Breaking the Code

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Breaking the Code Page 63

by Gyles Brandreth


  The Duchess of Westminster is immensely tall and rather stylish and has skin like bubble-wrap that no one remarks upon because she’s palpably nice, gloriously wealthy and we do love a duchess, don’t we? It was one of the things that struck us most forcibly when we first arrived here: how the Westminsters are treated like local royalty. When Gerald fell out with us (over leasehold reform) and stepped down as Association President, an audible cry of pain emanated from virtually every branch. There was nothing I could do about it. Peter [Morrison] had warned him off me.

  Anyway, this morning Her Grace was delightful, opening a home for the homeless. During the ceremony I sat next to David Hanson,653 Labour candidate for Delyn, and mentioned my ploy for the Tony Newton visit. He said:

  When Gordon Oakes654 was an MP he went to one of these twilight homes and bent over one of the residents who was sitting in an armchair gazing blankly at the TV screen. ‘Do you know who I am?’ said Gordon. ‘No,’ said the patient, ‘but ask matron. She’ll tell you.’

  I’ve a feeling the story’s as old as Dan Leno, but it still makes me smile.

  The overnight excitement has been Angela Browning’s election newsletter apparently flouting the line on EMU. She doesn’t want our gold reserves being carted off to Frankfurt! Quite right too – but do we need to hear this just as the campaign is beginning to go our way? This is exactly what the PM’s been dreading.

  SATURDAY 12 APRIL 1997

  ‘Cabinet let Eurosceptics off the leash’. Since we have no choice, we might as well make the most of it – and we are. The silence in the Labour ranks reveals the Stalinist nature of New Labour’s high command – we, on the other hand, believe in democratic debate and, by the way (nudge-nudge), our candidates are a whole lot more sceptical than theirs …

  One who isn’t is our star turn for today. John Gummer comes to Chester and is a joy – jolly, impish, giving us just what we need for our photo call in the Handbridge butchers. ‘I will gladly inspect the beef, but I will not, repeat not, hold a hamburger.’

  Our theme is the importance of local and city centre shops, but John’s happiest moment comes when we encounter a lone Labour activist on the parade. The man mutters something derogatory as JG strides past. John spins round: ‘What does your candidate have to say on abortion then?’

  The man is momentarily stunned, and then declares with some conviction: ‘She believes in a woman’s right to choose.’

  ‘Oh yes, oh yes,’ trills John, voice rising, breath quickening, ‘she believes in murdering babies, does she? Just so we know!’ The Secretary of State for the Environment is smacking his lips now: ‘You want us to vote for someone who believes in murdering babies. Thank you! Thank you very much!’

  At the Cheshire Hunt Point-to-Point the sun shines, 8,000 happy folk cheer the horses (and the hounds) and the talk is of the triumph of Aintree rather than the election. Lots of misty-eyed guff about how we defied the IRA last Saturday and proper praise for the police. Lord Leverhulme, still twinkly but struggling on his sticks, tells me he couldn’t make it on Monday for the postponed Grand National because cars weren’t allowed near the course. Bobbie McAlpine looked after the PM who helicoptered in for the race and found the boss in fighting form: ‘Quite extraordinary, considering…’ Alastair [Goodlad] was kitted out in what seemed an Ealing comedy version of the countryman’s Point-to-Point attire – green cords, brown shoes, hacking jacket and cap. He only had three words to offer on the political front: ‘Bloody Angela Browning.’

  SUNDAY 13 APRIL 1997

  Michèle called. She’s back from Bologna, and on her way up. Aphra called from Perth in happy-happy form. (‘Dad, did you know some of the kangaroos are six feet tall? We went to the beach today and we saw the dolphins.’) Robert Atkins called, ‘collecting a bit of a picture from the front’ for the boss. I made encouraging noises, both because they were justified and because JM does need to be boosted – his mood does swing. The myth is the even-tempered fellow for ever on an even keel. In fact, he’s up and down, hot and cold – and all too sensitive to signals from the front. Today he’ll be up. The Sunday Telegraph headline guarantees that: ‘Labour nosedives in new poll’. How is he? ‘Tired,’ said Robert, ‘but much happier this weekend than last. I told him to remember Gordon Greenidge: it was when he started limping that he went on to score 100.’

