Never.
He darted into the tree line, heading for the dogs. No more than a hundred meters. His lungs burned, his heart banged in his chest. He overtook the handlers and fought his way through a thicket of growth, behind it a large mass of rock grew into a hillside. What would he find? Thorns cut into his skin as he thrashed through the branches, the thicket trying to trip him up.
Kayla was on her hands and knees trying to silence the dogs. He picked her right off the ground and yanked her to his chest. “Oh, God, sweetheart, thank fucking God.” He peppered her with kisses. The dogs kept barking and more feet approached. The police converged on them, and the dog handlers quieted their animals with a signal.
“Call it in,” Sheriff Fisker said to a younger deputy standing beside him.
Thane buried his face in her hair. He couldn’t stop his hands from touching her, or kissing her.
“Kayla, can you give us a description?” the sheriff asked.
She tried to extract herself, but he couldn’t let go, and held her tight to his heaving chest. “I didn’t see him. I tried to draw him out, but he always kept himself covered. I don’t know how long he was behind me or when I lost him. I’m sorry.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Once the police cleared out, she and Thane stood staring at each other in the great room. He shifted uncomfortably, digging his hands deep in his jean pockets, a dead giveaway that he didn’t know what to do.
“I guess I should—” his gaze darted to the floor, and then back at her. “Go.”
He wanted to go? “Uh—all right.” She wrapped her arms around herself. He nodded and slowly turned. “Are you going to Zara?”
Craning his head to scan the dark corners of the room, he said, “No.”
She shrugged, trying to look nonchalant, but she wasn’t pulling it off. Not in front of a man like Thane, who could read her so easily. Time to take a couple steps back, and analyze what the hell was going on. “Have you been called back to the base?”
“You’re not going to be alone. Cobbs is on his way.”
“Cobbs?” She clutched her hands together to give herself reinforcement. Why couldn’t she breathe? Normally this is where she shut her mouth, turned inward—and just accepted what was. Thane headed for the door. “I don’t understand.”
Halfway there he stopped. “All I see is how devastated you were when Lapierre said he wasn’t going to be there for you.” His brows shot together. “You fell apart, like you had no one else. What have we been doing all this time?”
She marched over to him, and put a hand on his shoulder, but he turned away from her. “So much has happened in a short period of time. I was afraid I’d lost you, again. Greg has always been the one constant in my life.” She paused. “I should have held it together, but I got scared.”
“You didn’t lose me, but I don’t think it’s good for either of us if I’m here.” He wandered to the back door and checked it to make sure it was locked, then panned a look out the windows.
“I didn’t lose you? You went to San Diego and never called. You show up here with divorce papers, but never tell me what happened with Zara. Then you leave me again. Oh, you left a wonderful note, guaranteed to lay more guilt at my feet, and reinforce how messed up I am. What I did to Greg was wrong. I kept him close, kept him dangling all these years.” Thane peered at her from under his bangs. His jaw cut to sharp angles, and he worried his bottom lip. The next words out of his mouth made her reel.
“You—” He cleared his throat. “You both said you only made love one time, but that’s a lie, isn’t it?”
She did her damnedest not to show the shock.
Thane took a deep breath, his gaze glued to hers. “Is he my son, Kayla?”
“Yes,” she spouted. “Most definitely, yes.” How in God’s name had he known? This was the only secret she hadn’t shared with Thane. “How—?”
“Because of the way he held you. Looked at you. You’ve been lovers for years, haven’t you?”
“We—” She blew her breath out, and took a step back to lean against the couch. “Yes.”
He nodded sharply. “Since I’ve known you?” he asked carefully.
She shook her head. “No.”
“Okay.” He let out a gust of air.
“Do you want to hit something? Blow something up?”
He walked across the distance separating them. “No, Kayla. I just have to wrap my head around it, but I don’t know how to do that. It doesn’t matter when you let Lapierre possess you. It only matters that he did. He knows your touch, your love. He’s had you all this time. You belong to him, not me.”
