She tilted her chin up. “He will.”
“Don’t be smug, Livvie.”
She wanted to tell him she’d do whatever she damn well pleased. But the truth was that it was growing late and she was tired. There was no going home tonight, not with her car in a ditch and the roads snowed over.
“Look, I’ve been working long days and I’m tired. If you give me a pillow, I can sleep right here.”
“You aren’t sleeping here. You can have my bed.”
She tried not to let her throat close up at the thought of sleeping in his bed. Surrounded by sheets that smelled like him. Oh God.
“You don’t have to give up your bed for me. Besides, I fit on this couch better than you.”
“I have a sleeping bag,” he told her. “And I’m not arguing with you. Grab one of my Tshirts to sleep in. We’ll hit Wal-Mart in the morning and pick up some jeans and shoes for you.”
She got to her feet and stood there staring up at him. He was so close. For a moment she wanted to reach out and slide her fingers along his jaw. But she had no right. Not any longer.
Her gaze slid past him to the small Christmas tree sitting on a table near the window. He still hadn’t plugged it in. She knew his aunt had sent it to him years ago when he’d first joined the military. Every year, without fail, he dragged it out. Because his aunt would ask and he wouldn’t lie to her. He’d told Olivia that last year, the first and only Christmas they’d ever spent together.
“You’re a good guy, Billy,” she said, and meant it. And then she left him standing there and went down the hall to his room, closing the door softly behind her. She leaned her head against it and told herself it would be okay. Billy would help her out. And she wouldn’t fall in love with him ever again.
CHAPTER FOUR
When Olivia woke, it was still dark. For a moment, she forgot where she was. But then it all came rushing back, along with the knowledge she was wrapped in Billy’s sheets. She could smell him as if he were right here with her and it made her heart pinch tight with pain and regret.
She reached for her cell phone to check the time. It was three a.m. She groaned and then lay back and blinked up at the ceiling. It was Christmas Eve morning and a wave of loneliness engulfed her. She thought of her mother, no doubt drunk and in some strange man’s bed right now. When she’d been a kid, her mother had dragged her from boyfriend’s house to boyfriend’s house. Only once had Olivia had a stable home life, but that lasted for three years before her mother chased Darrel Anderson away too. He’d been the most decent man Angie Reese had ever been with, but when he’d dared to suggest she needed to stop drinking and start being more of a mother for her kid, she’d had one of her predictable meltdowns.
Darrel tried to stick it out, but eventually he’d faded away too. Olivia clutched the covers in her fists. She’d learned from an early age that men were unreliable, even though she knew that her mother was at fault too.
She knew it, but she’d never managed to convince herself to completely trust a man. Which was certainly why her relationship with Billy had broken down. She hadn’t trusted that he would be there for her, and she’d forced the situation to a crisis.
Olivia threw the covers back and sat up. Yes, she’d forced the situation to a crisis and she’d lost. Best to know it sooner rather than later, right?
She slipped Billy’s socks onto her bare feet and then ventured into the kitchen. Her stomach was growling because she’d failed to eat anything last night. If she could find a snack—some cheese, a banana, some crackers, whatever—she could go back to sleep.
Olivia halted in the door to the kitchen. Billy was sitting at the table with three computers open and that distant look in his eyes that he got whenever he was engrossed in some cyber puzzle. She cleared her throat and he looked up in surprise. And then his eyes narrowed as they dropped over her form.
She was wearing one of his Tshirts, his socks, and no bra. Or panties. Geez. She’d taken them off and washed them in the sink before hanging them near the heating vent to dry. Olivia crossed her arms over her chest and walked over to the fridge. The T-shirt covered her ass, but if she bent over or reached for something, it definitely wouldn’t. Why hadn’t she rummaged around for a pair of his sweat pants at least?
Because she hadn’t expected him to be here. Then why did you get his attention instead of turning around and going back to his room?
“Sorry to interrupt,” she said brightly. “I couldn’t sleep and thought I’d get a snack.”
