“You decided it didn’t matter.”
She crossed her arms under her chest, dipping her head in a nod as she did.
“If you know what that symbol means, then you know who I am. You know what I am. How can you decide that doesn’t matter?”
“Because I can’t imagine walking away from this, and you aren’t the only one with secrets. You know I have secrets, you told me to lie to you.”
“That isn’t the same as deciding what I am doesn’t matter.”
“Why isn’t—?”
“I’m why,” I yelled, my voice echoing between buildings. I rubbed a hand against my aching chest and looked at her uncertainly. “The girl who died, the one I told you about, I’m why she died. Who I am. What I am. That is why she was killed. Do you see why it should matter? Do you see why I pushed you away? Why I want to keep you safely by my side—hide you—so no one can hurt you?”
Instead of fear or remorse, or any normal reaction I’d expect from her, she just stared at me with pained eyes. “Knowing who you are can’t keep me from you. I’ll even face your hurt and try to help heal it,” she vowed as she pushed away from the car and took a step forward, leaving a couple feet between us. “But you won’t ever find me again if you try to hide me. And I can’t compete against a ghost. I can’t be someone you use in place of her to try to correct the past.”
I stepped closer to pull her into my arms and lowered my chin so I could look into her eyes. “You’re not competing. I’m not trying to correct anything because I know I can’t. I’m just terrified of watching the same thing happen.”
“I have fears too,” she said simply, not bothering to expand or explain.
“Tell me one of your fears, Elle . . . I dare you.”
“I’m afraid of what happens when the lying stops.” Her eyes slipped closed as soon as the confession passed her lips, as though she was afraid to see my reaction to her truth.
“That’s when I keep you.”
A tremor rolled through her body and a shuddering breath forced from her lungs. If I hadn’t been watching her so closely, I might’ve missed the flash of pain when she opened her eyes again.
“If only it were that simple.”
“It is,” I assured her. “Whatever’s happening in your life, it’s not something that can scare me away.”
“But you expect your life to scare me away?”
I didn’t know anyone who wouldn’t be intimidated and terrified of my world. Especially Johnny. She should be fucking terrified of him.
“Yes. Elle,” I said when she started turning from my arms.
“My life would ruin you,” she said, her jaw clenched. She placed her hand on my chest, her eyes pleading. “Don’t you feel it? We’re fighting against something unstoppable. We’re not supposed to be together.”
My expression darkened, but my hold on her tightened. “Is that right?”
“You and I together? We’re devastation.”
“Since when?” I demanded, my voice rough. I stepped forward, leading her back until she was pressed against my car again. Lifting one of my hands to secure it in her hair, I pulled her as close as we could get in that moment. “Because the other night—fuck, every minute since I first kissed you—I could’ve sworn we were the best goddamn thing I would ever have in my life. And before that first day you walked into Brooks Street, I was positive I would never have good in my life again.”
“You don’t understand.” A sound like a pained cry ripped from her throat, her chin wavering as she placed her fingers over my lips to prevent me from arguing. “And I wish there was a way you never would,” she whispered after a few moments. “God is playing a cruel trick by letting me fall in love with you when I can’t—”
I slammed my mouth down onto hers, swallowing her gasp of surprise. “Don’t finish that thought,” I begged, nipping at her lips before devouring them again.
I leaned her back against the hood of my car, following her down, and groaning into her mouth when she locked her legs around my waist. Her hands slid through my hair, gripping and pulling as I made a trail of open-mouthed kisses and teasing bites across her jaw and down her neck.
“Tell me.”
Her throat vibrated against my lips with her laugh. “The one thing of everything I said that you heard—”
“Tell me,” I repeated.
She lifted her head off the hood, pulling at my hair so she could look into my eyes. “I love you.”
True.
And it made me want to beg her to say it every day for the rest of our lives.
Because I was pretty damn sure I fell in love with this girl the first time she looked at me. But I was terrified that the moment I voiced those words, someone would rip her from my arms.
“I was made to love you. I just found you in the wrong life.”
“Only one life, Elle,” I murmured, shaking my head. I dipped my chin to place a series of soft kisses across her chest then met her stare again. “I think I found you at just the right time. Your life . . . whatever it is, we can handle it.”
Her mouth opened, the protest clear in her eyes.
“Truth or dare,” I said before she could speak.
Her eyes were cautious as she searched my face. “Dare.”
“Lie to me . . . ruin me. Just let yourself love me.”
She nodded without hesitation. “I told you, it’s cruel. Because I’ll love you wholeheartedly until the very end.”
There was pain behind her words. And for the first time, a hint of unease crept down my spine as her fears became mine. And I wondered what was waiting for us when the lying stopped—what was waiting for us at the very end.
“What’s this?” I asked that afternoon, trailing the tips of my fingers across a tattoo on Dare’s bicep.
It was four horizontal lines, just like the ones on his back. But the rest of the symbol was missing.
He pushed up so he was hovering over me and glanced down at it for a few seconds. “It’s who I am,” he finally said.
Something flashed in his eyes, like the tattoo held a physical weight over him, before he was able to push it away.
