.
The words felt strange in her mouth. What was going on? Had she wandered into the wrong precinct by mistake?
She made it into the office and reached her desk without any more unusual incidents. After a few minutes of reading memos, the familiar figure of Lieutenant Sanders snaking between the desks caught her eye. Ahh, this would be a short trip back to normalcy. She wondered which report she’d filled out incorrectly. There were plenty of others around ready to listen to a classic Sanders chew-out.
The lieutenant placed his large hand on the corner of her desk and leaned forward so that he was only a few inches away from her.
“Can I see you in my office, please?” He spoke in a low voice. Despite the formation of the words being a question, he made it clear there could be only one answer. Perhaps she’d screwed up worse than she thought. Maybe it was her turn for probation, or she’d be cleaning out her desk and heading home.
“Of course,” she replied, getting up from her seat.
Tera accompanied Sanders to his office, and usually this walk of shame incurred plenty of derisive looks from the other officers indulging in a heaping of schadenfreude, but for once she didn’t notice anyone gloating. And come to think of it, Sanders wasn’t really marching her away. He was almost side by side with her.
“Budget is shaping up to be good. We might be able to get those fancy helmets with the radios inside. It’ll be like we’re in the NFL,” he said.
For a second Tera was sure Sanders was talking to someone else. Never before had anyone cared to say anything to her about the state of the police budget or new equipment.
“That’s exciting,” she said, wondering if that was the proper response.
When they made it to Sander’s office, the big man lowered himself into his chair behind the desk, and Tera took the same seat she’d been in the last time her neck had been in a noose.
“Alright, let’s get started then,” he said, but Tera was looking at the empty seat next to her. It felt off.
“Oh, is Brady not a part of this?”
Sanders looked up at her and seemed as stunned to hear Brady’s name as she’d been to hear about the budget.
“No, just you. It’s about the other night. We’ve got some things to go over. He’s not part of it,” he said, and she caught a sense of some foreboding intonation. The lieutenant’s serious side was coming out, and as grim as it was there was still a trace that he relished it.
“Sure. I’m all ears,” she said, at this point totally confused about what was coming. Whether he wanted to chastise her or celebrate the closing of the case, she didn’t imagine any of it would be going like this.
“I’ve been serving in the police force here in Chicago a long time,” he said to her nods. “And I know this phrase has a sexual connotation that I hope you’ll ignore, but there’s only one way to say it. It’s rare for a woman to join the force who is able to excel at the rough stuff. It’s beyond rare. We have some tough ladies, but what you did is different.”
“Oh,” she said, getting mentally sidetracked trying to consider whether her appetites in bed qualified as rough stuff. Sanders a
djusted his tie.
“There’s always going to be an area of police work on the front lines that’s going to be dangerous, and as much as you may not be eager to repeat what just happened we need more people who can handle that kind of thing if we’re going to accomplish our goals. Most guys don’t have the stomach for it, and to put it plainly most criminals don’t expect a woman to be coming after them and chasing them down. What I’m trying to say is that you’re unique and there are some ways you might be especially useful,” he said.
“Umm, thank you,” Tera replied, trying to make sense of it. It was nice to hear that the lieutenant thought she was useful, but she could hardly think about taking on another risky situation when she still was covered in bandages and bruises from the last one.
Sanders pursed his lips and looked around at his desk as though he were searching for the right words.
“I’m not the only one who took notice of what you did. Right now we think you’re ready to be promoted up to rank II, and from there if things continue to work out, who knows how far you could go. But we’re excited to see where your journey leads and give you all of the support we can along the way.”
Tera looked down. In some ways she’d been waiting for a lift out of the bottom rung of the police force for as long she’d been in it, but after the past week or so she’d seen another path for herself and wasn’t going to give up on it. Continuing to crawl up the ranks as the years disappeared wasn’t the way.
“That’s really nice and all. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’m not sure I can accept unless you’re good with me having the raise for a very short time, which obviously I wouldn’t mind. But I’ve been thinking seriously about going back to school, and after everything that happened I know I’ve got to follow through on it.”
Lieutenant Sanders narrowed his eyes at her.
“Going back to school where? What program?”
“The Criminal Justice Sciences program at Illinois State.”
A relieved smile came to his face and he smacked his hands together.
“You’re already on the same page we are! This is two sides of the same coin. What we’re talking about is getting you the training you need to take your raw gifts and mold them into an optimized law enforcement tool. More education fits right alongside that. Just make sure you keep yourself in shape and we’ll have you back on the chase in no time.”
A tingling sensation kindled within her, and the optimism that she was finding a groove that would work started to go to her head. The chase she was on was to follow her dreams, and more than ever she felt like she could do it. Of course, it wouldn’t hurt if she got a little help.
“Well, one thing would be great. I am concerned about the cost. I’m halfway there with my associate’s, but still two years gets expensive,” she said.
Sanders swiveled to the side in his chair and winked at her over his shoulder.
“I know exactly what you mean. Let’s just say that a lot of the team members that end up where you’re going are able to shake off those loans pretty quickly. We can be flexible and keep you on for some hours in the meantime if that helps. A free ride or anything isn’t something we can do, but obviously there’s a deep connection between the CPD and Illinois State. The advantages are more numerous than you might think, and you’ll probably be surprised who you could get to write a letter of recommendation for you after what you’ve done.”
“Alright, that would really help,” she said, unable to hold back her eagerness. The smile on her face felt like it could never fade.
“Have we got a plan then?” He knocked his knuckle on the table.
“Yeah, I’ll go get started right away.”
