by Mira Toria
Now that the shock and anger of what he did was dying down a little, Lyris could see things from a different perspective. It didn’t soften the pain, but it made it any easier to swallow. “I’m supposed to be able to make a rational decision with all of this? There’s no manual on how to deal with this! I don’t know how I’m supposed to decide what to do! Just because I understand why doesn’t make it any easier. Why is it so hard for me to figure out how I’m feeling about all of this?” she wailed.
Evey and Lexa both looked at her sympathetically before Evey closing her eyes with a sigh.
“No one said it was going to be easy.”
Hale wasn’t expecting his morning to be welcoming. He wasn’t expecting for someone to greet him at the door with a fist. Staggering back, Hale rubbed his jaw and got ready to strike until he saw who it was.
“Clearly someone’s hungover otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten such an easy hit in.” West shut the door before purposely slamming Hale against it. “Why the hell would you do that her? If you’re still not over Annabelle, do Lyris a favour and just stay away from her. I told you not to hurt her.”
Even if Hale wasn’t already feeling defeated, he wouldn’t have pushed West back. Everything he said was true. What happened with Lyris shouldn’t have happened, but he also knew Bradley conveniently left something out.
“No one asked me for how long.”
“What do you mean how long?” That was West. If someone threw him a curve ball, he’s analyse it before swinging. It was something that was annoying when the two of them lived together during post-secondary, but now Hale could appreciate the momentary pause.
“I had a detective search up information about Annabelle,” Hale explained. “And every day on the sixteenth of every month, he would call to arrange a place to meet. What Bradley conveniently forgot to mention is that I haven’t been in contact with that detective for six months now.”
“Six months,” West repeated. “You stopped contacting him a few weeks into knowing Lyris.”
Hale waddled to his couch. “It doesn’t make up for keeping Lyris in the dark, but I stopped looking for Annabelle when I realised Lyris meant something to me.”
He could picture the exact day he told the detective he wasn’t interested anymore – the day after he and Lyris were on the hill. It was in that moment Hale could see how stupid he was for chasing a ghost. A ghost that could never mean as much to him as Lyris did.
West walked over to him, his frown deepening. “You’re my best friend, but Lyris is like the sister I never had and I feel obligated to look after her.” He paused for a moment. “I can at least say I got a punch in. It’s better than nothing.”
“She’ll be pleased to know that,” Hale said drily.
“Probably.” West laughed as if he could imagine Lyris’ expression after she found out. “Why do you think Bradley did this?”
Hale’s eyes were closed, but he felt restless. He didn’t have to talk to Bradley to know he probably had someone tail him after Annabelle disappeared. There weren’t any lost feelings between the two of them and Hale always knew Bradley was a calculative person – he just never knew he was patient enough to wait this long.
“He still loves Annabelle,” Hale said resignedly. “We’re both haunted by her in different ways.”
West made a ‘huh’ sound before he leaned back into the chair. “You’re both pretty fucked up.”
“It’s nice to know there’s someone out there that’s even more fucked than me.”
“All this because he thinks you’re the reason she ran away?” West sounded like he needed more to believe anyone would act the way he did. “That’s petty.”
“I screwed up his chances of being with her,” Hale reminded him. His arm dropped to the side and let his past decisions catch up to him. “There was a message on my car,” he added. “I had no idea what the hell it was about until I saw Lyris last night.”
You have no idea what it feels like to lose the one person you truly cared about, but now you will. If you really did care about her, you would’ve told her from the beginning. I’m doing Lyris a favour.
West let out a low whistle after he finished reading. “I think it’s safe to say Bradley is one calculative bastard.”
“He’s good at seeing his plans through,” Hale said bitterly. “And I can’t blame him because if I didn’t hide this from Lyris, he wouldn’t have had leverage.”
“I’m not one to kick a friend when they’re down so I won’t say anything,” West said, getting up from his chair. “What do you plan on doing now though? Fair warning to you, if Evey or Lexa sees you coming close to Lyris, they’ll probably run you over.”
Hale knew he had reached a new level of low when he laughed at the warning. “I have to give her space. She’s not going to let me explain all of this to her anytime soon, and I don’t blame her.”
“Don’t talk to her if you don’t know what you want to say or do,” West warned him. “It’s not fair to her or you.” There was a slight hitch of hesitation before West cleared his throat. “I know that Lyris is like a sister to me, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to choose between the two of you. You didn’t want any of this to happen and I get that. Just know you’re not alone.”
“Thanks. I know what I want to do, but that’s not really an option I have anymore. I need to fix everything once and for all before I can see her again,” he said with determination. “After I figure this shit out, I’ll see what it is I’m able to do and hope that by the time I’m done, Lyris hasn’t moved on.”