He leaned back in the chair and stretched. His pectoral muscles bunched and flexed beneath his T-shirt and her mouth nearly went dry.
“You’re not interrupting. I couldn’t sleep either. Thought I’d go through some things.”
She opened the fridge and found a package of mozzarella sticks. She grabbed two and turned around to lean against the counter and peel the plastic off the first one.
“Anything to do with Titan Technology?”
He looked at the computer again. “Yeah. Can’t find a damn thing that indicates Alan Cooper left the CONUS for a trip to St. Thomas. Or anywhere else for that matter.”
Her heart thumped. “Maybe he’s hiding out somewhere.” She hoped so anyway. She didn’t know Alan well, but she liked him. He’d always been nice enough. Quiet, studious, a bit nerdy. A typical engineer.
“Could be. He’s not using his credit cards, if so.” Billy tapped something on the keyboard. “His last known location was a gas station in Alexandria two days ago. He filled up and bought a bag of chips and a bottle of water.”
Olivia shook her head slowly. “I don’t know how you do it, but I’m sure glad you’re on the good guys’ side. Think of all the mayhem you could do if you were willing to be bad.”
He looked up, his eyes sparking with something that set up a thrumming deep inside her belly. “I’m willing to be bad,” he said, his voice low and dark with promise. “As bad as you want me to be.”
Oh God.
Olivia swallowed. Wetness flooded her sex, made her skin tingle with anticipation. She wanted him to touch her. Wanted to feel his body deep inside hers again, stroking into her so hard and fast that he made her cry out with pleasure.
Unfinished business. The words echoed in her brain, throbbed in her sex. How had she thought she could see him again and not be affected? She’d spent long days and nights remembering how it had been between them. She’d touched herself, stroked her body until she came, his name on her lips in the darkness of her lonely bed.
She’d had sex with other men. But she’d wanted Billy. Every time someone else touched her, she closed her eyes and pretended he was Billy. It hadn’t happened often, but it was bad enough that she’d stopped dating altogether. One day, she could sleep with another man and not see Billy in her head, but that day hadn’t arrived yet.
Not even a year had passed since she’d left him, and he still wasn’t out of her system. If she pulled this T-shirt over her head now, how would she ever forget him?
“I, um…” Her skin prickled with heat. Her head swam. All she had to do was say she wanted him.
He got to his feet then and she could see the bulge of his erection straining against the cotton of his jeans. Her mouth went utterly dry.
He moved toward her. She thought he would touch her, thought he would take the decision out of her hands, but he reached past her and opened the fridge door. He pulled out a beer and went back to his chair and Olivia’s heart thumped harder.
He twisted off the top and took a swig. “It’s okay, Livvie. I shouldn’t have said that.” He pushed a hand through his hair as his gaze focused on the computer again. “I shouldn’t have said a lot of things, but I find that I can’t quite stop myself now that you’re here.”
She sucked in a breath and took another bite of the cheese. Disappointment swirled inside her. “Why is that?”
He looked up again, his dark gaze meeting hers. “Because I’m still pissed off at you. Because I cared about you and yo
u left me without an explanation. And because, no matter how many women I’ve had since then, I still want to taste you one more time.” He waved a hand at her. “Seeing you here in my clothes.” He stopped. Swallowed. “Your nipples are hard, Livvie. And that makes me hard. Too fucking hard and nothing I can do about it.”
“You’ve had a lot of women since me?” Her throat was tight. Out of everything he’d said, those were the words she’d focused on. And yes, her nipples were tight and achy and her body throbbed in spite of it all.
He didn’t look apologetic. “A few. You?”
She lifted her chin. She didn’t want to think of Billy with another woman. She knew he’d not been celibate, but still. “Women? No.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” He shook his head. “But damn if that doesn’t make the situation worse. You, me, another hot blonde? Christ.”
“I don’t share,” she said tightly. “And yes, I’ve been with a few men.”
