by M. J. Haag
“Thank you,” I murmured before returning to the other side of the counter.
I worked in silence, very aware of the way he watched every move I made. When I set a plate of spam fried rice in front of him, he finally looked away to study the food.
“I haven’t seen the meat made this way before.” He picked up his fork and took a bite.
“Making it like that stretches the meat. The rice also picks up the saltiness of the pork. The peas and carrots give it texture and color. So it pleases your mouth as much as your eyes.”
He glanced at me. “Yes. Pleasing to the mouth and eyes.”
He said it innocently enough, but that’s not where my mind took it. I rewound to yesterday morning and how he’d look down at my private parts with longing and hunger.
“Your face is turning red again. Why are you embarrassed?”
“Sorry. Hot flash.” I fanned my face. “I think I might skip the movie and go to bed early.”
“A flash of heat, like a fever? Are you sick? Should I get Cassie?”
“No, no. I’m fine. Hot flashes can happen for so many different reasons. I’m not sick. But if I did get sick, you wouldn’t need to panic. Humans often get colds. It’s not the end of the world.”
He studied me for a second then went back to eating.
“So what else do you not like besides red sauce foods.”
“Peas taste bad, but not the way you make them. I like eating them this way.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. What else?”
We talked about human foods he’d tried through the rest of the meal. He noticed that Mya loved sweets, especially chocolate, and wanted to know if all women were like that. I gave another “not all, but most of them do” answer, which didn’t seem to bother him.
Once we cleaned up the dishes, I wished him a good night and went upstairs. It wasn’t until I was on the cusp of sleep that I realized I should have taken Adam’s bed. I told myself one more night in Tor’s large, comfy bed as I drifted off.
I should have relocated.
Instead, I woke up with my sweat-soaked tee-shirt sticking to my back in the middle of the night. The heat radiating off of Tor’s chest, and the arm anchoring me against that broad expanse, complicated the problem.
“Tor,” I said, pushing at his arm, “you’re making me too hot.”
He grunted out a tired sound and pulled the covers down before returning his arm to my waist.
“Tor.”
“Shh. It’s not time to wake up yet. Sleep sweet, June.”
I almost snorted a laugh. Tor sounded half-drunk and the s’s came out more lispy than crisp. Rather than laughing, I struggled to turn in his arms.
He made a growly noise, and I froze.
“Is that a bad sound?” I asked.
“No. I like when you wiggle against me. You can do more.”
“Tor, wake up. I’m not trying to wiggle against you. I’m trying to understand why you’re holding me in my sleep after I told you I didn’t want a boyfriend.”
He opened his eyes and frowned in confusion.
“You said hugs show appreciation and affection. You hugged me and patted my back.”
“Right. But this isn’t a hug.”
“Yes. My arm is around you. The other one was too but my fingers started to tingle.”
“Tor, you’re over the top sometimes. Do you know that?”
“Is that bad?”
“For any other guy, I think it would be. But it’s not for you.”
“Good. Can we go back to sleep?”
I shook my head at him and said, “Sure.”
“You’re confusing,” he said, closing his eyes. “All you need to do is tell me what you want, June. I will do anything for you.”
His breathing evened out while I still stared at him in disbelief. I wasn’t the only confusing one. He seemed so accepting of only a friendship with me most times, but then said things like that. Things that made me think he held onto a secret hope I’d fall into his arms like Adam had wanted.
Yet, as I watched Tor’s sleep-relaxed face, I didn’t want to move away and further support my earlier warning. I wanted to snuggle next to someone while I slept. It’d been so long.
Pillowing my cheek with my hand, I burrowed closer and closed my eyes.
The next time I roused, it was due to a hand clamping down on the leg I’d just moved.
“Hmm? What’s wrong?” This time I was the one who sounded drunk.
I lifted my head, swiped the hair from my face, and tried to move my leg back to where it’d been.
“No,” Tor rasped. “Wait. Don’t move.”
What he was saying didn’t fully register. What I understood was that my leg was somehow a problem. So, of course, I tried to move it.
His fingers seized on my leg, and he groaned long and loud as his enormous cock spasmed against my inner thigh. I froze as I realized what I’d done. He didn’t thrust against the weight of my leg but pressed it hard, keeping it in place as he came in shuddering waves.
I could hear the thundering race of his pulse under my ear.
“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” he said in a low rumble when he finally stopped twitching.
“I know,” I croaked.
“It was almost time to wake you up, and I was remembering the last time. I—”
He didn’t try to remove the hand I placed over his mouth.
“I understand. No need to explain anything further. Is it okay for me to move now?”
He nodded and slowly released my thigh. There was nowhere to go with my leg that didn’t spread the mess. It was everywhere. Between my thighs. On his belly. On the sheets.
“I think we need to strip the bed and wash the sheets before we leave.”
He grunted and got out of bed. Completely naked. I inwardly slapped my forehead. Of course he was naked, he’d just come against my leg.
Then he turned.
