by Marie Piper
At home, Matthew stripped off his hat and vest and shirt, enjoying the air on his skin. He let his horse loose in the pen and shoveled a big stack of hay as a reward for her hard work. After he pumped a bucket of water from the well, he dumped half of it over his head, letting it wash away the sweat and dirt of the past few days. The cold water was only unpleasant for a second. He soaped himself up and dumped the other half of the water to rinse. He felt lighter.
The warm breeze blew across his wet skin, and he sat back to sip a cup of water, looking at the home he’d bought. When he’d got it, everything had seemed so much clearer; he loved her, she loved him, and they’d be happy together until their dying days.
Now that so much had changed, he couldn’t tell what would happen.
The sound of hooves pounding the ground caught his ear. Before he could even turn to see, he knew who it would be. Sure enough, Haven was riding toward him at a full gallop. Her hair flew loose as she and Echo moved as one, swiftly cutting through the grass. She rode right up to him.
“Are you crazy? You're riding out here alone?” he asked as he went to her. Walker was still around somewhere, and even though she’d proven herself tougher than he’d originally thought, she was no match for a murdering madman. The crazy woman was likely to get herself killed.
Haven jumped off Echo but didn’t let go of the reins. “Are you all right?”
“I’m standing here talking to you, ain’t I?”
She winced as if he’d slapped her. His response had seemed crueler than he’d intended. He conceded. “I’m fine.”
Haven’s relief was noticeable. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
They stood in awkward silence, friends for a lifetime who suddenly felt like strangers.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’ll keep saying it if you want. I got back to town, and you were gone. I thought if something happened to you, I’d never get to say goodbye and that I love you and I’m sorry. If you want to break our engagement, I understand. Only please don’t hate me, Matthew. Yell at me and scream at me. Strike me if you have to, but please don’t hate me.”
Matthew saw the sincerity on her face, and knew in his heart she was telling the truth. As for his truth, what she’d done hadn’t changed much. He would still marry her, and he couldn’t stop himself from loving her, even if she’d robbed a bank.
The past was the past, and if he had a chance to fix their situation right then and there, he aimed to take it.
In three steps, he reached her and brought his mouth down on hers with a force that nearly knocked her down. If his hands hadn’t taken hold of her arms, Haven would have fallen to the ground, but he kept her right where he wanted her and claimed her. Matthew pushed his tongue into her mouth, and felt even better when she kissed him right back.
Tears poured from her eyes, and made streams down her cheeks. Matthew tasted the saltiness as they landed on his lips. He kissed her for a long time, forgiving her more with every touch of her lips on his. Her kiss felt like a cool rain, washing his mind clean. Winding his hands in her thick hair, he increased the pressure of his mouth on hers. Haven wobbled and fell against him with a quiet chuckle as she dropped Echo’s reins to the ground.
He pulled his mouth from hers just enough to speak. “There is nothing you could ever do that could make me hate you.”
Haven flung her arms around him and pressed her cheek to his damp shoulder to cry. Taken aback for a moment, Matthew enclosed her in his arms in return. He felt the pressure of her body against his bare skin, and the silkiness of her hair against his chest. She couldn’t stop her sobs, and Matthew held her tight. “I’m all right. We took the body back to Bill McKenzie and came home. All the while, I thought about you.”
“You did?”
“That day I kissed you in the tallgrass,” he blurted, “I scared you. That’s why I didn’t do anything more, why I’ve not kissed you since. I love you harder than you know, and the next time I kiss you, I ain’t likely to ever be able to stop.”
“Then never stop,” she replied. “I have never been afraid of you. The only thing that scared me was feeling like you didn’t want me that way.”
A lump came to his throat at her words. He’d wasted years of their lives trying to protect them from themselves. They could have been married for years already, could have already been each other’s first everything.
“You listen to me. There ain’t a way I don’t want you. And I sure as hell don’t mean that in proper and polite terms.”
