When I got in my car, I immediately locked the doors.. I doubted that Ryker would follow me, but it was almost one in the morning in downtown Boston, and a girl could never be too safe. I sent a text to Nori:
Me: Sorry had to leave I’m in the car do you want me to wait for you?
Sighing, I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel, inhaling deeply and exhaling as I waited for her reply. About five minutes had passed before my phone dinged with her response:
Nori: No I’m good r u ok?
Me: Yeah
I knew I’d hear from her about it tomorrow, but I just wanted to go home and sleep. I wanted to forget about how foolish I had acted. Damn alcohol. I was definitely not looking forward to seeing Ryker at the gym tomorrow.
“Kaleb, please stop,” I begged as tears ran down the sides of my face.
He didn’t respond as he continued to run his hands all over my naked body, covering me with his own larger one. I knew he wouldn’t stop. No matter how much I begged, he never did.
He began to remove his clothes, still keeping me pinned with his legs, causing me to sob harder.
“Please, Kaleb, no!”
His eyes already looked detached, like he was no longer there, no longer in control.
I started to squirm and fight beneath him. My fear reached a desperate peak, strangling the air from my lungs and knotting my insides from what I knew was about to happen.
His hand reared back before he swiftly brought it across my face with a biting slap. My cheek stung, but I didn’t stop fighting. I couldn’t stop, couldn’t let things progress any further if I wanted to maintain some semblance of my sanity. I thrashed and kicked beneath him before he pulled out a knife.
I froze as he held it to my neck, daring me to keep fighting him. “Are you going to behave?” he snarled in anger.
I never understood what I’d done to make him so angry with me.
“Yes,” I whimpered, afraid to move too much and trigger him.
“That’s my girl,” he said lovingly, showing a sliver of his normal self before shifting to the hard, evil person I had encountered so often. His personalities changed like the flip of a switch.
His brows furrowed, his muscles tensed, and his eyes went cold again as he hungrily eyed my naked flesh.
He kept the knife pressed against my throat as his free hand traced the curves of my breasts. I trembled from a combination of disgust and pleasure, my body betraying me as it gave in to the sensations from his soft touch.
My cries became louder as he removed the knife, biting down on the handle as he put it between his teeth, His hands trailed over my stomach and chest again before he reached for the hem of his faded, black tee. “Please, Kaleb, don’t,” I begged, hoping he would stop, even though I knew he wouldn’t.
“You made me do this,” he mumbled around the knife in his mouth. “By giving away what’s mine.”
Gripping the bottom of his shirt, he began to pull it upwards. When it came up to cover his face, I used the distraction to get away, pushing him off me before kicking and scrambling out from under him.
I almost made it to the door before he caught me and tackled me to the floor. I screamed as we wrestled on the carpet of my bedroom, obtaining cuts and nicks from the knife as I fought him off.
Overpowering me, he pressed the knife against my throat. “Now I have to punish you. I don’t like to punish you, but you leave me no choice.”
His eyes hardened as he pushed the knife deeper into my throat. Pain didn’t register from the adrenaline running through me, numbing my body as my heart pounded wildly. I only felt the trickle of blood warming my neck, the only indication that I had an injury.
“No, Kaleb, please stop. I’m sorry!” I screeched desperately, my body rigid with fear and panic.
Just then, the door flew open, and Kamden charged in. His face was masked in rage as he ripped Kaleb off of me. The knife flew out of his grasp, clanging as it fell to the hardwood floor. Both men dove for the knife, struggling for it as they rolled repeatedly with their hands clasped tightly around the weapon.
Blood trailed down my neck as I sobbed at the top of my lungs. My screams ripped through my injured throat as I curled into myself, clenching my eyes shut as I prayed for everything to be over.
I sprang up in bed, gasping for air. Sweat dripped from my skin as I continued the screams from my nightmare.
Kamden rushed in seconds later, enveloping me in his arms on my bed. “It’s okay, Ky—it was just a dream. He’s not here. You’re safe,” he cooed, trying to comfort me.
