by Pati Nagle
“Thanks,” I heard Devin say. “This is much better.”
The maître d’ quirked an eyebrow but didn’t comment. He handed Devin a menu and left.
A waiter brought out salads for Elsa and Hoyden. I took advantage of the distraction and slipped under their table, careful not to tickle their legs with my tail.
I poked my head out and gave Devin a slow blink. He nodded, then opened his menu. A second later he choked and went into a coughing fit.
Hoyden looked up at the noise. Fortunately, Elsa had her back to Devin. Devin hid behind his menu, and after a second Hoyden returned his attention to his date.
He seemed to have decided to cajole her. He started talking about Megalink in a jolly way, sounding like a quarterly stockholder’s report.
Elsa seemed unimpressed. She silently ate her salad, pausing only to correct a couple of erroneous statements Hoyden made about Megalink’s finances.
“Working together, you and me,” he said with a lascivious grin, “this is going to be Megalink Gamma’s best year yet.”
“Actually, it’s on track to be the worst,” Elsa said, setting down her fork and pushing the salad plate aside. “New sales are down throughout the sector, and existing accounts are canceling their service at the rate of a dozen or more a day.”
Hoyden’s grin stayed in place, but his eyes got narrow. “That can’t be right. You’ve mixed up some numbers, darlin’.”
There was an edge to his voice that made my hackles rise. Elsa looked at him, then tilted up her chin.
“Not any more,” she said softly. “Never again.”
Hoyden opened his mouth, but a waiter came up at that moment and fussed with the salad plates. Hoyden slouched back in his chair, frowning as his fingers drummed on the tablecloth. Elsa folded her hands in her lap and wouldn’t meet his eye.
“You’d better reconsider,” Hoyden said when the waiter had gone. “You know it could be dangerous for you to report the wrong kind of information.”
“Dangerous for you if I report to Intergal and the Galactic Securities Commission.”
Elsa took a datafilm from her silver clutch and slid it across the table to Hoyden. “If you ever again harass me in any way, or threaten me, or try to make me lie, I’ll give this to them.”
Hoyden frowned at the film. “What is it?”
“Proof of the Megalink’s true financial condition. Three of my friends have copies of this, by the way. If anything happens to me it goes straight to the cops and the press.”
An oily smile slid onto Hoyden’s face. “You haven’t thought this through, sugarplum. If this comes out and Megalink crashes, you’re out of a job.”
Elsa looked at him coldly. “I don’t need your job.”
The waiter arrived with entrees, putting an end to the conversation for the moment. The steaks smelled fantastic. Instantly my mouth began to water.
A long, silent pause, then Hoyden spoke in a low, angry growl. “You’ll regret this.”
“The only thing I regret is that I ever let you pressure me into falsifying reports,” Elsa said as she stood up. “Thank you for the lovely dinner, but I seem to have lost my appetite. Please excuse me.”
She left, her hips swaying gently as the silver dress whispered around her ankles. Her untouched filet mignon lay abandoned on its fancy china plate.
Self-control isn’t something most cats have, but I do. It lasted a good fifteen seconds.
I figured, what the hell. She wasn’t going to eat it, and Hoyden could hardly get madder. It would be a shame to let Sue’s handiwork go to waste. I hopped up on Elsa’s chair, set my forepaws on the table, and sank my teeth into the butter-tender meat.
At first Hoyden didn’t notice. I guess he was watching Elsa walk away, something Devin assures me is worth a human male’s complete attention. It took a while for him to register my presence.
Turns out I was wrong about him not getting madder.
“Hey!” he yelled, and bashed his fists into the table.
I jumped, then grabbed the beef and ran. Hoyden was hot on my heels. I had a glimpse of Devin, eyes wide and appalled as I ran toward him, then I was under his table.
Hoyden shouted and dove after me. Devin yelled and jumped up, nearly kicking me. A waiter came out of the kitchen to see what was going on, and I darted through the door.
Hoyden really didn’t care about the filet. If he had he wouldn’t have deserted his own substantially larger hunk of cow in order to chase me. No, it was being defied that he didn’t like, and since Elsa had taken herself out of reach, I was a convenient secondary target.
