by Linda Warren
“Thank you” was all she said, and she walked into the living room.
He stood and watched her pause by the Pack ’N Play. She leaned over and put the Binky back in Daniel’s mouth. Then she squatted and watched him. Tears were about to erupt, but again, she surprised him. She ran up the stairs and he heard her bedroom door close. Maybe she needed to cry in private.
He wanted to help her, but he wasn’t sure his help would be welcomed—too many hurtful memories and too much sadness. He’d just wait around and be there for her, just like he’d told her. His heart was hurting and he didn’t want to take time to analyze it or question it.
After he cleaned up the kitchen, his cell buzzed. It was Carson.
“Hey, Carson, what’s going on?”
“That’s why I’m calling. I haven’t heard from you since you left for Mexico.”
Levi kept his voice down so as not to wake Daniel, and told his friend what had happened.
“So you’re a bodyguard now?”
“Seems like it. I can’t leave until Daniel is safe.”
“What about Myra?”
“Hell, man, I don’t know. Life is getting very complicated.”
“You’re still there, so that must mean something.”
“How’s Pop?” Levi quickly changed the subject because they were getting on to a topic he’d rather not discuss. He didn’t understand it himself, so how could he explain it to his friend?
“Smooth.” Carson laughed. “Pop is Pop and cranky as ever, but he’s taking his meds.”
“Thanks for checking on him.”
“Anytime. Call if you need anything.”
Levi shoved his phone back into his pocket, feeling better at hearing a familiar voice.
He fished Daniel’s dirty clothes out of the diaper bag and carried them into the utility room. After stripping off his, he put everything in to wash and laid his wallet and phone on the dryer. With a towel around his waist, he went back into the living room. Daniel sat up and made whimpering sounds. Levi immediately picked him up before the baby woke up completely.
Sitting on the sofa, Levi held him, gently rocking, until Daniel went back to sleep. Soon he laid him back in the bed and covered him with a blanket.
Like Myra had earlier, he watched the baby sleep, feeling a weight of helplessness resting on his chest. This little guy deserved more.
His cell beeped and he hurried to the utility room to get it. A text from Valerie. Hope u r coming home tomorrow. Miss u. Love u. V.
He should call her, but he didn’t want to be grilled again. He knew his feelings for Valerie were changing and that was a whole lot of misery he didn’t want to get into right now.
After putting the clothes in the dryer, he decided to take a shower. Hurrying upstairs, he wondered if that was a good idea. If Myra was sleeping, the shower might wake her. But her door was closed, so he’d be okay, especially if he closed the bathroom door.
It didn’t take long and he made sure to put the dirty towel in the hamper before wrapping a dry one around himself. On his way down the hall, he heard a sound coming from Myra’s room. He stopped and listened. Was she crying? If she was, he was sure she wanted to be alone. He took a couple steps and stopped. The thought of her crying her heart out alone bothered him. Maybe she needed to talk. Maybe she needed someone.
But not him.
Even that thought didn’t stop him. At one time, they’d meant a great deal to each other and he couldn’t let her go through this by herself. He couldn’t help that feeling.
He opened the door slightly. “Myra, are you okay?”
No response.
He opened the door wider. “I know you’re crying.”
“Just...just go away.”
Against every sane thought in his head, he walked to the bed and sat on the edge. The room was almost completely dark except for a glow coming from the night-light in the hall. “You did all you could. You have no reason to feel guilty.”
Sniffles came from the bed. “Then why do I?”
“You tell me.”
She rolled toward him and scooted up against the headboard. “I’ve always stuck my nose in where it doesn’t belong. Just ask Jessie. I should’ve done the same with Natalie. I should have confronted her and made her see reason.”
“It wouldn’t have worked. It’s why you didn’t keep pressing her, so put the guilt away and grieve for your friend.”
“Then there’s Daniel. I told Natalie I’d take care of him.”
“That bothers you?”
“Yes. That’s why I wanted to find Daniel, so his mother could raise him. I know nothing about kids and never planned on having any.”
“Why is that?”
She didn’t answer.
“It’s just you and me, here in the dark. What we say here stays here.”
She shifted restlessly. “It’s not like I have a deep dark secret in my past. My decision just evolved over the years. My mother was shocked I wanted to go to college and did everything she could to talk me out of it. It cost a lot of money and they didn’t want Mr. Roscoe to pay for my education. That was what she felt and my dad backed her up. It was crazy. She wanted me to get married and have children. In her mind, that was the only way a woman could be happy.”
“But you knew different.”
“My parents’ focus in life was keeping Jessie safe and I understood that, but at times I felt very alone and left out—left out of my parents’ affections.”
He always sensed that her need to be strong and independent stemmed back to her parents. “So you decided to show them.”
