by K. F. Breene
“What have you been up to Jessica?” Candace asked, beaming. “I hear you got another promotion at work. I told you you would climb to the top! Too smart for the bottom.”
“Yeah. I think I had help with that, though. I think Mrs. Davies got her nose in it. She is ten times more connected than William or Tom when she wants to be. No one seems to say no to her.” My eyes followed a large bull being loaded into the shoot.
“It would have happened anyway,” Candace said.
“Are there more people here than normal?” I scanned the various groups clustered all over the grounds. Some were slightly older, bull-riders-past by the looks of them, but many were waiting to ride. More than a few were complete strangers, all geared up and ready to go.
“Which group of men are you referring to?” Lump asked, glancing behind her. “The group of guys anxiously waiting to ride Willie’s famous bulls? Or the ones waiting anxiously to ride Willie’s famous woman?”
I glanced behind me again. “What do you mean?”
“The ones that are waiting to ride bulls heard about the bull that nearly killed Willie. It was great marketing. It led to questions about what other kinds of bulls he’s got. If that one was a fluke or not. Willie’s got a few bulls in the rodeos, and more here to test. All these guys want to be bull testers. They want the practice. Some the glory. Mostly they are a bunch of idiots, but there are a couple big time riders here, so the word’s out.”
“That’s good for William, right?”
Lump shrugged. “You’d have to ask Adam. Or Willie. Adam seems to think so--“
“Ty, too,” Candace added.
“Anyway, the other guys heard Willie was making it out tonight. They want to see the town celebrity.”
“So where do I fit in?”
Lump laughed. “You are the town celebrity. They want to see Willie, too—he had a narrow miss. He is well respected among these guys. But no, they want to see the rodeo goddess that jumped in front of a lunatic bull, took off her shirt, and saved the day.”
Candace giggled.
“Wait. What? Why?” I looked around again. Now that she mentioned it, some of the groups of men were glancing in our direction, talking while they did.
“What do you mean why?” Lump was saying, her and Candace looking at me now. “Four reasons, actually. First, when things were looking bad, the heroic girlfriend jumped into the ring and flagged down a giant, angry bull. Then she led it to the holding pen to get locked in, thus saving her man from certain death. She saved Ty as well, of course, because he would’ve been caught up and killed most assuredly, they say. Most men would think you are crazy, true, but bull riders are crazy themselves, and they think you are heroic.”
I scoffed.
“Second, it is legend how far that bull head-butted you while you were in the air. I saw it myself. My God, Jess, it was pretty vicious! You were on your way down one minute, then the next you flew another twelve feet! It was measured.
“Third,” she held up three fingers with a smirk. “Is it not the most noble thing that a woman risks herself to save her man? But it doesn’t stop there. You tried to fight your way out of your death bed to get to William’s side, they say. You assaulted half the staff to get there; to sit with him day and night. You wouldn’t even get up to pee or eat, they say.”
“That is just stupid,” I interjected, even though it was mostly true. I did sound a bit crazy.
“Fourth,” Lump went on. She started laughing, as did Candace. “Fourth, Jessica Brodie, and the biggest wonder of the story—the detail that will get you a date with any of the guys in the rodeo world, even enabling you to steel Adam and Ty if Willie would allow it—you did all this in nothing but jeans and a lacy, black, see-through teddy.”
Lump and Candace started laughing harder. I felt a weird smirk creep up my face.
“At first,” Candace said, “no one believed the bit about the teddy. I mean, what woman would try to rescue someone without clothes? How would no one see that she was walking around before the incident, naked?”
“Yeah,” Lump picked up the story again, having a hard time with a straight face. “That is until they were told you took off your shirt to wave in the bulls face. You had the teddy on underneath. That made you the sexiest bull-rider’s girlfriend ever! Now all the single bull-riders look at Candace and I with wondering glances to our chest. No doubt wondering if we, too, are wearing a black, lacy, see-through teddy. We are incredibly sexy by default.”
