"Dad was here?"
"Three times this week. He's moaning and groaning about how Fawn won't give him the divorce. About how he wants to 279
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be free, that he can't stand to look at her and know how she lost their baby, to know how much he hurt her."
"So maybe he's finally understanding."
"Ha! He was trying to get me to tell him it's okay to go back to her."
"What did you tell him?"
"To quit his whining and get on with his life." She added salt and pepper and called to the boys to wash their hands.
"And I'm telling you the same thing."
"And how do I do that?"
"You're a smart guy, Parker. Figure it out."
Yeah, figure it out. He'd deliberately hurt the woman he loved and now he didn't even know why. He listened to the boys chatter during dinner and ignored Mare's significant looks. The next day he went to his father's office to try to figure out where his perceptions had gotten all screwed up.
"Biff." Parker's father didn't rise from his chair when the secretary announced him. Parker had never seen him so haggard. He sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk.
"Dad, I'd really like you to call me Parker."
Biff looked up. "Why?"
Parker suppressed his annoyance. He didn't want to start this meeting badly, but he wasn't going to play passive-aggressive anymore either.
"My name is Parker. I don't like Biff. I'm finally getting people to call me Parker, and I'd prefer it if you would call me Parker, as well."
Biff studied him as if he couldn't understand why he'd request something like that. Then he shrugged. "Why not."
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Parker studied the old man. The term was apt today. The lines that usually made him look distinguished now drew his face down. His normally ruddy complexion was ashen, and he had bags under his eyes. For once, his actions were taking their toll.
"What's happening with you and Fawn?" he asked.
Biff shrugged but seemed to sink into himself even further.
"I'm losing her."
Parker barked a laugh. "You threw her away."
"I tried to." Biff picked up the pen Fawn had given him for their anniversary two months ago. "She won't let me."
"So what's the problem? You want her, she wants you.
Quit the game-playing and you'll be fine. It seems quite clear to me."
"Easy to say from your perspective."
Yeah. Easy for him to say about Biff. It wasn't so easy to see about him and Sophie.
"I never wanted Fawn to love me. I knew what would happen to her, and she was—is—too good for me. But I couldn't be unselfish for once. I married her. I hurt her. It's inevitable."
"It's only inevitable if you think it is. Haven't you heard of self-fulfilling prophecy?"
Biff sighed. "What's your point?"
"You expect to get hurt. So you do. And in trying to avoid it, you hurt others. Like, everyone you touch." He couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice, and Biff heard it.
"You have a problem with me, B—Parker?"
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Might as well have it all out now. "Yeah, Dad, I do." He hadn't called him Dad in twenty years, and Biff raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You spent most of my life ignoring me, ignoring Mare. You kept us from our mother when we needed her. You subjected us to stepmother after girlfriend after one-night-stand, and never cared how we felt about it. Never cared how we felt when you hurt them because you were too absorbed in your own avoidance of emotion."
"I didn't avoid emotion," Biff protested.
"Oh, yes, you did. You never told us you loved us. Never said you were proud or disappointed or glad we were around or that you missed us when we weren't."
Biff opened his mouth, but didn't respond this time. "I guess I didn't."
"And Phyllis and Joanne and all the rest tried so hard to make you happy. All you could do was destroy that."
"And you, Parker? What did I destroy in you?"
Parker shook his head slowly. "Nothing, Dad. I thought you did. I craved your approval, and once in a while you threw me a bone. I never stopped seeking that. It took me until now to realize I don't need it."
"Don't you?" Biff's gaze bored into Parker's. "I never stopped needing my father's love and approval. Why should you be any different?"
"I wish I was." Parker thought of the tears on Sophie's face the other night. "I always wanted to be like you. Now I am."
"You're not." Biff stood and went to the wet bar to the right of his desk. He poured a clear liquid from a crystal decanter.
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"Dad."
"Relax, it's just water." He poured Parker a glass and brought it to him. "Fawn told me you broke up with Sophie."
"Yeah."
"Were you as cruel to her as I was to Fawn?"
"Different circumstances, but yeah, I probably was."
"Then you love her."
"More than I ever thought possible."
"And did breaking up with her accomplish what you wanted?"
Parker thought about the hole in his heart Sophie had filled, and the bigger one he had now. "No, all I did was prove my stupidity. In trying to avoid hurting her and being eventually hurt myself, I served to hurt us both anyway. More than we risked, probably."
Biff's sigh ended in a groan this time. "You are like me."
