“Not for you.” I shifted her so that I could get to her mouth and held her face between my palms as I kissed her, hoping that everything I felt could somehow flow into her, so she would know what I couldn’t make myself say.
She opened her mouth, licking the inside of my lips, meeting my tongue and making that small noise in the back of her throat that killed me every time. When I came up for air, she laid her head against my shoulder.
“You know, it’s really too cold to make out by the fire. I’m warm where I’m touching you, but my front is freezing.”
“Do you think it’s going to snow?” I squinted up at the sky. “It feels like snow, right?”
“Oh, my California and Florida boy.” She shook her head, smiling. “I don’t think it’s quite cold enough. It is damp, though. I guess there’s a chance of it.”
I rubbed her thigh, trailing my fingers up to her ass, kneading there. “Joss, where did you live before you came to Florida? Did you see snow?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I lived in New Jersey. Lots of snow there. And other not so much fun stuff, like sleet and frozen rain.” She shuddered.
“Hmmm.” I snuck my other hand up under the sweatshirt and felt warm, bare skin. “So you told me you don’t talk to any of your family anymore, since you...left. What about your sister?”
“No. I wish I could, but I lost touch with her before I left New Jersey. My parents disowned her. I’ve thought about trying to find her the last few years, but I guess I’m scared. What if she feels the same way they do now? I couldn’t stand that. I like to imagine that she’s married, happy, maybe with kids. That she thinks about me sometimes and smiles.”
I tightened my hold. “Joss...” I took a deep breath and swallowed hard, trying to work out the words. “I’ll be your family.” I brushed red curls from her eyes, captured them with mine, held strong. “I’ll be here for you, no matter what. I’ll be the one you can depend on. I’ll always have your back, I’ll always tell you the truth.”
I wanted to say it. I wanted to use the L word, to tell her how I was pretty sure I felt. But something held my tongue.
She searched my face, her eyes serious and huge. “Rafe, that is the best thing anyone has said to me, ever.” She traced my lips with the tip of her pointer finger, and then replaced it with her mouth, soft and full of promise.
“I’ll be here for you, always. No matter what. No one will be more important to me than you. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.”
I pulled her into a deeper kiss, held her close and explored her skin under the shirt until she shivered.
“Let’s go back to our tent and keep warm,” she whispered into my ear.
I stood, lifting her into my arms as she gasped, and I carried her back to where our warm sleeping bags waited for us.
She kissed along my jaw and my neck as I walked, and I thought that I would walk with her like this forever.
There was so much more I wanted to tell her, so many words to say. But we had time. There was plenty of time for us.
***
IT DIDN’T SNOW, but in the wake of the bitter cold, the camp was quiet all weekend. I had asked a few people what everyone did during the day, when they weren’t preparing meals or cleaning up from them. Most of them shrugged.
“During the spring and summer and fall, it’s different. We’re planting food, and weeding and watering, and then harvesting. Everybody’s busy. Winter is tough. Most people stick to their tents, reading or doing some kind of craft. Lots of the women knit or sew. That’s why we all like mealtimes. It’s when we get to hang out together.” Billy glanced around the circle, fondness evident in his eyes.
“You know when I was growing up, I always wanted family dinners like they have on TV shows. My parents were gone all the time, and I was an only child. It was always babysitters and housekeepers. So this is like a dream come true for me. I have a family now. A big group of people who care about me.”
I nodded and looked over to where Joss was sitting a few seats away, talking with an older woman who had long brown hair in braids. I hated that the innocent people in this place—people like Billy, like the woman who was even now promising to teach Jocelyn how to knit if we stayed long enough—were being used by Nathan and whoever else was running the guns. They were all part of a lie, and it was going to hurt them when they found out. I wished I could do something to protect them, but short of blowing our cover and putting both Joss and me in danger, I couldn’t say anything.
“Hey, Ian’s back!”
A swell of voices rose around the circle. Everyone was excited to see what Ian might have brought back from town, eager to refill the pantry and hear the news. A few men stood up to help with the unloading.
“Why are they going that way? Isn’t the van in the lot?” I watched them tramp around the back of the lodge. I had a sneaking suspicion why the van was coming from that direction, where the shed that apparently doubled as an armory was located, but I wondered if Billy knew.
“Usually, yeah, but when we’re bringing in a load of food, Ian drives in a back road. Easier to empty it right into the lodge than have to carry it all the way from the lot in the front.”
“That makes sense. I didn’t know there was another road.”
Billy nodded. “They used it when the lodge was being built, I guess. Needed to be able to get trucks and bulldozers back here. We keep it kind of hidden so we don’t get people wandering in on us, you know?”
“Sure, makes sense.” I caught Joss’s eye. She was watching me, and I felt her tension. Now that Ian was back, most likely with a load of weapons, it was crucial for us to get out of the camp as soon as possible. If we could get in touch with Harley and Cathryn, they could alert authorities, I figured. Or whatever they planned to do with this situation. But we needed to do it while the arms were still here, on the commune property, before Nathan and Cara distributed them to wherever they were going.
“I’m going to see if Ian and the rest of them need help.” I stood, and Billy did, too. “See if he had any luck with our car parts.”