“I told him to find someone else, and I know he tried over the years.”
“He was already in love, Kayla.” Thane curled her hair around his finger for a second, losing himself in the task. “It’s no wonder he hung on for so long.” Thane’s jaw hardened. “You have so much faith in him.”
“Captain, we filled an emptiness inside both of us with companionship, the need to belong to someone. He didn’t need me, but I needed him.” She bowed her head as the tightness gathered in her throat. “I had—no one else,” she breathed out. Tears gathered in her eyes, and she kept her head lowered. She swiped at her cheeks, and glanced at the wall. “Thank you for coming back today.”
“Are you guilty of what Daniel accused you of?”
Her head shot up. “Adultery? No, never.” She pressed her lips together, seeing where this was going. Walking to the coffee table, she picked up the money he’d left. “Here, I don’t need this.”
“It’s to replace your emer—”
“Take it. I don’t need it.” She thrust it at him. She didn’t need him either if his trust in her had fractured.
Thane ran a slow hand through his hair. “You need time—”
“Screw you. You stand there and make me feel like I was unfaithful to you. Greg and I kept each other from the jumping off the ledge. We grew up together, and leaned on each other through hard times. I’m not going to feel guilty for that. You, on the other hand, are the father of another woman’s baby.” She plunked down on the couch, and buried her face in her hands. “You have responsibilities elsewhere. Walk away, Captain, but I’m not going to be criticized for loving a man who stood by me. He’s in my heart, and will stay there for the rest of my life. I’m only guilty of not telling you about our intimate moments, which is none of your business.”
Thane rounded the couch, and sat down across from her. He shoved the envelope he’d left earlier, toward her. She watched as he slid it all the way across the table so the corner hung over the edge. “You didn’t open this.”
She didn’t intend on opening it, only to find a check for support or another letter saying he’d fulfill his fatherly duties.
“It’s all on the table, right? No more brothers that are going to pop out of the woodwork?”
She let out a gust of pent-up frustration. They were back at the starting gates, and there was no way in hell she was going to run through the emotional gristmill all over again.
“Open it,” he ordered gently.
“I don’t need anything from you. I can support my son by myself.”
A small smile quirked his lips. “I know you can.”
She was hungry past reason, emotionally sapped, and long past the point of needing sleep. “I’ll let you know when he’s born, and whether or not he has ten fingers and toes.” A sweeping gust of fear blew through her. She could do this by herself. She could be a good mother, at least she’d try. Nothing could make her give up her son, and nothing could change what circumstance had lain in her lap.
“Open it, Kayla.”
His beautiful eyes penetrated her, and she wondered how hard it would be to see the same eyes in her son, and not miss Thane. “I’ll pass.” Covering all the things on the table with both hands, she pushed them back toward him, keys, money, the envelope and his phone. “I wish you the best, now it’s time to ship out, SEAL Captain.”
“I won’t leave until you read this.”
She plucked it from his hand, and tore the flap with her fingernail. Flipping open the single sheet of paper, her eyes grazed the multitude of numbers, letters and a graph, but it was the bold word in the right hand corner that stopped her. “Negative.” On the left side of the sheet there were two names, Thane Herbert Austen and beneath it Zara Hamuudaah. Very slowly, she raised her gaze to meet his.
“Manchester did it at the NCIS lab,” he said, removing the question from her tongue. Thane stood and rounded the table, sitting on it, and maneuvering one leg between hers, then gently ran a hand over his son, but worried his cheek at the same time. “I still think I should leave. You need time to figure out what you want.” He brushed her finger with his. “I wanted…” He cleared his throat and swallowed. “I wanted to be your safe haven. The man that meant everything to you, but that position is already taken.”
“Don’t make up excuses. I can see you don’t believe this is your son.” She shook her head. “The irony would be laughable if it wasn’t so damn heartbreaking.” She leaned back and covered her eyes.
