Fuck me.
Sex, this elusive three letter word was just as scary as saying those three words. I came to the realization I was ready for sex. Before I had time to over think, I felt his arms wrap around my back. Pressure built, and he pulled me closer. I wrapped both hands around his back and hugged him tight as he stood, picking me up. I breathed in through my nose.
“What’s that smell?” I asked.
We stopped and looked at each other, the smoke detector blared from the kitchen.
“The pizza,” Scotty said setting me down.
I’d forgotten all about the pizza! Scotty ran into the kitchen, I followed. When he opened the oven door, thick black smoke poured out. He grabbed a potholder and retrieved the pizza while I used a dish towel to fan the alarm. He kicked the door shut and turned toward me. I got a closer examination. The pizza was charred around the edges and the toppings were burnt to a crisp. I eyed the burnt disk and couldn’t help but laugh.
“See? I can’t even make a frozen pizza. Luckily, I’m no longer hungry.” I said.
“I’ll make something else.” Scotty said.
“Don’t worry, I’m not hungry, at least for food.” I winked.
He tossed the pizza in the garbage and went to the sink to wash his hands. I walked up behind him and hugged him from behind. He turned around in my arms and I stood on my tippy toes, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“We need to talk.” I said.
“About?”
“I’m ready to have sex,” I whispered into his ear, kissing the lobe.
Scotty shivered and kissed me. “Are you sure?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” I whispered.
We continued to hug each other, not changing positions for five minutes. I put my head back up on his shoulder and rubbed his back. I felt nervous now that he knew. He began to move, as though to walk back into the living room. I stopped him, pulling him tighter.
“Hey baby, are you okay?” he asked rubbing my back.
“Yeah.”
“Are you scared?”
“A little,” I confessed. “Will it hurt?”
“I won’t lie to you, your first time always hurts, eventually you’ll get used to it.” He lifted my chin with one of his hands and kissed me. “You’ll be okay. If you don’t think you’re ready, we can—”
“I’m ready.”
Scotty looked down and watched me untie his pajama pants and let them drop to the floor. He pushed me back against the island. Scotty tugged on my shirt and removed it. I loved the dominance of his actions. Scotty hoisted me onto the island, before walking away. I watched him drag his fingertips across the countertop. He reached his door and leaned against the frame. I hopped off the counter and when I turned around, he was gone. I quickly ran into his room.
“Looking for something?” Scotty casually asked from behind.
I swung around; and a burst of lightning revealed he was leaning against the wall. I smiled. Scotty reached out and took my hand, pulling me in. I kissed him and then led him to his bed. I crawled back toward the headboard and leaned on my elbows while Scotty jumped on the bed and climbed up my body. His skin lit up an electrifying hue of blue. We both looked out the window and saw several bursts of lightning. The lights dimmed and flickered, then went out. I felt him move like he was getting up.
“Don’t go,” I whined.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes adjusted to the darkness and the occasional bursts of lightning made me feel dizzy. Things were different in the dark, my senses were heightened. I ran my hands down his back. I loved the touch of Scotty’s naked body against mine. Scotty cautiously leaned down and continued to kiss me. He took his time, using lube and his fingers to get me prepared. In the sporadic burst of lightning, I watched him put a condom on.
“Are you ready?” he whispered into my ear.
“Yes.” I breathed into his.
“Promise you’ll tell me if I hurt you,” Scotty innocently asked.
“I promise.”
“I love you,” Scotty said.
“I love you too,” I replied.
I felt him enter my body. Instantly pain shot throughout. It started at my tail bone and radiated up the spine. I wanted to scream and tell him to stop. Yet all the breath had been taken from me. The pain made it into my chest, as though someone had grabbed hold of my heart in an icy grip and threaten to squeeze the life out of me. I took a deep breath. My hand traveled up his back until my fingers ran through his hair.
“It’s okay, breathe. Do you want me to stop?” Scotty calmly asked.
“No, keep going.”
“Relax, there you go.”
“Keep talking it’s relaxing me.”
“Yeah? I’m not sure what to say.”
I relaxed more and invited him in.
He kissed my forearm. “Do you like this?”
“Yes.”
“You’re so beautiful tonight,” Scotty said to me, kissing the hand that touched his face.
My entire body felt numb, it was as though I were having an out of body experience, and I had to put my hands on his back to stay grounded. We continued to make love.
§ § § §
“That was different,” I said after we finished.
“Was it what you thought it would be?”
“Fuck yeah!”
Scotty giggled and seductively sang Happy Birthday. He kissed me before laying his head on my chest, listening to my heart. I couldn’t speak for him, but after everything we’d done, I was exhausted. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.
“How does it sound?” I asked.
“Even better than the first night I kissed you,” he said rubbing my chest.
I kissed the top of his head. We got up, went into the bathroom, and showered together. I walked back in and surveyed the room, Scotty walked up and hugged me from behind. I smiled and took his hand and pulled him toward the bed. I climbed in, he moved in and gave me a quick kiss.
