Only one thing held him down. Besides having her contentedly sprawled on him.
He was scared to death that he’d freed her sexually, but that she hadn’t translated any of this into undying love.
He was afraid if he said, “Will you marry me?”, her eyes would shy from his and she’d say, “This was wonderful, but…”
Five years ago, she’d written off the possibility of sex, love, marriage. What he didn’t know was whether she’d written off the possibility of the others only because she couldn’t imagine ever having sex.
Worse yet would be if she said yes just because she trusted him, felt safe with him, not because she couldn’t live without him.
Only one way to find out.
Before he could open his mouth, she said, “It’s too bad we didn’t make Lydia this way.”
Sidle through the door. “Now that we’ve figured out the new, improved technique, we could make her a brother or sister this way.”
Laurel wriggled. “We could.”
“It’s probably a little soon.”
“Actually…” She lifted her head to take a peek at him. “There’s something I was thinking about today.”
He was careful to hide his wariness. Somehow, he suspected she wasn’t thinking about having another baby yet. “Something?”
“I want to go back to law school.” In her eagerness, she sat up, then looked down at herself and grabbed a pillow to hold in front of her. “I think I’m ready.”
Damn, she didn’t do anything by half.
“You’re sure?”
“Pretty sure.” Her eyes searched his and her voice became uncertain. “You don’t think I am?”
He rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. “I’ve thought you were ready for a long time.”
“Really?” She sucked in a breath. “The thing is, now that I have Lydia, the only way I can do it is if you and Dad are still willing to help me financially.”
Abruptly angry, Caleb sat up. “Here’s a thought. Since we’re having sex anyway. Why don’t you marry me?”
Whoa. Great way to propose, dude.
“Marry you?” she echoed.
At her shock, he grabbed for his pants and underwear draped over the footboard. Naked wasn’t so good when you felt vulnerable in other ways.
“Is the idea that outlandish? We do have a kid together.”
“It’s not outlandish.” She sounded mad now. His fault. “You just don’t sound like you want to marry me.”
Zipper up, he froze. She’d jumped off the bed, too, and was scrambling for clothes. As he watched, she hopped on one foot so she could pull up her panties.
“I want to marry you.”
“You don’t sound like it!” she yelled, then clapped her hand to her mouth.
Neither moved; both waited for Lydia’s cry.
Silence. Ten seconds, twenty, thirty.
Caleb breathed again.
A sound escaped Laurel that might have been a sob. She went back to getting dressed.
“I want,” he said again, quietly.
She had on panties, bra and a T-shirt she’d yanked from a drawer. When she looked at him, her eyes were awash with tears. “I don’t believe you.”
He hadn’t even gotten his slacks buttoned, and now he had to strip himself bare in a different way. “I think I’ve been in love with you for ten years.”
She sniffed and took an angry swipe at her eyes. “You think?”
“The early years, I’m a little muddled about.”
“You’ve never said!”
He still didn’t make a move toward her. “How could I, when you’d publicly vowed never to let a man touch you?”
“You aren’t a man.” Another swipe. “I mean, you are, but you’re Caleb.”
He stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re my friend!”
“And now your lover.”
“I never felt about you the way I did other men. I mean, not exactly. That’s why…”
“You let me kiss you.” He squeezed the back of his neck. “But then you panicked anyway.”
“I didn’t! You misunderstood, and I didn’t know how to tell you. And you just shrugged and said, ‘Oh, well, that’s fine.’”
All that suffering, and he’d misunderstood?
“I don’t get it. What was it you said? That you didn’t know how you’d let me talk you into coming home with me? Oh, and let’s not forget you apologizing because you’d let me get my hopes up that you might actually go to bed with me someday.”
Her shoulders hunched. “I didn’t exactly mean it that way.”
Unclenching his jaw, he asked, “How did you mean it?”
“I just…” She bit her lip, then straightened with a visible effort. “I realized how selfish I was being. All I’ve ever done is take from you. I was happy there, but I knew Lydia and I had to go home eventually. I never thought about how that was going to hurt you.”
“Then why wouldn’t you stay?” Caleb’s voice was hoarse.
“How could I stay if I couldn’t make love with you?” She sounded despairing.
“But now you have.”
“I know, but then I was so mixed up. And you didn’t seem to care when you thought I wanted you to quit kissing me.”
“I was afraid to lose what we had. It just about killed me to pretend it was okay. But I love you, Laurel. If being your friend was the only way you’d let me…” His voice broke. God. He was begging. Love me. Please, love me.
Tears still sparkling on her lashes, she searched his face. “You…you really want me? As messed up as I am?”
