by Lola Gabriel
Rowan dropped the blankets in front of the heater and took Holly’s hands. She leaned up, kissed him, and kicked the door shut at the same time.
“You’re sure about this?” he asked, unzipping her coat. The ritual of undressing would be drawn out this evening—they had so many clothes on.
Holly nodded. “I wanted to… in bed last night. Not like this, though. Don’t know if I’ve ever wanted anything like I want this right now.”
Wow that was a lot, but Rowan didn’t run. In fact, he pulled her jacket off her, and she pulled off her sweater.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” Rowan said. “I mean, I couldn’t get any work done… I was wondering what this would be like. I kept thinking about kissing you, about your body next to mine last night.”
Holly smiled at him. They were both down to their everyday clothes, and finally, skin touched skin. When Rowan’s hand cupped her waist under her cropped shirt, Holly gasped.
“Cold?” Rowan asked. Holly shook her head.
“I mean, yes,” she answered, “but also warm… also… just…” She wanted to explain the way her skin felt like an instrument finally being played for the first time, or… She didn’t have the brain power for metaphors right now. She pulled Rowan to her, undoing enough of his shirt buttons to get it over his head.
“I want you so, so much,” he was muttering into her mouth as they kissed. This wasn’t the usual, blushing Rowan. He undid her bra with ease and dipped his mouth down to her nipples. Holly gasped. He slipped her jeans down, and his hand was inside her panties, playing with her, pushing into her wetness. Holly’s hands were in his hair, gently tugging, and then he got to his knees on the blankets he had put down, and he started using his tongue, still almost fully dressed himself. He was grasping the backs of her thighs, sometimes stroking them.
This was not what Holly had expected from him. The butterflies had migrated south, and she couldn’t help but push his face closer to her, could hardly breathe while she was concentrating on the pleasure of his touch, his mouth. Finally, she had to push him away. He looked up at her, questioning.
“I was going to fall over,” she said and got down beside him to kiss him, tasting herself. Rowan laughed.
“Good,” he mumbled, and he pulled off his undershirt and undid his pants. They were lying on the blankets now, the gas fire heating them on one side, the rest of the room cold. Holly was kissing his neck, his chest. He was smooth, hard and muscular. He was perfect. Terrifyingly perfect.
Rowan pulled her up so he was looking right into her eyes.
“I want to be inside you,” he whispered, causing Holly’s stomach to do a somersault, and she wrapped her legs around him and sighed as he slipped into her. She buried her face in his neck, smelling him. She tried to fix in her memory the feel and smell and taste of him.
Rowan moaned, making little noises of pleasure that made her feel like she was in charge of him now. She pulled back to look at him and to control the rhythm of their love making. His eyes were closed, and he was biting his lower lip slightly. His cheeks were pink, like they were when he was embarrassed, but he was far from that, lost in his pleasure and hers.
Holly put a hand on his face, tracing his lips, and he lightly nibbled her thumb and kissed her thumb print. He opened his eyes and held her hand to his face as his brow furrowed, like he was concentrating.
“I meant it, last night,” he said as they slowed for a while. “You’re so beautiful.”
Holly smiled. In this moment, she believed that was what he saw. She kissed him, and they flipped over. Rowan was in charge again, lightly pinning her down with one hand and slipping the other down to tease her, adding to the pleasure already surging inside her. She closed her eyes. She let him play and move in her, and she let herself go, no longer thinking, just feeling, until the pleasure was everything and Holly and Rowan were just vessels for it, gasping, sweaty, and then spent, tangled in one another’s arms and the blankets.
When she could speak again, Holly said, “I did not expect that.”
Rowan was stroking her hair. “To have sex, or for it to be good?”
Holly searched for an answer that fit and wasn’t rude. “All of the above, I suppose.”
“Me neither,” he said, kissing her softly. “Or at least not for it to be… what was that? What is this?”
Holly shrugged as best she could, all wrapped up in blankets and Rowan.