Haven’s jaw dropped at his audacity, but her eyes twinkled. “Matthew!”
Spontaneously, he scooped her up in his arms. Haven gave a tiny shriek as her feet left the ground. The huge smile on her face as he carried her across the porch into their house was unmistakable. He kicked the door shut behind them, and took her into their bedroom.
The bed now held a mattress. Haven saw it and raised an eyebrow.
Matthew grinned. “Told you I was getting things ready.”
As she laughed, he dropped her gently onto the soft feather mattress. She bounced a bit, and he bent his face to hers again. The taste of her lips charged him with a yearning to taste every bit of her.
Haven stopped him. “Have you known many women?”
He owed her honesty. “A few.”
“Women like Callie?”
“Yep.”
“I like her,” Haven confessed. “I know I’m not supposed to be friends with a woman like that, but I like her and I plan on being friends with her as long as I can. She’s nice to talk to about things with. And you should have seen her at the society meeting. She set Mrs. Harper’s hat ablaze with fury.”
Matthew appreciated her honesty. “If you like her, she’s all right by me. And if she can get Mrs. Harper’s toes in a twist, I might even come to like her too.”
“Just don’t come to like her as much as you like me.”
Haven’s fingers ran lightly over his bare chest. All through the years, he’d imagined what her touch would be like, and it turned out to be sweeter than he’d ever figured. “There’s never been anyone I liked as much as you,” he answered. “I never felt anything for those women. It just gets awful lonely out on the trail.” He hated to admit it, but she deserved the truth from him. After all, his truth wasn’t that different from hers. He realized he couldn’t hold kissing Hank Porter against her when he’d gone to women’s beds to distract himself from his feelings for her. “It was always you I dreamed about.”
Haven smiled up at him, and he felt his skin prickle at the teasing look in her eyes. “You dreamed about me?”
“Every night. Most days too.”
“What did you dream about?”
“I dreamed about these.” He ran a finger over her full lips, and she kissed it. He hadn’t expected her to do that, but he liked it. Then he moved his hand to her breast and cupped it in his palm, feeling the fullness he’d imagined. “And these.” When he squeezed her breast, she grasped his sides and pulled him closer against her. His stomach clenched at her reaction, at the need behind it, and he slid his hand down between her bottom and the bed and gave it a squeeze. “And this.”
Haven giggled. Knowing she was enjoying what he was doing, he brought his hand down her leg, between her thighs, over the starched fabric of her brown dress. “And I especially dreamed about this.”
At his touch, Haven whispered his name. There was a catch in her voice when she said it, and it thrilled him.
Pressing himself against the full length of her, he took in the feeling of her against his chest, and his thighs against hers. Even in her dress, he could make out the sensuous curves of her body. Matthew felt ready to burst both in his head and body, and he rested his hand on her stomach. He recalled her at thirteen, still climbing trees dressed in boy’s clothes, and how it hadn’t been long after that she’d been forced into dresses and buttons, bridled like a wild horse. He remembered the evening he set out from the Anderson home to go on his first d
rive, and how she clung tight to him with tears on her fourteen year old cheeks, worried he’d never come back.
How foolish he’d been to be so damn polite. If he’d come to her this way two years earlier, Hank Porter wouldn’t have mattered.
Suddenly, there was only one thing in the world he needed. “I want to see you.”
Matthew helped her up and sat back on his heels. As her small fingers unbuttoned the very top button under her chin, he realized he wasn’t breathing. The cursed buttons that kept her bound had stood in the way too long.
Nervously, Haven fumbled with them. Despite everything womanly about her, Matthew realized she was still innocent.
“Let me,” he requested softly.
Haven nodded and stepped closer to the bed. She let her hands fall to her sides.
Matthew raised his hands to her dress and slowly unbuttoned one button, then the next. Matthew cursed the trickiness of women’s clothes. Buckles, buttons, and baubles all served as impassable gates men had to work their way past to get to the treasures beneath, though perhaps that was the point.
