by H L Day
I smiled at the last part, taking encouragement from it. "Can you go for the latter option please, so I can ask a huge favor?"
"What?"
"You're coming in to work today, right?" I batted the fingers away that had decided to start exploring my thigh. Either Indy was getting bored of the conversation or he'd just decided to pester me anyway when what he should be doing was getting up and leaving.
"Definitely."
I wondered how Tristan felt about that, but even one day of doing nothing would have sent Dominic stir-crazy. He wasn't like me; he needed to be busy. I took a deep breath before stating my case. "Well, obviously I need to apologize to Tristan. I was wondering if you could butter him up for me first. You know, take him some doughnuts or something. You know him better than me. You must know a way to get him in a good mood." I put as much pleading into my voice as I could. "Please, Dominic. I'd do the same for you."
The silence that followed was deafening. The hand on my thigh was back, this time halfway to my crotch. I grabbed Indy's wrist, shoving his hand back over onto the other side of the bed and ignoring him laughing silently at my reaction. Finally, Dom answered. "I'll have a go. I can't promise anything though."
I let go of the breath I'd been holding. Tristan was falling over himself to impress Dom at the moment, so there was no way he'd go against him in this. Surely? "Thanks, Dominic. I'll see you at work later. I'll let you know how the groveling goes. Hopefully, I'll still have a job."
I said goodbye and then hung up. That was one problem hopefully dealt with. Now I needed to deal with the other one, who'd given up on groping me and was currently lounging back against the pillows with his hands behind his head.
I sighed. "Is there any chance if I close my eyes for ten seconds that when I open them again, you'll have gone?"
Indy shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose it's worth a try."
"Yeah?" Could it be that easy? Maybe he didn't want to hang around anyway and was feeling as awkward as I did about this whole morning-after thing that we weren't supposed to be doing. The laid-back body language could be a cover. I closed my eyes and very slowly counted to ten. On ten I opened them. He hadn't moved an inch.
He raised an eyebrow, amusement shining out of every pore. "Great counting! Very accurate. Are you sure you don't want to work for my father? I swear some people there get stuck around six or seven."
Knowing he didn't expect an answer, I climbed out of the bed, not bothering to cover my nakedness. If he wouldn't leave, then I'd just remove myself from the situation instead. "I'm going for a shower."
"Do you want company?"
"No!"
He smiled at my terse tone. I ignored him, turning to walk away in the direction of the bathroom.
"Hey, Paul."
I paused at the door, my fingers tightening around the doorframe. "What?"
"That's definitely a great view to wake up to."
I left the room with his laughter ringing in my ears. I took stock of the situation while I stood under the torrent of hot water. He probably had just fallen asleep. There was no reason to think otherwise. What would he gain from deliberately overstaying his welcome, apart from annoying me? It was unrealistic to expect him to leap out of bed at half past five in the morning to make a quick exit. And all the other stuff, well, that was just Indy being Indy. There was a reason I hated the guy.
My best bet was to play nice until he left for work and then everything would return to normal. And in the future, I just needed to be a bit more careful to ensure it didn't happen again. Avoiding alcohol when he was around would be a good start, considering that my judgment seemed to go to pot when I did, if spilling my childhood secrets was any indication.
Starting to feel better, I spun around at the sound of the shower curtain being pulled open.
Indy stood there naked. "I thought I'd give you a second opportunity on that offer of company?"
Wiping shampoo out of my eyes, I frowned at him. "I locked the door."
He did a slow twirl, my gaze immediately drawn to the tanned, patterned skin on display. Indy paused with his back to me and I resisted the urge to reach out and touch the black dragon tattoo. He turned his head to look back at me over his shoulder. "Where do you think I've hidden the lockpicks?" He waggled his eyebrows. "You can search me if you want. Or... you can admit that you left the door unlocked. I took it as an invitation."