“Beats me,” she said. And then, finally, some of what she had been thinking earlier made it out of her mouth. “I feel like I’ve always known you, and yet I can’t wait to get to know everything about you. Does that make sense? I mean, I know it doesn’t, but… and I really thought we were friends, and then maybe it’s the full moon, or maybe it’s being here where you’re from or—” Rowan cut her off with a kiss.
“Same. Right down to how none of that makes sense at all.” He looked at her a little longer. A few blinks. A smile. “Thank you,” he said, “for helping me make new memories here. Happy ones.”
All of a sudden, Rowan turned his head and looked up to the window above the sink.
“Did something move out there?” he asked.
“How could I see if it did?” Holly was facing the other way entirely.
“Right… It was probably an owl or something. Or the wind. But the moon’s so bright, it’s almost like day out there. If there was someone outside…”
“A voyeur, a peeping Tom?” Holly laughed. “Let them watch! I’m sure we put on a hell of a show!” Rowan kissed her shoulder.
“Right,” he said. Holly sat up, blanket wrapped around her, still full of energy, still fizzing.
“Shall we go outside?” she suggested, playing with Rowan’s fingers. “I still want to see you.”
11
Rowan
Holly was long and slim and golden-eyed. It was strange to watch a transition to something other than bear. But it fit; it made sense. She changed fluidly in the moonlight, and her coloring fitted with its silver and the deep shadow where the trees were thicker.
She ran faster than Rowan did, or maybe she was just smaller, more aerodynamic. When she slowed down, panting, and he could finally catch up to her, he was worried his big paws would hurt her. He was gentle rolling her over. She took his one paw in her two daintier ones and licked him, nibbled him. She was teasing him, just like she always did.
Rowan nosed at her, making a deep grumbling noise, and she flipped over and out from under his paw easily, almost dancing around him, her paws light. He stayed still. He watched her. He had never felt less and more animal as a bear—it was simultaneous. His thoughts about his need for her were so human, but his need to protect, to chase, to have her… they were all animal.
Suddenly, the wolf Holly darted away. She wanted to play chase. Rowan obliged, running after her, knowing he wouldn’t catch her unless she wanted him to. Occasionally, in patches of moonlight, she stopped and turned, let him slow down a little and watch her, too, and then she was off again. She was enjoying her game, enjoying running in the moonlight. Rowan had to admit, it felt almost like sun after a cold winter on his fur. Why had he never done this before?
He stopped for a moment, in a clearing, and let himself swim in the silver light. It slid all over him, and he slipped all over it. He could almost taste it, metallic on his tongue.
Suddenly, he heard a yelp, and seconds later, Holly came dashing toward him. She was a gray streak; she was running so fast. She made sure their bodies made contact, telling him to follow her. In his shock, Rowan was lumbering, noisy. He broke branches. Holly looked back at him and made a yelping sound he took to mean, Shut up.
She was running in circles, in zig zags, so Rowan was sure they were passing the same trees again and again. Eventually, though, they were at the car. Holly ran to the door of the cottage as a wolf and nosed it open where they had simply let it swing shut. She came out zipping up her coat, as many of their clothes as she could carry in her arms,
and the car keys in her teeth.
It took Rowan a moment to catch on. He turned back to himself so quick he had to lean against the car.
“Fuck,” he cursed. “What’s going on?”
“Get in the car. Get in the damn car!”
“Unlock it!”
Holly fumbled with the key as she tried to keep everything else in her hands. Rowan ran around to her, took the fob, and unlocked the car. Holly got in the driver’s side, as the more dressed of them. Rowan ran around to the passenger seat.
She revved hard and shot down the dirt path.
“Is the gas fire off?” Rowan asked; it was the only thought in his brain.
“Yeah,” Holly said. “You did it before we shifted. They weren’t hikers. They weren’t damn hikers. Their gear was new because they’re used to rain.”
Rowan looked at Holly’s stony, scared face.