Chest heaving, I drew in ragged breaths as tears rained down my face. Instinctively, I reached for my neck and checked to make sure there wasn’t an open wound. I felt the familiar raised scar but nothing else—no blood, no gash.
My eyes rose up to meet Kamden’s, pausing on the long scar across his chest before our gazes locked.
“I’m sorry. I’m okay, you can go back to bed,” I said, barely above a whisper.
“Are you sure? I can stay if you want,” he offered, wiping the tears from my face.
Even though I didn’t want to be selfish, I knew I’d never fall back asleep without him. “Please,” I murmured.
Kamden softly smiled as he slipped under my comforter. Turning on my side, I propped my hand under my pillow as Kamden draped his arm over me.
Even with his familiar embrace and warm breath on the back of my neck, I couldn’t fall asleep. Choking back a sob from the images that I couldn’t get out of my head, my body involuntarily shook with fear.
Kamden turned me over so that I faced him before he rubbed my back softly, slowly lulling me to sleep in the safety of his arms.
Kamden had let me sleep late before finally waking me up to get ready to go to the gym. My mind was conflicted over the idea, both loving and hating the fact that I was going to see Ryker.
Once we walked into the gym, I thought I was going to throw up from the nerves that had built up in anticipation of seeing him.
What am I going to say to him? Will he even talk to me again?
I didn’t see Ryker as we walked into the cardio room, and relief and disappointment simultaneously flooded me. I hopped on an elliptical, not wanting to have another freak accident like last time, as Kamden headed to a treadmill across from me.
I put my earbuds in before starting up on the machine, letting the music block out the world around me. I didn’t even notice Kamden come up next to my machine until he tapped my arm.
I reflexively startled, my body jerking before I focused on him. Pulling my left earbud out, I asked, “What’s up?”
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to the weight room.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll be here.”
As he left, I saw him stop to talk to Ryker. Shit.
Ryker glanced in my direction, and I immediately darted my eyes away.
My eyes kept finding him as he continued to talk to my brother. After they finished, he headed towards me, no doubt wanting an explanation for last night. The knots in my stomach intensified the closer he came, and I had to stop myself from running away.
You’d definitely look like a crazy person then.
I pulled out my earbuds when he reached me, preparing for the inevitable. “Hey,” I lamely greeted.
“Hey, yourself. What happened last night?”
Sighing, I averted my eyes from his as I replied, “I’m really sorry about last night. It was a mistake, and I—”
“A mistake?” he interrupted as he crossed his arms over his broad chest, obviously offended.
I swallowed the huge lump that had grown in my throat before I answered, “It’s just that I can’t get involved with you—with anyone.” Even though I want to.
“Why not? If you’re worried about commitment, don’t. I’m not the commitment type,” he replied flippantly.
“Oh, so, you just want a one night stand?” I asked incredulously. When he cocked his eyebrow up with a smirk, I continued, “N
o, thanks.” Rolling my eyes, I started to put my earbuds back in so I could ignore him. Did he really think I was that easy?
“We’ll see about that,” he smugly responded before playing with his tongue ring. My eyes immediately went to his mouth. Fuck me. “Have a good workout.”
Baffled, I watched him stride away, wondering what the fuck just happened—again. Placing my headphones back in, I resumed my exercise as I tried to forget about Ryker. Yeah, good luck with that.
Thoughts of having sex with him filled my head, and I seriously contemplated having a one night stand with him. Maybe that would get him off my mind. My mind warred as it debated the pros and cons, and unfortunately, the cons outweighed the pros. I’d have to tell him all of my rules before we even got naked, and he probably wouldn’t want to have sex with me after that since most guys didn’t want to fuck with rules involved. I was lucky that Bryce was so understanding, otherwise I’d be stuck with a vibrator to get off.