Drawing up her knees, she replied, “It wasn’t that. I don’t know. I guess I wanted to be more than a mother. And I wanted to show them I could make it on my own, without a man, and be a success. I enjoyed the challenge of working with men, proving myself and being judged for the quality of my work instead of whether I wore a skirt. When I’m working a case, I’m totally absorbed in it, day and night. It takes over my life, my energy, and there’s not much room for anything else. Then I met you and—”
“What?”
“I began to think I could have a career and a marriage, too, but I screwed that up so badly I thought I’d never find my way back. And I messed up with Natalie, too. I seem to make all the wrong choices for the right reasons and I...I...”
Loud sobs racked her body and he did the only thing he could. He came closer and gathered her into his arms. “Why do you feel you have to take the blame for everything? We’re both to blame for what happened between us. It’s sad, but Natalie made her own choices.” He stroked her hair. “Please stop crying.”
“Hold me. I just need someone to hold me.”
As he held her, an old familiar longing surged through him. Her smooth, curved body made him weak and strong at the same time.
She kissed the warmth of his neck. “Stay with me tonight. I need you.”
“Myra...” he groaned, the scent of her trapping him in a never-ending cycle of need—a need only she could fulfill. He was headed down a one-way street going the wrong way and he had no desire to stop.
Not tonight.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“MYRA—”
“Shh.” Myra wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his damp hair, loving the warmth of his skin against hers. “Don’t talk. Make the hurt go away for tonight.” She kissed the side of his face, breathing in his soapy scent and trailing kisses to his mouth. “Please.”
She’d lost all train of thought and pushed her qualms to the back of her mind. Her chest was about to crack in two from sadness and she couldn’t be alone. She needed Levi more than she’d ever needed anyone in her life. She knew it was wrong. He had someone else in his life, but her brain was not working rationa
lly.
Or maybe not at all. She sensed he wasn’t participating and she pulled her lips away, feeling as if she’d finally reached the outskirts of hell where nothing existed but the pain and the regrets.
Then, slowly, his hands were at her waist and he slipped the tank top over her head, exposing her breasts to his hands and lips. He pushed her back into the mattress, his lips finding her skin as he explored and renewed an acquaintance with her body. She trembled from the sensation of his tongue licking, tasting secretive, sensitive places that he had branded. Needing to be closer, he removed her shorts in an instant and they were skin on skin and she welcomed the hardened planes of his body. It had been so long.
But she hadn’t forgotten a thing: the broad shoulders that could shut out the world or the tiny scar where a bullet had grazed him, or those impeccable abs or the strength of his loins. She breathed in the fresh scent of soap and shampoo mixed with his manly aura and she was lost in memories of early-morning sex and late-night romps that went on until the wee hours. She missed him and the way he made her purr with the touch of his hand, which he was doing now.
With a sigh, he rolled them over and she straddled him, loving that feeling of empowerment as she stroked and caressed unbelievably strong chest muscles and fitted her body against his hardness. Just when she thought she would explode from the blood pounding through her veins, he flipped her onto her back again and their hands and lips began a frenzy of touching and kissing, as if they couldn’t get enough.
“My-oh-my-oh-My,” he moaned, familiar words he’d often used when they made love.
When his fingers teased her, she cried out from sheer pleasure. His lips caught hers in a fiery kiss that went on and on until her sweat-bathed body yearned for more. She needed more. His hardness pressed into her side and her hand stroked the bulging muscle until he rolled onto her. She opened her legs to welcome him.
She moaned as he slid into her and the big, sad world started to float away. With each thrust, she wrapped her arms and legs tighter and tighter around him until they were one, moving, rocking together. When pleasure rippled through her in spasms of release, she cried out his name.
He took her mouth in an earth-shattering kiss as his body shuddered against her. And then waves of bliss washed over them. Easing to his back, he carried her with him and she lay replete on his chest, her head tucked under his chin. He stroked her hair away from her face and he softly kissed her before they fell asleep.
When Myra awoke, it was early morning and Levi wasn’t in the bed. She sat up and pushed hair from her face. A feeling of warmth and relaxation settled over her...along with a load of guilt.
What had she done?
Sadness had clouded her judgment. She should never have asked Levi to spend the night. Maybe somewhere in the back of her mind, she hoped he’d realize he still loved her, but his absence this morning proved that wasn’t true. Memories. Wonderful, powerful, sensual memories were about to kill her. What could she say to him now?
Seeing the time, she scurried from the bed and took a quick shower. Her tears mingled with the water and she knew she had to pull herself together. She wasn’t a weepy person by nature and she had to stop with the waterworks, find her courage and face Levi.
Hurriedly, she dressed in brown linen pants and a white-and-brown layered blouse. After brushing her hair, she clipped it at her nape and let it hang loose. She applied a little makeup and slipped on brown heels.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she saw Daniel standing in his bed wearing a diaper. He held on to the rail, babbling. He smiled when he saw her.
“Morning,” she cooed to him, kissing his head.
She looked up and saw Levi standing in the doorway to the kitchen. That shattered look on his face spoke volumes. Her heart fell to the bottom of her stomach and she had the feeling she’d had seven years ago when she’d tried to tell him about the pregnancy. He wasn’t going to listen; he’d made up his mind.
