“I was so angry, Bria. So very angry,” he said, tears filling his eyes.
“At who?” I asked.
“God,” he answered.
“I thought there was no God,” I said, folding my arms across my chest and feeling both pity and anger.
He placed a hand on one of my arms. “I know, and I’m sorry. I never stopped believing, but the hate and anger was so strong,” he said, shaking his head.
I pulled away from him. “You lied to me. Not just about a God who may or may not exist, but about how my mother died.” I paused. “Even my baby brother. You weren’t there for me in any way. You were never a father,” I said, my voice rising with anger.
He stepped closer. “I know, and I’m sorry. You’re right to hate me. I lied about everything. I told myself it was to protect you, but I know now it was because I hadn’t dealt with the pain of losing your mother and brother. It hit me so hard and it came out of nowhere. That’s no excuse for leaving you, but it’s why it happened,” he said, his eyes pleading with me.
Had life not become what it now was, and had the events of yesterday not been what they were, I would have held on to my anger. I would have shunned my father for as many years as he had shunned me. But we had both been shot yesterday. Pops had been killed, and Jonah … only time would tell. Sara, Blaise, and Josh had no idea where their families were. My father had walked for a month because my dead mother told him to. I would forgive, though not forget.
“I,”—the emotion overcame me—“I just wish I’d had a dad.”
He held me while I cried.
“I know. You deserved a dad who was there for you always. And I know it doesn’t change things, but I promise, no matter what, to never check out again. I will be here, loving you, no matter what, until my dying day,” he whispered in my ear.
He held me for a long time. It felt good to be in his arms, to feel his love.
I pulled back and wiped my eyes. Silent tears ran down his sunken face.
“Will you walk with me? I need to find Eli,” he said, sniffing.
“Why?” I asked.
“I-ah, I really want to go to confession,” he said, releasing me from his embrace.
I turned and started toward the barn, knowing that’s where Eli was. My father followed. I wondered if confession was like I saw in the movies, where the mob boss goes to the priest and confesses all the murders he’s committed. I wondered if my father would confess the killing of Mick’s friend, and I wondered why.
“You know, the guy you killed deserved to die,” I said as we neared the barn.
“I’m not sure anyone ever ‘deserves’ to die, but perhaps he did. I know if I didn’t kill him, he would’ve killed you. I did what I had to do,” he said, looking in my eyes. He turned away. “But there are many other things I’ve done in the last eighteen years that I’m sorry for. I want the weight of those actions, and the killing, off my shoulders. I want to be forgiven so I can start trying to forgive myself.”
His words struck me. Perhaps I could be forgiven. Perhaps I could learn to forgive myself.
* * *
Eli, Josh, and Blaise sat watching the prisoner, Heath. Talin let out a loud neigh when she saw me. I went to her and gave her a hug. I petted Fulton for Jonah.
“He’s going to be okay, I know he is,” I whispered to Fulton. He pawed at the ground as if to agree.
“Eli, can I see you for a minute?” my father asked, his voice shaking.
“Sure.” Eli stood and joined him.
My father led the way, hobbling out the back of the barn.
“How’s Jonah?” Blaise asked, concern in her eyes.
“The same,” I said. “But he looks a little better and his breathing’s stronger,” I added.
“Thank God,” Heath said.
I glared at him.
“Bria! Bria!”
I heard JP’s voice across the yard. I ran to him.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked, holding on to him.
“Come see,” he said, turning and running back to the house. My heart raced with fear as I ran behind him.
We entered the library. Everyone was kneeling on the floor around Jonah.
East turned her head. Tears filled her eyes. She picked up Quinn and they left the circle, making room for me.
My heart stopped. He’s dead. Tears streamed down my face. My feet felt as though they were filled with lead. The room spun. JP stood beside me. I held onto him as I sank to my knees. Jonah looked unchanged. How had he died?
His chest rose and fell.
My mind flooded and I shook my head. “He’s alive?” I asked, struggling to get the words out.
“John Paul, didn’t you tell her?” Quint asked, looking at his youngest.
“I wanted her to be surprised,” JP said with a lightness to his voice.
Charlotte took my hand, and I looked at her, not understanding what was happening.
“He opened his eyes, Bria. Jonah opened his eyes,” she said, barely able to stop the tears long enough to say the words.
End of Book One
For updates on the New Dawn series and more information about the author, please visit www.Jacqueline-Brown.com
The Light: Who do you become when the world falls away? (New Dawn Book 1) Page 19
