by Elaine Owen
“It was your decision to make, not mine. I do not manage the household.”
The meal was swift and silent, as Margaret did not think it wise to begin a serious conversation on an empty stomach. She would rather wait until there were no distractions, so she tried her best to behave normally and wait patiently for the meal to be over. Thornton ate deliberately, with little to say besides thanking her for passing him a dish.
When Thornton finally set down his fork Margaret decided the moment had come to speak. “John, I would like to talk about what happened yesterday morning at the mill.”
“There is nothing to talk about.”
“I think that there is.”
“Very well.” Thornton crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair. He regarded her coolly. “What is it you wish to say?”
There might as well have been a wall of ice between them. “John, I cannot speak to you when you are like this.”
“Like what? Am I not being a dutiful husband?”
“You are so cold!”
“There is no reason to be otherwise. We have a marriage of convenience, you and I. There is no reason to expect it to be more.”
“Do you not want it to be more? Do you not wish we had a real marriage?”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “We each made our choices, and now we must live with them.”
The conversation was not going as she had hoped it would. “What if I choose to live differently?”
“Different in what way?”
His implacability was beginning to arouse her. “You know what I mean. I should not have to explain it to you!”
“Suppose you assume that I do not know what you mean. Tell me what you wish me to know. That is, if it is anything different than what we have said so far.”
Suddenly she could not stand the conversation anymore. “I thought you were different from other men. I never thought you could be cruel in the way you are right now!”
“Perhaps you never knew me at all.”
Margaret stood abruptly, nearly upsetting her chair in the process. “I can no longer be as indifferent to you as you are to me. If you are determined to continue on this path, then there is nothing here for me anymore!” She fled the room in tears, her feet racing up the stairs.
Thornton remained at the table for a minute, cursing himself for his ineptitude. Margaret was right; she had done nothing to deserve his cruelty. She had lived up to her side of the bargain in this strange arrangement they had conjured. And he was not indifferent to her; the current painful ache in his heart proved that. She might be in love with another man, but he could never allow her to suffer, not while she was under his care. He stood and resolutely followed her up the stairs. It was time that they had this out, once and for all.
Margaret had a valise opened on the bed and was hastily throwing a variety of clothing items into it. She moved swiftly about the room, collecting her hand mirror, brush, and other items. She did not stop when she heard Thornton come to the doorway. He stood watching her with a look of disbelief on his face. “What are you doing?”
“I am packing my things.”
“For what purpose?”
“I need to leave this house!” She opened a drawer and withdrew several pairs of stockings, then opened the next drawer and pulled out a dressing gown.
“Are you leaving me?” When Margaret did not answer he came further into the room, blocking her way. “Margaret, you cannot go like this.”
“I cannot stay and be nothing to you!”
“Margaret, please.” He caught her hands in his as she tried to move past him, keeping her in place. “You are not nothing to me. Far from it. It is just – I will not stand in the way of your happiness.”
“And if my happiness lies elsewhere?” she retorted. He recoiled as if she had struck him.
“I will not stop you. But please, we must part honestly. Tell me where you are going and why.”
“Anywhere away from here!”
“That is not good enough. I promised your father I would care for you.”
“Consider your promise fulfilled!” Margaret tried to move around Thornton but he moved with her and blocked her way. She refused to look up at him and let him see the tears pooling in her eyes. She wanted only to take her valise and walk out the door. But Thornton still stood in her way with his arms folded over his chest, and she realized that he would not let her go.
“Margaret . . . “ Thornton’s voice was suddenly more gentle. He took her hands in his, holding her in place as he looked down at her. “Margaret, have I misjudged you?”
She took a deep breath. It was now or never. She had no idea how he would react to her news, but she had to tell him now or forever hold her peace.
“I have a brother.” She blurted out the words before she could think about them. “He lives in Spain and he wants me to live with him. If you no longer want me I will go to him instead.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
“A brother?” There was a world of shock in Thornton’s voice.
“Yes, a brother. His name is Frederick. I wanted to tell you about him before, but he asked me not to say anything. Then after he gave me permission to speak, other events intervened.”
“You have a brother!” He still clung to her hands, clenching them tightly in his. His eyes bored into hers as though he were trying to see into her mind.
“Frederick was in the navy until he was caught up with a mutiny at sea. He did nothing wrong but if he is ever recognized in England again he will be hanged. In spite of that, he came to Milton to see Mother before she died.”
“Then it was he on the train platform with you that night!” Thornton exclaimed as revelation struck him. Margaret nodded.
“My God! Your brother! Frederick is your brother!” Thornton gasped out the words. His grip on her hands loosened and he took a stuttering half step away from her. Margaret realized he was reeling in shock. “Frederick is your brother. Your brother!” he repeated, as though trying to make himself believe the words.