“Oh my no…”
It had felt huge against my legs, but that was nothing like actually seeing it. Tor’s cock, even semi-soft, was thicker than my wrist. I couldn’t imagine its size when hard. As if hearing my thoughts, it twitched. My gaze flew to his.
Whatever he saw on my face had him slowly shielding himself with his hand. His hand wasn’t big enough. The bulbous head of his cock dipped below his fingers.
Tor was a monster.
“No.”
I clamped my mouth shut when I heard my second denial.
“I’ll change the sheets,” he said, watching me closely. “You should shower.”
I bolted for the bathroom. Once safely inside, I pressed my back against the door and took several calming breaths. What was I doing? Tor was sweet. Nice. Good. And things kept happening that weren’t fair to him. I shouldn’t have slept in his bed. When I woke up in the middle of the night and realized he had joined me, I should have gotten up and gone downstairs. I wasn’t being fair to Tor. What happened was on me.
Even my panicked overreaction at the end.
But holy shit he was huge.
Nothing had prepared me for that. I looked down at my leg and the sheen drying there. So much sheen.
Exhaling, I pushed away from the door and stripped out of my clothes. Tor and I would need to talk. Again. I needed to set boundaries and make my expectations clear then ask him to share his expectations. Based on how he’d snuggled up to me, I felt pretty certain our expectations weren’t aligned, despite our conversation before going to bed.
Piling my hair on my head, I got in the shower and washed. It didn’t take me long. When I was done, I groaned at my lack of forethought and wrapped the towel around my torso.
“Tor?” I called.
“Yes, I am here.” There was movement on the other side of the door.
“Would you mind leaving the bedroom? I forgot my clothes.”
“I will wait downstairs.”
“Thank you.”
The bedroom door closed, and I peeked out of the
bathroom to make sure I was alone before emerging. The bed was already remade with fresh sheets, and my heart gave a pained squeeze. That was my fault. He’d asked me not to move, and I had.
As soon as I was dressed, I went downstairs and found Tor in the kitchen. He was making oatmeal at the stove.
“Tor, I’m really sorry about this morning. I wasn’t fully awake when you told me not to move. I’ll sleep downstairs tonight so you can have your bed back.”
He glanced at me.
“I liked sharing the bed.”
My heart gave another squeeze. I hated this part.
“I could tell you did. Maybe a little too much. You’re so ready for a girlfriend, Tor. I’m not her.”
He turned off the stove.
“Not yet. But maybe someday you will be. I can wait.”
“What if you wait and it never happens? What if, by waiting, you miss your chance at a real girlfriend?”
“Why do you think you might never be mine? You said you find me handsome and strong. You squealed when I licked your pussy and drank your sex juice.”
“Oh, boy. Let’s never use the phrase ‘sex juice’ again, okay?”
“Why? What do you call it?”
“Nothing?”
“Something that sweet and good needs a name. I could drink it all day.”
A flush started in my face, and my core clenched.
“I think we got off topic,” I managed.
He walked around the island, stalking closer to me.
“I like this topic.”
Chapter Thirteen
Pulse hammering, I retreated one step then another. But I was slow. The way Tor moved, that unhurried prowl of a predator stalking its prey, sent my pulse thundering, and heat flooded my body. My brain was saying no when my body was saying yes. What did that say about me?
“I know you like it, Tor, but I don’t. Letting one man lick me when I was dating another made me feel cheap.”
“You are not cheap. You are smart and beautiful.” He kept moving toward me, and I kept retreating.
“Tor, please. This isn’t about what you feel for me or what I feel for you. This is about what I feel for myself. And if you keep pressing, it’s going to fill me with more doubt and self-loathing over the mess I’ve already made of things.”
He stopped and blinked at me.
“Self-loathing? Why do you hate yourself?”
I struggled to find the words to describe what I was feeling. How wrong it was to feel any attraction to him after only a few short days.
“It’s not okay for a woman to jump from one man to the next.”
“Why? Adam does not want you. I do.”
“Ouch.”
He frowned.
“What hurts?”
“The reminder that Adam doesn’t want me anymore, Tor. I know this is all new to you. Can you please just be my friend for a while? I need time to let my heart heal and to make sure I’m ready. It hurts when you’re wrong about someone. I don’t want to hurt you like Adam hurt me.”
He took another step toward me, and I quickly retreated. He sighed and tugged at his ear, showing his frustration.
“Come here, June. I wish to give you a hug of affection and friendship.”
“Less touching would be better for a while.”
“I like touching you.”
My heart gave another squeeze, and I wished he wasn’t making this so hard.
“Honestly, I like it too, Tor. But do I like it because it’s you or because I’m hurt and want comfort from any source willing to give it? That’s something I need to know. Otherwise, I might only be leading you on. I need time. I need to make sure I’m myself. Whole. Do you understand?”
He paused, his frown deepening as he slowly nodded.
“Yes. I understand.” He looked up and met my gaze. “I will be your friend. When you want my touches again, you will tell me.”
“Thank you.”
He grunted and made his way back to the stove.