"I don't feel any pride in that."
"So, what do we do?"
Parker stifled his surprise that his father was asking his advice. "Fawn is fighting for you, Dad. Just open your heart to her. Let her give you what you need. She'll tell you what she needs, and you provide it. And you'll live happily ever after."
"And you?"
"Me?" Not so hard a decision, now. "I'm going to eat crow."
* * * *
Sophie was struggling. Melina was getting ready for her surgery and a new producer had taken over Rant and Rave.
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This guy had lots of experience and no imagination. And he mispronounced callers' names four times out of ten. Sophie saw Melina three or four times a week, but missed her input on the show.
Rant and Rave, which had returned to its original incarnation, was going okay, but barely. It took four days before the calls about Parker ceased, and only then because Sophie kind of blew up and told them it was over—Parker was not part of her life or the show. After that she told Gene, the producer, to screen the calls about Parker and not put any through.
Advertising was down according to Stevie, who acted like he was in mourning for Parker. Sophie had talked to many sponsors personally in an effort to convince them to maintain their level of advertising and just change the content. She'd been moderately successful, even if she went in the bathroom and cried every time someone told her she and Parker had a synergistic relationship and they belonged together.
That part was hardest. The show she could handle. Gene she could handle. The lack of Parker, she couldn't handle.
His absence left a gap in her life she didn't think she'd ever bridge. She'd tried. She'd shored up her anemic social life with dinners and movies and parties with old friends she hadn't seen much since starting at the radio station. People who didn't remind her of Parker. She'd gone home to Brook Hollow a lot, too. She and Hippo drove home after the show and came back late the next morning. When Kira asked her what she was looking for, she couldn't tell her. And she sure wasn't finding it in Brook Hollow. Being there made her feel 284
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just as restless and alone as it had before she'd started Rant and Rave and her relationship with Parker.
"Sophie, can I see you a minute?"
Sophie looked up from her notes for the day's program and nodded at Stevie. "Sure. What's up?"
Stevie jerked his head toward the station manager's office.
"In there."
Great. They're gonna pull the show. For the first half of the walk down the hall she felt like a doomed prisoner. The rest of the way, she planned her approach to rival radio stations.
She was born to do this. She would do this, even if it meant leaving town.
Stevie was alone in George's office. He leaned against the desk, bracing his hands next to his hips. Despite Melina's absence, Sophie felt a sense of déjà vu. The day they told her about Parker came to mind.
"Sophie, we're concerned about your ratings. You need more spark."
"Stevie," she protested, "there have been no ratings released since Parker left."
"But they're coming up and we're afraid they won't be as good."
Sophie sighed. "And?"
"We've got another way to add spark to the show. But I don't want you to have a fit and cause a scene, so I'm being cowardly and surprising you on air."
Sophie threw up her hands. "Another on-air surprise.
Maybe we should make it a regular segment."
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Stevie smiled and grabbed a legal pad. "Yeah, maybe. I'll jot it down. We'll see how it goes after today's surprise."
"Just dandy." Sophie grabbed her stuff and stalked to the studio. "A regular surprise segment. Somehow I don't think they'll be able to top Hippo."
"What was that? Today's topic is hippos?"
Sophie frowned at Gene. Sometimes his distraction affected his hearing, or vice versa. "Never mind. What's the lineup?"
He handed her the public service announcements and sponsor mentions and pointed to his watch. "Two minutes."
Sophie missed Melina's signals. She missed Melina.
She missed Parker.
She settled into her seat and adjusted her headphones and mike. Gene pointed at her and winked. Sophie almost rolled her eyes. She really missed Melina.
"Welcome to WNRK's Rant and Rave. The show that gives you a chance to vent and praise." She rattled off the phone numbers and instructions. "As always, we start with Rant.
What do you want to get off your chest? Open forum. Tell me your pet peeves, annoyances—"
The door opened. Sophie figured an engineer needed to adjust something, or an intern was sneaking in with a note or forgotten sponsor announcement. She kept her head down and continued her intro until she was unexpectedly interrupted.
"Actually, Sophie, I think we need to start with Rave today."
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Sophie jerked her head up. "Parker?" He sat across from her, his headphones ruffling his hair. He smiled, but apprehension dominated his expression. Aware of the dead air, Sophie said cautiously, "We've never done Rave first, Parker."
"We need to today. I feel like being positive." He glanced at the window. "Gene, who's our first caller?"