“Good night,” he said.
“Night.” I yawned.
I held his hand, subconsciously rubbing my thumb over his palm in a heart shape. I turned and wrapped his arm around me. Scotty’s body heat penetrated me the longer we snuggled. Scotty gently kissed the back of my neck and nuzzled close to me. I sighed and wished this moment could last forever. Scotty held me tighter. Tonight, was the best night of my life. After a few minutes I drifted into a deep sleep. I slept through the entire night without waking.
Little did I know things were about to change.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SOMEDAY NEVER COMES
“Hey baby, you up?” Scotty asked.
The scent of bacon and eggs wafted over me. I moaned and wanted to ignore him, but my stomach said otherwise. Slowly I opened my eyes. Scotty looked adorable in the morning light. I adjusted and pushed myself up into a sitting position and realized how much pain still resided in my tail bone. A numbing pain crept throughout my lower extremities. I did my best to ignore it, although my insides screamed, and hoped this wasn’t going to be a recurring theme every time we had sex. Despite being in pain I smiled on the outside. Scotty sat a tray on my lap and gave me a kiss.
“Good morning, I made you breakfast in bed.”
“Thank you.”
I examined the tray and took a few bites.
“How is everything?” he asked sitting at the foot of the bed.
“Truly delish—” I stopped. “You gave me a hickey,” I said looking at my reflection in the butter knife.
He chuckled. “I gave you a lot of them. You gave me a lot too.”
I looked down and saw my chest and stomach were scattered with them. Scotty unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the same.
“How am I going to explain this?”
He shrugged. “You wrestled with a vacuum and lost, or won depending on how you look at it,” he joked.
“Have you eaten yet?” I asked, offering him a bite
“A bit. Taste tested some t
hings.”
I eyed him; noticing his attention was on the sheets. I moved my hand palm side up, a peace offering. He smiled and put his hand in mine. Despite having been dating for months, his touch still made my heart race. I cut a piece of pancake.
“Here.” I carefully fed him. “You okay? You look sad.”
“Yeah I’m fine,” he said smiling it off.
He squeezed my hand slightly as he said this, and then looked back down. Panic washed over me, I tried to figure out what could possibly be going through his head. Will and Grace had taught me if a guy says ‘good morning’ after sleeping with you, it was code for get out. He didn’t want to break up with me, did he? Maybe I’m being paranoid. I mean after all it’s always been a fear of mine to lose my virginity to a one-night stand.
“We need to talk,” Scotty said.
Here it comes.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started.
Just say it, don’t draw it out and torture me even more.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw his other hand move toward the pocket in his pajama pants and returned with the box I saw last night. Instantly, my heart skipped a beat. He let go of my hand and the small box replaced it. Thin amounts of gold trim cooled my hand, but the black velvet added some warmth.
“I want to offer you something. You don’t have to take it now. I just want to put the offer on the table.”
I examined him closer this time. Scotty looked like he was about to pass out. Color left his face and he wore a nervous smile and lost puppy dog eyes. His fingers brushed over my palm and caused chills to ripple everywhere. We continued to look at each other, Scotty opened the box, and I looked down. Inside shone brightly against the sunlight was a tiny silver key. I eyed it. I felt the bed shake as Scotty repositioned, lying down on his side. He placed his hand on my ankle, massaging my calf.
“The offer is pretty self-explanatory, a key to my house, to come and go whenever you please,” he said, moving his hand to my knee.
I stared at the key in shock. I didn’t know what to say. Seconds ago, I was thinking this was going to end in a break-up. I rubbed my thumb over its rough cool surface. It was a real key, there was no denying it. It was a key, freshly cut, sharp teeth and all. It was a key, and it went to his place. I laughed to myself as it sank in. I began to spin it around between my fingers.
“This is too much, I’m sorry,” Scotty said.
“Not at all. I thought you were going to break-up with me,” I muttered, continuing to look at the key.
“Never.”
“So, this is just a key?” I asked, implying it wasn’t more, like him asking me to move in.
“Just a key,” he confirmed.
“Okay, just a key,” I repeated. I looked back at him; he was looking at the key. “I love it, thank you,” I said, we kissed.
“You’re welcome.” He smiled. “Now finish your breakfast. We have to get going soon.”
“We have plans?” I asked.
“My bathroom is getting remodeled. I was going to leave and give them some space.”
I took a few more bites and slid the plate toward Scotty. He devoured the rest instantly, and then finished off the orange juice and coffee. I laughed when he burped. He grabbed the tray and brought it into the kitchen and was back in no time, launching himself on top of me.
“You’re so beautiful in the morning light,” Scotty said.
We kissed for what was probably the twelve-hundredth time since we started dating.
“You know they aren’t that bad, the hickeys,” he said.
“Is it obvious?”
He chuckled. “Not really, at least not when you put a shirt on.”