“I love you,” he repeated. “Always have. Looks like I always will.”
Her face crumpled and she flung herself at him. His arms closed around her with bruising force. Her wet face against his chest, she seemed to be trying to burrow inside his skin. They rocked, his face against her hair.
Finally she gave what seemed to be a last, hiccupping sob and pulled back, just a little. Caleb loosened his arms.
“Yes.” Her face was a mess, and damned if he didn’t still think she was beautiful. “If you mean it…yes. I’ll marry you.”
“Mean it? God.” His eyes closed for a moment as relief flooded him. She’d be his. She and Lydia.
But beneath the relief, a niggling voice whispered, She said yes because you’re Caleb. You’re her friend. The two of you managed to have sex, and she’s on a high. Is that enough?
He forced the words out. “You’re not going to want to be free someday?”
“Free?” Laurel took a step back to see him better. “What are you talking about?”
“I know I feel safe to you…”
Her mouthed formed an O. Then she actually laughed, although it had an hysterical note. “Caleb, I’m desperately, head over heels in love with you. I’m pretty sure I’ve been for ten years, too. I will never want to be free if that means being without you.”
He actually staggered and had to grab the footboard of her bed. “You love me.”
“I said so once before.”
“You said friends forever.”
“I didn’t know—” she gestured at the bed “—whether I could do this.”
He pulled her into his arms again and kissed her, deep and hard, holding nothing back. Laurel flung her arms around his neck, rose on tiptoe and gave herself as he’d never believed she could.
“I’m still a mess,” she whispered when they came up for air.
“Don’t care,” he managed to say. It was lucky he hadn’t bothered to button his pants; she was pulling the zipper down again even as he pulled her shirt over her head.
They both kept saying the words “I love you.”
This time, she lay on her back, held out her arms and took him inside her without hesitation. He flipped once and she rode him astride. Then they rolled again when he had to plunge hard and fast.
She gave a keening cry. He groaned. When they pressed their che
eks together, he didn’t know if they were wet from her tears, or his.
“Thank you,” she said, in a voice he didn’t recognize. “Thank you for never giving up on me.”
He inhaled her scent. “I did say forever.”
“People don’t always mean it.”
“I did.”
THREE AND A HALF YEARS LATER, he held their daughter on his lap and watched as his wife, pregnancy hidden beneath billowing academic robes, accepted her Juris Doctor degree. Beside Caleb sat her father and sister. He hadn’t known it was possible to be so proud, and could tell they felt the same.
Afterward, they found her on the lawn outside Hec Edmundson Pavilion. Her hair was in a French braid, her face glowing beneath the cap with its dangling tassel. Laughing, she accepted Meg’s hug and her father’s kiss.
“I just wish your mother could have been here,” he said.
She smiled at him. “Oh, she’s here. I know she is.”
Then she handed Caleb her diploma and took Lydia in exchange.
“Could you see Mommy?” she asked.
Lydia’s forehead creased. “Daddy said it was you.”
“I was a long way away, huh?”
“Looks legit,” Caleb pronounced, after inspecting the diploma.
She just laughed again. “I’m taking the slow track to a law career, aren’t I?”
He patted her distended belly. “You’ll have plenty of time to study for the bar.”
“With two preschoolers? Uh-huh.”
He kissed his wife soundly. “You know what? You made it through law school. You, sweetheart, can do anything.”
“Hear! Hear!” said her father.
Megan never cried. But when she said, “My sister, my heroine,” her eyes sparkled.
“This might be the best day of my life,” Laurel decided aloud. “Unless it was the day Lydia was born.” She bounced her three-year-old. Her eyes met Caleb’s. “Or the day we got engaged.”
The sun was shining, and they would soon be celebrating with his parents and Nadia and her family, as well, all of whom—except maybe Nadia’s kids—would have loved to be here if Laurel could have gotten more tickets. Their family circle was strong and complete.
Today, Laurel had accomplished something so difficult, most people would never understand.
“I’m voting for today,” Caleb said. Although every day of the trip they’d taken to Belize and Guatemala once Lydia was old enough to stay with Grandma and Grandpa had ranked close. “But tomorrow might be just as good.”
“And the next day,” she murmured, for his ears alone. “And the next…”
Friends and lovers forever.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-8679-9
FIRST COMES BABY
Copyright © 2007 by Janice Kay Johnson.
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
® and TM are trademarks of the publisher. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.
www.eHarlequin.com
†Three Good Cops
††Under One Roof
**Lost…But Not Forgotten
First Comes Baby Page 23