“But it was a bra." My face was as hot as the sun.
“Guys don’t know the difference. Teddy sounds better.” Candace waved the thought away with her hand.
We went back to watching the bull riding, Candace and Lump still chuckling.
Ty came over a while later with a smile on his face. “Jess,” he said merrily. “Can I have an autograph? I already got one from Willie.”
“Shut up.” I flushed.
He laughed. “How are you anyway? All healed up?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. The shoulder is sore occasionally, and the ribs hurt a teensy bit, but that is my own fault. I didn’t rest it properly in the beginning.”
“Yeah, I heard you pissed yourself waiting for Willie to wake up.”
“Would the lot of you shut up?!”
Ty just laughed, shook his head, and walked back to where a cowboy was getting ready.
I watched a few more cowboys, talking with the girls, but decided I was bored. The joy of this sport had worn thin. Plus, William was leaning heavily against the fence. He was certainly fooling many, but not me. I made my way over.
“Hey babes, watch-ya up to?” I asked with a light voice.
He straightened up immediately, then reached for me, bringing me in to his body. We watched the bull riding together, his chin resting on my head.
“How are you tonight, my little heroine?” he asked with a warm voice.
“Oh jeez, not you, too!”
He just laughed and kissed the top of my head.
“How are you feeling?” I asked him quietly, careful no one could over hear.
“I’m missing it, Jess. I’ve decided to give it up. Riding that is. I’m not like Ty. I can’t go pro. So what is the point of getting hurt?” He sounded so sad. Like a child that was convinced to give up his bottle.
“Maybe when you are better you can just ride the easy bulls?”
“Nah. It wouldn’t be the same. Part of bull riding is the challenge of a hard bull. Of mastering the ride against the odds. Easy bulls wouldn’t be any sport. It’s time. I have been putting it off. It had to happen sometime. I’m just glad it can be my choice instead of...”
He was about to say something about death deciding for him. I’m glad he didn’t.
He gave me a squeeze and loosened up. “I better let you go before all the boys around here get too jealous and riot.”
I rolled my eyes.
Chapter Eleven
A couple hours later, and much longer than I would’ve liked, they were finally packing it up.
“Lump, you’re not going to ride?” I asked while waiting for William to be ready to go. This had become her new sport.
“Um, no. Compromise. After what happened to Willie, a lot of people around these parts realized that his bulls are just as dangerous and unpredictable as rodeo bulls. Adam doesn’t ride the top of the line and I don’t ride at all.”
“Oh. Who’s decision was that?”
“Like I said, compromise. I didn’t want to end up like you, or outdone by you, and I didn’t want him ending up like Willie, or outdoing Willie.” She said the first part humorously, the last bit ominously. I didn’t blame her for a minute.
“Makes sense,” I reflected. “Who is going to test the new bulls?”
“Well, apparently, little Willie’s accident has been heard all over the circuit. Not only are rodeo’s looking here for more bulls—coming to Willie rather than Willie going to them—but all the guys that want an edge want to ride.”
<
br /> “That is going to cost a pretty penny in insurance.” I looked around at all the people.
“Definitely. They are making plans to re-do this area to accommodate more people, or maybe build in a different site, and start charging for rides. Willie’s got a bunch of new bulls getting old enough for the circuit, so there will be plenty of bulls...”
“But, who is going to run it and do all the work? That will be a full time job.”
Candace broke in, “That’s what Ty says. He says that that’s one of Willie’s problems. Then his father’s company. Then the breeding and securing new lines, which will be needed now more than ever. The new bull area. Lots of stuff to do.”
“That one man can never hope to accomplish.” I blew out a breath.
I knew William was ambitious, but this was getting ridiculous. He needed to start being a manager and delegating. But when you did that it meant you gave up actually doing the work. If you loved the work, it was a hard decision.
