I kissed her one last time. “Gladly.”
After helping her hop down, I smacked her ass as I walked by. She yelped in surprise, and I laughed. I was still laughing when I yanked the door open—but the laugh died way too damn quickly. Standing there, in my door, wasn’t the flower guy.
It was my mother.
Her jaw dropped. “Jackson?”
Fuuuuck. “Mom. Hi. Uh, I can expl—”
“You’re home?” She staggered back, a hand to her chest, clearly taken aback. “You came home, and you didn’t even tell me? And what in God’s creation did you do to yourself? Those better be the kind of tattoos that wash out. What will people think?”
A small, annoying sense of guilt squeezed my heart, but then she commented on my tattoos and the guilt died down a little. She didn’t give a damn about me. Never had. But even so…“They don’t wash off. And…I’m sorry for not calling.”
“There’s surgeries that can remove them,” she said, her voice stronger. “How long have you been home?”
I flexed my jaw. She’d never understand why I felt the need to hide from the world before rejoining it. Why I needed therapy, or a quiet room every once in a while. “A couple of weeks.”
“How dare you leave me in the dark?” she snapped, staring down her regal nose at me. “Think of how that makes me feel.”
Ah, and there it was again. Her constant need to think of herself. “What about how I feel?” I dragged a hand through my hair. “I just needed time, Mother. Coming home is a big adjustment for—”
Her gaze dipped down, before shooting back up. “Time for what?” It was then, I think, that it occurred to her I’d answered the door half-naked, at Lilly’s house, and I could see the moment that that fact became more important than the fact that I was home, safe and sound. She raised her hand and covered her mouth, stepping back. “Jackson. Put some clothes on. What if Lilly came down and saw—?”
“Hurry up, the bacon is burn—” Lilly cut off, her voice ending on a squeak. I didn’t need to look at her to know what my mother saw. My shirt on Lilly’s body. Swollen lips from my kisses. Messed-up hair from my fingers. “Oh. Oh, crap.”
Annnd there it was.
The cat was out of the bag, hissing and kicking and clawing.
Well, both of them were. My being home was now painfully clear…as was the fact that Lilly and I had picked up right where we left off. Kissing.
There was nothing to be done, so I wouldn’t start making excuses.
I wasn’t a liar. Yeah, I came home and didn’t tell her. Yeah, Lilly and I were having sex. And yeah, we were stepsiblings. Oh, well. The world would have to build a bridge and get over it, because what was done was done.
And I was grateful for it. For her.
Mother, for her part, managed to hold it together. She put on a tight smile and ripped her sunglasses off. “Lilly, dear, did you forget you’re supposed to be at our house for brunch with Derek…and his parents?”
Lilly didn’t keep her chill. “I—oh, God. I’m going to—”
She bolted up the stairs, and the next thing we heard was the shower go on and her bedroom door open. She’d been caught with me, and the first thing she did was go to wash me away. My chest got a hollow ache to it, one I couldn’t deny or ignore. “Shit.”
I headed for the stairs, but Mom stepped in my way. “How could you? How could you do that to that poor, innocent girl? How could you defile her?”
That was taking it a bit far, even for her. I wasn’t some dirty thing to wash off afterward, or a horrible guy. I loved Lilly, and I wanted her to be happy. That was more than she or Walt could say. “I thought you were mad at me for coming home without telling you? Weren’t we still going over that?”
“I don’t care about that anymore,” she snapped. “If Walt found out…this is horrible. Just horrible.”
Tearing my gaze off the stairs, I met my mother’s eyes. “I didn’t do anything wrong. We just—”
“Priceless. Typical Jackson behavior. Deny all wrongdoing till you’re blue in the face, and run away, leaving a mess behind. Only this time, that mess is Lilly.” She covered her face. “How could you come home for just a few weeks, and still manage to interfere with this? You cause problems the second you step foot back in town, like you always have, until it makes me wish you never came home at all. That you stayed over there.”
