“So have you, apparently,” Thorn replied. “Why else would you be babbling like a clown?”
“A clown, is it?” Nix grinned. “That's rich, coming from you. Just your walking down the street causes all the children to giggle.”
“At least that’s better than having them all run away screaming when you do it,” Thorn retorted.
“Not bad,” Trix said, admiringly. “Score one for your side.”
“You're keeping score?” I enquired, curiously.
“It's something new,” Trix admitted. “I learnt it from you.”
“I thought we weren’t going to do that anymore,” Nix stated.
Thorn shrugged. “We'll just keep the good ones,” she commented.
“What's all this?” Tracey wanted to know.
“They're being silly,” I explained. “Don't take any notice. You're too much of a lady to descend to their level.”
“Why, thank you, Stephen,” Tracey simpered, coyly batting her eyelashes at me.
“Too much of a lady?” Thorn questioned.
“Descend to our level?” Nix challenged.
“Uh oh,” Trix muttered, backing away from our circle.
“I think this insult calls for massive retaliation, don't you?” Nix asked thoughtfully, fingering a nearby cushion and looking speculatively at Thorn.
“Without question,” Thorn agreed, a slow smile spreading across her face. “What form would be appropriate?”
“A severe cushion thrashing should be implemented immediately,” Nix gravely replied.
“Don't you dare!” squeaked Tracey. “I've just tidied the place! Arugohumna! Nix! I order you not to go near those cushions, do you hear? Don't you dare pick them up! Put them down at once, you beasts!”
And that's about as far as she got before a barrage of cushions hit her in the head. She squealed in outrage and began hurling cushions back at her attackers. Seeing her adoptive mother under attack, Trix immediately joined Tracey’s side and this initiated a war of mutual destruction. I found myself being assaulted by both parties and decided not to differentiate but to retaliate in kind. Soon it was utter chaos with soft, square and oval missiles flying in all directions. It became glorious, madcap fun but it ended all too soon because some of the cushions split and feathers began floating everywhere, reducing visibility to almost zero.
“You ratbags!” Tracey shrieked, from somewhere inside the feather snowstorm. “Look at what you’ve done! It’ll take me the rest of the day to pick all these up!”
Nix made the unfortunate mistake of sniggering. “And you're going to help!” snapped Tracey. “Don't think I've forgotten that you were the one who started all this in the first place.”
“That's right!” agreed Thorn's voice from some hidden section of the room.
“You traitor!” Nix yelled. “If I’m sentenced to penal servitude, then so are you! This was all your idea! If I'm going down, I’m taking you with me!”
“You'll have to find me first,” replied Thorn, “and, given the present feather circumstances, that won't be easy.”
“I'll make it my lifetime’s quest,” Nix stated, grimly.
“Enough squabbling!” Tracey commanded. “The only ones exempt from this are Stephen, because he has to leave, and Trix, because she came to my defence when I was being attacked by a bevy of ratbags. Everybody else, start work!”
“Slave driver!” Nix grumbled.
“You have only yourself to blame,” Tracey reminded him. “It's your fault for mixing with my disreputable sister. Next time, pick your companions with greater care.”
“That's almost tantamount to a war declaration,” Thorn declared, peering through the white feathery blizzard. “If I could see where you were, I'd give you such a thumping!”
“Ah, delusional as well as disreputable, I see,” Tracey sneered. “Trix, my darling, do you know of any wilderness herbs that could cure my poor sister? It'd have to be something fairly strong, I fear. She seems to be getting worse as she gets older.”
“I could probably find something,” Trix giggled.
“Oh, ha ha!” came Thorn's sarcastic reply. “Traculimna, you're about as funny as a broken leg. I don't know how Trix puts up with you. If I was her, I'd be back in the wilderness in a second.”
“Don't be so nasty, Arugohumna,” Tracey complained. “Trix is my baby and I love her more than anything in the world. Okay, I know that she’s not a baby, but at least you could humor me and allow me to keep my illusion, such as it is. It makes me happy. I love the feeling of being a mother.”