As people were leaving I noticed everyone looking at me. Not even just glancing, but full on staring as they walked by. More than a few would glance down to my dirty shirt, probably wondering what I had on underneath.
And funnily enough, it was a really cute pink bra I got at a sale with matching undies. I just didn’t understand the point of wearing ugly underwear when you could spend a fraction more and get cute underwear that was just as comfortable.
“Jess, you gonna take on another man or what,” Adam asked, putting me in a head lock.
“Ew! Adam, seriously, did you forget everything I taught you about putting on deodorant every day?” I pushed him away. “Because, if so, I will start bringing some wherever I go. And cologne, too!”
“Whatever happened to my shirt?” Adam asked, walking me to the cars with his hand around my shoulders. “You know, the one I gave you off my back?”
Lump huffed.
“Oh. Well. Uh...they sorta cut it off when I wouldn’t take it off on request. Sorry—I owe you a shirt.”
“Did you do anything on request?” Lump asked.
“Um...not really, no. Well, except with nurse Camille. If I refused she just chased me around the room and forced me to comply.”
William was quiet through this whole thing, following along behind everyone else. His eyes were downcast, his face sad and contemplative.
We divided up to separate cars, William finally stepping closer. I felt his strong hands gently on my shoulders, turning me around to face him.
He was looking at me with soft eyes infused with love, but also the physical pain he was in. He was doing a poor job of hiding his state.
”Did you want to go for beers?” he asked softly, leaning down to brush his lips against mine.
“If you are up to it, sure. How are you feeling?”
“Oh, I’m fine.” Liar.
He stepped closer, his warmth permeating my clothes. My heart fluttered, beating wildly. We hadn’t had a lot of sex since the accident. When we did it was careful. So now, as he reached his hands around me, pushing his leg between my thighs, my groin was roaring to be touched. Petted. Entered.
“Let’s go for a beer,” he said, still looking at me tenderly.
I stood half-frozen, stiff and crazed, as he moved away to his side of the truck. I blinked, confusedly. It wasn’t like him to leave me hanging.
But then, it wasn’t like him to show pain when he wanted to stay out, either. At least I hoped it was that, and not something more serious.
I climbed in as he did, not breaking the silence as we drove to the bar. He held the door to the bar open for me and let his hand fall to the small of my back, leading me toward the booth where everyone was.
In silence.
When we got there I said hi to everyone and climbed in. William climbed in on the other side.
In silence.
What was going on in that head of his? Did he realize he was freaking me out?
I leaned toward Ty, who happened to be sitting next to me. It was a good place to start.
“Hey Ty?” I asked quietly.
He leaned closer, realizing my desire for secrecy.
“Is there something up with William? Have you noticed anything? He seems off. Is there something wrong that no one is telling me? I’m getting a little worried.”
Ty’s easy, usually open expression turned guarded. “You know that guy better than I do.” He turned toward the table. “Consequently,” Ty said loud enough for the whole table to hear, “what color is your teddy tonight?”
I felt my face turn bright red. I looked around the bar to make sure no one else had heard. “It is just a bra and panty set, not a teddy, and it is pink, okay?”
Everyone started laughing and shaking their heads. William was looking at me with smoldering eyes.
Why had Ty turned away so quickly? He liked to joke, sure, but it wasn’t like him to ignore something serious when it was brought up. Especially about William in the current circumstances. It didn’t add up.
William hadn’t been like this at home. This had started tonight. This silent strangeness was new. He was definitely keeping something, and it started at bull practice with these guys.
I thought I might ask Adam. He was a shit liar. So, later in the night, when I was looking at the juke box, thinking about calling it a night, I got my opportunity when the big lummox snuck up behind me.
“Jessie.”
I jumped about two feet. “Christ Adam! Warn a girl, would ya?”
He chuckled and stepped to the side of me. “You were in your own world. Thought I might see what yer at. I heard you weren’t going to San Francisco after all.”
“We’ll go when William is better.”