I heard a lot of bashing and crashing and yelling from the dining room. I dodged the moving legs of several flustered chefs, belly-crawled under a dessert trolley, then continued deeper into the kitchen, looking for a place to hide. Thought about the back door, but that was risky and I didn’t want to use my security access in front of half Steakmeister’s staff. Sue liked me, but even she might not want to aid and abet me in stealing a filet mignon.
I ducked into the narrow space between a counter and the walk-in refrigerator. Managed to get turned around and backed up as far as I could go. Not the greatest hiding place, but it would have to do. Keeping an eye and an ear on the kitchen, I started in on my prize.
A crash and a loud, angry male voice informed me Hoyden had penetrated the kitchen. I gobbled faster, keeping a wary eye on my escape route. Sue started scolding, and some of the other chefs chimed in to try and calm Hoyden down. Didn’t work.
“Where is that flea-bitten rat catcher?” he yelled. “I’m gonna crush his fuzzy little nuts!”
My fuzzy nuts contracted at this announcement, but I kept working at my filet. Good thing Sue’s cuts are so tender. I was halfway through it before a shadow fell across my hiding place and Hoyden’s ugly mug appeared overhead.
“There you are, you little bastard!”
He disappeared, and a moment later a broom handle thrust toward me. I dodged it, still chewing. It poked at me again.
“Stop that!” Sue commanded.
Other voices jabbered and argued in the background. I could hear Devin’s among them. The broom handle kept stabbing at me, and I had to give up on my meal. I ran forward and dodged between Hoyden’s legs, giving him a swipe with my claws as I passed.
He yelled, then something hit me, knocking me flat. The broom, I realized as I shook my head to try to clear it. Hoyden was faster than I’d expected.
I heard a whish and scrambled away. The broom hit the floor where I’d been. I dashed forward, but my way was blocked by a steel food-prep table. I darted to the left and the broom crashed into the table.
I couldn’t see a way out. Knew I had to keep moving. I got behind Hoyden and saw the back of his ankle, attired in expensive black trouser socks. My hindbrain kicked in and I lunged for it.
Hoyden howled as my jaws clamped onto his Achilles tendon. His leg jerked up, lifting me in the air, then slammed down again. The impact rattled my brain and I let go.
I scrambled to my feet just as Hoyden aimed a kick at my gut. I managed to dodge the worst of it, but he still smacked me back into the fridge door.
I tried to get up but he’d knocked the wind out of me. He advanced on me, murder in his eyes.
I could hear Devin’s voice shouting “Security! Let me through!” It sounded strangely far away.
A nasty grin spread across Hoyden’s face. From close by I heard Sue’s voice, dark with fury.
“Leave. Him.”
Hoyden’s foot drew back. I struggled to rise, but could only watch in horror as that big, black shoe started toward my head.
“Alone!” shouted Sue, accompanied by a heavy thud.
Hoyden shuddered, then dropped like a stone. Behind him stood Sue, wild-eyed, cast-iron skillet gripped in both hands like a baseball bat.
Actually, I found out later it was a crêpe pan. I guess that’s a somewhat more ladylike weapon. In any case, it did the job. Hoyden was out of commissio
n.
Devin finally pushed his way through the crowd of chefs and waiters and busboys who had crammed into the kitchen. He stepped over the unconscious lump that was Hoyden and knelt down beside me, looking worried. I’d have been touched, except that I knew it was probably his job he was worried about.
“You OK, Leon?”
I pulled myself to my feet, gave myself a shake, and sat down. Looked Devin in the eye and gave him a small mew of confirmation, then started grooming my ruffled coat.
“Is this your kitty?” Sue asked, bending down to pet me. She still had the pan in one hand.
Devin glanced at her. “Ah—well, sort of. He lives with me.”
“You should feed him better. He always seems like he’s starving.”
Devin grimaced. “He gets plenty to eat.”
