by Nicole Reed
“All yours.”
His grin overtakes his face, and I melt. I hope I always have this reaction.
Arriving, we park and look around to see if Reed is here yet, but we don’t see his car. Kane used to bartend here, but even before that, I was a regular. Between the two of us, we pretty much know everyone, so we decide to head in and mingle with old friends. The place is packed, and Coldplay is blaring through the speakers.
“Oh my goodness, look what the cat dragged in. Get over here, baby girl!” Jill yells from the bar.
She used to be my partner in crime when I trolled for guys, but she was also my only confidant for a long time. Smiling, I wave at her, and Kane grabs my hand as we walk over.
“Well if it isn’t my two favorite people, together finally,” she states as we near the bar.
Kane and I look at each other in bliss before turning back to her. Leaning over the bar, I give her a hug. “Hey, Jill. You look great.” She always has.
“Thanks, and so do you. In fact, better than I remember. This hottie must be rubbing off on you,” she says jokingly pointing her thumb at Kane.
“No, I think it’s the other way around,” Kane replies as he turns and kisses me.
My knees turn to jelly, and I’m glad a stool is open because I need to sit. Kane’s lips follow me down, not wanting to stop.
“Whew, that is hot as hell,” Jill comments.
With one last nip at my lips, he pulls back and takes a seat on the open bar stool beside mine.
“What can I get you both to drink?”
Kane orders a beer, and I order a Diet Coke. I notice that Jill smiles at my order, but she doesn’t say anything. I’ve always had a fake I.D., and I’ve used it to drink probably a little too much. My parents confiscated it at some point, but I don’t really miss it. I don’t need to drink to wash the pain away anymore. Don’t get me wrong though. As I told my therapist, I like a buzz just as much as the next girl, but it’s different now. Tonight, I want to be lucid, not for the partying, but for when Kane takes me to his bed.
Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turn to see Kane pointing to the door. Following his finger, I see Molly, Reed, and Cal entering. It’s still hard to see him in his wheelchair, but he’s right, it doesn’t change who he is. Now that I have a chance to look around, I see tons of people that I used to go to high school with. Everyone is talking to Cal as they all make their way to the bar. I’m sure they are talking about the upcoming graduation, just another thing he took from me.
Molly leaves Reed and Cal talking to some guys and heads towards me. She looks magnificent with her red hair and short black mini dress. Leaning down to hug me, she says, “Hey guys. Sorry we are late.”
Jill returns with our drinks, and we all talk amongst ourselves. The beat has my body bouncing, and Molly laughs when she sees me.
“C’mon girl,” she says, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. “Let’s go get our groove on.”
Raising our joined hands over our heads, she leads me to the dance floor. As soon as we start dancing, Will.i.Am & Britney Spears’s new track “Scream and Shout” plays, and Molly and I automatically look at each other and scream, “It’s Britney BITCH!!” Laughing, I let the music carry me away to dance with my best friend. We sing the songs to each other, not caring how we look, acting like fools, and having the time of our lives.
Several songs later, a slow sexy number begins, and before I can turn, I sense his presence behind me before I feel him. Spinning around, I land in his arms and look up to see his face inches from mine. He takes my lips and my breath, stealing my thoughts and giving me all of him in return. Moving to the music, letting it direct our bodies and tongues, we dance. I don’t care about anyone around me; if this is what he wants, he can have it all.
He grips my hips, moving me with him. Breaking his lips from mine, he brings them to whisper in my ear, “You are happy.”
I nod my head at him, looking into his eyes.
“You want to live this life,” he states, not questioning.
“Yes.”
Closing his eyes, he crushes me to him and takes my lips again to kiss me profoundly. With a breath, he says, “You love me?”
“Yes, Kane.”
Abruptly, he stops to stare at me, “One hour and we need to go. Deal?”
“Works for me.”
He lets me go. “Go have fun with your friends.” He turns to walk towards the pool tables. I see Cole is standing there playing, and when he sees me, he nods his head smiling.