I lifted my chin, trying my damnedest not to let her words affect me, but failing. “Don’t worry. I won’t be sticking around much longer, anyway, and this time I won’t come back. You’ll get to go back to pretending you have a son who isn’t a disappointment in every way soon enough.”
“If people found out, the merger would be off.” As expected, she didn’t even comment on my impending exit from her life. She had one concern. How this would affect Walt’s plans. “She’s engaged to be married. Why, Jackson, why?”
But she wasn’t. Not yet. I shrugged, as if I didn’t care that she didn’t even blink when I told her I’d be gone from her life soon. “It wasn’t planned. It just happened.”
Mom was easily two seconds from turning into a dragon. “It just—”
“I’m sorry,” Lilly whispered from the stairs. “We didn’t mean to…to…harm anyone. Or ruin anything. I’m so sorry. So very sorry.”
I stiffened, because she was apologizing for something that was the best decision I ever made. Taking a chance on her had shown me the world I could live in. The life I could lead. And I wasn’t sorry for that. “Lilly—”
“No one can ever know. Not about this. Not about Jackson living here, or…” Mother broke off. “Ever.”
Lilly paled. “We know. We’re sorry. We really are.”
No. We were not sorry.
But apparently she was.
“The wedding with Derek will continue to move forward, yes?” Mother asked. “Hastings International is depending on you.”
“Y-yes.” Lilly wrung her hands in front of her. “Of course it will.”
It was what we’d said all along. Our agreement.
But hearing her say it, when everything had changed for me, hurt.
All those pretty words about wanting me, about never letting me go, were just that. Words. I couldn’t say I hadn’t been warned. “Lilly…”
“See?” Lilly said, forcing a smile, not meeting my eyes. “Everyone still gets what they want, and the wedding will move forward. I…I promise. Everyone will be happy.”
Except her. And me.
And the fact that she promised to marry Derek? Yeah, that meant it was happening. After all, she didn’t break promises. Just hearts.
Mother seemed appeased. “Are you able to come to brunch? They’re all waiting for you, as is the photographer. Your father tried to call, but there was no answer. So I offered to come fetch you.”
Lilly nodded. “Of course, yes. Give me a few minutes. I’ll be right down.”
I watched as she flew up the stairs without another glance at me, unable to believe Lilly had decided to do it. She was marrying Derek. I loved her, and she was choosing another man over me. “Jesus. How do you do that? Make her jump at your command with a single word?”
“Stop looking at her like that,” Mother snapped, smacking my arm. “She’s your stepsister. Do you have any idea of the scandal this could cause?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. She was marrying Derek. “Do you have any idea how much of a damn I don’t give? Because it’s a pretty big damn.”
“Jackson.”
“She doesn’t belong with Derek,” I ground out. “Never has, and never will. This marriage will kill her spirit. Snuff out her light.”
Mother snorted. “Since when do you recite poetry? This is highly inappropriate, and neither of you should have let it go this far. It ends. Now. If Derek knew you were living—”
“He knows.” I crossed my arms. “Spoke with him several times.”
She staggered back again. “Oh, dear. We have to fix this.”
; “There’s nothing to fix,” I snapped.
“Yes. There is. He has to see you in a public setting, giving your approval. It has to be done,” she said, more to herself than to me. “I’m going to go home and act as if I didn’t see you here, and you’re going to stay out of sight until told otherwise. I’ll keep your secret for you. But when I call you and tell you to come to the event next week? You’ll come. You owe me that.”
I cocked a brow. “And if I refuse?”
“Then Lilly will end up getting ruined in the process. Not you. Not me. Her.” She crossed her arms. “And it’ll be because of you.”
No. That wasn’t true. Was it? I shrugged and glowered at the stairs. “Whatever. You want me to show up at some dumbass party, I’ll do it. But it’s the only favor I’ll give you before I go.”
“Fine,” she said stiffly. “And leave Lilly alone from now on. She’s not for you, and you both know it.”
