He shakes his head back and forth and hangs it between his arms. “I can’t be Shawn.” He repeats.
“You won’t be.” I crouch, trying to see his face.
“I will! You leave me for something like that, I’d turn to the bottle and not care. We HAVE to be stronger than this, Devon! You promised me we’d talk when things got tough. What happened?”
I close my eyes and swallow hard. He blames himself, and it’s my fault. “Never again.”
“How can I trust that?” he asks, rejected.
I melt and press myself into his arms. He doesn’t grab hold like normal, and I start to panic. Then I nuzzle into his neck. He still doesn’t respond. “I hurt,” I admit. “But when she said she had your ‘dick in her mouth’, I saw black. My life was pathetic without you. I promise to talk to you about every small, insignificant detail for the rest of our lives, even if the women in the nursing home hit on you.”
He rumbles something under his breath and finally reacts. “You’ll never understand how much I love you. For months, I’ve told you, tried to reassure you that my heart is yours. You said you believed me. You said you loved me, too. How did we get here, to this hell where you think I’d cheat and lose you?”
“I think I know how much you love me.”
“Yes, you know how much I love you, but do you know how much I love us? Do you finally understand?”
It hits me full force. The light finally shines, and I get it. For the first time in our relationship, I realize Bryce’s vulnerability is as strong as mine. Each time he declares I’m his, he’s reassuring us both. Somewhere along the way, I lost that direction and let self-doubt creep in and plague my securities. Things are now crystal clear.
I inhale loudly, stomach clenching, and he chuckles. “You get it.”
“You’re mine.” I steal his words.
“Always,” he confirms. “You are my life.”
His words sink in, and I press as close as possible, trying to relay the same message. After a few minutes of holding each other, I push forward needing a few more answers.
“Bryce.” I kiss his head everywhere. “I need to know what happened after my freak out.”
“Besides me telling Liza, in front of a fuckload of people at Tommy’s, to kiss my ass and she’s a worthless piece of shit— waste of space. Her plan to chase you away failed and she’s fucked with the wrong person. I may have also said something to the effect that it’s no wonder she’s a single, miserable, vile bitch.”
“Yeah, all of it.” I grin at the image.
He lifts his head and focuses on the peanut butter. “How about I tell you in the bed? Then feed you?”
I look down at myself and feel gross. When we crawl back into his bed, I’d like to have a clear head and clean body. Even though I showered last night, the faint smell of vomit clings to me. “Can we bathe before?”
“Together?”
I nod.
“Then the answer is yes.”
I scurry to his bathroom and strip, filling his small bath with warm water. He joins me, and for the first time, his eyes don’t heat, instead fill with sorrow. I reach for him, and he steps back, leaning against the wall. I switch off the water and wait for him to speak.
“You are my compass.” He steps forward and runs his finger around my tattoo. “And my anchor.”
I stay quiet, knowing he’s fighting back something deep inside.
“I wouldn’t have let her get away with it. If she’d have succeeded in taking you away from me, I’d have made her life hell on earth.”
This strikes a nerve that has been bothering me since this morning. “Bryce, what was her end game? If she knows you at all, she knows that you’d hate her guts, never forgive her, and there’s no way you’d be a couple.”
“She’s deluded. She wants the ‘thought’ of me—good-looking, intelligent, goal-oriented, expansive Naval opportunities. This is not me being conceited. These are words she repeated to Dani and Nicole. In her mind, I’d have forgiven her. She had no idea of the depth of our relationship and seriously thought she could compete with our history. With Nate as my best friend, it never occurred to her I could love you like I do. She never took the time to get to know my fascination and level of devotion.”
“Should we be worried about her obsession?”
“No, it’ll be handled in a few days.”
“New plan.” I step into the tub and hold out my hands for him. “We don’t talk about her anymore tonight. I’ll be here for three more days. It’ll take a while to get over this, but right now, I physically need you to hold me.”
Relief washes over his face, and he steps out of his pants and into the tub. We sink down together, and he takes his time washing every inch of me. I hold back tears at his tenderness, knowing he’s doing the same.