Had I left it unlocked? I guessed I must have done. The temptation to give in and invite him into the shower was strong, but then it would make a mockery out of trying to get him to leave. It would feel fantastic to lose myself in him yet again, but I was beginning to feel as if I was losing myself in the process. Like everything I'd said to him about the past had been a lie. I didn't want to feel anything but lust for him. Correction. I wasn't going to let myself feel anything but lust for him. He needed to stop making it difficult. I kept drawing lines in the sand and he kept shoving himself across them and then wondering why I got upset when he did it. I spoke slowly and clearly. "It wasn't an invitation."
"Right." Indy's amusement fell away. "I get it. We have sex at night. We don't have sex in the bright light of day, because that would be too..." His mouth twisted as he tried to choose the right term to use. Instead he shook his head. "I don't even know, because hard as I try, I can't seem to get in your head." He tapped his finger against his temple. "I thought we'd made some progress last night at the party. But I guess it was the alcohol. Drunk Paul is a lot nicer, a lot more approachable than sober Paul."
I shut the shower off and stared at him. I'd never seen this side of him before. "I don't know why you're getting upset with me."
"I'm getting upset with you because you're being ridiculous."
I stared at him, open-mouthed. "Because I won't have sex with you?"
He rolled his eyes. "No, you idiot. Because you're overreacting to spending one night together. All you've wanted to do from the moment you woke up is get rid of me."
I opened my mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn't come, considering it would have been nothing but a blatant lie. I didn't know what this conversation was, but it felt stupid to be having it naked so I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my middle. It wasn't a break-up because in order to have a break-up you had to be together in the first place. Indy was definitely irked though. I'd finally gotten through the veneer of perpetual amusement I engendered in him. I should have been happy about it, so why wasn't I? "I'm not overreacting. It just wasn't part of the deal."
He shrugged before leaving the bathroom. Not knowing what else to do, I followed him, watching silently as he collected his clothes from the floor and began to dress. I was finally getting what I wanted: him leaving. So why didn't it feel right? "You could have had a shower."
Indy paused from finger-combing his hair. "As long as it was on my own?"
I resented the fact that he was making me feel like an idiot for sticking to my guns and trying to keep some firm boundaries between the two of us. "Now you're making a big deal out of things."
Indy gave a wry laugh. "Yeah, probably."
I followed him again as he left the bedroom. He cast an eye around my living room, spotting his keys and phone on a table and pocketing them before turning to face me. "What's my favorite color?"
I stared at him, trying to work out the purpose of the strange question. It was far too early for this. "How the hell should I know?"
He folded his arms across his chest, tilting his chin. "Favorite food? Favorite place? Thing I like to do to relax?" He lifted the hem of his T-shirt to show the scar on his abdomen which had been integrated into a tattoo. "How did I get this?"
I shook my head, completely bemused. "How am I supposed to know the answers to these questions?"
He smiled, but it was lacking in humor. "You're not. I'm just trying to reassure you that despite us spending the night together, you don't know the first thing about me apart from what I like in bed. Feel better now?"
I should h
ave done. The deadpan delivery made it feel too much like a dig though, and it rankled. Like I was being judged and found to be wanting. He didn't wait for a response, heading straight to the door and pulling it open.
I couldn't shake the sensation that this felt like an exit. I mean, it was an exit. But it felt like a final one. One where he'd washed his hands of me. "Will I see you again?" I'd blurted the words out before I could stop them.
He turned with a smile, his gaze sweeping over me as his fingers tapped against the doorjamb. "I'm not done with you yet, so yeah, you'll see me again."
The closed door between us meant I didn't need to hide my sigh of relief.
I REACHED OUT, TRAILING my finger along Indy's biceps, and finally asking the question I'd wondered ever since I'd first noticed it. "Why is there a space in the tattoo on your arm?"
Indy paused, halfway to pulling on his T-shirt, glancing down as if he hadn't been aware it was there. "Are you sure you want the answer to that?"