“You already won, Mother. You snapped your fingers, and she fell into place.”
“That’s because she understands the importance of what’s at stake here.” My mother quickly uncrossed her arms. “You, however, continue to think about yourself—and only yourself.”
Her words struck deep. Was she right? Was I being selfish in wanting Lilly to be free of her bondage? For wanting her to have a real chance at happiness…
With me?
It didn’t matter, anyway, because she was marrying Derek.
As if she could read my thoughts, Mom struck even deeper. “What kind of life can you give her? Not the kind she’s accustomed to. Not the life Derek could give her. If you stayed here, everyone would whisper behind your backs. The scandal of you falling in love with your sister might even follow you. What kind of life is that to give to a girl like Lilly?”
She wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t already thought. I growled low in my throat. “She’s not my sister.”
“They won’t care.” She shook her head. “No one will. Lilly will be ostracized from her life, her peers, all because she chose to be with you. You are asking her to choose between you and the company, her family’s company. If she chooses you and the company goes under, how do you think she will feel? Will you actually be able to make it up to her? Would you be enough?”
The thing was…I didn’t know.
I was saved from answering when Lilly came running down the stairs, dressed in casual slacks and a silk blouse. A strand of pearls rested around her neck, and her slightly damp hair was pulled back into a severe bun. She appeared to be every inch the lady…
And nothing like my Lilly.
“Ready?” Mother asked, ignoring me.
“Yes.” Lilly grabbed her purse and hesitated. “Sorry to run.”
I didn’t meet her eyes. “It’s fine. Go on.”
For a second, she didn’t move. I thought maybe, just maybe, she might win that internal battle I could see waging inside her. Thought she might choose me.
But she shook her head and walked out the door, shutting it behind her. Pain splicing through my chest, I went into the kitchen and walked up to the breakfast I’d planned for her. I picked up the pan, walked to the sink, and dumped it.
She was ripping me apart, piece by piece, and like a fool, I kept going back for more. Kept offering another limb for her to tear off and shred. Continued to let myself fall into her web, more and more, until I all but guaranteed she would break my heart.
Like I had known she would do all along.
Had I really expected anything else from her, though? She left me behind without a sign of doubt or second-guessing that decision. Had chosen Derek.
She finally made her choice.
It was over.
Chapter 19
Lilly
“Thanks for driving me home,” I said to Derek.
He walked me to the door, staring at the dark house with a frown. Derek used to be as predictable as the sun rising in the east every morning, and setting in the west every night. Now he was more like a shooting star. Unpredictable and jagged at the edges.
“You’re welcome.” He focused those bright blue eyes of his on me and scratched his head. His brown hair was immaculately styled, as always. “What’s wrong? You seem distracted today. Upset, even.”
“Do I?” I asked. I gripped the knob behind me, wanting nothing more than to escape him. After hours of posing for pictures and planning a wedding I didn’t want, I was all tapped out. I had no more fake smiles to give. More than that, though, I wanted Jackson. “It’s been a long week. Lots of work. Not a lot of sleep.”
His brow wrinkled. “Is living with Jackson keeping you up?”
“N-no.” My cheeks heated, and I knew they had to be bright red. Like, cherry red. “Of course not. Why would he keep me up?”
“Because you’re not used to having someone in the house.” He studied me, stepping closer. Looming over me. “Why? What did you think I meant?”
“That,” I said quickly, forcing a smile despite my exhaustion. “But he’s quiet. I hardly ever notice he’s around.” Liar.
“I think he’s noticeable.” He frowned even more. “Too noticeable.”
I shifted uncomfortably and reached for the knob. “If you say so. Anyway—”
“Hold on.” He stepped even closer. “I want to try something.”
My heart lurched. “Like what?”
“A kiss.” His gaze dipped lower. “We’re getting married in a couple of months, and we haven’t kissed each other since Spin the Bottle at Missy Pemberington’s thirteenth birthday party.”
My stomach twisted in knots. I didn’t want to kiss him.
