“You have to do this every four hours. In two hours give them each a syringe of water, then do that every four hours. Here, take my watch,” Quint said, handing it to Jonah.
As Jonah fastened it to his wrist, I saw the small crown, the symbol for Rolex. That explained why it still worked. It ran on movement, not a battery.
“Come get me if anything changes,” Quint said.
Jonah nodded.
“Walk me out, Jonah,” he said as he stood. Jonah matched his father’s stride to the front of the barn.
Quint kept his voice low. Though I couldn’t hear what he said, I watched Quint hand Jonah his pistol.
Quint zipped up his coat. Pulled on his sock hat. Gave his son a hug. Slid the large barn door open enough to slip through. Jonah pulled the door closed a little more and watched through a small crack as his father walked to the house. The wind pushed in through the small opening and snow gathered around Jonah’s feet.
He shut the door, latching it against the wind and the night.
Jonah stopped on his way back to his spot against the wall, to place another log on the fire. It burned brightly. Our only source of light. Our only source of heat. It was enough to keep us from freezing, but not much more. The barn had no insulation and the wind pushed the cold air through every small crack. When the wind blew its hardest, the fire was pressed to the ground. There were lots of small cracks. We sat on a thick layer of straw, bundled in our coats and blankets. The night would not be spent in comfort.
My friends wanted to sleep in the barn with us. Charlotte said no. Eli also offered. Charlotte said no. She said she would not allow more than two of us to freeze to death and she knew she couldn’t stop Jonah and she doubted she could stop me.
I don’t know how I bonded so quickly with Talin, but I had. There was something about her. The thought of her hurting made my stomach turn. The thought of her dying was unimaginable. I pushed the thought from my mind and stared at the fire.
“You should try and sleep,” Jonah said. “I’ll take the first four hours. You can take the next four.”
“Thanks, but I’m not planning to sleep tonight,” I said. I pulled part of a blanket up over the back of my head so only my face was exposed to the cold air.
Jonah pulled his blanket behind him, crossed his legs, and leaned forward on his elbows. The space was so small that when he did this his head was over Fulton’s neck. My legs were also crossed and my knees touched Talin’s ears. Part of me wanted to lean against her so she could feel me and to offer her warmth, but I was afraid to touch her. Afraid it would hurt her in some way.
“Okay,” he said, his eyes going from Fulton to Talin. He picked up the gun, clicked something on it, and laid it on the ground next to him.
“Why did your dad give you the gun?” I asked.
“To protect you,” he said, his eyes not leaving the horses.
“Protect me?” I asked, confused.
Jonah nodded.
“From who?” I asked, though I already knew.
“From Mick or anyone that might be with him, if he or they come here tonight. He said to do whatever it took to keep you safe.”
“Why would Mick try and hurt me?”
“Why did he poison Talin and Fulton? He’s evil,” Jonah said.
“I don’t believe in evil,” I said, not knowing what else to say. I knew the world had changed, but this felt unreal.
He turned to look at me. “You can believe in evil or not believe in evil. That doesn’t alter its existence.”
“Your saying it exists doesn’t automatically mean it exists,” I said, knowing that a theory that could not be disproved was a logical fallacy.
“Have you never felt it within yourself? Never sensed it in others?” he asked.
I said nothing. I shivered partly from the cold and partly from the realization that as long as Mick Jacobson was near, we weren’t safe.
The wind rattled the windows, and for a moment I imagined someone trying to come in. I glanced at Jonah.
“It’s okay. He won’t try anything tonight. This is a bad storm and it’s getting worse by the minute. That will work to our advantage—if we don’t freeze to death,” he said, pulling the blanket tightly around his shoulders.
His eyes turned from Fulton and Talin to the fire. I watched him for longer than I meant to. I remembered then where I was and what this day had been. I followed his gaze and stared at the fire he had created to warm us and give us light. The fire that kept the darkness at bay. The fire that would keep our blood from freezing in our veins.
This had been one of the worst days of my life. The day my mother and brother died was far worse, but today was the day those memories flooded my mind. In some ways, to me at least, they died again today. The memories had been shoved so deep inside, that I had forgotten. Forgotten I had a brother. Forgotten how my mother died. Both of those facts mattered.
Today was the day I realized my father had lied to me about everything of importance. The existence of my brother, the death of my mother, the faith she shared with him. They had not been atheists, as he had said. She had not wanted me raised as an atheist. She had loved God and so had he. And yet now …. How deeply he must hate the God whose existence he denies. There was no other way to explain the lies. Perhaps he thought he was protecting me or perhaps the hatred consumed him. Either way, the result was I didn’t know who my mother was, or my father, for that matter. I didn’t know where I came from or anything about the faith I was brought into as an infant.
“You okay?” Jonah asked.
I blinked and looked into his green eyes. “I was thinking about my dad,” I said.
“What about him?” Jonah asked, leaning his head against the wall, his eyes looking at my own.
I blinked again. His presence made me uncomfortable, yet I longed to be closer to him.
“The lies,” I said, shaking my head.
Jonah nodded knowingly, hunching his torso forward. “Did he tell you your mom loved you?”