I was tempted to remind him that I was still growing, but I let it slide. Sue’s comment made me recollect my filet mignon, and I went back into the cranny by the fridge to collect what was left of it. It was little dusty, but I didn’t mind. I got a good hold on it and came back out.
A couple of guys from Security had shown up to take Hoyden into custody. Devin must have called them in when the fracas started.
“See?” Devin said to Sue, pointing at me. “He does fine. Ready to go, Leon?”
I couldn’t vocalize because my mouth was full. Couldn’t nod in front of the chefs, so I started for the back door. Devin followed, but one of the waiters caught his sleeve.
“Your dinner is ready, sir.”
“Oh. Uh, can you pack it to go? And charge it to Security,” Devin added with a sidelong glance at me.
~
A few minutes later we were in Devin’s office, chowing down on Steakmeister takeout. Devin had turned his formal clingsuit to the loosest setting, which made it look almost as rumpled as his regular wardrobe.
We didn’t talk at first. He made great inroads on his meal while I finished my filet. I was sleepy after that, and curled up on Sheila’s desk, intending to nap.
“All we have against Hoyden for tonight is a collection of minor charges,” Devin said.
I raised my head and blinked groggily at him. “Hm?”
He wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin that had been packed with his takeout. “Trespassing for going into the kitchen. Cruelty to animals.”
“He assaulted me!”
“Yeah, but you’re a cat.”
Devin ate the last bite of his steak, closing his eyes in momentary bliss. He gave a sigh of contentment, then stabbed a tiny potato with his fork and popped the whole thing in his mouth, chewed and swallowed.
“I might be able to hit him with an assault charge for invading my table space,” he said, waving his fork in the air, “but it probably wouldn’t stick. Hoyden’s got money. I bet he retains the best lawyers in the sector. He’ll be out in no time, and he’ll be looking for revenge.”
I yawned. “So?”
Devin picked up an elegant roasted baby carrot by its trimmed stem and bit off half of it. “I heard his conversation with Elsa. She’s a brave lady.”
I tried to think back to their dinner encounter, but the full stomach made it hard for me to concentrate. Not to mention the much more vivid memory of Hoyden’s shoe coming at my face.
“If we could just talk her into filing blackmail charges against him, I think we might have him,” Devin said.
“Blackmail and fraud.” I gave my forepaw a thoughtful lick. “Wonder why she’s insisting on handling it herself.”
“Trying to avoid publicity? You said she’s rich.”
“Yeah. More specifically, her family is rich. But you know, maybe she’s not on great terms with them. Remember what she said about Gamma being a fresh start?”
Devin glanced up from poking at the veggies left on his plate. “Yeah?”
“She emigrated here right after calling off a fancy wedding.”
“Oh yeah? That’s intriguing. I wonder why.”
Devin brought up the story about the canceled wedding on his com, then surfed up more information about the jilted groom. “Oh,” he said, looking at the guys’s image rotating above his holopad. “That’s why.”
Whats-his-name the third looked like a total goon. His pedigree was impeccable, though. His family owned a giant recycling/manufacturing concern—Newform Corporation—and three planets. It smacked of a marriage of convenience, a power marriage.
That kind of thing wasn’t uncommon in the circles where families like Elsa’s moved. Elsa had balked, though. Maybe she was in disgrace.
“You know, maybe she could use a friend right about now,” I mused. “Tighten up your suit, Dev. I think we should pay her a call.”
~
Half an hour later we were on the park level, headed for Elsa’s. Devin carried a small bouquet of fresh flowers as a friendly offering. I’d lobbied for a replacement filet mignon, or at least a piece of Sue’s fantastic cheesecake, but Devin had insisted on the flowers. I had to assume he was working on knowledge of human females I wasn’t aware of.
Devin had straightened himself up again and looked quite dapper. If he was ever going to make points with Elsa, tonight was the night.
The park was lit for nighttime, dark and romantic. A bird twittered somewhere, long melodic notes, a little melancholy. Lucky for the bird I was full.