My brow furrowed. "Why wouldn't I?"
A glint appeared in Indy's eye. Whatever tension had been present between us on the morning we'd inadvertently spent the night together had been gone the next time I'd seen him. Perhaps it had been inevitable between two slightly hungover men forced to attend a party neither had particularly wanted to go to. We'd hooked up a few more times since then and there was still no sign of either of us getting bored. There'd been no more lines crossed to my relief, both of us leaving straight after sex. The arrangement suited me down to the ground: an eager sexual partner with very few inhibitions—unless you counted his apparent aversion to kinky stuff—and with no strings attached. I still had my job as well. Whatever Dominic had done to Tristan that day had worked a treat. By the time we'd had our conversation about “the work incident” Tristan had been smiling so much I'd gotten the impression I could have mooned him and he wouldn't have given a damn.
Indy pulled a face. "Because it might stray into personal territory and I'd hate for you to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable Paul is all prickly and acerbic and even more insufferable than the normal one."
I picked the pillow up and threw it at him. He ducked, easily avoiding it. "Answer the question."
He sighed. "If I do, you'll mock me."
I sat up in bed, already smirking. This had to be good if he was reluctant to say it. "I won't."
He looked wholly unconvinced, with good reason. "I got the tattoo artist to leave it in case I ever wanted to add a name there."
"A name?"
He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Paul. A name. It's what people with tattoos sometimes do if they meet someone special that they're planning to spend the rest of their lives with."
"Oh!" I contemplated his words. I'd heard of people doing it. I just hadn't imagined Indy as being one of them. It sounded strangely sentimental. "It'll have to be a short name. Like three or four letters. You're going to be in trouble if you start dating someone called Lorenzo or..." I couldn't resist it. "...Archibald." The sharp glance I got for that one was well worth it. I held my hands up, attempting to pull off innocent. "I didn't call you it! I kept my promise. I said you might meet someone else called that."
He stood, turning to face the bed, a strange expression on his face. "I'm glad you brought up the subject of dating. I needed to talk to you about something."
"What? If you're going to ask me if I want to date you again, then..." I stopped when he was already shaking his head. "What then?"
"I have a date tomorrow."
"With a man?" I could have kicked myself for the stupidity of the question. Indy thought so too, judging by the splutter of laughter that escaped.
"Yes, with a man. I haven't suddenly become bi." He hesitated, his eyes glued to my face and his body unnaturally still. "Does that bother you?"
I gripped on to the sheet and laughed. Only, it didn't sound right. Too loud. Too high-pitched. Like someone else's laugh that had no business coming out of my mouth. "Why would it bother me? Don't be ridiculous. You can do whatever you want. See whoever you want. We're not together so..."
Indy nodded slowly. He sat back down on the side of the bed, his gaze still focused on my face. "Only if it did—"
"It doesn't."
"Can you let me finish what I was going to say, please. Then you can shoot me down in flames."
I nodded my assent.
He sighed. "Okay. I'm just going to say this, because I'll regret it if I don't. I like you, Paul. I really like you." He held up a hand when he sensed I was going to interrupt his little speech. Which I had been going to do because I was already squirming internally. "The past is regrettable and I'd do anything to take it back, or change it, but that's not possible. This thing"—he waved a hand between the two of us—"is great, but it's... not enough for me. I want more than just sex. And yes, I'll admit to spending the last few weeks hoping you'd eventually see sense. That you'd realize there are two sides to every story and the one you've been told might not have been one hundred percent true. But you haven't, and I can't keep waiting. So... when I met someone else..."
I massaged my chest, a feeling akin to heartburn starting up. "Where?" I didn't have a clue why that mattered.
"At the bar. We got to chatting. He asked me if I was single. Which I am, right?"
"Of course."
Indy nodded. "That's what I thought, so I couldn't think of a good enough reason to turn him down when he asked me out on a date."
I rubbed harder at my chest. "Who is he?"