“I'm sorry, Traculimna,” was Thorn's remorseful reply. “You know the last thing I want to do is to hurt you. Your happiness means everything to me. I'll do anything for you.”
“So, you'll pick up all these feathers, then?” Tracey asked, hopefully.
“Hell no!” Thorn replied. “That's taking the bonds of sisterly affection way too far.”
Deducing that another war was about to start, I decided to slip away at this stage and find Phil to initiate a return to my human body. I chuckled to myself. With those four unpredictable ratbags as friends, my life could never be dull. I wondered what further adventures were in store. I could only imagine.
END
Sample Chapters from ‘Zenith (4)’
Chapter 1
Things had been going almost too well with my life recently. Maybe my paranoia had taken over, but my previous experiences contradicted this theory. I wasn't paranoid, just realistic. I'd never had much success with anything in my life before and yet, here I was, an honored member of an underground society of fairies and, to put the icing on the cake, being actively pursued by two of the most gorgeous females in existence. Now, I ask you, who could ask for anything more? Insidiously, however, that portion of my mind, addicted to despair and hopelessness, put in a bid for recognition.
– You're kidding yourself; you know that, don't you?
‘No, I'm not. Everything I've said is the unadorned truth.’
– You're living in a fool's paradise, that’s what. None of it is real, particularly the bit about the two gorgeous females.
‘What are you talking about? They are gorgeous.’
– I know that, stupid. What I'm talking about is their so-called ‘pursuit’ of you. Do you seriously believe that those two dazzling, absolutely amazing women, are chasing after you? Get real!
‘I know what you're doing. You're trying to make me doubt their intentions, but it won't work. I know they like me. Every time I visit, there's almost an open war over me.’
– I'll agree that's what it looks like, but how do you know it's not all an act?
‘An act? They have fistfights! That's taking method acting a little too far, don’t you think?’
– Okay, granted, maybe they do like you. A bit, anyway. A smidgen. Perhaps the tiniest, most minuscule, microscopic, diminutive ……
‘Okay, I get the picture. There's no need to beat me over the head with it. Not that I believe you for a second. Thorn and Tracey do want to be with me. I’m sure of it. The problem is I don't know which one I like the best. They're both amazing! And beautiful. And sexy. And …….’
– Okay, okay! Now I’m the one getting the picture. Enough already! Sheesh!
‘I just want to make sure that you realise the dilemma I’m in. How can I possibly choose between two such delightful females?’
– Always supposing that you have the choice in the first place.
‘Cynic. Despite a previous lack of success with the gentler sex, I now choose to believe that I’m inundated with choices. However, the problem still remains.’
– The choice?
‘Correct. The choice. What to do? Tracey or Thorn? To choose or not to choose? That is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind ……. ’
– For heaven's sake, don't quote Shakespeare at me! And out of context as well. It's not at all funny.
‘According to you, anyway. You have no sense of humor.’
– Of course I do. I'm listening to you, aren't I?
‘Pathetic. And your timing is terrible.’
– Shut up.
And there stood the crux of the matter. Here I was, a human, randomly transplanted into a fairy clone and whisked off into an underground fairyland where, as previously mentioned, two stunningly beautiful fairy sisters were fighting for my attention.
– So you say.
‘I do say. Now, go away, you nuisance. I'm trying to tell a story here.’
– And making a total hash of it.
‘Go!’
– Blimey, how crabby can you get?
To continue ....... I was scooped into a fairy clone and charged with fixing all sorts of problems that arose in their society. But don't get me wrong. I enjoyed doing it. Well, most of the time, anyway. There were a few hair-raising moments, mind you but, overall, it certainly made my life a lot more interesting. Apart from Thorn and Tracey, I’d also made friends with Nix, a smart-mouthed goblin, who was always ready to participate in our little adventures. The latest edition to our circle was Trix, a childlike elf Tracey had adopted into her family, and upon whom she practiced her mothering techniques. At present, our little group was held in high esteem by the fairy Council of Elders, mainly because we’d performed a few services which had benefited the community.