  Talked to Neil, much happier this week than last. We chuckled at Bell’s protests that he’s now the victim of a smear campaign – ‘They have not gone for my politics or for my honesty, which are beyond question. Instead they have gone for my private life. There was an affair, but that was seventeen years ago…’ Much chortling from Nether Alderley: ‘Can we trust a man who breaks his marriage vows?’ cooed Neil. Christine is chirruping in the background. I tell Neil to tell her how magnificent she has been – Boadicea meets Patsy Kensit – and I hear her chorusing, ‘I’m a megastar! I’m a megastar!’ They sound a lot more relaxed. ‘I’ve gone to ground though. I’m not knocking on any doors, but I’m committed to some public meetings and I don’t see that I can get out of them. And there’ll be a bit of a media circus on Tuesday when I’ve got to take in my candidate’s form and deposit. I thought I might wear a white suit…’

  ‘And why not take a biscuit—’

  ‘You mean, to give to Bell, say it’s an old custom in these parts?’

  ‘No, tell him that his coming up to Tatton from his fastness in London really does take the biscuit – so here it is.’ Much guffawing. ‘Obviously I want to keep out of the way, lower my profile and his. I’ve still got a handful of the Association who are making waves, but there weren’t a hundred abstentions – there were four. The mix-up was because the old ladies couldn’t hold their arms up long enough to be counted.’

  My conscience is pricked. Mo Mowlam has been battling with a brain tumour. It’s the steroids that have made her bulge and radiotherapy that forced her into a wig. Michèle has long said that I shouldn’t make personal remarks.

  MONDAY 14 APRIL 1997

  What election? It’s a non-event. Nothing’s happening out there. I’ve spent the day in the sunshine, on the door-knocker, running up and down pathways in Boughton and Mollington and Christleton and Littleton and everyone’s perfectly friendly, there’s no hostility, but there’s no real interest either. Listening to the radio, watching TV, scanning the papers, it’s as though they’re covering a movie of an election, a soap opera, that you can tune in to if you’re so inclined, but it’s not obligatory, it’s certainly not real and it isn’t really that important either.

  Talk to Danny who sounds tired but content. ‘The hours are horrendous. I start at six in the morning working on the PM’s brief for the day and keep going through meeting after meeting till the last which is with the party chairman at nine. And because there isn’t another meeting after it to go on to it can drag on – and on.’

  I report on how it’s going in the boondocks – no anger, no evidence Labour landslide, the areas you’d expect to be supportive being supportive and really rather positive.

  ‘Yup,’ says Danny, ‘That’s the message we’re getting from all over. Honestly, I don’t know what’s happening any more.’

  ‘I suppose one in ten have a reservation – they’re either fed up or it’s Europe.’

  Danny chuckles. ‘If we lose one in ten of our supporters, we’re simply washed away!’

  ‘Anyway,’ I say, ‘You’re doing well. We’re winning the campaign.’

  ‘Yes, yes, we’ve softened up Labour, compared with a month ago we’ve really softened up Blair – but now we need something dramatic to happen.’

  TUESDAY 15 APRIL 1997

  It has. Suddenly the wait-and-see EMU line is falling apart. After Angela Browning was corralled, we had Angela Rumbold, vice-chairman of the party, coming out firmly against – but we could live with that because she’s a backbencher. Danny and co. have rightly taken the view that since we can’t stop them let’s make a virtue of the fact that we don’t stifl
e debate and let’s allow the electorate to know our instincts. Tonight though there’s real trouble: John Horam tries to have it both ways – the government’s right to negotiate and decide, but when the time comes he’ll be against it. Newsnight break this – and the first the hapless PM hears of it is as he comes off stage from the Sunday Times Q&A forum. I’m slumped in front of the box (Chicken Korma and three-quarters of a bottle of rosé down) when the phone goes. It’s eleven. I assume it’s Michèle. It’s Newsnight. Through the rosé haze I manage to stumble through the agreed line. ‘But should he be sacked or can he stay?’ There’s no line yet issued on this, but knowing what Danny feels and knowing we can’t start jettisoning junior ministers left and right at this stage of the game I burble on to the effect that Horam clearly supports the government – but he has a personal view that will only be relevant if and when we need to make a decision. I fall asleep with the radio on and seven hours of World Service later find myself waking up to hear Malcolm Rifkind taking exactly my line, but with greater sobriety and authority.