It felt wrong kissing anyone besides Jackson, which shouldn’t be the case.
Derek was my fiancé, not Jackson. His hand crept up and clutched at the back of my neck, but instead of sending my pulse skyrocketing like it did when Jackson touched me, it made my stomach twist in even tighter knots. “Derek…”
“Shh.” He smiled at me, but it was forced. Like this whole interaction felt. “Just…let me do this. Please?”
I didn’t say anything. Didn’t reject him.
Even though everything in my being screamed no.
He lowered his mouth to mine. The second our lips touched, I knew it was wrong. It was all wrong. I shouldn’t be kissing this man. And I definitely shouldn’t be marrying him. His lips were dry and cold. His kiss was passionless. Bile rose in the back of my throat, and for the second time that day, I had the urge to go running for the bathroom.
I even gagged a little bit.
He must’ve mistaken my gag for a moan or something, because he pressed closer, running his tongue over my lips. When he cupped my butt, I gasped and pushed him away, breathing heavily. “Stop.”
After catching his balance, he studied me emotionlessly. He seemed as moved as a boulder in the middle of a flat field. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this. This isn’t right. None of this is right.”
“But—” Derek cut himself off. He looked angry, and I could swear a little panicked, too. He grabbed my shoulder roughly. “Yes. You can. You’re marrying me. We’re going to have to kiss each other, you know.”
“Look, if we work together, if I have your support, we can come up with another way to save the companies,” I said in a rush. “I know you don’t want to marry me, or kiss me, or any of it. I—” I broke off and licked my lips, trying to decide how much to say. “Derek, I know. I saw you in that parking lot the other night. With your friend. In your car.”
He staggered back, letting me go, but quickly caught himself. The knowledge that he was caught, that his carefully crafted illusion had been stripped away, shone in his expression. “You saw nothing. Nothing. And if you dare to spread those lies about me—”
“I would never tell anyone,” I assured him quickly. “I’m not that kind of person.”
“I don’t believe you. Not when it would give you a valid reason to call off the wedding.” He crossed his arms. “Since you
clearly don’t want to marry me.”
I shook my head. “No. I wouldn’t force you out.”
“Why not? My father would disown me, and so the wedding would be off since there would be no Thornton son for you to marry. No one would be angry at you for backing out due to my proclivities,” he said, his lip curling. “We both know it.”
“I don’t care about your sexual orientation,” I said slowly, wishing he didn’t have good reason to believe his family would turn on him. “But I do want to call the wedding off.”
“You can’t,” he said, gripping my hand again. “We have to marry.”
“But what if there’s another way?” I asked, clinging to his fingers. “What if there’s a way to save the companies and we don’t have to get married? You’d be free to do what you want, with who you want to do it, and so would I.”
“I wouldn’t be free to be me, and you know it,” he snapped. “As far as you being free, why does it matter? Why do you suddenly care so damn—oh, my God.” Knowledge lit up his expression, and he stepped back. “There’s someone else. Isn’t there?”
“I…I don’t…” I let go of him, not sure how much to admit. “I mean, yes. I have feelings for someone else.”
“And what makes you think I don’t?” He clenched his teeth and slammed a hand on the front door, right next to my head, trapping me between him and the door. I jumped. “Lilly, it doesn’t matter. They can’t matter. We’re getting married. Our families are depending on us.”
I placed my hands on his chest, keeping him at a distance. “We don’t have to get married for the merger to happen.”
“Yes, we do.” He gripped my chin, his hold tight and hard. “In case you’re forgetting, both companies’ articles of incorporation state that only family members can hold shares.”
I tried to yank free, but he only tightened his grip. “I went to a lawyer. She said we could file an amendment—”
“And invite all the gossip that would follow?” He snorted. “Not happening.”
“Wouldn’t a little gossip be worth it?” I said, finally breaking free of his hold. “For the companies to be safe and for the opportunity for us to live our own lives? What other option do we have?”
Bad Romance Page 19