“Yes.”
“Then he didn’t lie to you about everything.”
I looked down.
Jonah said, “I can’t imagine how hard losing your mom and brother was for him. I can’t imagine how angry he was at God. I would hope I would have a strong enough faith to not hate God, but it would be hard.” He leaned his head back against the barn wall.
“He should have been honest, that’s all. Let me make up my own mind about things,” I said, not willing to let the anger go so easily.
“Have you always been honest with him?” he asked.
I lowered my gaze. “This isn’t about my actions or my honesty, it’s about his,” I said, angry at Jonah for defending my father.
“Your dad is human. He makes mistakes. We all make mistakes. If your dad asked for forgiveness from God, he would be given that forgiveness. I think you owe him the same,” Jonah said, turning to look at me.
“You have no idea what I’ve been through. No idea of the consequences of his lies,” I said, my anger mixing with sadness.
“You’re right,” he said, nodding his head slowly.
I said nothing. I was angry at Jonah, at my father, but most of all at myself.
“If it helps, I’m sorry for whatever you’ve gone through,” he said.
“Me too,” I said, leaning my head against the wall. I fought back tears, afraid they would freeze on my face.
* * *
I sat staring at nothing. Not awake, not asleep. Somewhere in between. I thought of my mother and my father. The anger I felt for him lessened, though at times still overwhelmed me.
Jonah sat up and filled a syringe with water. He opened Fulton’s mouth and forced it as far to the back as he could. He filled it again and did the same with Talin.
“Do you think they will live?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he whispered, stroking Talin’s neck.
Jonah stood and walked to the fire. The fire brightened when he moved the burning wood
and placed two more large logs onto it. I watched him in the firelight. He was strong and sure of himself … two things I had never been.
He came back to the small open space next to Fulton and sat down, careful not to step on him. Once he was back in his spot he pulled his blanket around his shoulders.
He glanced in my direction before turning to watch the fire.
I watched the flames dance in the night air. The wind had diminished. The night was quiet.
“Bria, can I ask you something?” Jonah said without turning in my direction.
“I guess so,” I said, too tired to care one way or the other.
“When we were walking here I heard you say something about a guy. Do you miss him?” he said, turning to look at me.
I paused, wondering why Jonah was asking about Trent. “Yes, I do.”
Jonah nodded, but said nothing.
“Why do you ask?” I said, turning to face him.
“I don’t know. I could tell your friends don’t like him, or don’t like him with you. I guess I was curious,” he said, looking at me as he spoke.
I exhaled audibly. “No, my friends don’t like him and he doesn’t like them. He and I were … we were together a long time. We had our ups and downs and at times things between us were a little … intense,” I said, looking at the fire, not wanting to make eye contact.
Jonah sat looking at me. I pretended not to notice and kept my gaze on the flames. After several minutes of him staring at me, I turned to look at him.
“Did he ever hit you?”
I could sense anger and sadness disguised within his calm tone.
“No,” I lied.
He looked in my eyes. “You’re lying,” he said in a sympathetic whisper.
How did he know? How could he possibly know? I turned my head to face the fire.
“Why would I lie?” I asked.
“I don’t know, but you should figure that out,” he said, still looking at the side of my face.
I said nothing. He turned his face to the fire. I thought about his words. They weren’t meant to upset me. I knew that. Jonah’s heart was good and kind. He was like Josh in that way. But why did he care?
He was right, though. I did need to figure it out. I will probably never see Trent again and yet he has control over me. Still, I feel ashamed of what he did to me, of how he treated me. But no, I am not ashamed of him hitting me; I’m ashamed that after he hit me, I stayed.
Jonah didn’t know my past; he didn’t know I deserved nothing more than what Trent offered. Jonah’s gaze and his questions told me he thought I deserved better, but would he still have those thoughts if he knew all I had done?
No. I knew he would not.
Ten
“Bria, wake up.”
I opened my eyes. The sunlight filtered through the cracks in the side of the barn. The fire still burned, but its appearance was not as bright. The air was not warm, but at least it wasn’t any colder.
“I think they are going to be okay,” Jonah said, almost laughing as he said the words.
Talin and Fulton both lay on their stomachs. Talin turned her head. Her large brown eyes met my eyes, and I leaped forward, throwing my arms around her neck. She laid her head gently on my back.
“Their breathing started to improve around four, but they each just moved a second ago,” Jonah said as he petted them in turn.
“I fell asleep. I’m sorry. I meant to stay awake and help you,” I said.
“You had a rough day yesterday. You needed to sleep.” He was looking at me in a weird way.
I ran my fingers through my hair. Still he looked at me.
“What?” I asked, feeling like there must be something on my face or stuck in my hair.
“What were you dreaming about?” he asked, smirking.
“I don’t remember. Why?”
“You said my name a few times in your sleep,” he said, unsuccessfully suppressing a grin.
My face colored. “About Talin and Fulton. I wanted you to help them,” I said, hoping he believed me.
He nodded and the grin faded. “I’m going to go get Dad so he can check them out,” he said, standing and stretching.