He slapped the lid of the nearest computer closed and shot to his feet with a growl. And then he was standing on the other side of the kitchen, taking another swallow of beer, and glaring at her. “Define a few.”
Her heart was racing hard and fast and a current of something that could only be called joy was beginning to bubble in her veins. He was jealous. It made her heart sing even though it shouldn’t. She should weep with all she’d lost, but instead she was standing here and feeling so many wild things bubbling inside her. Reckless things.
“Why should I? Are you planning to tell me how many women you’ve been with? Besides, we’re not together anymore. It doesn’t matter.”
He glared for a long minute. And then he pointed at her. “You were mine, Olivia. I wasn’t ready to give that up, but you made the decision for us both. So yeah, I’m fucking pissed that you’ve been with anyone else.”
“Hypocrite.” She said it softly, but he heard it.
His nostrils flared. “Maybe so but it doesn’t change a thing.” He stood there across from her, his body coiled and tense. And then he shook his head. “You better run, Liv. Get back to bed, and lock the door while you’re at it. Because I’ve got a burning need to prove you made a huge fucking mistake when you walked out.”
Her heart thudded against her ribs at the violence in his voice and the fire in his eyes. He wouldn’t hurt her, she knew that. But he wouldn’t hesitate to employ a little sensual torture. Not whips or chains or anything like that. No, he had a far more deadly weapon: his knowledge of her body and how to withhold pleasure for as long as possible.
Olivia shivered as she stared at him. He could make her warm again. He could make her hot, for God’s sake. But how would that fix anything?
“I already know we had great sex, Billy. But sometimes that’s not enough.”
“Goddamn,” he said softly. “You really don’t get it, do you?”
CHAPTER FIVE
She stood in his kitchen in nothing but a shirt that hung to mid-thigh and would show her ass if she lifted her arms. Her damn nipples budded tight against the fabric, her wheat-blonde hair gleamed in the overhead light like reflected gold, and it took everything he had in him not to walk over and rip the shirt over her head.
She was looking at him now with wide, shining eyes, and the beast tethered inside him roared to life. He’d revealed too much, but seeing her again had ripped open old wounds he’d thought were healing. She’d left him. She’d been in his life for months, in his bed, and though he knew she had issues with what he did, he’d never thought she would demand he give it up for her.
The bitch of it was, he might have done so. He’d been pissed, but then he’d considered it during the long, lonely nights out in the field and he’d thought, yeah, I could go for a regular nine-to-five at a company.
He had a skill that translated well to the outside. And he’d had Olivia.
Or so he thought.
But she’d been gone when he came back, and all the anger and hurt of a lifetime had welled to the surface. His mother left when he was a kid and she’d never come back. That didn’t usually bother him because he had Aunt June and Uncle Jerry and all his cousins. But sometimes he thought about it. About why he hadn’t been enough for her. About why Aunt June would do anything for him while his own mother wouldn’t.
“What are you saying?” Olivia asked, her voice small and tight. She’d wrapped her arms around herself, but it didn’t help one bit because her breasts swelled against the shirt and the hem lifted just enough that he could see the shadow of her pubis.
She wasn’t wearing panties. Billy’s cock jerked against his jeans and he swallowed hard. Yeah, he’d been with other women, but it had been a while. He’d been too busy lately, and too uninterested. That last had begun to bother him recently, but he figured it was temporary. They were working pretty hard at HOT HQ in preparation for this operation in Qu’rim. Al Ahmad was there, hiding out and arming the rebels in the civil war against the king. And Lucky San Ramos, their dead teammate’s widow, was the only person who could ID the terrorist.
Lucky wasn’t happy about it, but she was here and training hard for the mission. They were all training hard. They owed it to Marco San Ramos and Jim Matuzaki to get this guy. Those two had died months ago now, on that fucked up mission to capture Al Ahmad’s second-in-command. Billy had wanted to lose himself in Olivia’s arms when he’d gotten home, but she hadn’t been there.
