by Dara Kent
“Look at me,” Jensen’s voice demanded, although it was far away and tinny. “You need to snap out of this.”
Realization seeped in as cold water pattered along my naked body. I’m in the shower. I came up here after— I reached over and spun the lever, putting a halt to my icy purgatory. Jensen swaddled me in a towel as I stepped out of the tub, my teeth chattering.
“You were lost in one of Lilith’s memories again, weren’t you?” He brushed my wet hair back from my face.
I blinked, panic surging. “You can’t be here. Or, well, I wanted you to come get me. Or I was going to sneak over after my shower. You’re supposed to be doing that spell …”
Sweeping me up in his arms, Jensen moved us through a portal. We appeared in his bathroom. My stomach churned, and I slapped at his shoulder. “Put me down. Gonna—” Lurching to the side, I revisited my last meal, displaying it for Jensen all over the inside of his bathtub.
He groaned. “The last few times I brought you through you were fine.”
Dizziness assaulted me, the room spinning. I slid down to the floor, not caring that I was in a damp towel. “This time was different.”
“No shit,” he muttered, flipping on the shower to wash away my puke. “Feeling better?” He crouched down in front of me, baby blues dancing over me with concern.
“Yeah, I guess.” The vertigo and stomach issues had subsided, but the memories of burning left me feeling shaky on a level I couldn’t quite put into words.
Deal with it and move on.
Shoving myself off the floor, I wobbled to my feet, Jensen hovering as if he would have to catch me. I stuck my head under the sink faucet, rinsing out my mouth. When I was done, I stole some of Jensen’s mouthwash.
“Are we going to talk about what’s going on with you?” Jensen asked, his gaze meeting mine in the mirror.
“No.” Snatching a second towel, I wrung out my hair.
“Are you going to tell me why you wanted Monica’s necklace?”
“Because it’s a key. An actual key. I’m not sure how Tomas got his hands on it, but Lilith recognized it, and therefore so did I.”
Jensen dangled the chain off the tip of his finger, the key swinging between us as I turned toward him. “And what does it open?”
“Many, many things.” I palmed the key, excitement zinging through my body. “But before we can use it, we need to get our hands on that weapon.”
“The one that killed Pestilence?”
I raised my eyebrows. “As if there’s another.”
“One can never be too sure lately.”
He did have a point. “This key is going to do more than open things. It’s going to lead us to that weapon.”
Jensen nodded slowly, understanding donning. “The key is what opened a way to the weapon to begin with, so there’s a connection and I can track it.”
I grinned. “Exactly.” Why was I ever opposed to using Jensen and his ridiculously useful warlock magic? Whatever paranoia I’d previously harbored was long gone, erased like it never existed. Perhaps it was the integration of Lilith’s memories into my psyche, and with her understanding—which became mine in the end—it brought the realization that Jensen’s powers could be extremely useful to me, especially under the current circumstances.
Jensen cupped my cheek, and I leaned into him, seeking his warmth. “You sure you want to do this? I don’t know what you have planned,” he glowered, “mostly because you refuse to tell me, but I have a bad feeling about all of this.”
Huh. Guess his magical intuition was an actual thing, and not just a figure of speech. “I have to do this.”
Expelling a long sigh, he dropped his hand. “I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready.”
He left me alone in the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind him. I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment, my dark hair slicked back from my face, highlighting the shadows under my eyes. I leaned forward, meeting my own gaze. “Are you still in there?” Gripping the sink, my upper lip curled into a snarl. “I didn’t absorb you at all, did I?”
It’d been too easy. I knew that now. Jensen might have been able to box Lilith in temporarily, but after a five-second fight in my mind, I overpowered an ancient fallen angel? Please. It was nothing but hubris to believe such a thing.
“Stop hiding. You’re pushing those burning memories on me to make it believable. What, did you pull on some old CW show in my head and decide I needed the tortured hero vibe for me to fall for it?”
Nothing stirred within my head except my own thoughts.
“I don’t care how long you play possum in there. I know you’re not gone. You’re giving me memories as I need them. I don’t have free access, which I would if I absorbed your essence.”
Silence swirled between and around my presence. Either I was alone in my brain or Lilith deserved an academy award. I was guessing the latter.
“I’m not going to let you sneak in and steal control when I’m not paying attention—because I’m always going to be paying attention. I won’t let you win.” I slammed my fists against the porcelain edges of the sink. “I’m winning this one. The game is mine now.”
Silence, thick and heavy, continued to push in around my thoughts. I let out a low growl. “Fine, have it your way. Hide in there. Meanwhile, I’m going to be getting things done.”
Whirling away from the mirror, I stalked into Jensen’s bedroom, rooting around in the dresser for some of my spare clothes. Sure enough, he hadn’t touched anything in our time apart, unlike me, who had tossed all of the possessions he left at my place. I pulled on a faded, black T-shirt, dark jeans, and a pair of boots. I’d even stashed a set of my custom blades under my things in one of the drawers.
Jensen lingered in the hallway just outside the door. “I heard you in there. Talking to Lilith.”
