by Avelyn Paige
He hushes me with his finger pressing to my lips before he pulls me against him with his arms. His mouth slams into my mine.
“We need to you out of here, and then I’ll go get the guys,” I say, pulling away from his lips. A loud bang comes from outside the door on the opposite side of the room, and I instantly prepare for another fight. The door flies open and men pour into the room. Hero and Ratchet come in the room last and smile as they see the two of us together.
“Well, shit, I guess I didn’t need to rescue you at all, Prez.”
We left Mexico within hours of settling our business. After getting everyone out of the house, we left Ratchet to do his thing. The smoke from the house would draw attention so we made sure that nothing tying us to the events of the day would lead back to us.
We’re lucky because none of us should have gotten out alive, but the only casualties came at the expense of the cartel. Darcy has remained quiet since murdering Maj and Trax in order to protect me. Not that I blame her—extinguishing a life is something you never forget and will haunt you for the rest of your life even if it was in self-defense and vengeance.
I think what shocked me the most was that she came for me at all. Her words the day my ex-wife and brother betrayed me still bite when I think about them. She seemed so determined and angry that I wouldn’t have known it was her way of pushing me to make the right choice if it was a snake that had just bitten me in the ass.
She saved me. That’s the damnedest thing of all because I was the one who was trying to save her. I was the one who put up the barrier between our world and hers, and it was her who ultimately chose the fate of Maj and Trax.
Just thinking of his name makes me want to spit on his grave, if he had one besides the ashes of that house. I trusted him with the darkest secret of my life, and he broke the bonds of our brotherhood for his loyalty to my wife. Granted, she had offered him everything he wanted on a silver platter with the stipulation he had to kill me, but nonetheless, his betrayal still hurt.
Yet, the person I feel pity for is Maj. She had everything, and by letting her family rule her, she lost it all. She could have married the right man, but instead she chose a different path, a more painful one that, like Trax, ended with the ultimate sacrifice. Her death brought a sense of relief to me that I should be ashamed to admit, but I know she can’t haunt me or the kids any longer because the ghosts of my past are gone and for damn sure are not coming back this time.
My kids. That’s the part that still makes me seethe in anger. The two people on this Earth that I had thought had a piece of me inside of them weren’t mine. Over the last few days, I have struggled with my newfound knowledge. I would bring her back to life just to kill her all over again if I had the chance. They are my fucking kids regardless of not sharing DNA. But, do I tell them I’m not their biological father or do I just go on living the lie for their sakes? It’s not fair to them that their mother was a two-timing cartel whore, but I won’t treat them any differently if I do tell them. The decision still lingers as my mind has been pre-occupied with Darcy and helping her come to terms with what she did.
Darcy tried to isolate herself from me, but I walked into her room at the clubhouse and carried her to my bed. The first night back, I held her until she cried herself to sleep. I kept her in my arms until the morning. She apologized for all the things we’d said before I hushed her and made love to the woman I owe my life to.
Two more days passed by and she finally opened up to me about her feelings. She’s conflicted because while she knows that killing them both should make her remorseful, she’s not. Her mind was finally relieved knowing that the person responsible for Jagger’s death was finally gone, but taking a life would always haunt her.
Today, as I left her in my bed to go address my brothers about the future of the club, I made a decision. One that not only would affect us both, but that of our club. Things need to change and for the better. It was time I step up as the leader we need to make this club great again. After that, Darcy and I will be the next thing on the agenda.
“Brothers,” I say while rising from my chair at the head of the table. “I want to thank you for being by my side and showing me that even in a nearly hopeless fight that you support me.”
“You are our brother and our president, Raze,” Hero exclaims. “We’re all here because of you and your loyalty to us.”
“Yeah, Prez. You’ve always had our backs, so it was only right to have yours,” Voodoo chimes in.
I look around at the men at this table, and it makes me proud to call them my brothers.
“This is the last time we deal with this shit.” I declare. “I’m tired of wars. I’m tired of looking over our shoulders. No more bullshit. We are a brotherhood, and I won’t have someone trying to cut us down anymore.”
My brothers clap and stand at my words. “Voodoo, I want you to take Slider and head up to Trax’s chapter. I need to know if they had any clue as to what he was doing. If they did, take their patches and burn their cuts.”
“You got it, Boss,” says Voodoo.
“Are you going to patch him in soon?” Hero questions.
“If he does well assisting Voodoo, we’ll take a vote. He’s been loyal and kept our clubhouse safe over the last few months.”
“Agreed, Boss,”Thrasher pipes up.
“With that taken care of, today marks a new era in Heaven’s Rejects’ MC history,” I yell over the noise of their applause. “Today, we put to rest the ghosts of our past.”
They begin to hoot and holler making the noise in the room nearly deafening. “We focus on our families. We focus on others, and we, for damn sure, focus on ourselves. The time for peace is here, and it’s here to fucking stay.”
My brothers walk to the head of the table and surround me.
I hug each one of them before dismissing Church. I immediately order Hero to take a few weeks off and spend time with his wife and daughters. He thanks me and almost runs me over trying to get out of the door.