We finish and go straight back to the bed, me slipping into one of his sweatshirts. He positions me across his lap, and we take turns feeding each other spoonfuls of peanut butter, not talking. When we do fall asleep, both of us cling tight, feeling what we could have lost.
*****
“Nate, if you put that channel on another football game, I’ll scream!” My protest goes unheard, and players fill the screen.
“You’ll get over it.” He sits back on the couch and drapes his arm around Jamie’s shoulders.
We both roll our eyes, and I nudge Bryce in the ribs. “Can’t you do something?”
“Oh, yeah, I can do something.” He raises his eyebrows. “I can take you back to my room and we abandon football all together.”
“You’re hopeless.”
“Hopelessly trying to get laid.” He nuzzles my neck.
“This is getting fucking ridiculous. Can you two have some respect?” my brother hisses.
Jamie starts giggling, and I push off Bryce’s chest to my feet. “Okay, I’ll clean the kitchen.”
He starts to move, too, but Jamie speaks up. “I’ll help.”
She follows me to the kitchen and helps put away the leftovers of my ‘late’ New Year’s meal. Since we lost two nights and days to the Liza situation, I insisted on re-creating New Year’s Day. Then I insisted that Nate invite Jamie to see we could be normal.
“You look a lot better than the last time I saw you,” Jamie says nicely.
“You mean, when you left me slumped in bed, thinking my life was over two days ago? I can only imagine what I looked like, swollen eyes, nose running, tears pouring down my face.”
“It wasn’t that bad.” She presses her lips together.
“You’re a liar, but that’s okay because you’re doing it to make me feel better.”
“Seriously, it’s good to see you smile.”
“Thank you for everything.”
She shrugs and sits at the small table and looks around the kitchen. I can tell she’s curious but too polite to question me.
I pour two glasses of wine and hand her one as I sit down. “This is our normal. Today, tonight… what you see is us. We watch TV, eat good meals, cuddle as close as possible, even throwing in a few lewd comments to aggravate my brother, and hang out. All that drama you experienced is not us. Bryce and I don’t fight. We don’t argue. He won’t let us. He takes care of me. He’s proven many times that he’ll step in and take charge if it keeps me safe and secure.
“The other night, we were treated to a huge dose of how manipulative and nasty people can be. I allowed a shred of doubt to infiltrate the fortress of love Bryce has given me. It was a terrible and relationship changing event. I never want to feel that much pain again in my life.”
I take a deep breath to push down the anxiety at the memory. “There is one good thing that came from this experience, if you can believe it. Bryce and I have spend countless hours discussing exactly how we let this happen. We both take some blame. Bryce isn’t just the love of my life; he’s the only relationship I’ve ever had. In my attempts to be mature and handle Liza my own way, I d
idn’t truly talk to him. That was a mistake. He knew about my jealousy but not about the deep insecurities she planted in me. In turn, he now recognizes his naiveté at misreading the situation.”
“Is it too intrusive to ask what exactly happened?”
“Nope, but you were right to think he didn’t cheat on me.” I explain in detail everything that happened, starting from the beginning. When I’m done, Jamie drains the last of her glass and gets up to pour us more.
“What did Bryce do?” she asks with wide eyes.
“After he cussed her out at the bar, he left and started calling me. He was in the parking lot at the bar when Nate found him. You probably know what happened next.”
“No, Nate was too angry and told me very little. I stayed with you until Bryce picked you up and carried you to his room.”
“Well, apparently, my brother punched the shit out of Bryce and told him I was on the verge of a meltdown here. Once Bryce found out, he took off and came to me.
“When they left the house that morning, Nate promising to protect Bryce’s career, they went straight to Tommy’s house. The party was dying down. Bryce confronted the girls, wanting to know exactly what was said. He didn’t give them a chance to talk at the bar. Nicole had loose lips and spilled. Then she said she was sorry things happened the way they did. Liza was too drunk to comprehend his anger and tried to crawl up his body. His public rejection from earlier didn’t deter her. He physically removed her and handed her to Nate. Dani spoke up and told everyone what she witnessed. My brother had to restrain Liza as she attempted to go after Dani, screaming that she was a traitor.