As he worked his way down the front of her dress, each button that came undone fueled his desire further. Pieces of her skin became visible as the fabric separated. The dress fell away after he unbuttoned down to her hips. Beneath it, she wore a white camisole with more buttons. Matthew chuckled, and so did Haven. His hands moved faster the closer he got to having her undressed, and soon the white cotton lay on top of her dress on the floor.
After she kicked off her shoes, Haven stood before him as naked as the day she was born.
He’d never seen anything so beautiful.
There was no point in looking back, he realized. Josiah McKenzie had been right. The past was the past. The only way was forward. From this moment on, she would never need anything he could give her, and he’d never rest until she was satisfied in his arms. Only his.
***
Haven
Warm air grazed her naked skin. Standing before Matthew, Haven felt even more brazen than she had in the red dress in Hank’s room. Matthew’s eyes had grown wider as she revealed herself to him, and she knew he liked what he saw. The hunger she saw on his face thrilled her, and she allowed herself to admire the lean muscles in his chest and arms. Prompted by both nerves and desire, her hands went to cover her breasts.
“No.” Matthew caught her hands in his. “Let me see how lovely you are.”
Haven bit her lip. Any hesitations she’d had—they were still a few weeks from the wedding, her father wouldn’t approve, there was even a madman probably roaming around the town—vanished like smoke into the air.
They’d smoldered for each other long enough.
It was time to ignite the fire.
Unable to stay still any more, she reached out a hand and ran her fingers over the blonde stubble on his jaw, then the fair hair on his chest. A man’s body was so different from a woman’s, yet magnificent in its own way. Now that her fingers had encountered his skin, which was cool and still a bit damp, she couldn’t take her hand away. Her curious fingers traveled down to his belt, and her other hand joined to unbuckle it. Matthew breathed in deeply.
As she finished undoing his pants, he ran his thumb over her cheek. “Tell me you want this.”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I’m so damn tired of being good all the time.” Haven took his length in her hand, and he inhaled sharply.
Grabbing her around the waist, he pulled her onto the bed. “So am I.”
Getting out of his pants was a bit of a struggle, which made Haven laugh. She’d never thought there’d be laughing during lovemaking, but with Matthew there was only happiness and joy. Finally he was freed, and they lay naked together on their bed. Matthew stroked the skin of her belly. Haven made no attempt to stop him when his hand traveled lower. When his fingers found her most private place, she gasped quietly in pleasure. No man had ever touched her there, and she found she liked it very much. She enjoyed the way Matthew's hands gently roamed over her, even as he moved himself onto her. With his coaxing, she moaned softly as her whole body tensed. As if he offered relief, Matthew dropped a hot kiss under her chin.
“Is this all right?” he asked.
“More than all right.” Haven closed her eyes at the feeling of his breath tickling her ear. “If you stop touching me, I swear I will shoot you.”
“Yes ma’am.” With a chuckle, Matthew took his manhood in hand and pressed it against her. Haven squirmed, and her legs tried to close out of bashfulness, but he rubbed against her as she writhed beneath him. His actions stirred up feelings she’d pushed aside. All she’d truly ever wanted was Matthew, and she’d spend the rest of her life making up for her stupid indiscretion if he’d just keep touching her. Yearning for release from the building pleasure, Haven reached down for him.
With a light grip, Matthew caught her wrist and held her back. “Not yet.”
He bent, kissing the place between her breasts. Haven put her hand on the back of his head and brought him closer. “Please.” The word was all she could muster with her lips against his forehead. “Oh, Matthew. Please.”
“There’ll be no more fooling around with other people for either of us. I intend to be your first and last lover.”
“There’s only you. I promise.”