“It bothers you?”
He cocked his head to the side, a smile tugging at his mouth as he looked down at me. “A little. But it’s something I have to do for now.”
“If only we could just do what we actually wanted to . . .” I leaned up to brush my lips across the tattoo and whispered, “I would take this weight off you.”
“I would keep you with me,” he countered.
“You say that, but you might get bored if I actually stayed.”
He lifted a brow. “I doubt that.”
Leaning back so he was on his knees, his hungry eyes fell to where I was already bare from the last time. His thumbs went to my wet skin, spreading my lips and teasing my clit as he slid down to my entrance.
“If this is boring, I can stop . . .”
“Oh God.” The words were said under my breath when he slid two fingers inside, his thumb moving back up to my clit.
Pumping his fingers slowly, he pulled them out and trailed them down the line of my bottom. A carnal grin crossed his face when I twisted against the bed, whimpering at the touch.
I reached back, my hands fumbling with the nightstand drawer, searching for the protection he’d bought as he made that same pass again and again.
Each time I wanted to shy away from it.
Each time I wanted to ask for more.
Each time I nearly came undone.
As soon as I had one of the foil packets in hand, I struggled to open it when all my body wanted to do was succumb to his touch.
One hand tortured my clit with teasing touches, the other sought my entrance again, his fingers pushing in roughly a few times before they were trailing back again.
Heat swirled deep in my belly. My body ached with the need for him to keep going, for him to put me out of my misery.
I reached for him, savoring the husky groan that
sounded in his chest when I had his long, thick length in my grasp, my head dropping back when he teased me with the faintest pressure once again.
“Please.”
“Fuck, where’d you come from?” he asked, his voice a gruff rumble.
He released me long enough to roll the condom on, only seconds passing from when his hands left me to when he was pushing into me, a cry tumbling from my lips as he pushed me over the edge.
Wrapping his arms around my back, he lifted me so I was seated on his lap—facing him—then brought me down on his thick length again and again . . . then harder still until I was biting down on his shoulder to silence my screams.
One of his hands lowered, his fingers sliding along the crease of my bottom in silent reminder of the torture he’d just been putting me through. And when he pressed one of his fingers there, pushing in slightly, I fell apart in his hands, sending him into his own release.
My world spiraled into nothing but darkness broken up by the light we created together as waves of pleasure ripped through me unlike anything I’ve ever known.
Beautiful and sensual. Passionate and heartbreaking.
That’s what it had been.
That’s what we were.
I pressed a kiss to where I’d bitten down on his shoulder, trying to cling to this moment as long as possible.
I jerked against him when loud pounding sounded on his door.
“Dare,” Johnny called out, his voice laced with frustration.
“I’m gonna kill him.”
“It’s the third time he’s tried to get you to leave. I think you should go before he comes charging in here,” I murmured, squeezing him tighter before reluctantly sliding off him. I tried to smile, but the possibility of Johnny doing exactly that was too real. “I need to go anyway.”
“We need to check in with someone, but it’ll only take ten minutes. Fifteen tops. Be here when I get back.”
I squinted my eyes at him, but kept my tone teasing. “That sounds sketchy and very mob-like.”
Dare’s chest moved with the force of his laugh, his eyes bright with amusement. “Check in with a business partner. Johnny’s only coming with me because I don’t trust him anywhere but by my side.”
I didn’t trust Johnny at all.
His fingers trailed over my waist and down my thigh, his touch and stare begging. “Stay,” he breathed, the plea enough to make my heart race and my will crumble.
I bit at my lip, trying to remember why I needed to go. “Okay.”
“Yeah?” Surprise lit his eyes, that carefree smile spreading across his face.
“Yeah.” A laugh bubbled free when he wrapped me in his arms, pulling me close to kiss me. “But only for a few more hours. If I don’t go soon, I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to get back to you.”
Even with Kieran gone, it felt like tempting fate.
That smile of his froze. Worry and something like anger swirled in his eyes. “Then I’m not going. I’m not wasting the time I have with you.”
“Go.” When his jaw hardened, I laughed and pushed against his chest. “Go. We’ve already spent hours locked in here. My body needs to rest. I need to shower.”
One of his dark brows rose, a mischievous grin suddenly playing on his lips. “Oh, then I really think I should stay.”
“No, you need to go. You have to check in with that business partner.”
His only response was a slow shake of his head as he shifted us to lay me on the bed.
I tilted my head back, my laugh pouring free as he dipped his head to place teasing kisses on my neck.
“Dare, my body is so worn out,” I whined, my protest weak and forgotten by the time his lips reached the swell of my breasts.
I arched, silently begging—and immediately sagged back against the bed, bursting into laughter when my stomach’s growl filled the room.
Dare’s shoulders shook with his silent laugh. His dark eyes were dancing when he lifted his head to look at me. “Jesus.” Bending to press his lips to my stomach, he mumbled, “Point taken. I’ll bring back food.”
I watched as he stood from the bed and went to his bathroom to clean up, my smile still uncontained by the time he was walking toward me again, jeans on and pulling a shirt over his head.