Jonah ran to the barn door, his coat zipped tightly around his chest. He unlatched the door and slid it open. He was met with a wall of snow half his size. I stood, wrapping blankets around me as I walked toward him … while wishing for heat, needing a shower, craving a chai tea. When I stood beside him, the snow came up to my hips.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“It’s not as high in the yard. This is a drift,” he said.
He ran to the tack room and returned with a shovel.
Within a few minutes he had a path through the snowdrift. The snow in the rest of the yard didn’t reach above the top of his boots. I watched as he ran to the back door of the house and knocked loudly.
A few moments later he and his dad were walking toward me.
“How are they doing?” Quint asked, looking at me as he entered the barn.
“Much better, thanks to Jonah,” I said as we went to the horses.
Quint knelt beside Talin and Fulton. He listened to their hearts and their breathing. He positioned their heads so light hit their eyes and he could see their pupils.
“I think they are out of danger. Get them some feed and gather snow for them to drink. Hopefully, in a few days they will be back to normal,” he said, standing and petting Talin between the ears. He bent down and picked up the pistol Jonah had left in the hay. He slid it between his belt and his jeans.
“How did you two do last night?” he asked, turning his attention to us, raising an eyebrow at Jonah.
Heat rose to my cheeks. I answered, “I fell asleep almost as soon as you left. It was Jonah who took care of Talin and Fulton.”
“Good job, son,” he said, suppressing a smile.
“I just did what you said to do,” Jonah said with a hint of irritation in his voice.
Feeling embarrassed and wanting to get away from both of them, I said, “I’m going to gather some snow. Do you have a bucket I can use?”
“There’s one in the tack room,” Jonah said, his voice kind but distant.
* * *
Outside, I did my best to step where Jonah and Quint had stepped. My sneakers could not keep the snow out. I carefully brushed clean snow into the bucket. I thought about Jonah’s tone of voice. His dad was clearly asking if anything had happened between Jonah and me. I found it embarrassing, but Jonah found it insulting. It made him angry. I knew he was out of my league and I wasn’t good enough for him, but it hurt to realize he must be thinking the same thing.
I walked into the barn carrying the bucket full of snow. Jonah and his dad were having an intense discussion that stopped as soon as I entered. I pretended not to notice. I dumped the snow into the trough.
“I’m going to get some more,” I said, and walked back outside, my heart racing in anger.
Sara came toward me. “How are the horses?” She had a scarf wrapped around the top of her head and neck. Her coat was zipped up to her chin.
“They are going to be okay,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Then why are you mad?” she asked, cocking her head to watch me.
“No, I’m not. I’m just tired. It was a long night,” I lied.
“Bria, I know your angry voice and your tired voice. This is your angry voice,” she said, reaching down to help scoop snow into the bucket.
“It’s totally stupid. I’ll tell you later, okay?” I tried to sound not angry. “Will you take this into the barn and dump it into the trough? I need to warm up.”
“Yeah, okay, if you’re sure you’re all right,” she said, taking the bucket from me.
“I’m fine. Nothing a hot shower wouldn’t cure,” I said.
“Don’t remind me. I haven’t bathed in three days,” she said.
“None of us have,” I said as I started to walk to the house.
“I kn
ow, it’s gross,” she called after me.
* * *
Inside, blankets and pillows were spread all over the floor and the couches. Quinn was still asleep on the floor, close to the fireplace. The rest of the family was nowhere to be seen. The heat from the fire felt good. I slipped off the heavy coat and sat in front of the heat, watching Quinn sleep.
Josh and Blaise came into the room. I stood and walked toward them so we wouldn’t wake Quinn. I sat at the kitchen table.
“You look awful,” Josh said, sitting beside me.
“Josh, that was mean,” Blaise said, sitting on my other side.
“It’s okay. Where’s everyone else?” I said. I didn’t care how I looked. I was tired, hungry, cold, and I wanted to go home.
“They are having a church service in Charlotte and Quint’s room,” Blaise answered.
“A church service?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Josh answered. “Eli’s a priest, you know. So he’s doing their Mass.”
“I know, but it’s weird they are having a church service in their house,” I said.
“It’s not like they can drive to church,” Blaise said.
“I guess,” I said, slipping the coat back on. I wanted to sit in front of the fire, but didn’t want to wake Quinn.
Blaise looked at me. “How are Talin and Fulton? Jonah ran in here and said they were doing better. But your face says otherwise,” she asked.
“They are doing better. Jonah did a great job taking care of them. Quint thinks they will be back to normal in a few days,” I said, pulling the coat around me, crossing my arms in the process.
“So, why do you look like this?” Josh said, gesturing to my face.
“Like what?” I demanded. Josh’s words were too much.
“Like nothing. You look fine. We are all having a hard time,” Blaise said, petting my arm.
I pulled myself away from her touch. “I’m not having a hard time,” I said, my voice cracking. I stood and walked away.
I needed to be by myself. I needed to take a shower, to change my clothes, I needed things to be back to normal. I wanted to go outside, but it was freezing. I went upstairs.
The Light: Who do you become when the world falls away? (New Dawn Book 1) Page 9