“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”
“For what?” Her synapses were burned to a crisp.
He pulled her hand into his, and traced the curves and valleys. “For stampeding into your life. Screwing it up. Throwing it off balance.”
“I’ll be fine.” She shifted and pushed herself up. Waddling to the door, she opened it.
He clasped his hands together and hung his head. “I can’t be second best in your life, Kayla.”
She glared at him. “You’re still making excuses, and you don’t need to, Thane.”
Thane’s phone rang and he picked it up. “Why not?” he said, then waited. “Hope everything is all right.” He disconnected. “Guess I’m staying. Pat says he has a family emergency.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “No, you’re not.”
“Kayla, I can’t leave you here by yourself.”
“No problem.” She charged toward the table, and whisked his keys from it. “Here.”
Thane shook his head as if disgusted with her.
“Let’s go.” She forked her fingers through his, and pulled until he got to his feet.
“Where do you want me to take you?” Uncertainty lined his words.
“To see Manchester. I can see you doubt me, so we’re going to put it to rest right now.” You can leave me once you know the truth.” She wheeled around, putting both hands on his back, and pushed to get the mountain of a man in motion. “Move it.”
Thane halted and turned, causing her to stumble into his arms. Leaning over he kissed her forehead. “Thank you, but we don’t need to go.”
“Yes, we do.”
“Tomorrow morning is early enough. Let’s get some sleep.”
They both paused outside the bedroom door, his attention rooted on the floor. She watched his lips begin to say something, but it never got air.
She stared at the rafters. “I wasn’t upfront about Greg because I didn’t want to lose you, but I’ve lost your trust which means the same.”
“Kayla, I do trust you.”
“I guess I don’t have a job any more. I should call Captain Redding and resign properly. Without a job, I have to return to Canada. If I can sell the condo, I’ll take a few years off so I can stay at home with him,” she said rubbing her belly. “We’ll work it out.” For now, all she wanted to do was close her eyes.
She left him standing in the hallway, but as she slipped under the covers, she felt the bed sink behind her. They might as well have been sleeping in separate rooms. Without his arms around her, everything was cold.
* * * *
“Well, now we wait I suppose,” Kayla said shielding her eyes from the sun as they returned to the ranch after taking the test at the NCIS lab.
He held his hand out to her. Thane’s concern had already evaporated this morning when she woke. He’d brought her coffee in bed, kissed her over and over again, even when she tried to push him away. That inflated ego-sexy persona she knew well, was back.
He leaned over, and brushed a hot kiss with far too much meaning on her lips. “Let’s go for a swim.” Folding his fingers through hers, he pulled her toward the lake.
Oh no, they weren’t going back there. “I need to call Don. I want to get the paperwork rolling on the condo. And I need to buy a car.”
He shook his head. “You don’t need a car or a for sale sign, unless you intend to move in with me.” Drawing her hand to his mouth, he kissed it, and then leaned in, running his tongue along her bottom lip, making her squeeze her thighs together. “I don’t need to see the results of the test. I need us.”
“No, you don’t. We are one big mistake. Accept it, like I have.” She scanned the forest encompassing the driveway. She loved it here, she’d be sad to leave.
“Look at me, woman,” he said harshly. “If you think I could watch you walk out of my life, think again. I am the only man you will ever know, in the biblical sense, for the rest of your life. You can kick, scream and push me away, but I am never leaving your side. I trust you. I believe in you, and without you, I’m a mess. I made you promise that even if we fought, we would love each other, and the first hurdle we came against, I abandoned you. I’m just as guilty as you are of being human and being insecure. I didn’t do this test to relieve my mind. I did it for you. By doubting you, I kicked the small stool I stood on out from under my own feet. I love you so damn much I can’t think straight. I never could. I never will. That’s your fault, and you’re going to take care of me, so I don’t fall apart. Got it?”
