The rain gives way to sunshine on Sunday morning. Lexie would have preferred rain then she could pretend the tears on her cheeks are splashes from the raindrops. Some of the adults at church pat her on the head and look at her with pity.
“There, there, you poor wee girl,” they all say.
She wishes they would make up their minds. Is she supposed to be a big girl or a little girl? She is confused.
After church they travel in the Burt’s motorcar out to Taita and the cemetery at the foot of the hills. The ride in the motorcar, their first, should be exciting. Instead they drive in silence, Murdo up front with Thomas and the three girls in the back with Mary. Lexie is by the door and when she cranes her neck she can just see out the windows. The black leather upholstery is cold on Lexie’s bare legs so she tries to sit still. Florence and Lorna are impervious to the seriousness of the situation, they wriggle and giggle on the seat. It is a small procession, just the Burt’s motorcar and in front, Reverend Beckett accompanies Sarah’s coffin in the hearse.
The motorcars stop on the side of a steep hill. Gravesites surround them on all sides, organised in neat tiers rising gradually up the hillside and grouped according to religion. Amongst the concrete encasements, graying and moss covered according to age, are marble headstones in black, white or brown, each declaring the loss of the loved one buried beneath.
Reverend Beckett leads the mourners a short way up the path. They stop beside the freshly dug earth. It is dark with moisture from yesterday’s rain and the coffin is laid across the straps ready to be lowered into the grave.
Murdo stands tall; his straight back and square shoulders belie the numbness and hurt inside. He does not cry; he has already wept some silent tears when he lay awake, unable to sleep alone in his marital bed last night. Wishing to feel the warmth of his wife’s body one last time. Wishing that her life had not been extinguished so early. Wishing that she and all of their children could have lived long and happy lives. Wishing that the war had not come and forced their separation in the past year. Wishing that New Zealand had been a better place for Sarah. But knowing that all his wishes are in vain. Now it is too late.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Lord, we commend the body of Sarah Francis Ellen Campbell to your eternal keeping. May the Lord bless her soul.”
Reverend Beckett steps aside and the coffin is slowly lowered into the grave. The Reverend beckons Murdo and the girls forward and they say their final farewells.
Mary has bought a small bouquet of pink carnations and she passes a flower to each of the girls and Murdo. She steps forward and places a carnation on the coffin’s lid before moving away. Murdo does the same, kisses his fingertips and lowers a final farewell kiss onto the lid of the coffin. Lexie moves to stand beside her father. From this position she can see into the grave. She cannot see the bottom. It is dark and looks cold; she is certain her mother will not like it here. She follows the example of the adults and puts a flower on the coffin. She cannot see the sense in it. The flower will only die too in this big deep hole without sunshine. Murdo helps Florence and Lorna cast their flowers into the grave as the coffin continues its journey down into the earth.
“Ye Mother will be able to keep a loving eye on ye from up here,” says Murdo as he turns and looks back down the hillside to the houses in the distance. “Come on lasses, we’d best let her rest.”
Chapter Eighteen
Upper Hutt 1917
“Lasses, come here please,” Murdo calls down the passage to Lexie, Florence and Lorna. “There is someone here I would like ye to meet.”
Lexie picks Lorna up and her and Florence head to the dining room. They have been getting ready for church and apart from their shoes are all dressed in their Sunday best. Stopping just inside the door they see a woman seated opposite their father at the dining room table. Lexie remembers her father saying the very same words nearly two years ago. That time the woman sitting at the table was to turn her world upside down. The week after Sarah dies they move to Upper Hutt, a small wooden house two streets over from Murdo’s work at Hazelwood’s bakery. Unable to care for three young girls and work at the same time, Murdo employs a housekeeper - Agatha Harrington. Her friends, of whom she has very few, call her Aggy but Lexie and Florence, in whispered tones under the bed covers at night think naggy, saggy and baggy Aggy are more apt names for the woman who dominates their daily existence. Her demands for high standards of cleanliness, moral principles and etiquette are taught with regimental rigour and any failings severely reprimanded. She is small of stature but her dark eyes glare out from heavy framed spectacles, which sit low on the bridge of her long pointed nose. She does not need to say when she is unimpressed, she lifts her chin and scowls and Lexie and Florence know to get beyond arm’s reach or they will get a nasty slap over the knuckles.