Matthew dragged his mouth down to the inside of her thigh, and she exclaimed as his tongue found her womanhood. He worked at her, burying himself, kissing places she’d never known could be kissed. Haven saw the ceiling of the bedroom, and felt like she could fly away. A tightening gripped her stomach unlike anything she’d ever known, and she called out into the room with abandon. Matthew moved faster and a little less gently, keeping at her until she gripped the blankets of the bed as the whole earth seemed to shake. She quivered with pleasure and bucked against his fingers, gasping and crying out as new sensations soared through every inch of her body. All that was left in the aftermath was a panting mess.
So that was what all the fuss was about. From what Callie had said, Haven had wondered if she’d enjoy lovemaking. As it so happened, she did, very much so.
Matthew pressed his forehead to hers as he brought his body back on top. They kept their eyes on each other's as he entered her. Surprised by how good he felt, Haven gripped his arms so hard she figured he’d have marks the next day. She’d brand him with bruises as glorious reminders of this encounter. Matthew stayed in place until Haven let go of the breath she’d been holding, sighing hard and letting go of years of boiled up frustration and desire. Her body relaxed to allow him to enter completely.
Matthew brushed her hair aside to kiss her temple. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Recalling how to make words was nearly beyond her grasp.
Ever so slowly, with his cheek pressed to hers, he began to move in her. Haven could barely breathe, feeling her breaths grow ragged as he increased his pace. Her grip on his sides lightened a bit as she relaxed and began to enjoy the sensations.
Haven marveled at him. It was clear from the way he paid attention to every breath she took, from the way he cared about what each touch of his hand did to her, that he loved her beyond her understanding. She thought briefly of Hank and realized she could have been any woman in any city, and he’d have treated her exactly the same. All the fancy words he’d said could have been said to anyone. She had been fooling herself to think she was in any way special to Hank Porter. With Matthew, though, she knew she was the only woman in the world that mattered.
Love meant mattering to someone more than anyone else.
Matthew moved faster, and she raised her legs higher. His thighs bumped hers as his hands held tightly to her hips. A nibble at her earlobe surprised her, and she turned her face to see his smile. He whispered his love to her again and again as he moved, and Haven began to wonder if he could last hours, or days, for that matter. With his thrusts, she couldn’t keep herself from breathing harder and letting small moans escape her lips.
Th
eir two bodies delighted in each other until Matthew buried his face in her hair and exploded into her. Haven touched his shoulder and felt him quake again. He stayed where he was for a long moment before he seemed to weaken.
After he’d spent himself, he crushed her with a weight she savored. Haven ran her hands over his back as he lay with his face against her chest, feeling his love surround her. They lay that way for a long time, silent and clinging together, knowing it would always be the same.
Matthew let out a huge yawn.
Haven realized what he’d been through. After the exhaustion of his past few days, it was no wonder the release of pent up emotion and physical desire was dragging him toward sleep. Kissing his forehead lightly, she rested a hand on the back of his head. “You must be exhausted,” she whispered. “Why don’t you sleep?”
“I don’t know how I could sleep with you next to me, lookin’ like that.” As he said it, he yawned again.
“I think you’d be surprised.”
“There might be a baby,” Matthew said softly.
“Shoot,” she replied, “I’d hardly be the first woman to have a baby whose birthday didn’t exactly line up with her wedding date.”
“Maybe just a few minutes of sleep.”
“Just a few,” she agreed. He reached to link her hand in his, but his eyes were closing. Even when asleep, he wanted to protect her.
Exhaustion consumed him, and Haven didn’t leave the bed for a long time. She watched his face relax and his eyelids flutter as he dreamed. His rumpled mess of yellow hair felt soft against her shoulder. Soon his breathing changed to the rhythmic rise and fall of deep sleep, and she held him close and safe.
Once he was snoring quietly, Haven slipped out of the bed and grabbed his discarded shirt. In the main room, she sized up the home. Matthew had done a lot of work since buying it. With the improvements, it was even easier to imagine the walls around her being their home. He’d done as he said he would and built a bookshelf, and it was already filled with his volumes of Jules Verne, Thomas Hardy, Shakespeare, and Robert Louis Stevenson.
