by Donna Britt
Deborah Szekely, who with her husband, Edmond, founded Rancho La Puerta more than seventy years ago. Deborah’s spirit permeates the sacred place where I did much of this book’s toughest soul-searching and writing. If even a smidgen of the Ranch’s beauty is reflected in these pages, I’ll be ecstatic.
Mireille Grangenois, the sister I thought I’d never have, for offering me thousands of probing questions, gentle critiques, and uplifting prayers—and her husband, Steve Holmes, for the use of their dear, departed cottage Marisol in which to write.
Mary Jo Schumacher, for her love and support, and for teaching me better than anyone that love knows no color.
Jo-Ann Armao, an amazingly supportive, tough, and engaged editor whose last-minute analysis and suggestions saved many a column and parts of this book. And Mary Hadar, for being a friend as well as the best line editor I know.
My agent, David Black, for year after year checking in with me, believing in me, seeing me as an author, even when I doubted ever pulling it off. And my editor, Tracy Behar, for making this book infinitely better in spite of me.
Jeff Rivers, for being the first man to challenge me to think more imaginatively. Life Coach Wendi Kovar, for that hike at the Ranch that changed my life. Milton Coleman, for seeing me as something I was afraid to see myself as: a columnist.
Gayle King, Shawn Hutchens, Sharon Brown, Pam Bohler, Deborah Allen, Retha Hill, Mimi Harris, Ketrin Grady, Jeanne Fox-Alston, Mary “Masha” McLaughlin, Kathy Rushing, and every other girl and woman with whom I’ve talked, rhapsodized, fumed, lamented, cried, sermonized, and giggled about men.
Justin Britt-Gibson, Darrell Britt-Gibson, and Skye Merida, for making me smarter, hipper, more loving, and so much better than I could ever have been without them.
Bruce Britt, for always being able to make me laugh and for never living a single unoriginal day. Ben Melech Yehudah, for staying, and staying himself, when Darrell left. To both of them for still being my brothers.
And Kevin, for teaching me more about love, forgiveness, and giving—and how inevitably the three are tangled—than anyone.
About the Author
Donna Britt is an award-winning former syndicated columnist for the Washington Post, writing on issues both topical and personal. She worked as a staff writer for the Detroit Free Press and USA Today, and she holds an undergraduate degree from Hampton Institute (now Hampton University) and a master’s degree from the University of Michigan. She has won awards from the American Society of Newspaper Editors, the National Association of Black Journalists, and other organizations, and she has been featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, C-Span, and NPR. Britt lives in Maryland with her husband and youngest son.
Contents
Front Cover Image
Welcome
Dedication
Introduction
Missing in Action
Darrell, Disappeared
Girlstuff
Opposites Detract
Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll(ing Papers)
Date Rape 101
Losing Darrell
True—or Just Accurate?—Love
Boys, Big and Small
Perfect
Ghosts
Holes in the Heart
Visible
Other People’s Kids
The Death Look
Escape
Finding Darrell
Finding Donna
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
Copyright
Copyright © 2012 by Donna Britt
Cover design by Allison J. Warner. Copyright © 2012 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
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www.hachettebookgroup.com
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First e-book edition: December 2011
All photographs are from the author’s personal collection.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events. To find out more, go to www.hachettespeakersbureau.com or call (866) 376-6591.
Portions of the chapter “Ghosts” have appeared in the Washington Post in slightly different form.
ISBN 978-0-316-19319-1
E2-20181211-JV-PC-VAL