Aggy’s dark hair is always pulled harshly back off her face, secured into a bun high on her head with numerous clips, lest an errant hair should escape. Her clothing is always made of heavy sombre fabrics, heavily starched and with high tight necklines. But the woman at the table has wavy brown hair pulled into a soft bun at the nape of her neck. This visitor wears a simple white blouse of soft fabric with a loose collar adorned with a brooch of coloured stones. The girls wonder who the woman can be.
“Lasses, I would like to introduce ye to Miss Charlotte Brown. I have asked and she has kindly consented to be me wife. We will be getting married in February and she will be ye new mother.”
You could have heard a pin drop. Lexie looks to her mother’s photograph on the mantelpiece. It has become more difficult with each passing day to remember her mother – her gentle hands, her kind hugs and her soft laughter, but that doesn’t mean she needs to be replaced. More change. Lexie wonders why life has to be full of change. She doesn’t like it.
“Well lasses, show ye manners and say hello.”
Lexie is jolted out of her reverie and falters only momentarily to use the manners Aggy has instilled in her.
“Hello Miss Brown,” she says giving a dainty curtsey.
“Hello Lexie. Your father is very proud of you and has told me so much about you.” Charlotte sees Lexie’s glance at her mother’s photograph. She knows the girls will be sensitive about her presence in their home and wants to tread carefully. “Hello Florence and Lorna. I do like your pretty dresses.”
Florence and Lorna giggle and imitating Lexie, give a curtsey to Charlotte.
“Well, we’d best be off to church then,” suggests Murdo, his nerves easing a little, thinking that the introduction has gone well.
.....
Murdo met Charlotte at Hazelwoods where she works as a milliner. After an appropriate period of mourning, he sought out her company, enjoying a cup of tea in the staff room or taking a brief walk in the park at lunch times. He is pleased to learn that she is New Zealand born and a descendant of some of the first settlers in Upper Hutt. Her father’s uncle, James Brown arrived in Upper Hutt in December 1840 aboard the ‘Blenheim’ and her grandfather and his family arrived a decade later in 1850. Her mother’s family, the Avery’s, farmed at Taita for many years after arriving in Wellington from London in 1850. Not that he would have said but Murdo feels the need to find someone with proven fortitude. He still feels the pain and guilt at the loss of Sarah and doesn’t feel strong enough to cope with any more grief. He is still young and virile. He needs a mother for his children and would not be against having any more. Charlotte is an attractive woman and at ten years his junior seems perfect.
.....
On February 17th 1917, the Knox Presbyterian Church in Lower Hutt is overflowing with members of the Brown and Avery families and the church congregation gathering to witness the marriage of Charlotte and Murdo. Charlotte, or Lottie as Murdo affectionately calls her, designed and made her own gown. Although the world is still in the thick of war, Charlotte is the first of the Brown children to be married and her parents want the best for their daughter. Charlotte is able to procure throug
h Hazelwoods some fine ivory lace, which she fashions into a veil that falls gracefully from a headpiece adorned with tiny orchids. Some more of the lace is sewn into the neckline of her dress, which gathers slightly at her waist and falls in gentle folds to the floor. She holds a large bouquet – orchids and daisies in varying shades of white and pink with strands of drooping ivy.
Murdo stands proudly at the front of the church, watching Charlotte being escorted up the aisle on her father’s arm. He is overawed. The importance of family and the support they offer has never been more apparent to him. He glances back over his shoulder to Lexie, Florence and Lorna. They sit in a front pew, absorbing the grandeur of the occasion, hands clasped in their laps and bare legs dangling at different heights from the floor. Murdo gives a silent prayer of hope that together he, Charlotte and the girls can start of new life as a family and the tragedies of the past can finally be put behind him.