Shoving past him, I headed downstairs, where he was supposed to be waiting for me. “I’m not talking about this with you.”
Thundering down behind me, he grabbed my shoulders and spun me toward him. “I know you’re still pissed at me for all the lies. For how we met under false pretenses … and all the rest. And I get it. Normally, I’d give you time and space to get over it. These are not normal times.” He leaned into me, skating his lips across mine. “Plus, after what we did in that hotel room, I kind of thought we—”
I dug my nails into the tops of his hands. “Sex is sex. You’re good at it—I’m good at it. We’re really good at it together. None of that means you deserve to be forgiven just like that.” I hung my head, deciding he deserved the truth. “But I do. Because I can’t help it. I love you. I love you even though that love was built on a foundation of lies.”
“I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, Val, I swear.”
I smiled. “Yeah, you will. And part of that is for right now you don’t get to ask questions. You’re my warlock bitch, along for the ride until this is over.”
He ground his teeth together, eyes flaring with annoyance. Jensen didn’t mind me dominating him in the bedroom … in fact, he quite enjoyed it. He also enjoyed our verbal sparring on the regular. What he hated was the same thing I did, to be told what to do. “That’s not who I am, and you know it.”
“No one said you had to be excited about the plan. But if you want me to get over all the horrible things you’ve done, then you’ll get on board. Consider it your version of groveling.”
“I did what I had to do with Tomas and Devon. The demons were going to kill them anyway.”
I tapped his cheek just shy of a slap. “You could have saved them.”
“Them or you,” he growled. “I chose you. I’ll always choose you.”
I couldn’t blame him when he framed it that way. Who were Tomas and Devon to him in comparison to the woman he loved? Wouldn’t I choose him over them as well if I had to choose? Him being involved in their deaths didn’t hurt my heart any less just because I understood the truth though.
“We don’t have time fo
r this fight right now.” I kept saying it, and yet I kept falling into the trap. “We need to get our hands on that weapon.”
“What about Lilith?”
“What about her? If she’s still in there she’s doing a damn good job of hiding.”
Jensen’s nostrils flared as he dragged his hands through his hair. “Okay. All right.” He stabbed his hand into his pocket, producing the key. “I’ll track the weapon down. But don’t think we’re not going to talk about all of this when this is over.”
If my plans went the way I wanted, we’d have all the time in the world to talk … eventually. I rubbed my hands together, nervous energy zinging through my system. “Do you need me to do anything?”
“Sit down and shut up.”
I opened my mouth to make a retort, but quickly closed it again. I was not going to let him bait me into another fight. No one else in existence could piss me off the way he did. And maybe we bickered and fought the way we did because the makeup sex was phenomenal, like on a scale of one to ten, a twe—
Nope. Don’t go there. Don’t think about it. From now until all of his is over you are an asexual being. You desire no one. Not even Jensen with his piercing blue eyes, and his chiseled— Nope, not even him. At least not right now.
I scrubbed a hand down my face. What the hell is wrong with you? Get your mind in the game. And that was partially the problem. I’d lived my life for so long with the attitude that it could end at any moment, that my next hunt could be the last. And for that reason, I’d given free rein to let my impulses control me. If I wanted sex now, then I would have it now. What I was doing, what I was working for, was a world where I could live my life without having to worry about it ending abruptly. Sure, a toilet seat could fall out of the sky and smash my head in, but if that happened it was my time. Having my life cut short because I was roped into being a twice-marked hunter, those days were coming to an end.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I sat down on Jensen’s couch and glared. I would do what was needed for him to concentrate, but I didn’t have to be happy about it. A smile tugged at his lips as he settled in to do his magic thing.
30
Eyes open, but unfocused, Jensen knelt on his dining room floor, hands loosely hanging at his sides. Tiny particles of illumination dotted the air around him, swaying with his breath. He moved suddenly, and with a few odd motions of his hands, the dots zoomed around Monica’s necklace, which was placed directly in front of him on the floor. The dots wiggled and buzzed, gathering momentum. Then they popped out of existence, leaving a zing of ozone in their wake.
Is that it? Is it over? Or is it just the beginning? I bit my lip to keep my commentary to myself, eagerness thrumming within me.
Jensen rose, his head snapping in my direction, his eyes burning bright with what seemed like thousands of tiny stars dancing within them.
Gasping, I covered my mouth with my hand. Is he seeing me, or did I make a noise without realizing it and disturb his magic?
His lips slowly twisted up, revealing his dimple. “A part of me wanted to wait to see how long you could stay quiet.”
I scowled. “Really?” I mean, I probably would have done the same thing to him to be antagonistic, but it wasn’t funny when he turned the tables on me.
He offered his hand. “I can portal us if you want.”
Gulping, I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat. “Yeah, sure.” I didn’t toss my cookies every single time we portaled. Just one out of three times. “But just out of curiosity, is there another travel option?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know exactly where we’re headed, and it could take a while.”
“Do you have a ballpark idea at least?”
He closed his eyes and tilted his head. “It seems, close, and yet far at the same time.” His illuminated gaze met mine again. “The magic is right. I can feel that much. But something about the location is … off.”