Her mouth gaped open, and then she snapped it shut.
“That’s right, I’m your responsibility. Now start taking care of me.” He bounced a kiss off her lips, and gently tugged on her arm.
“Really?” she whispered. Thane’s fingers threaded through her hair, and he laid one steaming hot kiss on her.
“Really,” he said, beaming at her. “You have some exercises to do, and then we go swimming.”
“Now?” she complained, but of course, when it came to fitness, Thane didn’t kid around.
“Get over here,” Thane said holding the remote with the DVD on pause. While they were in town, they’d picked up a mat to do her Lamaze exercises. He’d brought down pillows from their bedroom, and settled them in a nest on the floor. She gave him her perturbed look, but that didn’t stop him from guiding her to the mat and shuffling in behind her. He grabbed the remote and started the video.
Settled in front of the TV they followed along. He memorized all the things he’d need to do as her birthing coach.
“I didn’t say you could be the coach,” she said between breaths.
“I’m your coach,” he stated. “Now relax. Relax.” Pulling her back into his chest and following along with the video, he applied a caressing even stroke to her stomach.
Thane’s phone made a couple quick bleeps, telling him there was an incoming text. She stopped and sat up, stretching to scoop it from the table, and handing it to him. She felt a sigh rumble through his chest as his arms slid around her, and he kissed her. “I love you and I’m sorry.” He swung the phone in front of her and she read the text.
Lt. Manchester
Capt. Austen
99.999999999 you’re a father! Congrats to both of you.
“Kayla, I’ve been thinking about names.”
She slid sideways, crooking a knee with her arm. “And?”
“One name keeps popping in my head.”
“It’s not Herbert, is it?”
His face lightened with a grin. “No, that’s his middle name.”
“Aw, come on, that’s just mean.”
“Baby, it’s family tradition. We can’t break that.”
She growled playfully. “The sins of the father and all that.”
He laughed. “Something like that, but I think I know what we should call him.” She waited whil
e he cleared his throat. “I think his name is Adam.”
She sighed inwardly. It wasn’t a horrible name, in fact she liked it a lot. “Mr. and Mrs Adams?” she teased.
“Maybe that, but it’s also the name of the first man. It sounds strong, like a leader of men, and I have no doubt our son will be a leader of men.”
“Thane, he’s just a baby, don’t start lobbing expectations on my lil’ SEAL pup when he’s still in the womb.”
He let out a bark of laughter. “Okay, sweetheart, deal. But what about the name?”
He looked so hopeful, how could she refuse. “I love it.”
Thane switched to his hands and knees, and came sweeping in with a trajectory kiss. “I love you. Now get over here. We have work to do.”
“Why do you always think you’re in charge?” she said, tilting her head up at him.
He grinned down at her and kissed her cheek. “I’m not in charge, I’m just louder, sweetheart.”
A sound of something toppling over from upstairs stopped them both cold. He helped her to her feet, reached behind him, and placed the sig in her hand. “In the kitchen, against the back cabinets. Go.”
When she turned, Thane was gone. Her pulse quickened, and she strained to listen. More noises, then something fell to the floor, sending her pulse roaring through her veins. There’s no way the Shark would be brave enough to stay around. Would he? Breathe. Silence filled the house, except for her heart pounding a warning like aboriginal drums. “Whoa.” She took a huge gulp of air when Thane appeared on the stairs. She squinted to make out what was squirming in his hands.
“Oh, my God, you’re kidding.”
The little bear cub bawled and squirmed as Thane held it in his arms. “Can you believe it? Little bugger came in through the window. He must have climbed the tree outside.”
Kayla laughed, looking into his cute brown eyes. “What sent him up the tree, do ya think?”
“I’ll go check it out, and put him outside. I don’t want his mother climbing in the window. Think she’d put up a stink if I tried to catch her.”
Code Name: Kayla's Fire (A Warrior's Challenge) Page 34