“Oh, right.” He nodded, leaning against the wall.
“Hey Adam, have you noticed anything off with William? He’s not really acting himself, you know? Is there some medical thing no one is telling me?”
“Medical thing? Nope. He’s on the mend, far as I know.”
That rang true, but Adam was getting slightly jumpy, which meant he was avoiding something—thank you, Lump, for revealing that tell.
“Oh, well is there something else, then? Some reason why he’s a little off?”
“Hmm, uh, how so? No, I don’t know. He’s under a lot of pressure, so that must be it. He’s fine. Doing fine, I mean. Getting better.”
Shivers crept up my back. “You’d tell me, right? If something was wrong?”
Adam straightened up, wanting to get away. “’Course. But wouldn’t have to—you know him best.”
A girl always thought she knew her man best. Right up until she got a nasty surprise. I didn’t think he planned to break up with me, not when every third look held overflowing love, but there was definitely something. An emotion festering. One he was trying to keep from me.
It was a quiet ride home that night. I wanted to ask, but didn’t know how to breach the subject. Instead, I worried. I ate at my lip until we were under the covers, then let him hold me tight, hoping whatever it was, it would emerge like a sliver working its way out of skin.
The next week passed in a rush. I questioned everyone on William’s odd behavior, and got back largely the same answers as Ty gave me: I’d know best, wouldn’t I? But no, he was on the mend, they thought. He seemed fine, er, better. I mean…why?
One thought had occurred to me. He hadn’t brought up marriage since before the accident. That wasn’t like him. He would usually be more concerned with it now, scared I’d be penniless and alone if he was gone. Which was stupid, of course. I didn’t need his money before, I certainly didn’t need it now with the great job I had. But his lack of bringing it up was strange.
Especially because I knew I would say “yes” if he asked. Without hesitation, I wanted him for life. I wanted to face my future battles with him by my side. And yes, I wanted to have kids with him. But kids could definitely wait a couple years—I wasn’t ready for that part of the future. Marriage was no longer a big deal when yo
u were so sure about your partner it might as well have been etched in blood.
Him not bringing it up, though, made me wonder. He wouldn’t want to ask unless he were sure I’d say yes, but he would never know unless he asked. I was fighting a desperate fear that he’d changed his mind. That he gave in to my previous aversions to something as serious and long-term as marriage.
Didn’t he know I was as fickle as they came?
Finally, I went to the advice center.
Gladis was sitting in the yard, enjoying a book and a glass of lemonade. She sat peacefully, the light breeze ruffling the large brim of her hat. Older, though, too. The hip issue and her years were starting to wear on her. I hated seeing it.
Pushing that horrible thought from my head, I sat in the chair opposite her on the grass. “Hey Gladis.”
Startled, she looked up. “Oh, Jessica. I didn’t hear you creep up.” Her face lit in a smile. “How are ya, dear?”
“Okay. Listen, Gladis, have you heard anything about William?”
Her face crumpled. She put her book on the wide arm of the sun chair. “Only that he is mending well. And that he’s given up the bull riding. Why? What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know—he’s sad about the bull riding, which I get. But…I don’t know. He just seems…distant. More watchful, maybe. Just…I don’t know. He’s keeping something from me.”
“Didn’t his doctor say he needed more support? That he was trying to work through the drama of the accident?”
She meant his head doctor. I nodded slowly. And it was certainly true. These days he would wander into the room, take a look at me, smile, and wander away. Just to check on me. Just to make sure I was around. I was his safety blanket as much as he was mine.
Everyone had said I was the same way after the Dusty episode.
“It’s not just that, though.” I shook my head, uncomfortable. “He’s quieter around me. Like he’s thinking on something, but doesn’t want me to know about it. And…he hasn’t talked about marriage in a while. Like maybe that is off the table, now…”
“Ah.” Gladis smiled in a sly sort of way. “So that’s what’s wrong.”
