by D T Dyllin
Bryn remained silent as the seconds ticked by, probably trying to think of something good to say in response to my question. But what could he say? No matter what words he used to try and sooth me, to try and make things easier on me, we both would know they would be a lie. “You almost died . . . again.” He muttered as he turned his whole body away from me. “And I didn’t have the power to save you.”
“You’re the one who’s killing me now!” I exclaimed with anguish as I crumpled back down on the bed, darkness pushing around the edges of my vision. My breath caught in my throat the moment Bryn loomed over me and cupped the side of my face in his warm palm. I studied the familiar face of the man who I’d come to think of as home . . . a home that I had currently been dislodged from. His black eyebrows were furrowed as if in pain, and they stood out in stark contrast against his pale smooth skin. The planes of his face seemed harsher than I remembered them, as if some hardship had eroded away what was left of the carefree Bryn I used to know. He had changed so much over the last year . . . We had changed so much over the last year . . . and yet one thing had remained constant for me. “I won’t let you walk away from me,” I whispered, thinking of a time, which now seemed like an eternity ago, when I had determinedly decided that I would make him fight for me whether he wanted to or not.
“You can’t stop me,” he said, even as his thumb circled my cheek tenderly.
I focused on his full supple lips as I pursed mine, noticing his eyes follow the movement. With an abruptness that he hadn’t been prepared for, as evidenced by the grunt that escaped him, I wound my fingers around the back of his neck and pulled him down to me. I arched my head up so that I could slant my lips over his as I aggressively slipped my tongue into his mouth. He only resisted me for a moment before I felt the stiffness in his body melt away and make room for another kind of tension between us. His hands slid down to explore my body in the heated way a lover does who knows exactly what his partner enjoys. I sucked on his tongue and drank down the flavor of him with a desperation I’d never felt before. Back when we had just crossed the line in our relationship, I wouldn’t have really known what I was missing if he had walked away, but now . . . now I would mourn the loss of his touch with every breath I took for the rest of my life. I couldn’t bear the thought.
“Don’t leave me, Bryn,” I choked out on a moan as I slid my hands under his shirt to slide over the smooth expanse of his muscled chest.
“I have to . . .” Bryn started to say as I plunged my tongue into his mouth again. I would kiss him until he had no rational thought left and he could no longer resist giving me what I wanted.
I somehow managed to maneuver Bryn onto his back so that I sat on top of him with my thighs astride his. I dipped down to continue kissing him as I worked on getting the both of us out of our clothes. He wrapped his hands around my waist, both trying to stop me from grinding against him and to press me harder into him at the same time.
It was then that my stomach decided to do a weird little flip flop and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. I lurched sideways so that I would miss Bryn, and proceeded to revisit the very little bit of food that I had eaten that day. When I finished, I rolled off him and groaned in utter mortification. Talk about a mood killer. It was just as well that Bryn was planning on leaving me because I doubted now if I could ever look him in the face again. I rolled onto my side facing away from him and silently pleaded for any deity that might be listening to open up the floor so it could swallow me whole.
Bryn stroked one of hands down my back in a soothing motion. “You okay?” His voice was still gruffer than normal, which made my stomach do another little flip flop but for a completely different reason this time. I guess throwing up didn’t necessarily kill my mood anyways.
“Fine,” I said in a clipped tone, not really sure how to react to Bryn in that moment.
“Hey,” I heard Jeremy’s familiar voice call through the slightly ajar door. “I was just coming to get you guys for a meeting. Khol wants to catch P.J. up on everything she’s missed . . .” His voice trailed off, probably because he was taking in the scene of Bryn’s and my half-undressed state and the evidence of my upset stomach. “But I guess I could tell him you guys are busy right now.”
“No,” Bryn said, the bed moving as he got up and out of it. “Just give us a few minutes.” I remained silenced by my complete and utter humiliation.
“Yeah, okay,” Jeremy replied with uncertainty.