“Good. Oh, and there is one more thing. Don’t forget about that paperwork.”
Tera got up, chuckling to herself. She’d never seen Sanders so at ease. It was almost like she’d crossed some invisible threshold where she was part of the club and what she’d been seeing before was some kind of cold, gray facade.
“I’m on it,” she said.
Leaving the office, she walked with more bounce in her step. Her future was right there in front of her, and she was anxious to get started shaping it. The very first thing she did was go ahead and print out the application to get into Illinois State. Somehow seeing it on the paper coming out of the printer right in front of her made it that much more real.
As she was beginning to fill out the application, she sensed that someone walking by behind her had stopped to peek over her shoulder.
“Looks like some big plans in the works. No reason to sell yourself short is what I say.”
Tera turned, the memory of Kim saying much the same thing fresh in her mind. It was Olivia, with one hand on her hip and a guilty grin on her face as if a peek into Tera’s life made her day. She couldn’t imagine why Olivia would care what she was doing with her life.
“I’m going to take a crack at getting back to school. See if I can get ahead a little bit,” she said, surprised she could say it out loud. There was no turning back now. Tera watched Olivia develop an even brighter smile, and for a second she thought the traffic cop was actually happy for her.
“Good for you. And good for me too. It won’t hurt having less competition around here.”
Tera shook her head, not able to follow at all.
“What do you mean? I’m not competing with you about anything,” she said, especially not while Olivia was with her half-brother. But Olivia raised an eyebrow at her.
“Riiiight. You play coy about it all you want, but make sure you say as much the next time somebody around here starts giving you their attention. We can’t all look like we walked out of a Revlon ad with a backseat that can stop traffic.”
Olivia laughed in a way that was congenial, and Tera forced herself to chuckle just to avoid unnecessarily giving the cold shoulder, but she couldn’t have been more bewildered about what she’d just heard. Setting aside that the blonde bombshell seemed to be jealous of her body, Tera had no idea where this was coming from considering Olivia had bagged the best-looking guy and just all around best guy she’d seen in, well, ages.
“Nobody stops traffic like you do, Olivia. Fortunately for us this is Chicago and the dating pool is a lot bigger than just the guys who end up in the CPD Southside precinct.”
Olivia raised an eyebrow and flashed another knowing smirk.
“Is it? Might be news to me. But let’s make sure that application gets accepted. Let me know if you need any help,” Olivia said, scooting away.
For Tera, it was difficult to get back to filing out the form when all she could think about was why anybody who had a man like Brady would say any of those things. It didn’t make sense. Maybe she was being buttered up for something. Who knew, but getting this application out as soon as possible was going to be important, even if it took someone pulling some strings to get her in for the fall semester.
The future was waiting for her, and there was no time to waste.
Late the next morning on July 3rd she went to visit her Mama again, fully prepared to spend a couple of hours watching The Price Is Right, making empanadas, and fending off questions about why she wasn’t seeing someone. At least now she’d fully resigned herself to avoiding bringing up her father, since the truth about his extended dalliances added a heap of bitterness to the sweet memories she had of him when she was too young to know what was going on.
But Tera couldn’t even knock on the door before it opened and her mother came barging out. Even seeing her voluntarily leaving her apartment was strange.
“Oh, I was just coming to see you,” Tera said, and Eliza bit her lip in regret. She was wearing a pink hat and a floral dress, looking a lot nicer than she usually did. Her hair had been washed and the tired look in her eyes was gone.
“You’re such a dear, but actually I’ve been talking to Lucinda Parkinson lately and she told me about a salsa class they have at the community center. She’s been going through such a hard time, as
you know, and even though I never really knew her I figured I’d see if I could do something to cheer her up a bit.”
Tera tried to act like this wasn’t the absolute best thing she could’ve ever heard her mother say. Lucinda deserved an award for finding a way to get Eliza out of her funk.
“That’s incredibly kind of you, Mama. It has been devastating for her, and if you don’t do something to help I don’t know who will.”
Her mother had a furtive grin.
“I wouldn’t consider it all an act of charity. From what she said some of the men there aren’t half bad. You never know what’ll happen.”
“Fantastic. Fingers crossed. We all know you’re a stunning dancer.”
But just when Tera was overjoyed and it looked like they were hitting a high note, Eliza squinted at her. All traces of the grin vanished.
“Look at you, girl. You need to take better care of yourself. You’re a wreck. And your arm…”
It was inevitable that she’d end up noticing her injuries sooner or later. They hadn’t been healing fast enough, and her arm would have the scar from the knife cut for as long as she lived.
“I know some of it looks bad, but inside I’m feeling better than ever. I’ve got a plan to go back to school, and in the meantime I’ll be able to keep some hours so that I can still help with your costs. It’s going to be a lot of hard work, but it’ll be worth it,” she said, but her mother wasn’t convinced.
Eliza reached out and brushed some of the hair behind Tera’s ear near where her head had collided with the edge of the skating pool. She’d been lucky not to get a concussion. Her mother frowned.
“I’d been worried that you’d inherited your father’s temper, and while you may in fact have, I’m beginning to sense that you got something else from him as well. Trouble follows you, child, just like it did for him. Take care that you don’t end up the same way he did, or I’ll never be able to go on.”
Tera watched her mother carefully, her dire warning ringing loud and clear. Maybe she was right. She’d been through more than her fair share of hardship stretching back as far as she could remember, and from the looks of it there was more in store. But there was opportunity in it too and Tera’s hopefulness overshadowed everything.