Redirecting my attention to the dance floor, I see Molly and Reed dancing together and Cal chatting up some girl in the corner. It may not be how things should have turned out, but at least we are here. Letting Molly finish out her dance with Reed, I decide to take a quick bathroom break.
Once I finish and walk out, I run into a thick broad chest. “Sorry,” I say smiling, until I see the malicious look on his face. I remember him from high school; I think his name is Grey, or maybe Greg?
“You stupid lying whore. I was hoping I would run into you. You need to stop spreading your lies about Coach Branch. Do you know how many lives you have ruined? Coach was going to help me get a college scholarship this year, but you fucked that up. Not to mention what you did to JT and Cal. You….” he stops when he sees someone behind me.
Every word he speaks cuts at me, but no longer will I stand for someone taking up for that rapist.
“That’s enough, Grey,” Cal calls from behind me.
Looking right at him, I say, “Listen, I’m sorry about your scholarship, but if you’re good enough and have the grades, then that shouldn’t be a problem to work that out for yourself; however, don’t ever,” I say, waving my finger in his face, “talk to me about that rapist again. Because that is exactly what he is.”
“Maybe you need to keep your legs closed,” the idiot replies.
“Maybe your highly thought of ‘coach’ needs to keep his dick out of sixteen year old girls.”
“That’s enough.” Kane’s voice is low and lethal.
Idiot looks from me to Kane and shrugs before walking away. He was a big guy, but Kane looks like he holds his own. Smart idiot.
“You okay, Jay?”
Actually, I am. He can think what he wants, but the truth is, I couldn’t control what happened to me or what happened with JT and Cal. So yeah, I can live with me right now.
Smiling, I look up to show him the truth in my eyes. “I’m okay.”
Grabbing me and pulling me to him, he kisses me, only stopping to say, “Girl, you are driving me crazy with how much you’ve changed. How much I needed you to change.”
As we turn to head back, I look down at Cal, and he is smiling also.
“Proud of you, Jay” he says.
I touch his arm and nod. Returning to the where Molly and Reed are sitting, we all hang out for another hour. Molly and I dance several times while the guys play some pool. Finally, I see Kane motion his head towards the door. I say goodbye to my friends, and jog over to meet him.
In the car, we say nothing, but we never lose contact with one another. Parking in the garage, he grabs my bags while getting out, and I follow him into the house and straight to his bedroom. Throwing the bags in the corner, he turns, reaches for my shirt, and divests me of it. His hands lower to the button of my jeans as his fingers deftly unfasten it and slide my pants slowly down my legs, pulling my boots off with them. Standing in only my panties and bra, he looks at me, slowly walking around to my backside. Placing his finger against the top of my neck, he leisurely slides it downwards, stopping only when it touches the clasp to my bra, which he skillfully undoes.
Continuing with his exploration, his finger heads straight down to the top of my panties. Chills trail his movement, and my body tingles with every second of it. Hooking his finger in the elastic, he continues to trace his finger downwards, pulling my panties with it. Once I’m completely naked, he walks back to stand in front of me and takes in my body from top to bo
ttom. I can sense that he wants me to stay still, so I remain motionless, fighting back the temptation to remove his clothes.
I’m rewarded when he slowly pulls his shirt up; his eyes locked with mine. One of his hand drifts over his rock hard abdomen reaching the top of his jeans, which he quickly undoes. His jeans, underwear, and shoes come off in one fell swoop. It’s so sexy to realize he is undressing for me and only me. My eyes take in every inch of him, and I mean every inch. My thoughts start to race on what I want to kiss or lick first. Decisions, decisions.
My thoughts run rampant just as he brings his hand up to cup my face. Gazing into my eyes, he leans down, “I love you, Jay.”
My heart jumps. His words heal more that anyone could ever know. This strong, kind, loving man, can see past the broken pieces and straight into the heart that continues to beat.
Showering my face with kisses, he continues, “I love you. I love every part of you.”