Silence enveloped the room after I heard the retreating footsteps of Jeremy. For a few moments I actually wondered if Bryn had gone too and I just hadn’t heard him. “Do you need anything?” His voice cut through the silence and let me know that he hadn’t left after all.
You, my mind supplied without thinking, but I kept that thought to myself. “No,” I whispered.
“It’s for the best, you know?” I fought the urge to stick my fingers in my ears to keep from hearing what else he had to say to me. Mature, I know. “We need to both try and move on.”
The pain of his words sliced into my heart like an arrow hitting its mark, but from that pain stemmed fresh anger intermingled with jealously. Was there someone that he planned on moving on with? Was that what this was all about, and he was just trying to cushion the blow for me? I whipped my head around to face him, sure that my green eyes were glowing with rage, my embarrassment burned away by my hostility directed at him. “Who do you want to move on with, Bryn?” I hissed sounding somewhat less than human. “Has that buyer’s remorse finally set in? Or did you figure out when you were away that there were better options out there?” Bryn’s face showed surprise at my reaction, but my doubt at the authenticity of it spurred me on. Although I had no doubt that Bryn loved me . . . maybe he wanted someone else more. More . . . God I was really starting to hate that word. “Nala,” I ground out her name. “You’ve decided to choose her over me, and this whole situation is a lucky coincidence for you, isn’t it?” Nala . . . the stupid Black Dragon bitch that wanted Bryn for herself. I hated her.
“No,” he said as his jaw turned to stone. “It’s not like that. I don’t want her. You know you’re the only one for me.” He locked gazes with me and I felt my anger fold up into itself. Maybe I just wanted an explanation that I could get angry at, and a reason to hate Bryn for leaving me, because surely he couldn’t just walk away if he still felt the same way as he did before about me.
“Then, why?” I asked while searching his face. “No one ever said it would be easy, no one ever said—”
“No one ever said it would kill you.”
I crawled toward him on my knees across the bed, stopping just short of touching him. “None of that is your fault, but if you leave me”—I reached up and caressed his face; his eyes slid shut on contact—“that will be your fault. And that will be what kills me.”
I felt his jaw tick with tension under my palm just before he pulled away; leaving me to feel the cold emptiness, the loss of his skin from under my hand offered me. “I’ve made up my mind and nothing you can do or say will change it.” He turned and walked toward the door, pausing to look at me over his shoulder. His eyes seemed to hold the weight of the world in them and for the first time ever I found myself wondering if the events of the last year had buried the Bryn from my childhood for good. “A world without you in it isn’t worth living in.” His voice cracked and broke an octave lower. “But a world with you alive and well, even if I can’t have you, is a world worth fighting for.”
My mouth opened and shut a few times, like a fish trying to breathe out of water, but by the time I found my voice, he was already gone. I sank back down on the bed in total shock, the numbness I had been feeling before Bryn had sought me out returning with full force. How could I go on without him? For me, a world where I didn’t get to have him wasn’t worth anything.
“Hey, you need any help getting to the meeting?” I looked up to meet Jeremy’s soulful brown eyes that were currently filled with concern for me.
“I thought you left,” I mumbled as my response.
After only a moment’s pause Jeremy made his way farther into my room. “I did, but I came back to check on you. I was worried.”
I chuckled darkly. “Or you saw an opportunity to swoop in and get me on the rebound from Bryn you mean.”
He frowned and shook his head. “No, it’s not like that anymore. I—well, I finally came to terms that you and me weren’t ever going to happen and I’ve moved on. You were right, maybe I never really loved you . . . just thought I did . . . but—” He looked away and flushed. “I have feelings for someone else now. And I think this is the real thing.” He looked back and gave me a tentative smile. “I’m ready to accept that offer of friendship you offered me before . . . for real this time. Or maybe I should say I can handle being a friend to you now.”