We cut across the park to Elsa’s place. Devin rang her doorbell while I took up a position by the wall, out of direct view of the door. I thought it might be best if Elsa didn’t notice me right off. She might still be pissed at me. We waited a minute, then Devin rang the bell again.
“Go away,” came Elsa’s voice, muffled through the door.
Devin shifted his hold on the flowers. “Ms. Grippe, it’s Devin Munroe.”
“It’s late, Mr. Munroe.”
“I just thought you should know that Hoyden got involved in a fracas at the restaurant after you left. Do we have to shout through the door?”
Silence for a long moment, then the door slid open to reveal Elsa, frowning. She was dressed in a silk kimono embroidered with exotic flowers. Devin’s pupils went wide.
“These are for you,” he said, offering the bouquet.
Elsa looked surprised, then suspicious, then her face softened as she accepted the flowers. “They’re lovely. Thank you.”
She held them to her nose, taking in a deep breath. Letting it out with a sigh, she stepped back from the door.
“Come in.”
Devin followed her into the apartment. I slipped in just before the door closed, and ducked behind a plant stand. Elsa led Devin to the living room and waved toward a soft green sofa and chairs.
“Have a seat. I’ll just put these in water.”
Devin sat gingerly on the edge of the sofa. He looked uncomfortable. Maybe it was being in a place without clothes lying around on the floor.
I went underneath an end table and started looking around the room for Leila. I could smell her, but I couldn’t see her.
Elsa came back with the flowers in a vase and put them in the middle of the coffee table. She sat in one of the chairs, crossed her slender ankles and her slender arms, and looked at Devin.
“Well?”
Devin cleared his throat. “I happened to be having dinner at Steakmeister this evening and noticed you were there. After you left, Hoyden got involved in an incident with the staff. He was taken in to Security on some minor charges. Maybe he’s out by now, maybe not, but when he does get out he’ll be in a foul mood. I thought you should know.”
“What happened?”
“Well, you remember Leon?”
“Your cat?”
“Uh—yeah, him. He was there. When you left he went for your steak, and Hoyden got mad.”
Elsa let out a burst of startled laughter. “What did he do?”
Devin gave her the run-down. I decided this would be a good time to look for Leila. I slunk behind the sofa and saw a short hallway to what appeared to be a bedroom. I was about to make
a run for it when I heard a small thump, as of padded feet hitting the floor. A moment later Leila strolled out of the bedroom and came toward me, tail high.
“Bon soir,” she murmured, rubbing her head against my chin and sending my pulse rocketing.
I gave her a lick behind the ear. “Hey there.”
“How did you get Mamselle to let you in?”
“Uh … she doesn’t exactly know I’m here.”
We nuzzled a bit, but this wasn’t the time. I had to keep an eye on Devin and Elsa. I nudged Leila and got her to follow me, slinking around the corner of the couch and back under the end table.
Devin was wrapping up his recital of Hoyden’s misadventure at Steakmeister. Elsa laughed when he finished.
“Serves him right! My compliments to the chef.”
“He wasn’t happy about it,” Devin added. “I’d stay out of his way if I were you.”
Elsa leaned back in her chair. “I have every intention of doing so.”
“You know, if you filed charges against him we could keep him locked up for a long while.”
“Charges?”
“For harassment, blackmail. Fraud?”
“You were listening to our conversation!”
“I was seated near your table. I couldn’t help overhearing.”
Elsa’s brows drew together in a frown. “I don’t want the press to get wind of this.”
“Family concerns?”
The frown deepened, and Elsa stood up. “I think it’s time you left, Mr. Munroe.”
“Hold on a minute. I just want to help you.”
“That’s what Hoyden said! That’s how he suckered me into this mess!”
She started pacing the room, back and forth like a caged tiger. I drew back deeper under the end table, tucking in my tail.
Elsa stopped pacing and turned to face Devin, fists on hips and her eyes flashing with anger. “Everyone wants to help the little lady! Well, thank you, but I’m doing fine on my own!”
Devin leaned his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers between them. “I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t handle things on your own. I just think Hoyden ought to be locked up for all the damage he’s done. Megalink’s in rough shape, right?”