“Your father sent people? Already?” Holly nodded. Her knuckles were white, gripping the steering wheel. “How?” Rowan demanded, trying to pull on his underwear, then his undershirt. “How?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “I mean, he got the Alaska thing from your card, and then he got the warlocks to ask around, I guess… or he got lucky and knew someone who knew someone. Shit.”
“Warlocks?” Rowan knew he sounded dazed. This was all a lot. He could hardly breathe.
“Yeah.” Holly took a corner hard. “We get all our wider help from the warlocks. Security, information, anything magical, really.”
“We have witches,” Rowan said. He was half dressed now, fighting with his seatbelt, which he had responsibly buckled.
“There was some kind of split,” Holly said, “centuries ago. God!” She bashed her palms against the steering wheel. “Why do we all hate one another!”
Rowan grabbed her hand. “Hey, I don’t hate you.”
She turned to him, briefly, as she drove, and flashed him a smile.
“I know,” she said. “Same. But they won’t make it easy for us. Is anyone following?”
Rowan craned his neck. “No… I don’t think so. I mean, no.”
“Okay.” Holly took a deep breath. “Maybe they only saw us out there. Probably don’t even know who you are. We might be okay for a while.”
Rowan couldn’t stop looking at her tense profile as she drove, as they got closer to the city.
“A while isn’t enough,” he said. Holly squeezed his hand, which she was still holding.
“No,” she agreed. “It’s not nearly enough. But they’re gone for now? They… they aren’t there?”
“I promise,” Rowan said. “Nothing. Maybe they just wanted to scare us? They don’t want to hurt you?”
Holly shook her head. “I suppose not. Where am I driving, Ro? Do I go back to yours?”
“Yes,” Rowan said. “Park on a different street, or at the town hall. We’ll walk. But I need to be at home. I need to see if my mom is okay, and I need to work out— we need to work out what to do next.” His heart was beating in his throat. He thought he might puke.
It was late enough that the city was quiet. Holly’s driving was far less wild once they were temporarily away from danger. She parked a few streets from Rowan’s house, and they got out. Rowan didn’t put his gloves on, because he needed to have her hand in his properly. She caught his eye and understood, and they held hands tightly in the silvery night.
“They’ll work it out, right?” Holly asked. “From the cabin? Who you are?” Rowan squeezed her hand even tighter.
“Yes,” he said. “Probably. I mean, I think my dad just built it, so there’s no documents, and if they ask around, half the city will be tight-lipped. But eventually.”
They were a couple of houses down from Rowan’s. Suddenly, Holly yanked him toward her. She put her arms around him and pushed her head into his chest. “We have to deal with it, right? We’ll work out a plan?”
“Of course,” Rowan said, kissing her forehead. “Always.” Holly stepped back and smiled at him.
“Well,” she said. “Tonight was wild.” Rowan cupped her face in one of his hands.
“Yep. Full moon. You’re wild.” She laughed.
“So are you, baby.” And Rowan blushed, of course, at this semi-ironic use of ‘baby.’ Holly grinned at him, enjoying it. He turned and began walking the hundred feet to his front door, tugging her with him.
As he was unlocking the door, he was surprised to hear his mother call out a greeting from the kitchen. After their evening, it felt like it should be late, but it was only about nine p.m., according to Rowan’s phone, which he checked as he was pushing open the door.
“Hi, Mom!” he said, embracing his mother, who came to the door to meet them.
“Hello, lovebirds,” she replied. “Where have you been?”
Rowan could feel Holly looking at him, as he always could when she was privately laughing at his expense.
“We went to check on some stuff,” he answered. “Some strangers out by the hills.”
His mom nodded. “Who made a fuss?”
“It was actually the McKellan boys,” he said, “but I thought if I didn’t go out, someone else would get wind and it would be a whole… thing.” Miriam squeezed her son’s arm.
“You’re good at this, you know,” she said. Rowan cleared his throat.
“Thanks,” he said in a small voice. “You know, it was near the cabin, so we went up there. I wanted to show Holly where I spent so much of my time as a kid.”