I held his hand and rubbed my thumb on his palm, in the heart formation I always seemed to naturally do. He pulled my right hand up toward his lips and my fingertips lightly brush over the bottom, then top lip. I stared into Scotty’s eyes. I could spend the rest of my days with you. I started massaging his shoulders, and then pulled him toward me, we exchanged a kiss. Scotty laid down next to me and we cuddled.
In the other room I heard a rap on the front door.
“I don’t wanna get up,” I grumbled.
The doorbell rang this time. He sighed and pushed himself up. “Well you have to, they’re here.”
I moaned and threw the covers over me, not wanting this moment to end.
“Honey, come on.” I heard Scotty say from the living room, the doorbell rang again. “Coming,” he paused and opened the door. “Hello, sorry I took so long. Come on in.”
“That’s fine,” a male with a husky voice said.
“Follow me, I’ll show you what I want done.”
I heard them enter the room and walk to the bathroom. They talked for a few minutes then I heard a single set of footsteps walk back to the bed. Scotty flung the blanket half off me, stopping at my waist. He sat next to me and leaned down and kissed me.
“Time to get up,” Scotty said as he stood and started jumping up and down. “Get up.” He straddled me and continued to hop. “Get up, get up, oh yeah I forgot to mention, get up!”
“Alright already.” I laughed, sitting up. “I’m a little indecent, would you get my clothes?” He jumped off the bed and tossed them to me. “Thanks.”
I quickly dressed and left Scotty to discuss things with the handyman. I sat in the passenger seat alone, staring at the key he gave me. I loved what it meant to be holding it, and what it went to. While I loved holding the key, a part of me felt nervous. This was the furthest I had gone in any relationship and I had no idea what to do next. I guess it was natural to feel vulnerable, and quite frankly naïve, but mostly scared of what was coming next. Suddenly, the driver’s door opened.
“I’m so busy this and next week, I’m worried I’ll forget to get this to you. Merry Christmas, no peaking.”
Scotty got behind the wheel, buckled, and handed me a small wrapped package. I carefully peeled the bow off and placed it on his head. Though he smiled, his face turned that satisfying shade of red that made my tummy tickle.
“Okay, I’ll try not to. I’ve got something for you,” I said as we drove away
§ § § §
Scotty turned down my street and came to a coasting stop at the end of the driveway.
He got out and ran around the front of the car and got the door for me. I was still blown away at how absurdly adorable he could be sometimes. We began to walk up the driveway, our hands brushing together. We risked it being a mistake when I took his hand in mine. Quickly we let go and walked up to the front door. I entered first and held the door open for Scotty.
“Kyle, is that you?”
“Yeah Dad, it’s me.” I heard his recliner click shut and saw him appear at the end of the hall.
“Where were you last night?” he asked, walking toward us.
“I stayed at Scotty’s house.”
“Why didn’t you call?”
“We lost power.”
“Kyle?” my dad questioned in his trademark patronizing tone.
I turned and looked at Scotty. “I’ll meet you upstairs.”
“Okay,” Scotty said, running up the stairs.
Once I heard my door open and close, I turned back to my father.
He examined me closer. “Is that a hickey?” he asked.
Fuck!
“No.”
“I want you to stop hanging out with Scotty. I think he’s a bad influence.”
I looked at him confused. “What are you talking about Dad?”
“I don’t want you hanging out with Scotty anymore.”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Instead I went for the stairs and made it halfway up when he stopped me.
“And I want him out in five minutes,” he added.
We stared at one another, each in a defensive stance. My mom obviously wasn’t home, had she heard my father say this she would have put a stop to it. Ask me to make friends, then shut out the first person I connected with
so organically? What give’s Dad? I didn’t back down and waited until he turned and walked away. I rolled my eyes and continued up the stairs. Upon approaching my bedroom, I saw Stephen on his bed doing homework. I slammed the door shut. Scotty sat up on my bed.
“What’s wrong?” Scotty asked.
“My dad thinks you’re a bad influence, he doesn’t want us talking any more. He wants you out in five minutes,” I said sitting next to him.
“Oh, I should go then.”
“Yeah I guess,” I sulked. “This is bullshit.”
“Maybe he suspects something is going on between us.”
“Maybe.”
“Parents have a funny way of showing their love,” Scotty said.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“Excuse me, I’m what?”
I chuckled and nudged his side. “You’re right.”
He leaned in and kissed me, then stood. “I’ll text you tonight,” he said.
“Okay.”
I walked him to my door. He reached for the handle; I stopped him.
“Before you go.” I ran over to my closet and pulled out a small box, about twice the size as the one he gave me and I ran back, handing it to him. “Merry Christmas.”
He smiled and took it from me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He turned for the handle again; I stopped him and gave him a quick kiss. I didn’t know how long it would be until we got to do it again.
“Don’t let your father get to you. There is a chance he knows you are gay and is just in denial. You may not see it now, but one day you will.”
I smiled and kissed him. He stole another before I could lean back.
“I hate it when you’re right.”
“At least you can admit it.”
He retreated finally and turned the handle.
“Bye,” he said.
“Bye,” I said. I love you, I mouthed.
Playing It Out Straight Page 24