Therefore, to sum up, while my human life remained predictable and dull, it was more than balanced out by the frantic activity of my fairy life. Fairy life? Hmmm, that sounded more than a little weird. Nevertheless, the statement itself is true. Most of the time when I had been transmogrified, some crisis or other happened to occur. If it wasn't a kidnapping, then it was a missing person, or the fighting of some wild beast or other. The rest of my time was occupied acting as a referee, trying to keep Thorn and Tracey from killing each other. They fought and squabbled over practically everything, including me.
– Ha!
‘Shut up.’
I hadn't received a visit from Phil, the clone transfer architect, for a number of weeks, and I began to wonder if something had happened. Normally, I'd be contacted about every two to three weeks, but it had been nearly double that with no visitation. Just as I started to convince myself that something really was wrong, Phil appeared in my flat, just as I prepared for bed.
"Phil!" I exclaimed, joyfully. "I was beginning to worry."
"Sorry for the delay," he apologised, "but I've been busy working on something and I wanted to get it finished first."
"What was it?”I asked, curiously.
"Something that should interest you," he replied, grinning.
"Well, don't keep me in suspenders," I cajoled. "What is it?" He undid his backpack and displayed a curious round, metallic object with multiple buttons.
"There!" he proudly announced.
"Very nice," I commented, eyeing the object in his hand with absolutely no recognition whatsoever. "What does it do?"
"This, my dear boy," Phil explained, "is your personal transfer machine. Once I show you how to operate it, you won't need me here anymore to hook you up. You can come and visit anytime you want."
"That's brilliant!" I praised, impressed. "Phil, you're a genius!"
"All too true," he admitted, polishing his fingernails on the front of his shirt. "I have to admit that I’m rather proud of this little device. No one has ever made one before. It took a fair bit of trial and error before I could get it to work correctly."
I hesitated. "It, um, does work properly now, then?" I hesitatingly asked.
"Oh yes," Phil said, confidently. "Well, most of the time, anyway."
"Most of the time?" I questioned, with some trepidation.
"All of the time," Phil consoled, smiling. "I was only teasing you, Stephen."
"Your sense of humor needs some tweaking as well," I advised. "Where's the button for that?"
"Very droll," he commented. "Now, let me show you how this works."
Chapter 2
Phil’s new machine seemed surprisingly easy to operate. A dial twist here and a button push there was all that was needed.
"Try it," Phil urged. "There'll be another one waiting for you at the other end. Use it to come back here. Practice makes perfect, you know."
"If you say so," I told him, a little apprehensively. "Are you absolutely sure this device is working as it should?"
Phil haughtily drew himself up. "Do you doubt my scientific abilities?" he demanded. "When I design something, Stephen, it stays designed. Have some faith in me, my boy. I guarantee it'll work."
"Very well," I conceded, pressing the appropriate buttons. "I'll be back momentarily."
"I'll be here," Phil murmured. True to his word, Phil’s instrument worked perfectly. I awoke to very pleasant sight of Thorn, looking down at me.
"Stephen?" she asked, confidently.
"No, it's David," I teased. “Who are you?”
"What?!" Thorn exclaimed in shock, taking a step backwards.
"No, it's me," I confirmed. "I was just having a joke."
"That wasn’t funny, you beast!" Thorn declared, punching me in the arm, none too gently. "You frightened the life out of me."
"Sorry," I apologised, ruefully rubbing where I’d been hit. "It was simply a bit of high spirits. With Phil’s new device, I can visit you anytime I want. Which reminds me, I promised him I’d come back straight away. We’re still in the testing stage."
"I'm sure he wouldn't begrudge you a few seconds with me," Thorn demurely announced, coming closer. "Could you spare the time for a welcoming kiss?"