He slowed, his expression unreadable as he searched my face. “That smile,” he whispered as he bent to kiss me. “Been waiting my entire life for something to make me feel the way that smile does.”
My heart ached, crying out in pain from being torn in two over this man.
Because I knew he was sincere. And I knew one day those words, the raw emotion in them, they would all be gone. Replaced by hatred.
“Don’t go,” he pled, an edge of worry to his voice.
“I’ll be here,” I promised.
Until the very end.
The knob suddenly twisted, the door moving with the weight of whoever was on the other side. My heart stopped before taking off as I scrambled to fold the towel over my naked body.
I didn’t call out to see who it was, because I knew it shouldn’t have been Dare. But whoever it was wasn’t leaving. Something scratched at the knob a second before it gave a little wiggle.
Images of the last time I was in a bathroom with a member of the Borello family flashed through my mind, making it feel like my blood had turned to ice.
I rushed to put on my glasses just as the lock on the door clicked, my heart rate so fast that it felt like my heart would tear from my chest at any moment.
By the time it opened, I had Kieran’s knife in hand and open.
A strained huff burst from me when Einstein peeked her head in.
“God, Einstein.” Closing the knife, I tossed it into my bag. “What’s so important that you couldn’t wait until I was done? Or couldn’t ask me to open the door?” When she didn’t respond, I glanced up to find her staring at me with a look of frustration. “Einstein?”
She jerked her head for me to follow her out of the bathroom, not bothering to see if I did.
Typical.
I made sure my stuff was in my bag, then shrugged into Dare’s shirt again before following her into his bedroom where she was pacing. Once she saw me standing there, she shoved a small stack of papers at me without a word.
“What is this?” I asked, somehow already knowing she wouldn’t respond.
I stilled when I saw a picture of me on the first page. Except it wasn’t me, it was Elle. And it was her driver’s license.
“Einstein, what . . . why’d you do this?”
Elle Landry from Springfield, Missouri.
She’d even changed the way I’d been styling my hair in the picture. Given me different glasses and made me look younger.
The next page was a copy of a Social Security card. Then a birth certificate.
The next page was a—
“Oh my God.”
I rushed through the rest of the pages. High school records. College records—before she’d dropped out. Police and missing person reports.
“Einstein, what is this? Did you do this?” I demanded. “You made me into a person. A person who is married to an abusive man and a runaway. What the hell were you thinking?”
She stared at me a few seconds longer before gritting out, “Dare’s worried about you. He thinks you’re in real danger, and he knows you won’t tell him. The day I drove you back to that place and he woke up to find you were gone, he nearly lost it trying to figure out what could have that kind of pull on you—could put that kind of fear in you. He told me to find out who you were. I’ve never not found someone before.”
I watched her, the normally wild-eyed, hyped-up girl who was now seething, and asked, “Why did you bother?”
One of her brows ticked up. “Do you want to die?”
“Of course not. But have you ever lied to him before?” When she didn’t respond, I said, “And you’re already keeping what you know about me from him. If it makes you this mad, I don’t know why you bothered. You d
on’t owe me anything, you don’t even know me. And if you’ve forgotten . . . he’s going to find out eventually.”
“I’m doing this because I want him happy. We all want him happy as long as possible. And for some fucked-up reason, the Holloway Princess makes him happy. I like you, but I hate you for being the reason I’m lying to my family for the first time in my life. Do you know what it’s like lying to Johnny? Or trying to lie to Dare?”
“You think I don’t want him happy?” I asked, my throat tightening as I fought back tears. “You think it doesn’t shatter me knowing I am who he hates? I am what has caused him so much pain, and will cause him more in the future? I want him as long as possible, but I’ve been trying to prepare him for what’s coming because it’s inevitable. I’ve been giving him as many truths as I can and letting him make of it what he will. But tricking him like this? It’s going to cause unnecessary hurt.”
Gripping the pages in my hands, I tore them in half, ignoring the horror in Einstein’s eyes.
“I already wiped the files so Johnny wouldn’t find them,” she whispered.
“Good. Destroy these too. Burn them . . . I don’t care. Just don’t tell Dare I’m someone I’m not. He may not realize who I am yet, but I haven’t told him I’m someone else entirely, and I don’t plan to.”
“Yeah. Okay, Elle,” she said my name with a scoff as she took the torn pages from my hands.
“My friend only used my initials when I first started sneaking out. ‘L’ stuck as an actual name. Considering nearly all of you go by nicknames, I don’t think you have room to speak.”
She nodded after a few seconds. “Fair enough.” With a sigh, she dropped her hands so the torn pages hit her legs, and looked up at me. “I was giving you time with him. Doesn’t mean it didn’t make me hate you.”
“I know. Stall him,” I said weakly, and attempted a laugh. “After all, you’re looking for a girl who died four years ago who never had ID.”
“I can’t. He knows I don’t know how.”
I nodded in acknowledgment. “Maybe just warn me before it happens. I’d like one last night with him.”
Firefly Page 22