The organist changes the music, the bridal march begins and everyone turns to the rear of the church to catch their first glimpse of the bride.
“Oh!” Lexie gasps in awe. “Doesn’t she look beautiful?”
“Move Lexie,” demands Florence pulling at Lexie’s dress. “I can’t see.”
“Quiet girls!” growls Thomas Burt under his breath. “You are in church, behave please and make your father proud.”
Lexie quietly smiles and continues watching the procession. She has never seen a bride in person before and thinks that she looks like an angel. Dreamily she wonders if maybe, just maybe Charlotte has been sent by God to make everything all right.
The girls spend the night with the Thomas and Mary Burt allowing Murdo and Charlotte to drive up to Masterton for their honeymoon. They borrow a car from Charlotte’s parents and are very excited as they set off on their travels.
.....
New routines are established in the Campbell’s Sinclair Street house. With Agatha Harrington gone, Lexie is hopeful that the demands of being the eldest child imposed by Charlotte will be less strenuous. But she soon learns otherwise, Charlotte is from a strong Presbyterian upbringing and there is no tolerance for perceived tardiness or apathy.
In April Florence turns five and begins at the local primary school. Murdo’s early starts at the Hazelwood’s bakery see him gone before sunrise. Charlotte suffers from an undisclosed early morning illness so Lexie must wake Florence up, ensure she is neatly dressed and fed breakfast and prepare their school lunches. She makes a strawberry jam sandwich for each of them and selects a biscuit from the cookie jar and a crisp apple from the fruit bowl to be safely stowed in a brown paper bag within their satchels. They leave the house, hand in hand, at 8.30 in the morning to walk the short distance to school.
.....
It soon becomes apparent, much to Murdo’s delight, that Charlotte’s unwellness is morning sickness. A baby, conceived on their honeymoon, is due to be born in November. Murdo cannot help but compare Charlotte’s pregnancy with those of Sarah. He sees his wife blossoming and is reassured that the pregnancy is going well. Maybe even this time they will be blessed with a son. He wouldn’t speak his thoughts out loud but thinks it is every man’s dream to have a son to carry on the family name.
.....
Lorna, at only three years of age, gets to spend her days at home with Charlotte. She has no memories of Sarah and develops a bond with Charlotte that the older girls do not. When Lexie and Florence return from school each afternoon there are chores to be done, homework to be completed and the evening meal to be prepared. Charlotte likes to have the meal ready to be served when Murdo arrives home from work each night. It is usually a simple fare – tonight’s is shepherd’s pie but vegetable soup or a beef stew is just as likely to be served. The world is still in the grip of war but with a plentiful vegetable garden in the back yard there are always fresh vegetables for the table.
“Papa, may I have a penny for school tomorrow please,” asks Lexie.
“What for?”
“The Fun Doctor is visiting. We need a penny to be able to watch his show.”
“Ye should be going to school to learn, nae to watch a show.”
“Please Papa, everyone is going to go.”
“Just because everyone else is going doesnae mean we have a penny to waste. We will have to see. Now Lexie, please clear the table and do the dishes,” requests Murdo. “Ye mother needs to rest.”
“Yes sir,” she replies, wanting the penny and knowing she needs to please her father if she has any chance of seeing tomorrow’s much anticipated show. Pushing the thoughts that Charlotte is not her mother to the back of her mind she stacks the plates in a pile and carries them to the kitchen.
The kettle is boiling on the coal range and she pours some of its hot contents into the sink, adding some cold from the tap so as not to burn her fingers. For dinner, they use the china plates that were a wedding gift from Charlotte’s parents. Lexie knows they are precious and is extra careful, placing the washed plates very carefully on the bench to drain. But her mind has wandered. Thinking about her mother, and thinking about the show tomorrow, a plate slips and crashes to the floor.
“Oh Lexie, you clumsy girl, what have you done?” Charlotte asks accusingly, having rushed from the dining room.
Lexie looks from Charlotte to the shattered plate lying on the kitchen floor and back to Charlotte.