He presses me to walk backwards, and feeling the edge of the bed beneath me, he pushes me down. Using my feet I push to center myself on the bed. Crawling over me, he kisses every inch starting at my neck and going down. Every so often, he pauses to tell me how he feels again, and my body quivers in reaction. I can tell he loves the response, but it is killing me. He is killing me. Throwing my head back at the exquisite pleasure his mouth delivers during its exploration, I thrash about, unable to contain the raging desire within me.
Taking things into my hands, literally, I lean up and tug him towards me. My hands skim all over him, trying to commit it all to memory and wanting his image burned behind my eyelids for every time I close my eyes.
Hearing his voice in my ear, I shudder all the way to my toes, “I love you so much.” The sound of ripping foil only increases the intensity. He knows I’m on the pill, but he respects me enough to know that I need the double assurance. His consideration makes me love him even more, more than I thought was even possible.
“Kane, God, I love you. I love you!” I cry, screaming in want of him, wanting more.
Moving over me in one swift movement, he enters, sliding all the way home. We move slow and cautious at first, peering into each other’s souls. However, we’ve never done anything slow and steady for long, so why start now? He rocks harder and faster, enticing moans from me and bringing me to completion. He follows, kissing me and loving me. We hold tight to one another, listening as we breathe.
“I’ve loved you for a while, but I wanted to make sure that you could love yourself first. I needed to know that Jay, because otherwise, we never stood a chance. And I want you, love you, and now you’re mine. Forever,” he states, staring into my eyes.
Understanding what he is saying, I lean in to kiss him. There are no words left; he has robbed me of them all.
The clock blinks 6 A.M. beside the bed, and my tired eyes drift to Kane who is sleeping next to me. His arm is securely wrapped around my middle, not letting me go, even in sleep. Kane’s invasion of me from last night should have me sleeping as soundly as him, but today is the day, and my thoughts are already racing.
It’s been seven months since JT died, but today marks his first birthday after his death. I think of Mr. and Mrs. Higgins and the all-consuming loss they must be feeling. I have felt it before, too. Kip’s heated eyes flash in my mind, and I can’t be mad at him for that. Suddenly, I know what I want to do, but I need to do it early to avoid running into any of the family, and I need to do it alone. There’s no use in having another episode like what happened last time.
Reaching over, I try to wake Kane by shaking him and calling his name.
His eyes blink open, and once he sees it’s me, he smiles and says, “Morning baby,” before pulling me closer to snuggle.
“Kane,” I say trying to pull back out of his embrace. “Wake up. I need to borrow your car.” That gets his attention because his eyes snap open.
“What?” he asks sleepily.
“Today is JT’s birthday, and I want to go to the cemetery.”
“Okay, we’ll go later. Let’s sleep just a little longer.”
“No, Kane. I want to go by myself, and I need to go now… before his family goes.”
I see the moment when he finally understands what I’m saying because he sits up and rubs his face.
“Jay, just let me get dressed, and I’ll go with you. I’m still worried about Branch.”
“Listen, we know that he is under twenty-four hour surveillance, and I haven’t had any problems when I’ve gone out. I’m okay. Really. I need to do this alone.”
Shaking his head, he replies, “No, absolutely not. I’ll just go with you. There is no need to take that chance.”
“Kane, please look at me.” He raises his eyes to mine. “I need to do this alone. We both understand that, even after I testify, he could be set free. I can’t live my life afraid forever. At least now, we know where he is.”
He sits there for what seems like forever before he sighs and says, “Okay, but I don’t like it. We are calling Agent Morris to double check where he is at, and I want you back in an hour. Take your phone and I mean it, Jay. Call me when you get to the graveyard and as soon as you leave.”
Leaning towards him, I kiss his lips and look into his eyes, “I will. Thanks.”
Nodding his head, he doesn’t look happy, but I need to do this.
Getting up, I dress in jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. I brush my teeth and fix my hair, pulling it back in a ponytail. I grab my North Face jacket out of my bag and throw it on. Calling Agent Morris in front of him, I confirm that Bruch Branch is at his home and was even sighted two minutes ago getting the paper from the front yard. Kane doesn’t like it, but even he has to admit that this is fine.