“What does that mean?” Frustration nettled even though I knew he was doing his best.
“Not sure.”
“I thought you were powerful.”
“I am,” he snapped. “But powerful doesn’t equal infallible or omniscient.”
“Well, portal it is then.”
“You want to grab a barf bag?” He regarded me with not a hint of amusement.
Huffing out a long sigh, I stomped into the kitchen and snatched up a small trash bag, lifting it into the air for him to see. “Happy now?”
“Yep.”
“Whatever, jackass,” I mumbled under my breath.
“What was that? I know you didn’t just insult me because I pointed out a fact about you when you travel through portals, as if it’s my fault you have a delicate constitution.”
Whipping the trash bag over the kitchen counter, it fluttered to the ground. “I do not have a delicate constitution!”
“What would you call it then?”
My chest heaved as I considered too many different responses at once, my mind short-circuited by my high levels of annoyance. “Just shut up!” I finally settled on. “Or I swear to God, Jensen, I will hit you again.”
He scrubbed at the stubble on his jaw as if confused. “But what would Lily say? Doesn’t that go against your feminist sensibilities?”
“You know what, if any feminist in this entire world spent more than five minutes with you, they would forgive me for hitting you.”
He smirked. “Mmm-hmm … sounds like something a very unfeminist person would say to rationalize their penchant for violence.”
“Why do you keep pushing my buttons, Jensen, why?”
“Because I like you all fired up.” He stalked toward me, crowding into my personal space. “And I get to see how much you care.”
“You know I care. I tell you I love you and—”
He leaned in, touching his forehead to mine. “You’re safe with me. I want you to know that. You can be whoever you want when you’re around me. I can take it. In fact, I revel in it because I know no one else gets to see the version of you I do.”
“Am I safe with you?”
“You’ve always been safe with me. Even when I came here to kill you, you were safe with me. Think about that.” His hands ran along my back, settling on the curve of my hips. “Did you ever think that you get so angry around me because that’s what burns in you constantly, and you can only express it—be your true self around me.”
I’d been pissed off at the universe since the day I became twice marked. I’d never been able to roll with it like Lily seemed to be able to, or even Tomas or Devon. None of them held the anger that I did. Or maybe we all hid it and expressed ourselves in different ways? How much do you ever really know someone unless you’re in their head?
Not wanting to delve into more emotional bullshit at the moment, I leaned into Jensen, delivering him a rough kiss. He groaned when I abruptly ended it, moving away from him completely. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love you, even if you’re an asshat.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Thanks, I think.”
I grinned. “Now portal us, please.”
He bent down and snagged the discarded trash bag. “Don’t forget this.”
“Jackass,” I muttered.
Grabbing me around the waist, he opened a portal with a wave of his hand and dragged me through.
We stood in a barren wasteland, cracked earth and empty sky, no sun or moon. Despite that, the air was humid, causing sweat to dapple every inch of my skin. My hair clung to the side of my face and neck.
Jensen pulled me into his side, ignoring the heat. “We need to leave this place.” His gaze was fixated on the same spot mine was.
A large cage hung over an open pit, flames consuming it. We’re weren’t close enough, but I knew what, or rather who, was inside. I felt it in my bones.
“Lilith,” I whispered.
“Something went wrong. We shouldn’t be here.” Jensen’s grip on me tightened, but he didn’t move, his gaze remaining as transfixed a
s mine.
“Or maybe nothing went wrong at all.”
“No. You’re not going over there.”
“Who’s going to stop me? You?” Pivoting away from him, I easily escaped his hold. I broke into a jog, kicking up dirt in my wake.
Falling into line beside me, Jensen sighed heavily. “I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but this is a bad idea.”
“We don’t know that—” Pain spiked through my skull and I staggered, bending over.
“You’ve come,” Lilith’s voice snaked through my mind, followed by her laugh. “As if I gave you much choice.”
“You’re still in there, aren’t you?”
My surroundings blurred, going black for an instant, and then I found myself in the white box with Lilith once more.
A wide grin stretched her lips to the limit. “You are correct. I’ve been in here, biding my time, waiting for just the right moment to strike.”
“You have to know I’ll never give you full control of my body.”
“I never expected it. Besides, your body has too many limitations. I lied about the rest before.”
The pieces finally clicked together. “You want me to free you … your body.”
“And then I will be happy to vacate your mind.”
“What’s the catch?”
She prowled closer, her eyes luminous. “No catch. Although I can offer you something you want.”
“Mmm-hmm … and here it is. What can you offer me that I supposedly want?”
“The weapon. Isn’t that what this has all been about? The weapon used to kill Pestilence? The weapon that could potentially put an end to all of this madness?”
“You don’t have the weapon,” I scoffed. “This is all a classic ploy. Dangle what I want in front of me to get what you want, and then when I free you, I’m left in the lurch. No thank you. I’ll just keep you boxed up in here,” I tapped my temple, “until I can figure out a way to kill you.” I smirked. “I wonder if the weapon can kill you, too?”