  WEDNESDAY 16 APRIL 1997

  The shambles continues. A couple of our tosspot junior ministers have come out against the single currency, but at this stage in the game – and with members of the Cabinet continuing to send out mixed signals – what can the hapless PM do? At the beginning of the week he was in the West Country and realised that the people he was meeting had no idea we were already committed to a referendum on EMU – hence the decision to scrap the planned election broadcast and replace it with his face-to-camera impromptu address to the nation: ‘We will never take Britain into EMU. Only the British people can do that.’

  THURSDAY 17 APRIL 1997

  The PM comes to Chester – or least I think he thinks he’s come to Chester. In fact, he’s in the adjoining constituency (which we haven’t a chance of winning) and the Central Office organisation is so cack-handed that a) he’s in a controversial out-of-town shopping precinct where there as many votes to be lost as won, and b) I only get to hear that he’s here half an hour after he’s gone!

  Ah well…

  FRIDAY 18 APRIL 1997

  Oh dear. The PM, off-the-cuff, has offered a free Commons vote on EMU – but hasn’t mentioned the idea in advance to Ken or Hezza so they’re both wrong-footed. The PM is unapologetic: ‘If I’d said “I’m frightfully sorry, that’s a very interesting question but I’d better go and ask Ken Clarke or Joe Bloggs or someone else before I give you an answer” – it’s not the way I operate.’

  Ken knows he’s not being consulted and there’s nowt he can do about it. We’re making this campaign up on the hoof. Hezza doodled his idea for the ad featuring Blair perched on Kohl’s knee while waiting for a plane at Manchester airport. Central Office urged him to check it out with Ken, but he didn’t and, deplore it as the high-minded Europhiles do, perhaps it’s served its purpose.

  MONDAY 21 APRIL 1997

  Yesterday morning I did a ring-round of colleagues and the verdict was the same: it doesn’t feel too bad, there’s no open hostility, you don’t sense a rush to Labour. This is naive optimism, isn’t it? Look at the detail and one in ten of our supporters have gone wobbly. We’re going to be washed away.

  David Hunt reckons his majority will be halved and Wirral South could go either way. He hadn’t seen the lead story in the Sundays: Redwood readying himself for an immediate putsch and Hunt galvanising 110 middle-of-the-roadsters to urge Major to stay on as long as he can to prevent a precipitate lurch to the right. As we stumble towards the finishing line, the press interest is switching entirely to the leadership struggle. This morning’s post has brought a charming handwritten note from one of the potential contenders (Michael Portillo). Nobody writes more notes than Michael. He’s almost too good at it: he remembers Michèle’s name (and how to spell it), the note doesn’t look rushed, and I feel ashamed for thinking he must have sent several hundred in recent weeks. Another contender has generously given time to stomp the streets of Chester: Peter Lilley, who may have the intellectual grasp of a leader-in-waiting, but is alarmingly lacking in the charisma stakes. He did two hours knocking on doors – he was tireless, he was magnificent – but I don’t think a soul knew who he was.

  On my sortie to London yesterday I caught up with Danny who didn’t look nearly as weary as I feared given his dawn-to-dusk routine. How does Central Office rate the campaign so far? Week 1: a wash-out – all sleaze. Week 2: a bit of all right – Labour wobbled. Weeks 3 and 4: Not so bad – we’re scoring with Europe. ‘We told everybody the party couldn’t, wouldn’t hold together on EMU. We knew that the election address declarations were coming. We were pretty sure there would be junior ministers who couldn’t contain themselves, so all along we knew that when the crisis came all we could do was ride over them. That’s what we’ve done and it’s worked.’ According to Danny our internal polling suggests we’re 12/14 points down – not 19/20 – and it’s coming our way. They’re contemplating leaking our polling data to give our troops a boost, stifle the mood of meltdown and pre-empt the post-defeat scenario becoming the story.

  We gossiped about who had had a good campaign. Hezza – excellent. Howard – invisible. Clarke – ‘too all over the place – and Europe kills him’. Hague – an early flourish, but nothing now. Portillo – excellent.