6 months later
If Lyris could describe what was happening in her kitchen in the middle of service, she’d call it organised chaos. Her two sous chefs were bringing separate dessert pieces so she could assemble them to order. Although there were small problems that would slow them down slightly, her side of the kitchen was running like a well-oiled machine and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
It had been six months since she snagged the position as the head pastry chef at Paulo Vasilio’s restaurant, a feat that she was extremely proud of especially if she considered the events that led up to it. She had seen Hale one last time, two weeks after their fight. During that time, she got her mind sorted and contacted him because it wasn’t fair to her or him that they were both standing in limbo.
“Hi.” Hale sounded like he was running when he reached her table. “I really didn’t expect to see you so soon.”
She smiled warily and stirred the rest of the whipped cream into her hot chocolate. “Nothing that has happened between us has actually been expected.”
It was hard to keep regret from her voice, but Hale felt the same as his words were tinged with the same remorse. “No, it hasn’t.”
They continued to stare down at one another, like they were two people having a very awkward first date.
The tension between them didn’t lessen, but Hale spoke first after thanking the waiter for his coffee. “I’m going to explain what happened with Annabelle. Okay?”
Lyris didn’t know what she expected, but as Hale explained everything, she felt herself getting dizzier and dizzier. Everything just got so complicated with hatred between him and Bradley because of Annabelle. The information about Bradley and the real intent behind everything was a lot to take in.
“You know,” she said slowly, “it’s not even Bradley wanting to screw things up to get even that pisses me off. It’s about hearing this from him instead of you.” She clenched her mug and the force of it shook the contents. “Would you have ever told me this if Bradley hadn’t?”
Hale paused for a moment before he swallowed. “No,” he told her honestly. “At least I wouldn’t have said anything about it unless you asked me.”
“That’s rather disheartening,” she said drily.
“It’s the truth,” he said. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I figure I shouldn’t be putting myself between two hard places again by evading your questions. I wouldn’t h
ave told you about her because I wouldn’t be sure how to bring it up. I wasn’t, and still not, looking for her anymore,” he reminded her. “I stopped because of you.” There was a slight pause before he cleared his throat. “I need to know something though. Now that you know what happened, does it change what you wanted to tell me before hand?”
“I thought hearing everything would make my decision easier.” A sharp pull tugged in her chest, but she wouldn’t back down, no matter how much it hurt. “But it’s making it harder.”
“I can’t make this too easy for you,” Hale laughed ruefully. His eyes looked sad and the usual spark of mischief that used to annoy her hadn’t appeared throughout the conversation. “But what is it that you want to say?”
“I need to put my life back together,” she leveled with him. “And because of that I don’t feel as if I can share my life with someone when I’m in pieces.”
Hale nodded and a wary grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. “That’s something I’d expect you to say.”
She felt guilty and selfish because at that moment, she would give anything to see that spark one last time. She wanted to see him as Hale, the one that could make her laugh at any time. She wanted to have one more happy moment to save in her memory.
“Is this goodbye?” He seemed more accepting of the decision that she was, but something was different. He looked almost determined about something.
Lyris nodded and stuck her hand out. “I guess so.”
“Good.” He surprised her as he grinned and shook her hand.
That spark was back, but why?
“Good?” She repeated it like the word was foreign to her.
“An ‘I guess so’ is a lot better than a straight good bye,” he smirked. “And I think it’s safe to say that I’m a stubborn bastard.”
She let out a laugh and realised that everything was a lot harder than she thought it would be. He could always, no matter what it was, get her to laugh.
I did ask for one last moment together.
“I’ll give you that.” It hurt to smile, like the muscles were stiff and unaccustomed to it. “I’ll give you that.”
“Lyris, before you leave – remember the sixteenth.”
Lyris scrunched up her face, trying to figure out what he meant. “What about the sixteenth?”
“Just keep it in mind.” He lightly chucked her chin and dropped a few bills on the table before waving goodbye.
After that day, Lyris plowed on with her life. She wasn’t lying when she told him she wanted to put her life back together. She was a grown woman and she had to move on no matter how difficult it was. The moment she had the opportunity, she knocked on Paulo’s door and forced him to watch her audition to be the new pastry chef. After shouting that she was going to get arrested, he begrudgingly tasted her food and casually mentioned the conditions of the position.
It had been hard the first month with the unfamiliarity of balancing an actual work schedule and managing two others in a kitchen. After a few sleepless nights, she learned to love what she was doing. It wasn’t her café, but she was still able to create her menu and serve her food – just in a more refined manner.
One night after a hard service, Lyris found herself cleaning up the last of the mess by herself. The quiet solitude was comforting to her after the noise from earlier.
Footsteps approached her. “I thought there were dish boys for that.”
It was a voice that was vaguely familiar to her, but she couldn’t put a face or a name to it. Dropping the last pot into the basin of soapy water, she turned and saw Carlos smiling at her.
What did I forget this time?
“I had a date with you tonight,” she gasped. Seeing Carlos dressed up made her feel even worse. “I’m so sorry!”
Carlos shrugged it off and loosened his tie. “It’s fine. West warned me about your tendency to work more than play.”
“That’s actually funny to hear from a doctor that’s on call every night,” she quipped.
“Touché,” he laughed. “I’ll let you have that one.”