“My father almost gave it away just before he died. Do you remember how he said he wanted to go to Spain?” Thornton looked at her blankly. “I am sorry that I could not tell you about Frederick myself before now. I wanted to, but it was never the right time. But now – “ she wiped away a tear, squaring her shoulders in resolve, “now that you know, you can have no reservations in letting me go to him. He will be glad to take over my support.” She managed to pull her hands out of Thornton’s and stepped around him, moving to the valise on the bed. Quickly, still blinking hard, she fastened it shut.
“Margaret, please don’t go.” Thornton came to stand next to her, his face twisted in anguish.
“You did your best to honor my father’s wish. It is not your fault that – “
“Forgive me my foolishness, I beg you. I had no right to treat you the way I did.”
She stared back up at him. “Then why did you?”
“Because – “ he winced. “I do not even know how to say this.”
“To say what?” She waited.
“I knew you had written to someone named Frederick and that he was dear to you. I thought he was your lover.” He braced himself.
“My lover!” she exclaimed. “Why would you think that?”
“Your letter to him.” Thornton had turned very pale. “I happened upon it yesterday in my study, soon after I returned from the mill. I should not have read it, I know. But I did and when I saw the terms of endearment you used with him, the affection you expressed . . . I did not respond in a gentlemanly manner.”
Margaret covered her mouth with her hand as the events of the past day suddenly came into focus. “Oh, my dearest! But how could you think me so unwomanly? I took you as my husband!”
“You only accepted me because you had no choice,” Thornton reminded her. “And the heart wants what it wants. I thought that if you wanted him, if that was what would make you happy, then . . .” His voice trailed off.
&nb
sp; “John!” Her heart ached in sudden sympathy for him. He had already lost the mill and he thought he had lost her as well. She could not be angry with him, now that she knew what he had feared most. She reached up to touch his face with one hand. “My heart wants you.”
“Truly?” His voice was disbelieving.
“Before we married I promised I would always tell you the truth,” she reminded him. “I love you, John Thornton, you and no other!”
“Forgive me, I beg you.” His voice was trembling. “I should have known! I should not have doubted you so, but I never believed that such a woman could care for me!“
“I do care for you, John. I love you. And please forgive me for not telling you about Frederick before!”
“My love!” His eyes were luminous with unshed tears. “There is nothing for me to forgive! I do not deserve to have you!” He turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand still resting against his cheek. Then he put his arms around her and pulled her close. For several minutes they were powerless to do anything but cling to each other wordlessly, like survivors of some great catastrophe.
At long last Thornton pulled back so that he could see her more clearly. He smiled gently as he reached into the pocket of his vest and removed a small handkerchief. “Do you remember this?”
Margaret shook her head. “Should I?”
“It is the one I let you use when I found you at your father’s grave, before we were married. I used it to comfort you after Fanny’s wedding as well. I have carried it with me every day.”
“Why?”
“Because it represents you – and everything about you is precious to me. Every place you go, everything you touch, every word you speak becomes dear to me simply because it is a part of you. I have always loved you, Margaret, and I always will.” Tenderly he used the cloth to dry one side of her face, then the other. “I promise I shall do my best to keep you from weeping ever again. From now on I hope to always make you as happy as you have made me!”
Margaret’s heart swelled; she could not speak for the joy bursting into it. But if there was no way to verbalize her feelings, there must be a way to show them instead. She put her arms around his neck and raised her face to his, trusting that Thornton would understand the gesture.
He must have done so, for his eyes brightened as he looked down at her. The lines of regret on his forehead disappeared as he lowered his head and kissed her sweetly, passionately.
She sighed, yielding to his close embrace. For long tender moments they clung together. Margaret savored again the warmth and security she had experienced in his arms before, but this time it was different. She was achingly conscious that they were alone in the house, unlikely to be disturbed. Her husband’s kisses grew more fervent and she felt her own passion rise in return. This was right, and the time was right. If they continued down this path there would be no turning back.
Thornton broke off his kisses, panting heavily, and rested his forehead against hers. “Margaret, when you accepted my proposal you agreed only to a marriage of convenience, and I promised that I would never impose myself on you. If you do not wish to continue, this would be a good time to ask me to leave.”
Margaret shook her head. “You do not need to leave.”
“Are you sure?” His eyes were wide and plaintive.
What could she do to relieve his uncertainty? The plain gold wedding band on her hand, visible against the dark of his collar, gave her an idea. “Do you remember when you gave me this?” she asked, holding out her hand so he could see it. Thornton looked at it in confusion as she took his left hand in hers. She pulled back slightly so that she could face him as she had on their wedding day.
“I, Margaret, take thee, John, to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part.” There were tears in her eyes when she finished, but this time they were tears of joy, not sorrow.
Comprehension lit up Thornton’s eyes. His smile was luminous as he took her hand in his and solemnly repeated his own vows. “I, John, take thee, Margaret, to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward. I will cling to you for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and I will love and cherish you, till death do us part.”