When he gets back, we’ll sit down and discuss the changes I have in mind. Voodoo’s nerdiness will give us an edge on the security world, and it’s time we increase our presence in the business. I also want to start investing more in our garage and bike repair shop that we’ve all but ignored during the last year. They were Jagger’s babies, and when he died, none of us wanted to step in his place. The last business we need to make a decision about is Maj’s salon that was burned by Twisted Tribe. Insurance paid us well for the building, but we never rebuilt. I think it’s time to look into another business entirely, but that would depend on whether or not Darcy would be interested in making her business a full-time venture. Plus, whether I can handle knowing she’s selling rubber monster cocks for a living.
Thinking about her reminds me of what’s next on my to do list, but my mission is interrupted by Ratchet. As all of the men shuffle out the door, Ratchet stays behind.
Pulling up the chair next to him, I can tell something’s on his mind.
“She’s gone,” he mutters. “She left while we were gone.”
“What are you going to do about it, Ratch?”
“I’m going after her, but I have no idea where to even start. She’s never told me where she’s from.”
I stand and slap him on his shoulder. “Get Voodoo to help track her down with his computer wizardry and then go get your girl.”
He rises from his chair and pulls me into a hug.
“Thanks, Prez. I think it’s high time you go get yours.”
“That’s the plan, brother. I just hope she’ll still have me.”
We walk out together and part ways on our own missions of the heart.
I stand outside of my door and exhale a breath before slipping back into the room. Darcy is curled up on the couch with her freshly-washed hair in a towel. She is sitting in the corner of the couch with her knees tucked tightly in her chest with her chin on top of her knees.
“Hey,” she quietly says as I walk
toward her.
“Hey, darlin’,” I greet her while plopping on the couch next to her.
“Church go okay?” she questions in almost an automatic response. It kills me to see the fire inside of her extinguished.
“Yeah, it was fine. ,” I say reaching over and stroking her leg, “how about we get out of here today and go get the kids?”
Her eyes light up at the prospect of getting the kids home. I’m hesitant about bringing them home so early because I’m afraid of the blow back. Voodoo listened to the news channels both locally and down in Mexico, but the only thing that came up was a report that a local home was torched and suspected to be the result of a local turf war between warring cartels. Knowing it’s been discovered and we haven’t been arrested gives me enough relief to bring them home. The only time I’ve seen a smile on her face since we’ve come back is when she talks to the kids.
“I’ll go get ready,” she says as she bolts off the couch with a renewed pep in her step. I flip on ESPN while I wait, and she emerges just fifteen minutes later looking like she spent hours getting ready.
“You ready, darlin’?” I ask without taking my eyes off of her. “Maybe we should go get the kids later. I’d like to pull up that little sundress and fuck you into tomorrow.”
She just blushes at my proposal and grabs her purse from the dresser.
“All right, all right. Kids first, sex later.”
I hop up from the couch and place my hand on the small of her back when we walk out of the door. Knowing we were going to go get the kids today, I sent Slider over to her house to get the van. It might be a tight squeeze, but we’ll all fit.
Her eyes light up when she sees the van, almost as if she didn’t believe that we were going. Slider tosses me the keys while she slides in the passenger seat. It takes some creative maneuvering, but I wedge myself into the driver’s seat. This is the first thing that has to go. I make a mental note to make an appointment with my car guy to start looking for a vehicle to haul seven people as soon as we’re back. Well, that is, if today goes as planned. I lean over to help her buckle her seatbelt and press a kiss to her lips. She smiles and slips on her sunglasses as I start the van.
Turning out of the drive, I make an abrupt left instead of heading toward the highway.
“Where are we going?”
“I have a little side trip we need to make first.”
She looks nervous as I drive to our destination and just before I pull into the drive, her face snaps to mine.
“Michael, why are we here?”
“It’s time, darlin.’ You need to talk to him.”
“About what exactly?”
Unbuckling my seat belt, I reach over and take her hand into mine. I can already see the tears welling up in her eyes, which only makes what I am about to say even more special.
“Before we can move on, you need to let go of him, Darcy. I know that I can’t replace Brent in your heart, and frankly, I don’t want to, but I know he wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life in pain and misery. I don’t need promises of forever or even you as my wife, but please just fucking let me in and let me love you like you are meant to be loved.”
“You want me?” she says at a whisper. “What about everything? I killed your wife.”
“I just want you. The bullshit of my ex-wife is in the past. I want to wake up next to you every day and see your smiling face. To know what your love feels like and to know that you and the kids are safe.”
"I can't do what Maj did, Raze. I can't be the queen next to the king,” she says, turning her face away from mine. My hand releases from hers and gingerly touches her chin bringing her gaze back to me.
"I'm not asking you to fill her shoes. I just want a woman who will be by my side, tell me when I'm fucking up, and hell, just to love me the way I need to be loved.”
“What if I can’t? What if I mess all of this shit up between us?”