She turned on the water to wash up as fast as possible, feeling foolish and careless for being so absentminded. “I really am sorry though. Let me finish up and we can go somewhere.”
Carlos’ brows furrowed as he studied her. “I’m sensing that something changed tonight.”
She rolled her eyes as he went all Dr. Phil on her. “I thought you were a surgeon, not a psychiatrist.”
“I’m a surgeon, but I’m also human. I can understand when someone’s trying to hide something and Lyris, you’re hiding something.” He made a face as he pulled out a soapy pan gingerly. “Let me tell you something, men usually know when the woman they’re with isn’t completely as invested into the relationship as they are. I’m going to be blunt, but do you want this to work out?”
She could lie and say yes and then leave it at that, but she couldn’t bring herself to lead him on. They’d been ‘going out’ for two months, but their dates would always be postponed. Either Carlos would be called due to a patient emergency or she would get a call to come in because her organised mess went straight to chaos.
Technically this had been her longest relationship since Hale, but that was only because her and Carlos were never together long enough to have a proper break up. And even when they had dinner with one another, she found herself restraining from teasing him. It was just very well-mannered and slightly . . . boring.
“I did at one point, but I don’t think it’s possible,” she answered truthfully. “Are you really going to tell me you thought this was going to be the one? I don’t think either of us really expected this to go anywhere.”
“You could at least try to soften the blow, Lyris,” Carlos joked. “If you haven’t heard, I was just dumped.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t your first time,” she said, grinned cheekily. “We’re into what, the second month of this? I think the honeymoon phase fizzled out before it even started. That’s kind of pathetic.”
“Well at least we can say we tried,” Carlos shrugged. “But that’s not love is about, is it? You can’t try to love someone.”
“You realise you’re a good guy coming out of this, right?” She grabbed her jacket as the two of them walked out of the restaurant together. “If you want, I can do the whole cliché thing where I say it’s not you, it’s me.”
Carlos laughed as he waited for Lyris to lock the doors. “I think it’s sad that this is the first time either one of us has been ourselves. You were never this talkative.”
She threw the key into her bag and started walking. “Some people are just better off as friends. Kind of like me and West.”
They walked aimlessly in comfort. Now that the two of them had gotten out the fact that they weren’t going to work out romantically, they clicked as friends.
“It’s nice just talking without thinking about something to impress you,” Carlos said after a while.
“You’ve been trying to impress me?” Lyris howled and shook her head. “But Carlos, when you told me how you managed the double bypass, I nearly fell on my knees and wrapped my arms around your legs.”
He shot her a look of distain, but he wasn’t able to suppress the grin that won out. “You’re the first woman that didn’t do that.”
“I’ve had my share of lame pick-up lines,” Lyris confessed. “It’s going to take a bit more than ‘double bypass’ to get me tingling.”
“Now that I’ve been friend-zoned, what gets your toes tingling?” Carlos rubbed his hands together before sticking them in his pockets. “I won’t tell a soul, I promise.”
Lyris grinned as she recalled from a while back a fashion show she went to. “Give me a chance with one date. You really have nothing to lose.”
“That worked and the double bypass didn’t?” Carlos laughed and Lyris could see that he was more relaxed today than usual. “Let me guess, it’s your infamous ex-boyfriend that said that.”
“Yeah it was.�
� She looked up at the stars and was reminded of when he took her out on their ‘fake date’ to the hill to look at the stars. Before they were chased off by a gun wielding maniac. The memory of running down the hill with him brought a small smile to her face. “He was definitely something,” she said wistfully.
Carlos nodded slowly and she saw that he was looking at her curiously from the corner of his eyes. “Do you think about him a lot?”
She thought about Carlos’ question. “Today’s the first time I thought about him in a long time. Though that’s your fault,” she teased. “You asked me which pick up line got me weak in the knees. What’s your best pick up anyhow? ‘Let’s play doctor?’”
“No,” he said, much to his chagrin. “This is embarrassing, but the one that works is the one that’s shameless; we can go into the back room for me to give you a physical.”
“Shut up!” Lyris threw her head back and laughed. “That’s like the beginning of bad porn! I should just get you the good stuff for your birthday because it hurts me to think those lines work.”
“It works,” Carlos insisted. His face flushed red and he looked straight ahead. “Would it have worked on you?”
“I probably would’ve asked West who he set me up with,” she told him. “Then I would google to see if you’d pop up on a site.”
“It’s a good thing I decided to go for the double bypass line.”
Eventually they reached his car and he leaned against the door. “I want to tell you something, but West has warned me about your ability to bring a man down his knees by kicking their shins.”
“Only West has experienced my exceptional footwork in that department,” she assured him. “I promise whatever you say, I won’t kick you in the shins.”
“This guy that you were talking about, you say he doesn’t cross your mind often, right?” Lyris nodded so Carlos continued after making a big show of making sure his shins were intact. “What’s stopping you and this guy?”
“What’s stopping us from being together?” she clarified.