She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “That doesn’t change anything and, once again, you’re taking all the blame. I was there, too.”
Her hands were clammy. “I should never have asked you to stay.”
“No. You used me and our past feelings for each other, and the sad fact is, it was just sex. I don’t love you anymore and you don’t love me.”
I don’t love you anymore.
But I love you. I will always love you. Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you feel it?
Her throat closed up. She didn’t expect him to be this blunt. This honest. This hurtful. But he was protecting himself. She should rant and rave, call him a few names in Spanish, but she’d done enough damage. It was time to let Levi go—for good.
“I’ll get Daniel dressed. I’m sure Stu will want to see him this morning.”
“Myra—”
She swung around. “You said what you had to say, so just stop. I can’t take any more.”
“I didn’t say it to hurt you.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “Really? You said it to boost my confidence?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Damn it, Myra. I had my life all planned and now it’s muddled. I cheated on someone I care about. I’m just like all those guys I chased down who cheat on their wives. I’m not like that. I’m not that person. It’s just when I’m with you...”
“What? I tempted you? I’m the reason you cheated on Valerie? You might want to think about that.” She waved a hand. “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. I have to get going.” But something in her wouldn’t let her take the high road because he was right. She’d used him, but if she told him she loved him, he would be more stressed, so it was best to leave it alone. But, again, she couldn’t. “I’m really sorry, Levi. I know that doesn’t change anything and I take full responsibility. It happened. Maybe it’s time you went back to Willow Creek. I’ll talk to Stu and make arrangements for Daniel’s safety. You’ve done enough.”
Levi glanced toward Daniel. “All of a sudden you’ve changed your mind. You’re going to take care of Daniel?”
She didn’t have a response for that. Her stomach was tied into knots. “I’m just thinking about getting through the funeral. Stu and I will figure out what’s best for the baby.”
He stared at her for a long time and she resisted the urge to squirm. “So you’re choosing your career over Daniel. Look at him, Myra. He needs you.”
Sitting on the sofa, she pulled baby clothes out of a suitcase she’d brought from Natalie’s, desperately trying to ignore him. But she knew she’d have to make a decision soon. She wasn’t sure what she was so afraid of. For a woman who knew her mind most of her life, she was suddenly as indecisive as a ten-year-old.
Without looking at Levi, she lifted Daniel out of the bed and quickly dressed him.
“Do you ever wonder why you’re so good at that? Fears are just fears, Myra, and they’re beatable. Just look at the reward.”
Her hands shook as she placed Daniel back in the bed. Levi was pushing her and she couldn’t take that right now. She had to end it with him. They both had to move on and there was only one way out. She had to wipe him from her mind and heart forever, just as he had done with her.
She looked directly at him. “I would make a terrible mother.”
His eyes narrowed. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” She drew in a deep breath and prayed for courage. “Seven years ago when I found out I was pregnant with your child and you wouldn’t speak to me, I didn’t know what I was going to do. And when you repeatedly walked away when I tried to talk to you, my first thought was—” she took another breath “—my first thought was abortion.”
“What?” He paled.
“It crossed my mind, so, you see, I’d make a terrible mother. I put my feelings abov
e my child’s. I was afraid to face the future as a single mother. I deserved to lose that baby. I deserved all the pain I went through...alone. I...”
He didn’t offer any solace and she didn’t expect any, but the silence that stretched was as painful as when the doctor had said, “You’ve lost the baby.” Because now she was losing her last link to Levi.
“What made you change your mind?” The words came out low, but she heard the anguish clearly.
She bit the inside of her lip until it bled. “Because there are some things even strong, independent women can’t do.”
Before he could say a word, someone pounded on the door. “It’s Tom. Let me in.”
Levi stared at her for an extra second and then went to answer the door. Tom hurried into the living room.
“What’s up?” Myra asked. For Tom to be here this early, she knew something must have happened.
“Two of Marco’s henchmen crossed the border about an hour ago. Agents are following them and they’re headed straight for Houston. Pack your things. You and the baby have to go to a safe place.”
Levi joined them. “I suppose he heard about Natalie’s death and Marco has sent them for his son.”
“That’s our guess,” Tom said. “Hurry, Myra, we don’t have much time.”
Tom’s cell buzzed and he answered it. “Yes. I’m here....Okay. I’ll put you on speakerphone.” He pushed a button on the phone. “It’s Stu.”
“Levi, are you there?”
“Yes, Stu, I’m listening.”
“That bastard is coming for my grandson. You have to stop him.”
“Stu, I’m not a cop anymore.”
“I know that. I’m just asking you to keep Daniel and Myra safe until the cops can catch these guys.”
At the conflicting thoughts on Levi’s face, Myra stepped in. “Stu, it’s time for Levi to go back to Willow Creek. The cops will guard Daniel and me.”
“I don’t trust anyone but Levi.”