"Oh yes," I breathed. "I'm sure that would be time well spent. Phil would understand."
"I think he would too," Thorn agreed, bending her head down and smooching me quite comprehensively.
"Now that's what I call a welcome!" I finally gasped when Thorn lips had released mine from captivity. "You can give me that salutation anytime."
Thorn peered coyly at me from under lowered eyelashes. "I could give you more than that, if you'd let me," she whispered, flushing a little.
"Ummm, yes ……. well," I stammered, flustered by Thorn's seductive implication. "We'll have to talk about that later," I assured her. "In the meantime, Phil is waiting. I'll be back in a flash. I hope," I added, pressing and twisting the proper buttons, relieved to escape the embarrassing situation that had left me groping for a politically correct answer. You coward! I thought to myself in that millisecond of transfer. Any red-blooded male would have seized that given invitation with both hands, and yet, here you are, running away like a wuss. Shame on you!
I opened up my eyes to Phil’s grin. "I told you it would work, didn't I?" he smirked in self-congratulation.
"Yes, you have uncommon genius", I flattered, half mockingly. "It'll be marvellous to be able to come and go as I please. I'll be able to visit a lot more frequently."
"That's something a certain pair of sisters would relish," Phil remarked with a sly grin. "Have you come to any decisions as yet?"
"About what?" I asked, feigning innocence.
"Oh please, Stephen, give me some credit," Phil exclaimed, exasperated. "It's obvious that both Arugohumna and Traculimna would do anything for you. And by ‘anything’, I mean ……. "
"I know what you mean," I hastily intervened, "but it's not like choosing between two packets of biscuits on the shelf. There are all sorts of implications and complex nuances to be considered. I honestly don't know where to turn. I don't think this situation has a resolution."
"Things generally sort themselves out in the long run," Phil advised. "The main thing you have to avoid here is making a hasty decision. Take your time, my boy, and see what happens."
"Easy for you to say," I grumbled, as I began the sequence of button pushing to send me back to Thorn. "Being a mere spectator makes things so much simpler."
The next thing I saw was Thorn, still blushing from her impromptu invitation to do ……… something or other. I wasn't exactly sure what she had invited me to partici
pate in, because she hadn't actually quantified it, and I didn't want to guess in case I'd deduced incorrectly. So, in the time-honored manner, I decided to ignore the whole episode and hoped it would simply go away.
– Of all the stupid ……
‘Quiet, you.’
"Well, I'm back," I declared. "Phil’s little gizmo appears to work perfectly."
"Not that you doubted it for a second," was Thorn's sardonic comment.
"Of course not," I blustered. "I trust him implicitly. Now, what's on the agenda for today?"
"Just a bit of together time," Thorn suggested, helping me to my feet.
"So, there's no crisis?" I enquired. "No drama? No horrendous happening?"
"No, nothing like that," Thorn denied, smiling. "Just a normal, peaceful day for once."
"That'll be a first, then," I muttered, walking around the room with Thorn’s aid. "We won't know what to do with ourselves."
"Oh, I can think of a few things we could do," Thorn purred, stroking my cheek with her fingertips.
"Really? And what would they be?" I asked, calling her bluff, knowing full well she happened to be almost as shy as I was about expressing feelings.
Caught out by my question, Thorn’s eyes widened and her expression turned hunted.
"I ……. I mean ……. we could …… I'd like to ……" Her stammered responses ground to an ignominious halt and her face flamed with mortification.
I gently lifted up her chin with my index finger. "I think this proves that we’re not quite ready for the next stage of our relationship, Thorn," I remarked. "Not yet, anyhow. We can't even talk about it, let alone act on it, so let's just continue on the way we are for the meantime, eh?"
"I think that would be for the best," Thorn agreed, still flushing. She sighed. "What's the matter with us? Why is this so difficult? We’re both adults, for heaven’s sake! Things should be a lot easier than this."
Trix (3) (The Underground Kingdom) Page 9