But the thought of Ryker’s body pressed against mine, of feeling him inside me, of tasting and touching every inch of his skin, was almost enough to change my mind—almost. I had to stay in control, not be ruled by my emotions; I couldn’t let them overtake me. Opening myself up to Ryker, even just to have sex, could have irreparable consequences that I was incapable of dealing with.
Once I finished on the elliptical, I went in search of Kamden. As I passed some of the exercise rooms, I saw a flyer that read:
Kickboxing/Self-defense classes
Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7:00 P.M.
Sign up at the front desk
Maybe I should look into that, especially since Kaleb might get released.
I shook my head, immediately attempting to dispel my thoughts and block out my emotions before they started to take over. I couldn’t afford a public breakdown, especially in front of Ryker. I’d never be able to come here again.
Kamden was doing squats when I walked in, but he stopped when he saw me.
“You finished?” he asked, wiping the perspiration from his brow with a towel. He handed it to me when he was done.
“Yeah, but I can wait for you if you’re not ready.” I took the towel from his hand, which was soaked with his sweat. Gross.
“I only have a few more reps.”
“Okay, that’s fine. I’m going to get some water.”
As I waited, my eyes scanned the room anxiously. I tapped my foot nervously on the floor as I looked around. I told myself that I wasn’t looking for Ryker, but that was a lie. I wanted to see him one more time before we left, but I didn’t. It’s probably better this way—the less of him, the better. Now if only I could get him off of my mind.
Once we got home, Kamden’s phone rang. “It’s Mom,” he informed.
“I’m not here,” I said, dropping my purse on the table by the door and heading toward the bathroom to shower.
Rolling his eyes, he answered the phone, “Hey, Mom. No, Kaiya’s not here.” He paused for a few seconds before angrily snarling, “What?”
The tone in his voice stopped me dead in my tracks. Oh no. What now? He couldn’t have gotten out that fast, could he?
My heart beat furiously beneath my chest, fear clenched my lungs, making it almost impossible for me to breathe as a panic attack began to take hold. Breathe, Kaiya. In, out, in, out. Don’t have another breakdown.
“No, Mom, it’s not great! He should be left to rot in there forever for what he did to Kaiya!” he yelled before abruptly hanging up his phone.
It began ringing a few seconds later, but Kamden rejected the call. He smiled sympathetically as his anger began to recede, and his eyes softened when they met mine.
Pushing my emotions down, locking them away inside me, I numbed myself, preparing for the worst.
“Just tell me,” I impatiently insisted.
Kamden sighed before speaking, “Kaleb’s release was approved, pending a six month observation period.”
Fear tried to take hold of me again, clawing at my walls, but I forced it down. I needed to be stronger if I was going to survive this whole ordeal. “Can we stop it?”
“I’m going to try. I want to go up there as soon as possible, and I think it would be best if you came with me.”
“Kamden, I can’t.” Shaking my head, I wrapped my arms around myself for comfort. “I can’t be that close to him.”
“You know that I wouldn’t ask you unless I thought it was absolutely necessary. I think that if you remind them what happened, tell them how much what he did has affected you, I doubt they’ll give the final approval on his release.”
I sighed. “I’ll think about it. I can’t guarantee anything though. I can barely keep it together with him miles away.”
“You’re stronger than you think, Ky.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know you can do it,” he voiced confidently as he gave me an assuring smile.
Uncomfortable focusing on myself, especially when it involved Kaleb, I changed the subject, “I need to shower. I’m all sweaty.”
Turning around, I didn’t give Kamden a chance to make me talk about the issue any further. I heard the phone ringing again when I entered my bathroom.
Stripping my clothes, I avoided the mirror as I stepped into the shower. I kept my body turned away from it the entire time, letting the water rain over my skin, hoping it would wash away the emotions trying to break through.
After I stepped out of the shower, I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. Dangerously drawn like a moth to a flame, I inched closer to my reflection, knowing the aftermath would be disastrous. Even though it was my face, all I could see was him staring back at me—his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his… everything.
