Yata’s expression did not change when I asked.
“Even if I told you to kill him, you wouldn’t have listened to me. But I did think you might kill him if you had a gun. I didn’t hope for it, though. I just thought that if you did kill him, that would be convenient. And I didn’t plan it. You’re the one who asked for a gun.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
The smell of my perfume spread through the car. I quietly crossed my legs, bare below my short skirt, to keep up a natural appearance. I wondered if it would work. The car finally pulled into a silent parking lot. I handed Yata the USB drive.
“Really? So it went well?”
I replied to Yata’s question with a stern face. Depressed-looking Asian women walked in and out of the many buildings standing in the darkness. I heaved a drawn-out sigh.
“He seemed to like me. He kept fucking me. Over and over.”
Yata didn’t look at me, but I stuck out my chest in case he looked my way.
“He knew I was sent by you.”
“Really?”
“He knew a lot about you. He thought I was your woman. It seemed like he was getting off on stealing your woman and seeing what she was like. When he was fucking me, he kept asking who was better, you or him. And then I had to say, over and over, that he was better.”
Yata kept staring straight ahead.
“Anyway, how did you steal this?”
“I think his weakness is women. He told me to leave you, and I pretended to agree. I had to. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of there. I waited for him to fall asleep, and got into his computer. I couldn’t get into the blocked part, so this might not be what you want.”
I took a breath.
“I’m good at making men think that I’m theirs and theirs alone. I believe I’ve done exactly what you asked. But these files might be a decoy. So don’t blame me if the information is inaccurate. Be sure to check whether it’s real or not. If this doesn’t satisfy you, and if you won’t let me go after this, I’ve got no choice, so I’ll go back.”
I thought about the passport I had asked Kimura for. The passport I needed to get away.
“I see.”
“And . . .” I had to maintain a calm face so he couldn’t tell my pulse was speeding up. My breathing was starting to go wild too, but I got it under control. “He said to leave you. Become his woman. He asked me to steal all kinds of information from you. He said he needed to see your negotiations.”
My heart was racing. I felt an intense heat deep inside my body. This was the only way to save myself.
“So give me a fake. If you do, I can trick him.”
12.
Women wrapped only in thin cloth were drunk in the town square.
Floralia. The festival of prostitutes in Ancient Rome. The exuberant, raw ecstasy the people had before the birth of the strict religion Christianity. During Floralia, they also held orgia, secret ceremonies, orgies conducted and controlled by noblewomen. The line between nobility and prostitutes vanished, and women set free their sexuality. The transparent light of the full moon illuminated the women.
Women got drunk, danced, and laughed. They dragged in men, and made them their slaves. Women’s wails and laughter rose, spiraling into the air. I felt like I was both amongst those women and slightly removed, like a tree in the distance watching them. The moon’s great gravity made wild the distant seas. The women clamored, wet with sweat. One of the women reached out a pale hand to offer me alcohol. I had only seen her in pictures, but I think she was actually the prostitute Phryne. Those too-big almond eyes and thick lips had to have been hers. They were too beautiful. She pointed to a trench. In it were people wearing animal skins. They were removed from the world, praying to the moon to forget themselves completely and transcend all. They lit fires, rubbed opium into their skin, and chanted prayers that had been passed down since ancient times.
Make me one who eats men
Make me one who eats women
Make me one who eats children
Give me blood
Give me human blood
Give it to me tonight
My heart, my body, my soul, I give them all to you
Phryne took off her robe and showed her supple chest. She kissed me gently. My body grew hot. She said I was beautiful, and for some reason I teared up. The wails around me grew louder, and someone removed my clothes. Madwomen were chosen as the priestesses of this festival. There was Elizabeth Báthory of Hungary, who killed hundreds of young women to restore her own youth. There was Queen Nzinga of Angola, who crushed six hundred people for their blood, who made men fight to the death and took the winner as her personal sex slave. They stared up at the moon, mixed with the wild women, and drank human blood. The enormous moon came closer. It was approaching the pure ecstasy of those women, the ecstasy that surpassed good and evil. Those drunk women shouted. They beckoned the moon, and it came closer.
—Inside you
Someone spoke that to me while I stared up at the moon. But I also heard it come from inside myself. The moon was closing in. Deep within that light, I could clearly see its rough surface. It approached gradually, casually, as if to show that it was the heavenly body that controlled the earth. It was too large. The women laughed. They continued to scream screams of joy.
—Inside you
The moon’s gravity was too strong. It dragged away my consciousness. The woman I thought was Phryne wrapped her arms around me softly. The people in the pit standing around a fire continued to pray to the moon.
My heart, my body, my soul. I give it all to you
The ceiling light struck my eyes. My chest felt heavy, and I was sweating. Inside you. The voice lingered within me. The voice from my dream wouldn’t let me calm down. What was inside me? Resignation? Causeless obstinacy?