Indy looked sheepish. "He's a fireman."
I lifted my chin. "A fireman. Nice. Where are you going to go for your date?"
"Just out for dinner. Nowhere too swanky He's pretty down to earth. Nothing like my family. We'll probably go to the steakhouse near Trafalgar Square and grab a burger."
I shrugged. "So, you're not free tomorrow night. I get it. Have a good time and I'll see you some other time."
Indy's brow furrowed. "I'm not going to carry on having sex with you while I'm dating someone else. I know you like to think the worst of me, Paul, but I'm really not that guy. What kind of start to a relationship would that be? That's why I'm being upfront with you. If things go well tomorrow night, then we're done, unless..."
"Unless what?"
He made a jerky movement, something midway between a headshake and a laugh, as if he couldn't believe he was actually going to utter the words about to come out of his mouth. "Unless you've changed your mind about wanting to date me. If you said you wanted to give things a go. A proper go. Then I'd cancel." His gaze, which had been skittering everywhere but on me, suddenly fastened on my face. "We could be good together. Really good. If you'd just let go of the past and give me a chance. What do you say?"
The naked hope on his face caused a whole multitude of emotions to well up inside me: guilt, resentment for him making me feel that way, and something deeper and darker that I didn't even want to try to identify. Why was he trying to ruin things? What we had was fine. And now, out of the blue, he was dragging other stuff into it. Emotions. Desire. Ultimatums. None of those things had any place in our dealings. I swung my legs off the bed, grabbing my jeans and putting them on, even though it was late at night. I needed to busy myself doing something.
"Paul?"
I forced myself to meet his gaze. "You knew the score before we started having sex. What makes you think anything has changed?"
He came around the bed to stand in front of me, sadness pasted all over his handsome face. "Because I think you like me as much as I like you. Sometimes you let your guard down and I see what it could be like, and then you catch yourself and the shutters come down. Your lips say one thing but your eyes say something completely different. It's just that you're far too stubborn. You know that, right? You have this perception of me that you won't let go of. You haven't even considered that I might have had things going on at that time. Things that might go some way to explaining my behavior."
"Like what?" I caught myself. "Do you know what
, it doesn't matter. I don't want to hear it."
Indy exhaled. "And there we have it. That's the barrier I have no chance of getting past. But, for clarity's sake, I'm going to ask you one more time. Want to go on a date with me, Paul?"
I stared into those damn green eyes. Eyes that changed color depending on his mood, darkening when he was aroused and doing that damn sparkling thing when he was amused. Which was most of the time. I wondered how long it would take the fireman to realize that. Not long, probably. I still had that feeling in my chest. I didn't know what it was. It couldn't be jealousy. That would be ridiculous. I didn't even know Indy. I'd made damned sure of it, hadn't I? I'd always been on my guard, been especially careful that no emotions could sneak their way in. So, no. There was no way it could be jealousy. I made eye contact. "No."
His head dipped for a moment as if he wanted to hide his expression. Then it lifted again and he smiled. "Then we're clear."
I walked him to the door, the both of us silent until we'd gotten there. "You never know, your date might not go that well. What happens then?"
Indy pulled out his phone, staring down at something on the screen. "I think that whatever happens, we're probably better calling it a day. We both want different things."
"You don't sound too sure?"
Indy sighed, ignoring my question. "I better go." He stepped forward, dropping a soft and lingering kiss on my lips. "I'll let you know how it goes."
It was all I could do not to press a finger to my lips. We didn't kiss like that. Kisses were a prelude to sex. So it was hard to figure out what that one was supposed to mean, and why I'd let him kiss me like that without stepping away. "What's his name... the fireman?"
"Does it matter?"
I shrugged. For some reason it did.
"His name's Ben."
"Ben!" I laughed, gesturing at Indy's biceps, now covered up by his jacket. "That would fit nicely in the space."
Indy smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "So would Paul."
And then he was gone.