Grabbing the keys to his car, I rush off so I can hurry back. I drive straight to my house, and not wanting to hear grief about being alone, I sneak in and out without waking anyone. Back on the road, I grip the offering I retrieved from my room; it’s my final birthday present to him. I raise my hand to grasp the locket hanging from my neck. I’m starting to realize the significance of Kane giving me this necklace. I see, now, just how much he loves me to have been able to understand my need to let JT go in a loving manner. I had to let him go so there could be peace to start with someone else.
Approaching the black gates of the cemetery, I pull through them. There is a light fog that runs low across the ground, giving the already eerie graveyard a haunting feeling. I almost turn back, but I know the dead can’t hurt me anymore, so I drive on.
I remember my way to his gravesite. As I park, I see it standing strong between the two trees next to the pond. It’s still hard to be here. It tears at my soul and wounds me over again, but I hold my tears in. I’m doing this for him. I dial Kane’s number, and he picks up immediately.
“I love you and so did JT,” he whispers into the phone, saying just the right thing.
“I’ll call you as soon as I’m done, shouldn’t be longer than fifteen minutes. I love you, Kane,” I say, meaning it.
“I love you too. I’ll be waiting for your call. Come home to me,” he says before disconnecting.
The crisp morning sends a chill all over my body, so I zip my jacket as I walk to his final resting place. As I near the stone, I am greeted by mounds of flowers, cards, and two footballs. Reaching them, I bend down to see that one is signed by the entire team and the other is signed by Kip and has a note written on it. I can’t read it, but it’s not for me to read anyway.
Bringing my own offering out of my pocket, I don’t open it up. It’s the first letter he ever wrote me in middle school, the love of a young boy poured onto a page. It’s to show him that I did care, and I saved it because his love meant something. At one time, his love meant everything, but now that love will live in my heart forever.
Tears well in my eyes as I place it with the other items. Touching the tombstone one last time, I whisper, “Happy Birthday.”
As I turn, I freeze from the immediate fear that rushes d
own my spine. Bruce Branch’s wife stands in front of me, holding a gun and pointing it at me. Her wild eyes exaggerate her gaunt face. She looks, I don’t know, emaciated? Her bones grotesquely stick out through her sagging sallow skin. My eyes go to the gun in her hands as it shakes violently. Her finger is pressed firmly against the trigger.
“Why?” she asks, her voice sounding tired and weary. A pained laugh escapes her. “You’re pretty, I’ll give you that, but why a girl when he had a woman waiting on him hand and foot at home?” The shaking becomes so bad that she lifts her other hand to steady the one with the gun. “I didn’t want to kill you, but he just won’t stop. He was going to walk free his lawyers said, but no, he had to fuck that up and follow you.”
I gasp at her admission. So he was following me. I didn’t imagine seeing him. Wait, I have to know, “Was he the one who broke into my house?”
Shaking her head back and forth, she looks right at me, and her evil grin acts as an outward expression of her inner insanity. “No, no, that was me. He was sitting across the road, watching your house. I followed him without him knowing for weeks. Watching him as he was watching you.”
She lowers the gun for a second, and in that instant I think to rush her, but she must have read my face, because she brings it right back up. She keeps wiping the sweat from her brow, making me wonder if she is physically ill.
“Why wasn’t I enough for him?” she whines, continuing, “Maybe I can be, if you’re not here anymore. Damn, why couldn’t you just have done this right yourself the first time when you tried to commit suicide? It would have saved me all this.” She waves the gun in the air while groaning as if she is in pain.
I need to keep her talking in order to stall long enough that Kane misses me and comes to find me.
“How did you find me here?”
Wiping her brow again, she laughs, “Well, that was serendipity. You see, last week, he finally realized that he was being watched. It’s not like the police hid it or anything, and it drove him crazy not being able to watch you. He’s watched you for years, he gets off on it. I thought having our babies would break this sick obsession, and I think for a while, it did. Then he came home one day, and I could see it in his eyes: a want and need that I could never replace, only you, James. This morning, the babies were out of milk, so I drove by the market and just guess who I saw drive past me?”