I was in a different hotel room than yesterday. When I opened the curtain, I could see the moon beyond the buildings outside. It shone brightly, and was getting close to full. Native Americans passed down this quaint legend. They said that the moon used to be as bright as the sun, but it gave up part of its light to let people sleep. I don’t know about that, though. I want to change it. I want to say instead that the moon gave up part of its light so people could let loose their desires in the darkness. The moon kept only the evil light, the light that illuminates those hidden desires.
When I went to the café on the first floor, Hasegawa was already there. The down jacket hanging on his seat looked fake. When I approached him, he gave me a weak smile. It was a pretentious café where serious people gather. The coffee was expensive, but so tasteless you couldn’t drink it without sugar.
“For a start . . .”
I handed him a USB and copies of documents. There were a few pictures that I had saved secretly, and the forged documents that Yata had given me. If they worked off of these documents, they’d get into trouble. It was information about overseas insider trading and powerful oil-traders who were coming to Japan. The insider trading information was fake, but the information about the oil-traders was real. Their deal was quite valuable, but it was illegal. Their behind-the-scenes trades were already being monitored by the justice department, so if someone tried to get involved they’d get found out. I felt a slight heat in my body. I made a tired face and watched Hasegawa put that all away in his bag.
“Wasn’t it dangerous? To get this?” Hasegawa asked in a small voice. We had only been together for a few minutes, but he had already looked at my chest three times.
“That has nothing to do with you.”
“Yeah. You’re right.”
I deliberately sipped my tasteless coffee.
“But if they make you do something else . . . It’ll just get worse.”
Suddenly, I felt a fluttering inside me. I had this silly feeling that even though I wanted nothing to do
with him, I had to be nice to him.
“It has nothing to do with you. Don’t make me say it again.”
“I have this dream,” he said out of nowhere.
What was he talking about? He really was an idiot.
“I’ll save money. And then I’ll start a foundation for all the children sick of the world.” He looked at me with clear eyes. “Until children are full-grown, they can’t handle life on their own. I want to help them. And then, I’ll choose some of the orphans to raise. I want to bring up children who will shock the world.”
There was a string instrument solo playing on the café’s speakers.
“I saw myself doing it all in Japan. But I could do it overseas too. Actually, when I think about it, it might be better to do it overseas. So . . .”
He looked at me again.
“If they demand you do something this dangerous again, will you run away with me?”
My hand holding the cigarette froze. I could tell from his face and voice that he was speaking from the bottom of his heart. But why? It made me uncomfortable.
“Won’t you get killed?”
“It’s fine. I have a plan.”
My discomfort grew. Why? I forced myself to finish my tasteless coffee, and he picked up his phone.
“Wait a second. I have to let them know.”
He called, but because there were a lot of connections, it took a long time to get to Kizaki. When he finally started speaking, he kept his voice down, so I couldn’t hear him well. The music in the restaurant seemed loud. He handed me his cell phone.
Now I had to focus on my conversation with Kizaki. I gave Hasegawa one last good look, since I would have to shift my attention away from him. He was looking at my body. His eyes were tinged with passion, and I could also sense a slightly mad darkness there. Every man’s desires are slightly mad, but his, for some reason, made me uncomfortable. I wondered why. But I had no time to think. Kizaki was speaking.
“Tell me about the situation.”
I noticed my pulse gradually speeding up, but I took a quiet breath so he wouldn’t notice.
“I didn’t take it directly from Yata. I asked one of the men close to him.”
I felt a slight heat in my body. This kind of story needed to sound as realistic as possible.
“That subordinate did everything I asked. He was already unhappy with Yata, and he’s stupid. He was also obsessed with me. If you want, I can even introduce him to you. He’s pretty close to Yata.”
Kizaki was silent. I took another deep breath, hoping they didn’t notice anything.
“But I don’t know if Yata has checked that information yet. It might be raw. So don’t blame me if the information is inaccurate.”
The heat continued to burn inside me.
“Yata gathers a lot of information. So check it. If that doesn’t satisfy you, I’ll try again. But this time, give me a job I can actually pull off.”
My body was tense. My fingers were probably trembling. I stopped my hand as I reached for my cigarette.
“Good answer,” Kizaki replied quietly. My heart was racing. “First we have to check it. I’ll have my subordinates do it. Tell Hasegawa to come back right away.”
He hung up. My body gradually relaxed. If it was dangerous to be on either side, I wouldn’t join either. I’d be in over my head, but since I was already this deep, it was the only way to save myself. Fool both sides, evade responsibility to buy time, and gracefully slip between the two. To put them off guard I had to make it look like I was working for them until the moment before I ran away. I thought about the fake passport I had asked Kimura for. Four more days.
13.
“It’s real.”
I could tell it was Yata’s voice, but for some reason, maybe because I had just woken up, he sounded terribly far away.
“We more or less understand him now. Not completely, but that was pretty valuable information. For someone with such a reputation, his defenses are pretty weak.”