Rowan’s stomach was churning. His mom hadn’t been able to visit the cabin after his father’s death, but she hadn’t been able to get rid of it, either. It was a rock in the forest that tied them to a dead man, yet it was also a place where they’d had so many happy memories, especially Rowan and his dad. And now, weirdly, one more for Rowan.
Miriam finally smiled.
“Good,” she said. “I knew I was keeping it for something. And keeping it up for something! How’s it all looking? You two should spend a few days up there. Let Holly experience some Alaska outside the city.”
Rowan was about to reply, but Holly jumped in, clearly still in defensive mode regarding any questions that had to do with where she was from.
“Yes!” she cried. “It was beautiful. Can’t wait to see more.”
“Well,” Miriam began, “Rowan has an outdoorsy streak, despite his bookish looks. I’m sure he has plenty to show you.” Holly’s arm was around Rowan, squeezing him.
“I have no doubt of it,” she said. “I’m so happy to be here.”
They got upstairs after insisting they had eaten. In reality, they were too shaken up to consider such a thing. Holly lay on the bed and closed her eyes. She let out a long breath.
“Okay,” she said. “So, we have a little while.”
“Yeah.” Rowan nodded, then realized her eyes were closed. “I think you’re right. But we have to do something.”
“Can we sleep first?” Holly asked, curling up above the duvet. Rowan climbed onto the bed, put his arms around her, and kissed her on the cheek.
“Of course,” he said. Then Holly flipped around to face him, surprising him. “Hello.”
“Hi.” She kissed him quickly. “Is this happening?” Rowan adjusted how he was holding her, pulled her a little closer.
“I think it is,” he said. “Is it possible?”
Holly made an inscrutable face. “Must be, if it’s happening, though you said a crush could—”
“No,” Rowan interjected. “I’ve had a crush. And it didn’t feel like this before. Maybe it took longer because we shift differently, but I felt such a connection with you as soon as I met you. I mean, what was that night in Seattle?”
Holly smiled softly at him, her big eyes crinkling at their edges.
“So much fun!” she said.
“Right,” he agreed. “The kind of fun you have with someone who’s going to be important?”
Holly hid her face in a pillow for a moment and then emerged. “I didn’t thi
nk important like this!”
“Me neither.” Rowan kissed her, softly but deeply. Slow. Not like before. She moved against him, and he enjoyed feeling her pressed against his whole length, feeling her solidly next to him.
“Take your clothes off,” Holly said quietly into his ear. “We didn’t get to just be together before, sleeping, touching…”
Rowan couldn’t help being a little excited, but neither could she, and he reached down to feel her, gently. They both took off their clothes, slipping under the covers. Holding her, their bodies fit. He had never been more comfortable. He could almost forget about everything that had happened earlier. It was like being in a bubble, in a home they had made when they were close enough together.
He wanted to tell her he loved her. His whole body felt it. He closed his eyes and pulled her closer, stroking down her side and kissing her neck lightly.
“Rowan?” Holly called him, and he made a noise acknowledging her. “I think I’m in love with you. How can that be real?” Gently, he pulled her to face him and kissed her.
“No idea,” he said, “but I love you, too.”
12
Holly
They ignored the issue of the strangers in the forest for the next few days. Everything seemed too perfect to ruin; that first flush of something real and full and wonderful. Sometimes, Rowan had to go and do things. Work, talk to someone, sign something. A pack at peace was an easy enough thing to handle, but being an alpha always meant responsibilities.
Holly helped Miriam make pancakes.
“The secret,” Miriam told her, “is to use maple syrup in the batter. Even if you want them savory, it works.”
“Genius, Miriam!” Holly laughed. “Everyone loves maple syrup.” She almost said something about coming from close enough to Canada, she should know, but she choked on it. Instead, she enveloped Miriam in a hug, “Thanks,” she said. And the whole time, she felt a vague guilt. It was like heartburn.