“What God hath joined, let no man put asunder.” Margaret completed by memory the words she had heard so many times. They had never been as beautiful to her as they were now.
Thornton cupped her face in both hands as he leaned down to her. He gazed into her eyes before kissing her reverently, tenderly. Then he murmured in her ear, “Come to me now, my own dear wife!” as he pulled her against him. And as Margaret surrendered fully to his embrace, she knew that at long last their marriage had begun.
CHAPTER THIRTY
It was sometime later when Margaret awoke with Thornton’s arms around her. She was surprised at how natural it was to be surrounded by him in this way, to feel him against her and realize that they were now truly man and wife. There was no embarrassment, no shame, only a deep sense of contentment and fulfillment. She gave a little sigh and snuggled closer.
“Are you cold?” Thornton’s deep voice rumbled in her ear as he pulled the blanket higher around her shoulders.
“No. I was just enjoying being with you. I hope I did not wake you up.”
“I was not asleep. I was too busy thinking.”
“About what?”
“How beautiful you are.” He kissed her gently, and Margaret’s senses swam in the delightful sensation until he pulled away again. “I was also thinking how fortunate I am to have you, how grateful I am that your father entrusted you to my care. If he had not, you would have had no reason to stay in Milton. You would have gone to your brother in Spain and I would never have seen you again.”
“That is not necessarily true.”
“No?” Thornton leaned up on one elbow so that he could look down at her. The room was dark, with only a single lamp lending its dim light, so that she could just make out the outlines of his face.
“My father knew that you had proposed to me and that I had turned you down. He urged me to reconsider my response.”
“How did he know about my first offer?”
Margaret frowned, trying to recall what her father had said. “He didn’t, not at first. Mr. Bell said something to him, I think, about you being interested in me. Then he began to wonder, and finally he asked me directly. He was . . . surprised when I told him.”
Thornton pushed a lock of hair off her forehead, letting his hand linger on her cheek. “He was surprised that I was in love with you?”
“Perhaps surprised is the wrong word. Yes, concerned is better. He was concerned that you might have been hurt, and he thought that I had perhaps made a mistake. He said you would make an excellent husband for me, if I could learn to love you.”
“I cannot argue with that conclusion.” Margaret heard more than saw his smile as he said this.
“John!” She tried to bury her face in his shoulder, embarrassed. “I am so ashamed of how I turned you away before!”
“Hush, love, I was only teasing you,” he answered, still smiling. “You should feel free to tease me in return any time you like, and on any subject. There are many areas in which you could justly criticize me.”
“Maybe I will, in time, but right now I just want to be with you.”
“Hmm. For once, you and I want the same thing.” Thornton’s low rumble of laughter vibrated against her as he kissed her again. She broke away after a minute, rather breathless.
“John, may I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“If you were still in love with me when my father died, why did you not tell me so at once?”
At her question Thornton sighed and rolled away from her, lying back on his pillow. Margaret wondered if she had offended him. “I am not angry with you,” she clarified, “simply curious. I thought yo
u must have given up all feelings for me, since you said nothing about them. I really believed you intended to have a marriage in name only.”
“My love, do you know what the most dangerous emotion in the world is?”
“I am not sure,” she answered hesitatingly, wondering what he meant.
“It is hope. Nothing hurts more than having one’s hopes raised and then dashed again. When your father gave you into my care I had little hope at first, because I assumed you would go to your relatives, or perhaps to your young man in Spain. Then I was certain that you would go to Bell. Finally, when I knew that you would be my wife, I could not keep my hope from growing.”
“But you still said nothing to me.”
“True, since I had no reason to think you had developed feelings for me. I had already bared my heart to you once and been rejected. I was not eager to go through that again, especially since we were now living in the same house and I would have to see you every day. I wanted to be certain before I said anything. That was my real motivation, but I told myself that I was protecting you. Declaring myself so soon after your father had passed would have been cruel. I was convinced that I was thinking of your best interests, but the truth is that I was protecting myself.”
She felt she had to be completely honest. “You were right to wait. My feelings had not yet completely changed. I knew that I had misjudged you and that you were a good man, but I did not yet love you.”
“I was willing to wait as long as it might take.”
The humble honesty in his answer touched her. Why had she been so slow to see the simple goodness in this man? They should have come together long before they did. She put her arms more closely around his neck, wishing she could undo all the mistakes of the past with him.
As if Thornton had heard her thoughts, he asked, “Why did you not tell me about Frederick sooner?”
Margaret tensed. “Do you remember the first real conversation we had after we were married, when you came back from a meeting with the other magistrates?”
Now it was Thornton’s turn to frown as he tried to remember. “It was the night before you defended me to my mother and Fanny, wasn’t it? I told you about a fugitive whom the magistrates were planning to turn over to the crown.”