"Desiree, from Boston." Sophie noticed the producer seemed unaffected by this sudden change in the program. It had to be Stevie's surprise. Had they hired Parker back?
"Desiree, go ahead."
"About time you returned, Parker. Sophie told us you were gone for good, but I was sure you'd be back."
"Thanks, Desiree. You're one of my favorite listeners." He looked at the computer screen. "Marco, you're on the air."
"Hey, man. Whatcha doin' to my Sophie-girl? Breakin'
hearts ain't cool, dude."
"What's this, Sophie? A rival?"
Sophie couldn't pretend nothing had happened. "What do you care? You threw me away."
The apprehension on his face deepened. "I was stupid."
"No argument there."
"Ouch. How can I convince you I changed?"
Mare's words drifted back to her. "...People like Parker.
With a core of goodness and love that hasn't had a target yet."
"I believe you could change. But it would take some convincing."
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"I spoke to my father. We're cool. And he and Fawn are back together."
"Good for them." She was happy for them. And if she dug deep enough, she could find some hope in that for herself.
"Sophie," Gene broke in, "there's a caller here who has a good suggestion."
"Okay." She glanced at the computer screen. "Mary, go ahead."
"I think Parker should propose to you. Then you'd be convinced of his intentions."
Since Mare made no attempt to disguise her voice, the setup was clear. Hope became joy, and she knew she wouldn't be able to torture the man.
But she was going to make him do the whole thing.
Parker grinned, but his fear was still visible. "That's an excellent idea, Mary." He pulled a box from his pocket. "I happen to have just the tool here to help me do that." He stood and came around the console as far as the headphones would let him. He swung the microphone around so it would pick up his voice.
"Sophie, I've done a lot with my life professionally. I've led a playboy lifestyle and thought I was content. But I never knew what true happiness was until I was with you."
"You liar," she managed to choke out. "You were terrified beyond rationality."
"Well, yeah, but I was happy underneath that."
Sophie heard laughter and saw the whole station staff gathered outside the studio window.
"When I lost you—"
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"When you pushed me out of your life."
"When you weren't there any more, I knew what a fool I was. I knew what people mean when they say someone
'completes' them. I'm not complete without you, Sophie." He flipped open the ring box and dropped to one knee. The headphone cord came up short and jerked him to the side. He pulled them off and looked up at her, for the first time, without barriers. "Please don't make me live half a life. Marry me."
She waited long enough to build suspense in the listeners—they were still doing a show, after all. Then she said, "I'll marry you, Parker. If you promise to give me everything you are, I'll return the favor." She cupped his face in her hands and bent toward him. "I love you."
"I love you, too." He kissed her, then pulled her to her feet and wrapped her in his arms.
Stevie opened the door again and confiscated the microphone. "And that, dear listeners, is the ultimate rave."
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Natalie J. Damschroder
Natalie J. Damschroder became a writer the hard way—by avoiding it. Though she wrote her first book at age five (appropriately titled, My Very First Book) and received accolades for her academic writing (Ruth Davies Award for Excellence in Writing for a paper on deforestation her senior year in college), she hated doing it. Colonial food and the habits of the European Starling just weren't her thing.
Shortly after graduating from college, however, she found her niche—romantic fiction. After an internship with the National Geographic Society, customer service for a phone company just wasn't that exciting. So she began learning how to write the books she'd loved to read all her life. Four books and six years later, she finally sold. Now she struggles to balance her frenetic writing life (how else can she get all the stories in her head on paper?) with her family, the most supportive husband in the world and two beautiful, intelligent, stubborn, independent daughters (one of whom has already declared her desire to be a writer, too). She somehow also fits in a day job and various volunteer positions in and out of the writing industry.
More can be found at www.nataliedamschroder.com.
* * * *
Don't miss
Kira's Best Friend, by Natalie J.
Damschroder,
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Available from Amber Quill Press, LLC
Kira MacGregor left the boredom of Brook Hollow for the excitement of Boston long ago. She always thought nothing would drag her back—until her best friend, Jake McKenna, learns he's dying.
Jake has loved Kira all his life, and has waited in vain for her to settle down and return to Brook Hollow, the town he loves. Afraid he's dying of cancer, he confesses this love; but the mole was precancerous, and Kira doesn't love him back...
Or so she thinks.
Drawn home for what she intends to be a temporary extended stay, Kira faces her altered relationship with Jake and the knowledge that she does love him. Unfortunately, understanding comes too late ... since he's about to be married...
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Sophie's Playboy
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* * * *
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