Billy turned away and finished the beer. Then he set the bottle on the counter very carefully. “Nothing, Livvie. Go to bed. Forget I said anything.”
She didn’t move for a long moment. But when she did, she didn’t leave the room. She moved toward him, until he could smell her sweet scent wrapping around his senses. He stood very still and kept his gaze on the bottle rather than on her.
“What’s wrong, Billy?”
Her voice was soft and sweet and he wanted to turn and tug her into his arms, bury his face in her hair like he used to do. What was it about this one woman that turned him inside out? He’d tried to drive her from his mind with sex and booze and hard work, but she’d never really gone away.
On some level, he knew that was pretty significant. But she’d run away from him, left him behind. If she could do that, then she wasn’t as into him as he’d been into her. He got the hint and he’d moved on.
But here she was, in his house, and all he wanted was to strip her and remind her of how it used to be. Remind himself, too, because there’d been a sweetness with her he’d never felt before or since.
“Too much on my mind, not enough sleep,” he said. “Just go back to bed.”
She moved, but not away from him. Her hand settled on his arm, her fingers burning into him where they touched. She’d always had the power to set him on fire. It hadn’t changed. He stood stiffly and waited for her to do or say whatever she was going to.
“I want to know what you meant. What don’t I get?”
He met her gaze head on. She wouldn’t give up unless he told her. So he would, and if it hurt her, then it was nothing less than she deserved. Because she’d hurt him.
“It was more than sex, Liv, and you know it. We had something special, but you threw it away. And for what? Do you even know?”
Her throat worked. And then her gaze dropped and he found himself looking at the top of her bowed head. He’d wanted to hurt her, and now he didn’t. He wanted to hold her.
“I was scared.”
He put his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. Her eyes shone with moisture. “Of what? Of me?”
“Yes.” She put her fingers around his wrist, held on. “Because you made me feel too much and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“So you chose to run away instead of face your fear.”
She closed her eyes. “I know that’s not something you would ever do, but yes, that’s exactly what I did. I’m not like you, Billy. I’m not tough and brave and willing to fight. I like to cut my losses, protect myself.”
He
just felt weary now. Weary and heartsick and angry deep down. Because she hadn’t believed in him. In them. She’d run away, and she’d kept running until she needed something from him. Until she needed his help.
She’d come back because she was scared, not because she missed what they had together.
“One of these days, you’re going to have to learn to stop running.” He slid his fingers along her jaw, down her throat. He stopped just shy of ghosting them over her nipples, though he knew she wouldn’t stop him. He dropped his hands to his sides. His cock ached, but it wasn’t the first time. He could deal with it.
“I know. I’m trying.” She slicked her tongue over her lower lip and he just barely kept from groaning. If she touched him, if she reached out and put her hand on his chest, he was a goner. “Good night, Billy. Thanks for the food.”
“Sure thing, Liv.”
She stepped away from him and disappeared through the door to the hall. Billy closed his eyes. Then he went and got another beer from the fridge.
***
Wal-Mart was a madhouse on Christmas Eve, but they stopped anyway and managed to pick up a pair of jeans, a sweater, and some boots for Olivia. She was much warmer than she’d been last night when she’d been trudging down the road toward Billy’s place. The snow had continued all night and there were big drifts of it on the sides of the roads where the plows had come through.
The roads had been salted and were passable, if not completely safe. But Olivia didn’t fear with Billy Blake behind the wheel. He’d grown up in snowy Vermont, unlike her, who’d grown up in various towns across the south. From Florida to Texas and back again, she’d lived in every state that had once been a part of the confederacy. Snow was not a typical occurrence in her childhood.
She’d frowned when they’d passed her Beemer in the ditch, but Billy told her not to worry. The ditch wasn’t deep, thankfully, and he’d promised he’d tow it out for her later when they finished their errand at Titan Technology.
Hot Package (A Hostile Operations Team Novella)(#3) Page 3