“That is a road that we’ll cross when the time comes, but I don’t see that happening, darlin’. Go talk to him.”
Her hand starts to go to the door, but I stop her only to give her a kiss and to press the envelope that I have held for her for months into her hand.
“When you’ve said your peace, read it.”
She nods and opens the door. Palming my own letter, I wait for her to walk out of sight before reading it. As I finish the letter, I shake my head and look up to the skies.
“Thank you for giving me her, brother.”
After everything that’s happened over the last few months, today seems more daunting than anything I’ve ever faced. I know I should have done this far sooner than I am, but I couldn’t bring myself to come here and face him yet.
Taking a deep breath, I tightly grip the unopened letter and begin the journey. Each step is labored as I walk down the path and continue onto the dewy grass. Everything seems too quiet and pristine here and yet, it rattles me. I walk a few yards further until I stop in front of my destination. I kneel down into the grass, wipe away the dirt from my husband’s gravestone, and press my hand on the marbled edge of the stone bearing his name in boldly carved letters. My fingers linger on the stone, but soon fall into my lap.
“Hey, baby,” I whisper into the air. I pause as if I am waiting to hear his voice in return like a crazy person. I lay my hands atop my knees as I try to find the words I want to say.
“I know, you’ve probably got a lot to say to me after watching the shit storm I walked into on your behalf,” I sob out. “I know you’re probably disappointed in me, and I hate that every single day I wonder how you feel about the blood on my hands. About how stupid I was for getting involved with the club, but I did it for you. I couldn’t live the rest of my life in the dark.”
My hand leaves my knee and wipes away a tear from my cheek.
“I have been angry with you for so long for leaving us and choosing the club over your family, but I understand now. You did it for me and the kids. You protected us in the only way you knew how, with your life. I wish you had told me from the beginning the things you were wrapped up in and maybe I could have helped you, but your stubborn ass had to ride in like the knight in shining armor and save the day as usual.”
More tears stream down my face as I choke out words weighing heavily on my heart today.
“You are going to miss seeing the boys grow up, and you didn’t even get a chance to see your little girl come into this world. I named her Roxie Belle just like we talked about, and she is so much like you. Even at nearly seven months old, she has your smile and attitude.”
A gust of wind picks up while stray leaves scrape against the gravel road where my car is parked. The chill from the air tickles against my skin as goosebumps form.
“Yelling at you isn’t why I am here today, Brent,” I whisper as I sob. “This shouldn’t be so hard to say to stone, but I am in love with Michael. I never meant for it to happen, but we just collided together after you died. We’ve been through so much already that I know that I’ll likely get my heart broken again, but I want to try with him. Nothing about our relationship and how quickly I fell for him makes any sense, but when we’re together, everything just falls into place. It’s fucked up, I know, but I can’t even describe it in a way that would make you understand.”
Looking down to the letter lying in my lap, I know it’s time to read the last words written by my husband. Gingerly picking it up, I run my finger under the seal, ripping it open. My fingers trace the edge of the envelope before slipping inside and pulling out the folded piece of paper. I take my time unfolding it and finally, after a deep breath, I look down to read the words.
My beautiful belle,
Before I even get out what I need to say, wipe those tears away from that beautiful face of yours. The time for tears is over, baby, and it’s time for your face to shine with happiness again. I know that with Raze handing you this letter that you have finally found someone who deserves you maybe even more than I did.
; I’m sure by now that Raze has told you what got me killed, and I think I need to explain my reason behind my decision to step into the line of fire for the club, and more importantly for him. From the moment that I met him, I saw something that no one else did, a broken man. He fought so hard to make the club legitimate after his dad’s death that he rushed into a marriage to fulfill the dream he always had about having a family. I watched as he went from a good man to a man teetering on the edge of slipping to where his old man had fallen.
Was it fair for me to give up our family and marriage for his? No, but I couldn’t sit idly by and watch everything we’ve worked so hard for over the last several years be set aside because his wife was a cheating, no good bitch. I wanted to grow older with you and the boys, but that was never in the cards. I knew that I would eventually have to step into the line of fire for him, and I did it gladly. He needed someone to go to bat for him, and with my death, I left him something even better to rebuild the man I know is still in him, you.
From the day I saw how he looked at you, I knew that he would be the man that grew old with you and protect you after I was gone. He has the fire inside of him to keep that sassy mouth of yours in check and to raise the boys the way I want them to be raised. He’ll be a good dad to them and the baby that will come after me.
Yes, belle, you read that right. As much as you wanted to keep your little secret, I knew. I found the pregnancy test in the trash the morning I wrote this letter. I didn’t want to spoil the surprise so I didn’t say anything. I know it’s crazy, but I knew our Roxie was growing in your belly. I would have loved to be her father, but she was meant for you and Raze. A chance to have a child that you raise together and as I hope for Raze, a little hell on wheels to have to worry about when she gets older. Tell her that her old man says she can’t date until she’s forty or some shit like that. If I was wrong, and our baby is a boy, then his brothers will raise him to be strong like their mother.