  THURSDAY 24 APRIL 1997

  Michael Howard came today and I was fearful of a disaster. We’d decided to take him to Christleton, to celebrate the local Neighbourhood Watch and to spare the police the nightmare of closing down half of Chester if we’d taken him on walkabout in the town. My fear was not that the photo call would flop, but simply that once the snappers had snapped we’d have fifty minutes with the Home Secretary and no one for him to see and nothing for him to do. On Tuesday I turned up in the village with a writer and photographer from The Times and what greeted us for our mass canvas? Three stalwarts, with an average age of eighty – it was a gift for the hacks: the cast of Last of the Summer Wine turn out for Brandreth! I pictured a repeat performance today. In the event, it was a triumph. All the local photographers were on parade: we were pictured by the pump house (yes, really parish pump politics!), and our fifty minutes was packed with action – the nursing home was having a charity day and gave us tea and cheers. A bearded lady kept saying to Michael, ‘You’re the best Home Secretary we’ve ever had. You should be PM.’ Michael beamed and beamed – and revealed brown teeth which I’d not noticed before. The dentist, the village post office, the pub (‘This is superb bitter,’ cooed Michael. ‘What is it? Bass? Yes, of course’), the mobile library, the parents collecting their offspring from school: we did ’em all. And Rachel Whetstone [Howard’s Special Adviser], bless her, brought a bunch of carnations for Michèle.

  I spoke at Christleton High School at lunchtime. A large crowd, mostly hostile, including a chippy teacher in a black shirt and seed-packet tie who stood with his hands in his jeans and asked about sleaze. I was loud and theatrical, and almost certainly rather ridiculous. Tonight I spoke to a friendly handful at the Chester College – I was weary but spoke so much better.

  Labour press officer quote of the day (quote of the campaign perhaps): ‘Later today Tony Blair will be spontaneous. Tomorrow he will be passionate.’

  SUNDAY 27 APRIL 1997

  To BBC Manchester for a TV debate with an alarmed-looking Tony Lloyd (who’ll be a minister by Friday, God help us!) and husky-voiced Liz Lynne.655 I like them both. Tony was a regular at the French conversation classes: dogged but dim was my assessment.656 Our discussion on the box was rather fun – we were boisterous but evidently good-humoured, unlike the rather more watchable (and certainly more watched) debate on the other side which had Hezza and Prescott slagging each other off in no uncertain terms.

  I reached Alistair and Cecilia’s [home near Tarpoley] by about 2.40 p.m. Michèle was already there. The champagne flowed – and the Macon – and the Burgundy – and the salmon was wonderful and the pheasant well-roasted and the apple pie and cream just righ
t. They are good people. Alastair is gathering with the PM and Cranborne and co. at No. 10 on Wednesday night to plan for Friday. Dignity will be the order of the day.

  Talked to Seb who didn’t know what the Falmouth verdict would be. The PM had been and done well.

  ‘Did you do the warm-up?’

  ‘No, we had Jeffrey. He did his ten-minute bark. It’s wearing a bit thin.’

  MONDAY 28 APRIL 1997

  This election’s all over. The focus now is entirely on the next election: who will be leader. Today’s papers reckon it’ll be between Hezza and Portillo. The confusion at the command centre continues. Indeed, the real confusion is: where is the command centre? In theory, it’s Mawhinney, Maurice Saatchi and co. at Central Office. In practice, it’s the PM, Robert Cranborne and co. at No. 10 and on the battle bus. Our messages have been all over the place: we abandoned the demon eyes because the PM lost his nerve/didn’t like them; we put the weeping lion to rest because he didn’t convince anyone; we’ve highlighted Europe, where we’re most divided, when all the research told us Europe isn’t an issue for the bulk of the electorate (‘it’s the economy, stupid’); and we’ve ended up with posters the length and breadth of the land saying ‘Britain is booming’ which the Chancellor of the Exchequer loathes and which even the experts agree are risky: see the word boom and you think of bust.

  And here in Chester I can only report a dismal day on the Brandreth campaign trail. Alternately it drizzles and sleets. The oomph has gone out of the activists and nerves are getting frayed. My support manager (early fifties) and my road manager (early seventies) almost came to blows outside the mobile library in Guilden Sutton. One felt the other was usurping his role: blood pressure and voices were raised. I disappeared inside the library and emerged to find them still at it. Fortunately rain stopped affray! We’d hired a bus for six o’clock to whisk sixty activists round town to show strength in numbers. About fifteen turned up, willing and cheerful, but the rain was driving and we’d have cut a sorry sight trundling round the bleak, deserted streets. Sensibly we aborted the mission.

 

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