I fixed my hold on the phone. What was he talking about? Kizaki had handed that information over to me intentionally. I didn’t understand.
“Really? Well then, am I done? He really tires me out. He’s too much.”
“Too much what?”
I felt something in his voice. Not quite jealously, but maybe something similar. I didn’t know if it would work, but to dull his judgment, I said, “You don’t understand? He’s too . . . talented.”
“The money’s at the front desk.”
He hung up. The room’s cold fluorescent lights felt incredibly intense. Yata was not the kind of man to make a mistake about the accuracy of information. Why had Kizaki given me real information? I didn’t know. My chest fluttered slightly, but I was already done with all that. Three more days.
I thought further about how things had gotten to this point. It had started when I took the job from Yata. But if I traced it back further, it had really started with Shota. I’d needed a lot of money right away. I’d wanted something I couldn’t get with my own skills, and I’d wanted it fast, so I stepped into this unnatural world and wound up working with Yata. But I didn’t regret it.
I had made all those choices myself. I may have done things the wrong way, but I don’t care about common sense or what other people think. Given the situation I had gotten myself into, I just chose the path that seemed most likely to succeed and did the best I could.
But Shota died so suddenly. His death ripped open a deep fissure in my life. It was a cruel and heedless truth that I will never be able to comprehend. No matter what I do, I cannot change it. Is there any meaning in this world where Shota could die such an inexplicable death? That fissure spread through me unexpectedly. A responsible person would probably tell me to smile even though he’s gone. They’d probably say Shota, even though he was only a child, would have wanted me to lead a good life. But I don’t need to hear those words. This world is overflowing with hackneyed expressions like that. They can comfort most people, but they make me suffer. Words that most people nod along to make those who can’t nod along suffer. They alienate them. What about words that can reach someone like me? Do those exist? I am twisted. I can’t look at the world straight. But why am still trying to live on? Even though I think it would be better to curse the world, smile perversely and die.
I got a message from Kimura. He gave me the information for the account I needed to transfer the money to, and said that the passport would be ready on December sixth, according to plan. I sent him a thank-you message, made some black tea, and drank just a little of it. After I get the passport, all that was left was to get to the airport without being noticed. Just in case either side was watching me, I couldn’t make any suspicious moves. White light refracted painfully in my tea.
I got the envelope Yata sent from the front desk and left the hotel. It wouldn’t seem strange for me to deposit this money. I went to an ATM, and after depositing it in my account, I transferred money to the account Kimura instructed. There were no other people in this cold, mechanical space. Even if someone was watching me from afar, they couldn’t see exactly what I was doing.
As I walked through the lights of the city at night, I felt colder and colder. I’m used to being alone, but I thought my current situation was special. Kizaki had said there was a kid who looked like Shota at the orphanage. I wanted to see him, but that would definitely be dangerous. If they created a weakness within me, I wouldn’t be able to run away, and that kid’s life would also be endangered. I went into a bar, sat at the counter, and ordered a whiskey and hot water. I couldn’t think logically. I was tired. The man at the end of the bar was looking at me. His hair was short, he was clean-cut, his shoulders were wide, and his suit looked good on him. He didn’t look tied down, and his eyes had a certain strength to them. Should I get drunk and sleep with him now? But I could see that I would regret that so much I w
ould want to die after. I didn’t want to get involved with anyone, and I didn’t want to bear being alone with the warmth left by someone long gone.
Suddenly, my phone rang. I couldn’t breathe. The number was blocked. It was Yata. Was I found out? It was too soon for him to be calling again. Something was wrong. But I’d told him from the start that I wouldn’t take responsibility for that information.
“Tomorrow, nine p.m. Go to room 606 in Hotel La Perte. It’s by the north exit of Ikebukuro.”
I lit a cigarette to get my shaking under control.
“Why?”
“Take pictures and film the man there. He’s a man who surfaced from the information you stole. We need to create a weakness for him.”
I had a bad feeling. Kizaki had probably given me that information knowing this would happen. But why? What was in it for him? My chest made an awful noise.
“Hasn’t the turnaround been fast lately? Why me again?”
Yata was silent. I can’t do anything suspicious, I thought. I took a quiet breath.
“I want money too. But I’m going to wear myself out. If you could give me a little more time between jobs, I’d really appreciate it.”
“I’ll think about it. Do this job and send me the pictures. I can’t get close this time. If something happens, call the number I’m going to give you. My subordinate will answer.”
“Got it.”
Yata told me the number and hung up. I thought I had gotten a little closer to Yata and his people. The man at the edge of the bar was still looking at me. If I drank any more, I didn’t know what I’d end up doing. I left without looking at him. The city’s neon kept shining. The moon was near full. Even when the moon shrinks and disappears, it shows itself again gradually. When ancient people saw that eternal cycle of death and recovery, they prayed to the moon for their own rebirth. Rebirth. Will I be reborn? I relaxed slightly and smiled. If I were reborn, what would I become?
The Kingdom Page 8