I gave him a smile that threatened to crack my face. “I guess I can’t keep anyone’s interest, can I?” I tried to make a joke but it came out sounding dark and bitter. I gulped, trying to swallow down the sour taste in my mouth. “That’s not what I meant, what I meant was that—” Much to my shame, I burst into tears before I could string together a sentence to salvage what I was really trying to say.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t cry! I know this is tough right now—with everything. I understood what you meant.” He encircled me with his arms and I let him so that I could cry on his shoulder . . . literally. As I sobbed into the soft cotton of his worn t-shirt I heard Jeremy clear his throat as if he wanted to say something to me and felt his muscles move restlessly against my cheek.
I pulled back enough to look at him and sniffled unabashed as his gold-flecked eyes bore into mine. “We should probably get going. I’m sure everyone’s waiting on us by now.”
I used the back of my hand to wipe at the tears on my face and nodded once in affirmation. In the past, I would have wanted a few minutes to try to make myself look somewhat presentable, but not anymore. I felt like crap and didn’t care if the whole world knew I felt that way by way of my appearance. I did stop to pick up one of Bryn’s oversized hoodie sweatshirts off the floor and pulled it over my head. I inhaled deeply and luxuriated in the small comfort his scent offered me. “I guess I’m ready to go,” I mumbled more to myself than Jeremy.
He put his arm around my shoulder and guided me along as I stumbled blindly beside him. We eventually reached our destination . . . the common room . . . and I let Jeremy guide me to a chair and sit me down like I was some kind of invalid, and I guess I kind of was, emotionally speaking, that is. I was vaguely aware of the feeling that all eyes were on me, but I kept mine averted and to the ground for fear of seeing the one pair I couldn’t handle seeing again so soon after their owner had just ripped my heart out . . . again.
“He’s not here,” I heard Khol’s deep voice rumble, breaking the silence in the room. I lifted my head and met his penetrating green gaze with question. “Bryn. I think he’s trying to give you some space.”
My heart twisted inside my chest—that was the last thing I wanted from Bryn—and I hated the fact that Khol still seemed to be able to read my emotions after all this time. “Oh,” was what I managed to choke out as a response. I let my eyes slide back down to the table despite the lack of Bryn’s presence.
“There’s a lot that you missed while you were . . . recovering,” Khol said tactfully. “You need to be informed of the state of things.”
I lifted my shoulders and shrugged. “Sure.”
“We found out why the Riders are trying to kill off animals,” Jenna piped up helpfully. “It was so obvious I can’t believe I didn’t see it right away. It’s because animals can see what people have inside of them. We can use the animals to help us identify the Riders without having to use just you, P.J.” She paused for dramatic effect. “And that’s exactly what we’ve been doing.”
At that I did raise my head to scan the room—not only were Jenna, Khol and Jeremy there, but also Macon, Drake, and a few dragons that I didn’t recognize. Two males with silver hair, and two males with gold hair . . . representatives of the Silver and Gold Dragon factions, I realized. Before I had fallen into the coma, we had received news of each of the factions wishing to enter into talks about the alien Riders, but to see them actually being here was . . . well, kind of shocking. I did note that the Black faction was not being represented, although I saw no real purpose for any of them being present for my so-called catching up meeting. Surprisingly, for the first time since I’d awakened from my coma, I wondered about the circumstances of my shooting. “Who attacked us exactly? I mean I assume it was the Riders but—how did they find us . . . me?”
I could almost hear Khol’s teeth grinding together from across the room. “We don’t know how they found us, or how they managed to get past our security to hunt you down so quickly, but I can assure you nothing like that will be happening again.”
“Someone ratted us out!” Jenna exclaimed in a manner that let me know this wasn’t the first time she was making this particular accusation.
“No, there must be some other explanation,” Khol stated flatly. “None of our kind, no matter their situation, wishes to see this world destroyed by those things.”