Shuddering, I gripped the counter, trying to pull away, to disentangle myself from the trap I’d fallen in, but the damage was already done. My heart thumped wildly in my chest as I struggled to breathe. My lungs familiarly tightened in anxiety. I couldn’t think, couldn’t talk myself down, when all I could see was him.
Taunting me, he smirked menacingly as he vowed, “I’m coming for you, Kaiya. This time, I will have you.”
“No. No, no, no!” I shrieked in horrified panic. Fear heated my skin, strangled my veins, and rooted itself deep within me as Kaleb responded with intermittent yeses and maniacal laughter.
Impulsively, I grabbed my blow dryer before repeatedly bashing it against the mirror, causing it to splinter and crack. I angrily screamed as I continued, making my throat burn until it became raw. Small pieces of glass began to shoot outward from my blows as I spiraled out of control, hammering him with all my force. Stinging pain registered on my face, but I was too beyond gone to care.
“Kaiya, stop! Stop!” I heard a voice yell before large, strong hands gripped my arms. The blow dryer clanged to the floor as I fought against whoever was holding me, throwing myself back into a bulky mass before slamming us into the wall.
Squirming against the body, I struggled as I tried to kick, punch, and scratch whoever was holding me.
“Kaiya, it’s me! It’s Kamden. Stop!” he yelled urgently.
Kamden?
Chest heaving with ragged breaths, I looked back at the fractured mirror, seeing Kamden’s distorted reflection holding me. I began to relax against him once I realized I was safe—that it wasn’t him.
Kamden eased his hold on me before gently rubbing my arms.
Slowly turning around to face him, I rasped, “I’m so sorry, Kam.”
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I threw too much at you at one time.” Looking toward the mirror, he continued, “I’ll have to get that replaced.”
“Maybe it’s better if you don’t,” I suggested. When he gave me an inquisitive look, I explained, “I try to avoid looking at it all the time anyway.”
He nodded before cautiously lifting his hands up to my face. He turned it side to side, examining my skin. “Let’s get you cleaned up—you’ve got some cuts.”
As he walked to the sink,
I raised my hand to my face, tenderly touching the areas that were now starting to burn with pain. Blood dotted my fingers when I pulled away, and I couldn’t believe how fast I had lost control.
Kamden came back before leading me to the toilet. He sat me down before kneeling in front of me with cotton balls, peroxide, and antibiotic ointment.
“This is going to sting,” he warned.
I flinched slightly as he gently cleaned my wounds, and once again, I was awed by how amazing he was. I don’t deserve him, but God knows I need him. I would’ve never survived everything without him.
When he was finished, I began to clean up the mess of bloody cotton balls and glass shards on the floor while Kamden went to grab the broom. As I looked at the fragments on the floor, I thought of how much they resembled me—shattered pieces of what they once were. I didn’t want to be like that, didn’t want to be a broken shell anymore. I wasn’t going to keep letting Kaleb dominate my life—I was going to take control.
When Kamden came back, broom in hand, I stood and faced him. “I’ll go.”
“What?” His eyes scrunched in confusion before searching my face.
“I’ll go with you to the hospital. I want to do everything I can to make sure he doesn’t get released.”
“Are you sure? After that episode, I don’t thi—”
Interrupting, I replied, “I want to. I want to take control of my life. I don’t want to be afraid to live anymore. And I want to take self-defense classes at the gym—I want to be prepared in case he does get released. I want to be able to fight back.”
Smiling proudly, his huge grin lit up his stormy eyes. “Okay, sorella. I’ll be with you every step of the way. Anything you need.”
Returning his smile, pride swelled within me as I hugged him. You can do this. You will do this. And with that, I took the first step to becoming whole.
Shock didn’t begin to express how I felt when Kaiya walked into my self-defense class on Sunday night. Class didn’t start for another fifteen minutes, and she was the first one there. Her eyes reflected the same surprise that I felt as her body stiffened in uncertainty, like a deer right before it bolts away from danger.
The Scars of Us Page 4