“Hey, does that mean you guys aren’t going to stay with us?” Billy looked disappointed.
“I don’t know for sure, but we need to get our car operational, no matter what, right?” I grinned at him. “Can’t let my sweetheart sit there with a bent chassis.”
“Isn’t he nuts, Billy?” Joss came up next to me, slipping an arm around my back. “Sometimes I think he loves the Impala more than he loves me.”
“Aw, that’s not true, Joss.” Billy smiled at her and then looked at me. “Anyone with eyes can see how much Rafe loves you. He just, like, lights up when he sees you. I’ve never known anything like it. Makes me think real love is possible.”
I looked down into Joss’s face and touched her cheek. Billy had just said for me what I couldn’t yet. She smiled at me, full of light and promise.
“Hey, everyone! Look who I brought back to us.”
We turned as a group, I think, and suddenly the world stopped. My heart dropped, and time switched to slow motion.
Ian stood on the porch of the lodge, smiling down at all of us around the fire. Next to him was a short young woman, thin with brown hair and plain features. Her face was blank, devoid of expression like Nathan’s usually was, but it was one I would never forget.
Mallory Jones.
I heard Joss think her name the same moment it filtered into my brain. This was the same girl we’d seen months ago in a conference room in New Orleans, a world away from this cold camp in Georgia. The same girl who had enough power to kill Donald McCall using her mind, and apparently had no compunction about doing so.
“My God, Rafe.” Joss’s voice was a whisper, full of terror. We need to get the hell out of here. Now. Come on, back to the tent. And then we can cut through woods, the marsh, back to the road. She can’t see us. We’re dead if she does.
If Billy noticed our panic, he didn’t give any sign. He punched me lightly in
the arm. “Hey, y’all, that’s Mallory. She used to be here with us a while back, and then she went to go start up another commune like this, somewhere else. I forget where. Ian must have brought her back to surprise us.”
Before I could stop him, before I could grab Joss’s arm and turn away, Billy waved his arm.
“Hey, Mallory!”
She looked over at him, her mouth finally curving into a smile of recognition, and then she spotted me. Her face froze, and her eyes went totally blank again. I watched her lips part as recognition washed over her.
“Get behind me,
” I muttered to Jocelyn. “Stay there. Don’t move.”
Mallory gripped Ian’s arm and pointed to us. She said something, but of course I was too far away to hear. I could guess at what it was, anyway.
Ian’s expression matched hers in surprise and then hardened. I broke my stare and grabbed Joss’s arm.
“Run.”
“Stop them!” Ian’s voice rang out over the crowd, but there was enough confusion that no one knew what he meant. I saw Billy’s face fall into bewilderment as I tugged Joss away, heading to the trees. Away. Anywhere away from here.
We made it into the woods and broke into a run, clinging tightly to each other. Joss stumbled and cried out, but I caught her, dragged her forward.
Rafe, they’re coming. God, oh, God, they know. They suspected and they brought her here, and we missed it.
“We’ll get to the road. Don’t stop. We’ll get there, and—” And I didn’t know what after that. I only wanted to get away, get Joss to safety. I yanked again at her arm, feeling for a minute we were running through mud.
“Well, where do you think you’re going? Isn’t it rude to leave without saying good-bye when we’ve been so hospitable to you here?”
Nathan blocked our path, and he was flanked by two other large men— the ones Joss had noted possessed some kind of abilities—as well as Ian. Mallory stood to his right, her arms folded over her chest and her eyes mocking.
“We didn’t have a chance for introductions in New Orleans, did we? A shame. It was a hard day for everyone at Wolpert. Tragic, really. But I remember you two there. You were part of the old man’s team, right? I sensed your power that day. I wondered who you really were. Now I guess we’ll find out.”
Joss clung to my arm, panting. She looked around us wildly, trying to figure out an escape route. I knew the minute her eyes found the large rock just behind Ian, and I could guess what her plan was. I struggled to calm my heart and focus on their minds, try to stop them just long enough for us to run again.
Nathan shook his head. “Cara was right all along. You know I’m going to have to listen to her tell me she told me so for weeks now. She said you were here, spying. Want to tell us who you work for?”
He smiled at us, and a wave of evil like I hadn’t felt in a very long time swept over me. Joss cringed and fell back. I lost any tenuous connection I had with their minds, not that it was working anyway. Their blocks were iron.
“You know you can’t leave. We can’t allow that. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You can stay here, be part of us. We have some methods of persuasion that are pretty damn effective. Come on now, come back to camp without any fuss. We’ll go to my hut, and we’ll talk. Work things out. You could be one of us. I can make up a story about why you took off for the rest of the commune, explain that you’re actually on the run from the law. Criminals with hearts of gold. They’ll love it.”
“Not that they have any choice. They think what we tell them to think, like good little drones. They’re going to be a strong army, even if they don’t know it yet.” Ian smirked.
Nathan slid a sideways glance at him, and I knew without a doubt that we didn’t have a chance. This was it. We were going down here, or they’d take care of us back in the privacy of the hut, maybe in the locked shed. But we weren’t leaving this commune.
Rafe. Run.