“Are you hungry? I made you oatmeal with strawberries.”
“That sounds really good.”
“It’s not. I’m sorry.”
The pity in his eyes when he passed the bowl to me was almost comical.
“I like oatmeal. Especially the kind with strawberries.”
He made a face, and I relaxed a little more. The knock on the front door defused any remaining tension.
Angel was clearly a morning person, based on her bright smile and chipper hello. Shax, the fey, following her, seemed just as upbeat.
“Ready for another day of dick shooting?” Angel asked, joining me at the island.
Shax winced behind her.
“Maybe we should give it another name,” I suggested.
“Yes,” Shax said immediately.
“We could call it cuddle time, but then you’d start to wonder if I really meant cuddles or if I wanted to do violent things to your fun maker. Isn’t it better to simply call it what it is?”
Shax gave her a disgruntled look even as he agreed. She grinned at me.
“A little birdy told me that you went to visit Mya yesterday. What did you think of our fearless leader?”
“She seems really nice.”
“She is. And she isn’t, when she needs to be. Brenna’s not a fan, but I think she’s coming around.”
“You’re really open, aren’t you?”
“Yep. Clear communication makes life easier in the long run. The biggest mistake people make is assuming that everyone else can read their minds. Half the time, we’re so caught up in our own heads we barely notice the people around us, never mind taking the time to try to figure out what they might be thinking or feeling.”
She made a very valid point, and I wondered if that had been part of the problem with my relationship with Adam. He coddled me too much instead of giving me the straight truth.
I told her about my conversation with Mya, and Angel nodded along.
“Some of those people are real assholes. The rest aren’t bad. Garrett, my brother from another mother, is one of the good ones. He got to stay after the breach.”
I finished my breakfast as Angel filled me in on some of the history of the people in Tolerance. There were a fair number of human and fey couples already. And a few humans who’d been deemed friendly enough to coexist with the fey here. Everyone seemed to get along with only minor tension at times.
“I can’t wait for you to meet James and Mary,” Angel said. “They are the sweetest old couple and love the fey. They host the dinner dates if you’re ever interested in some amazing cooking. I convinced them to let Shax and me do a test run. It was fun.”
“You’re already a couple.” I moved to rinse my bowl. “Isn’t the point of the dinner date to give a single fey some practice?”
“Yeah, but it also gives Mary and James something to do and look forward to. There’s not a lot around here for entertainment. Why else would we be out practicing archery?”
“Survival?”
We walked toward the door, and I started to put my things on.
“Sure. There’s that. But let’s face it. Even with the skills we’re learning, we wouldn’t stand a chance out there without the fey.”
“Adam and I managed pretty well.”
“You were found in a bunker under a barn filled with infected, from what I heard. A few of the rest of us have also been lucky enough to survive until the fey found us. But let’s face it. The infected are getting smarter. The luck for anyone else still out there is probably running out.”
We left the house and walked down the street together. Angel’s words rang in my head and in my heart. I hated that she was thinking like Adam as if validating his choice to leave me. Passing me off to someone else wasn’t love. It was giving up.
I was glad when we reached the training grounds and there was something else to focus on. With a bow in hand, I listened to Brenna’s instructions for the next hour. Then, I tumbled around with the other three whil
e Angel cheered us on and ate her snacks.
After one brutal toss from Hannah, I tapped out and sat on the sidelines to rub my shoulder and neck.
“You should come to my house after this. I could have a fey massage lined up for you in three seconds flat,” Angel said. “No strings attached. They’re seriously only looking for a way to be useful.”
“I can’t. I’m supposed to go talk to Emily.”
“Okay. I’ll stop by later with that list of names, and if you want to take me up on the offer then, let me know.”
The other women called me back in, and as the morning wore on, Angel’s offer for a fey massage started to sound better and better. My legs and arms burned by the time the women signaled that we were done.
Winded and tired, I limped off to the side and sat on one of the tree stumps someone had set nearby.
“Are you okay, June?” Tor asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine in a minute. Are you okay with going to Emily’s house after this?”
“Yes.”
I watched the other women walk off with their fey. They didn’t look nearly as exhausted as I was.
“How are they not tired?” I asked.
“They have been practicing for many days. You haven’t. You will get better.”
“I don’t see how. Hannah’s wicked good. Eden, too.”
Brenna was the only one who hadn’t flipped me over repeatedly. That didn’t mean she wasn’t good, too. Only that she was being nicer about sparring with me.
“Hannah’s good because Merdon spanks her hard at home.”
My tiredness evaporated.
“What?”
Tor repeated himself.
“Yeah, I heard you the first time. I meant what do you mean by ‘he spanks her hard?’ Is he abusive?”
“He hurts her only enough to keep her from hurting herself. He does not like it, but he knows it will help her live.”
I knew I’d need to ask Angel what the story was behind those comments the next time I saw her. My mind returned to her offer for a massage. I could get the scoop on Merdon and Hannah, plus relax at the same time.
My legs felt weak when I stood, affirming the idea.