“My lord,” Macon chimed in. “I mean no disrespect in disagreeing with you, but I as well can’t seem to come up with any other explanation besides betrayal of the most egregious kind.”
“What a surprise that you seem to share the opinion of the tiny Speaker who you’re currently bedding,” Drake said with a wry smile. “Your opinion means nothing because it is not of your own making.”
“And you never have a thought that goes against our lord’s,” Macon growled. “He’d do better with a second who could think for himself.”
“Enough,” Khol bellowed. “There are many other issues to discuss besides things that we don’t have the answers to.”
I angled my gaze suspiciously around at the strange faces in the room, and some of the ones I did know. A shudder raced up my spine to think that maybe someone in this very room could have been responsible for me nearly dying and slipping into a coma. I shifted uneasily and pulled up the hood on Bryn’s sweatshirt feeling a little like a child who thought that hiding under the covers was some kind of protection from the boogey man. Silly but effective, because once cloaked in the shadow of the much too large hood, I heaved a sigh of relief as Bryn’s scent swirled around me in a comforting embrace.
“Fine. Let’s get on with it then,” one of the Silver Dragons said with annoyance.
“As Jenna was saying,” Khol started in while he searched for my eyes that were hiding in the protection of Bryn’s hoodie, “we’ve begun using the animals as our aids in order to track down the Riders. We haven’t figured out how to remove them from their hosts yet, at least not without killing them, but we’ll find the answer eventually.”
I inhaled sharply. “So, you’re just killing them?”
“What choice do we have?” Jeremy said from beside me.
“But they’re in so many people. Do you all even comprehend how many of those things came through the Gates?” I swung my head around to look at Khol, even though from the expression on his face I could tell he still couldn’t see mine in the hoodie. He frowned at me though, probably picking up on my tumultuous emotions. “We can’t just kill all of those people.” My stomach clenched at the thought and I doubled over to dry heave, luckily there was nothing left for me to throw up. Suddenly I was surrounded by Khol, Jeremy, and Jenna, all of them vying for my attention so they could help make me feel better. Yeah, that was going to work.
“P.J., you need to take care of yourself, girl. This all can wait,” Jenna said as she pushed back my hoodie and gathered up my hair like any dutiful friend would.
“I’ll help you back to your room,” Jeremy said at the same time as Jenna.
And Khol’s deep voice interwove amongst the chatter my friends were throwing my way. “I’ll take her to her room and make sure she gets w
hat she needs . . . food, water, and maybe more healing.”
“Stop!” I said with annoyance. I was feeling too boxed in by my friends. They needed to back off and leave me alone. “I’m fine. Can we just get this damn meeting over with, please?” I sat back up as the wave of nausea passed and looked at each of my friends with a determined expression in turn.
“Very well.” Khol was the one who finally made the decision and everyone else slowly settled back into their seats for what would turn out to be a very long meeting indeed.
3
I had missed a lot while I slumbered away a month of my life in a coma. Truthfully, it felt like I’d missed a much bigger chunk of time because the alien Riders had really been making good use of it. Maybe they knew somehow that I was temporarily out of commission and they were trying to take advantage of our side’s lack of my visions. Although, I bet they hadn’t counted on Jenna and her furry little squad of spies/assassins. I suppose humans, dragons, and aliens alike all underestimate the true threat a Speaker represents . . . especially a pissed off one with a taste for revenge.
Our little band of misfits—not so little anymore with the addition of the Silver, Black, and Gold factions of dragons to our cause—had really been putting a major hurting on the Riders. Of course, as far as the media was concerned, there was some kind of crazed cult out there committing political assassinations. The Riders were starting to become desperate from what it seemed, tightening their grip on the government and any other place of power they could manage. There was a threat of martial law in the United States, and the equivalent in Europe, along with radical new laws being pushed through that severely limited the rights of the world’s citizens. In a nutshell . . . things had reached DEFCON 1 at warp speed.