Joss squeezed my hand, her eyes focused on that rock again.
Run. Let me do this. Take care of them. I’ll catch up to you on the road. Run. Now.
Before I could answer or stop her, I felt the surge of power as she dug deep into her well of emotion and hoisted the rock. It flew through the air, hitting Nathan on the side of the head. He cried out, and then Joss unleashed her energy full-force. Tree branches, sticks, anything that wasn’t rooted began to spin around us. Dirt filled the air, making it almost impossible to see. Ian and the other two men swore and ducked. One of them squatted next to Nathan, checking his head.
But Mallory Jones stood there, completely motionless. I saw her eyes fasten on us, and I took Jocelyn’s hand again, trying to get her to move while chaos distracted the men. Once we ran, her telekinesis wouldn’t work, and they’d follow us. But maybe we’d get a decent head start, especially with Nathan out cold.
“Come on!” I shouted.
Joss took one step toward me, and for a minute, I thought we were going to make it. We’d get away at least, though I still didn’t know what we could do when we got to the road. But somehow, if we could just get there...
And then she cried out. I fell back into a tree as a blast of vicious power struck me. My head bounced on the trunk, and then against the ground, and for an instant, I saw nothing, felt nothing.
The first thing I realized when I could think clearly was that I was still clutching Joss’s hand. But something was wrong. It didn’t feel right. She wasn’t gripping me back; her fingers were loose.
I rolled on the ground, turning my throbbing head in her direction.
Her beautiful red hair lay all around her, leaves and twigs caught in the curls. Her pale skin glowed in the dim and anemic winter sunshine that filtered through the trees.
But her eyes. Those vibrant brown eyes that laughed at me, that loved me, were wide open, staring.
Empty.
***
Dark.
Cold.
Damp.
Dirt.
Pain.
Dark.
Cold.
Is he hurt? Did someone check his head? He slammed it hard into that tree when Mallory...
He’s fine. Maybe in shock. Leave him be.
But he’ll freeze down there.
The ground is warm that deep. The dirt will insulate him. And if he freezes, we’ll just have to dump more dirt over him. Save us digging another grave.
The body...what did you do with it? Where did you bury...her?
It’s taken care of. Forget about it. We have more important things. We need to load up that shipment. It’s going out today.
Cold.
Pain.
Sickness.
Pain.
Dark.
Hunger.
Did you give him the food today? Did you dump it down there?
We lower it in a bucket. He doesn’t touch it. I think I saw his eyes open, one time, but it’s hard to see in the dark.
He drank water when we dropped that down. Drank it like a crazy man. Like a dog. Drank it off the ground.
Why don’t we just finish him off? He’s going to die down there anyway. Be more humane just to let Mallory...you know.
Cara won’t let us. She went crazy on Nathan. She didn’t like them, but I guess she doesn’t want anyone killing her friend either.
But he’s going to die here anyway.
Nathan said he can stay in the hole and he won’t let anyone hurt him, but Cara can’t help him, either. They’re at a stand-off.
Cold.
Dark.
Light.
Water.
Pain.
Pain.
Pain.
It’s been months he’s been down there now. Is he eating yet?
Yeah, Ian says he did. Dropped some bread down there, he gobbled it up. More like an animal now.
He still doesn’t speak?
No. But Nathan says we gotta keep up our blocks around him, or he could manipulate us to let him go. Gotta be on our guard
.
How about him being a manipulator? Like Carl. Too bad he doesn’t work for us. It would make the job of changing everyone in camp over to our way of thinking go a lot faster.
Doesn’t matter. The army is almost ready. It’s nearly time.
Pain.
Warmth.
Sunlight.
Wet.
Pain.
Sick.
Hot.
Sick.
Help.
Did that shipment get distributed?
Yeah. Twenty other camps now, all over. Just waiting for the signal. Just waiting for the go sign. It’s going to be wicked. Riots in every major city, bombs going off everywhere...we’re gonna rock the world.
Ben would be proud.
Do you think Ben is really...gone?
Cara says he isn’t. She says he’s coming back, he’s just laying low. I don’t know, no one’s heard from him in a long time. They don’t always tell us everything, I think.
She still goes into Savannah every month to meet him. Hoping he’ll show up like he used to. She’s nuts.
Don’t let her hear you.
Pain.
Pain.
Heat.
Bright.
Pain.
I can’t believe he’s still alive. What are we going to do with him when we move out?
I don’t know. Leave him, I guess. Or maybe Nathan will finally stand up to Cara and let Mallory take him down. Or shoot him himself. Shit, all the guns we got here, seems like that’s the easiest way to go.
Shoot him, shock him, stop his heart. Doesn’t matter anymore. He’s a dead man either way.
***
THE PAIN WAS a throbbing constant, in my head, in my body, in every limb. It kept me from sleeping. It kept me from escaping.
When I slept, I could forget. When I was awake and closed my eyes, I only saw her eyes as they were at the end. I only felt her emptiness, her utter loss. Gone. She was gone, and I had let it happen.
Hunger gnawed until I ate anything they tossed down to me. Thirst made me insane, until I imagined water pouring over me. I licked the mud, sucked rocks I could find.
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