“Take yeself off to bed. There will be nae penny for ye tomorrow when ye cannae carry out a simple task without breaking things,” growls Murdo as he comes to his wife’s side.
Tears well in Lexie’s eyes, and head downcast she quietly leaves the room.
.....
With leaden feet, Lexie makes the trek to school the next morning, knowing she will not be able to sit in with her friends and watch the Fun Doctor. She sniffs away the tears and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, determined to put on a brave face as she delivers Florence to her classroom.
“Good morning Lexie,” greets the infant teacher Miss Brown, “Why are you looking so sad?”
Miss Brown, whose first name is Winifred, or Win as she is known, is actually Charlotte’s sister. She has been teaching since she was sixteen years old and with no children of her own, regards every one of her students as special little people to be nurtured.
Remembering her manners, Lexie responds; “Good morning Miss. No reason Miss.”
“I would have expected all students to be happy knowing the Fun Doctor is coming today.”
“Yes Miss. But ... but ... but I won’t get to see him Miss,” replies Lexie fighting back the tears.
“Why ever not Lexie? Everyone is going to watch his show.”
“But I don’t have a penny Miss.”
“Never you mind about that Lexie,” consoles Miss Brown, placing a gentle hand on Lexie’s shoulder. “The Fun Doctor insists all children get to watch him regardless of whether they have a penny or not.”
“Oh thank you Miss.” Lexie’s face lights up, and a huge smile takes over. She thinks Miss Brown is wonderful and kind and wants to be just like her when she grows up.
Lexie skips off to her classroom feeling much happier. All the desks have been moved to the side and the chairs placed in rows behind the mat. Soon all of the junior children file into the classroom to sit cross-legged on the mat to await the show. The seniors are behind on the chairs and Lexie makes sure she gets a front row seat.
What awaits them is an hour of fun and merriment. The Fun Doctor bounces into the room, a suitcase of magic props in his hand. He towers over his eager audience who crane their necks skyward. He wears a brightly coloured bow tie and a hand knitted vest but otherwise resembles any other man on the street. The children watch in wonderment to see what he will draw from the suitcase next – silver dumb-bells for juggling, magical matchboxes to dance on string, coloured balls to be tossed high above their heads and caught again, all while playing the mouth organ. He balances a chair on his forehead while playing the piano and a hat on his nose while singing a song o
r telling jokes. Then as a finale he has a trick all the children wish they could emulate: he plays the piano with his nose and they all cheer with delight.
Everyone wants to help the Fun Doctor load his props back into his car and all the students wave him from the school grounds. There is a buzz of excitement in the classroom long after he has gone. The desks are returned to their normal positions and the teachers begin some structured lessons with the headmaster standing at the rear of the class to reprimand any students still distracted.
.....
Life for the Campbells continues its normal routine through winter, adjusting only slightly depending on the ferocity of the winter weather. Weekends are taken up with gardening, church activities and family gatherings with the Brown or Avery families. Charlotte’s older sisters, Win and Jean, are both schoolteachers and with no children of their own they dote on the girls. Charlotte, large with child, is happy to relax and observe from the relative comfort of an armchair.
.....
As Christmas approaches work at the bakery eases up slightly. The Trentham Army Camp is now equipped with its own bakery and trained bakers so daily demand for loaves of bread is reduced. Christmas cakes and fruit mince pies are now in demand for the festive season. Murdo still rises early six days a week but he is always home for supper. He likes to hear the girls recite their spelling words or times tables. After washing their faces and cleaning their teeth the girls, who must all share a room in the two-bedroom Sinclair Street house, lie in bed waiting for Murdo to come and say a bedtime prayer and tuck them in.
“Well me lasses we have a special prayer to say tonight,” he says to Lexie, Florence and Lorna one night in late November.
“A special prayer? Why?” asks Lexie.
“Cause it’s one month until Christmas Eve,” replies Florence.
“Nae, that’s nae it,” he laughs and the girls wonder whatever can have put a sparkle in their father’s smile. “Today we have been blessed with another baby.”
A Better Place Page 15