“According to Bryce, Dani begged to come to me directly, but he stopped her. Told her she’d have her chance to tell the truth. Then Nicole started to back track, but it was too late. Bryce told them that no one fucks with me or us. He also told Liza to forget all the things he ever told her because she’d fucked with the wrong person.”
“That’s despicable. What kind of person does that? And what kind of people support it?”
“The kind of people who are out of our lives.”
“Really?”
“Yes, we both feel betrayed in different ways. Maybe we’re being stuck up or judgmental in our own right, but where we’re from, this doesn’t happen. Friends truly support each other and wish for the best. They don’t sit back and let the backstabbing happen right under their noses. The guys will still work together, but the social aspect is over. From what we can tell, Rick and Dani are decent people.
“But Tommy’s comment to Nicole about it being none of her business where Bryce ‘slips his dick’ was unacceptable.”
“I can see that. The trust is broken,” she agrees.
“In our lives, we hold people accountable for their actions. So, in reality, if Bryce wanted Liza, it’s fine. But you do it after cutting things off with your fiancée. That’s our style. It’s not for everyone, but it’s for us.
“One example is a few years ago when Bryce was going through a break-up. The relationship was over, but the woman had some problems and depended on him a little too much. Nate knew Bryce wanted to patch up our severed friendship, but he stayed neutral until Bryce handled the shit. Then he supported us. It may have been a brotherly thing, but it was also a respect thing.
“I think it’s noble.”
“Nate was smart to keep you away. He saw the disaster for what is was.”
“Why is that? Does he have a sixth sense?”
“Bryce and I talked to him for a while last night. He explained that the parties started to get wilder and wilder at Tommy and Nicole’s. There wasn’t one incident, but he backed off. Then he met you and started to spend time away from the whole gang, so he dropped it. New Year’s Eve, he had a bad feeling. That’s why y’all came back to the house to check on me.”
“Like I said, the whole brotherly protection thing is sexy. It shows loyalty and love.” She licks her lips and wiggles her eyebrows.
“STOP.” I throw my hand in her face. “I do not need to know anything about Nate that is sexy.”
She laughs openly at me for a few minutes while I try my best to ignore her. It’s my turn to drain my glass and refill.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop, but the look on your face is priceless. Know it or not, your brother is fucking hot.”
“Good looking, handsome, cute… but never hot! Ssstttoooppp!”
She drops her head to the table to hide her face, but her shoulders still jiggle.
By the time Bryce and Nate come to check on us, we’re almost done with the second bottle of wine. Bryce announces I’m going to bed and picks me up as I try to object. Jamie gives me a little wave and a knowing look before Nate picks her up as well. I decide that Jamie is definitely going to make a great addition to our group.
Chapter 29
“Another delivery.” Quinn walks into the kitchen and sets a box of my favorite chocolates on the counter.
“I’m really curious how much money he’s paying you to keep me supplied with gifts.”
“None of your business.”
“You’re doing an excellent job.” I surprise her with a loud smacking kiss on the cheek.
Bryce’s ship went underway the second week of January. I was nervous, but he was a wreck. Each day after I left Norfolk, and leading up to their departure, he was overly protective and possessive. Even though we were one-hundred percent solid when I came back to Charlottesville, he still worried about my confidence in us.
Finally, with the help of a very drunk Quinn, I found a way to reassure him. She and I worked hard, but when I sent him the final version of our ‘Save The Date’ announcement, he calmed down. I used a picture from last year in Aspen when I was in Bryce’s arms. It’s one of my favorites; neither of us is looking at the camera but at each other. To him and me, this is the day that we became an ‘us’.
Somehow, after that, he contacted Quinn with a mission. She is assigned to surprise me with a gift every day that makes me smile and know he’s thinking of me. So far, I’ve gotten flowers, chocolates, gift cards, my favorite bottle of wine, and handwritten letters he sent to Quinn before leaving.
“Wait until tomorrow… We’re really going to spend some of his guilt money.”
“Quinn!”
“Fine, kidding. It’s not guilt money. It’s ‘forgive me for being a blind dumbass’ money.”
“You’re going to give him a lot of shit when you see him, aren’t you?”
“Maybe, depends on if I find the perfect dress tomorrow.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Tomorrow, Bryce has set us up with a day of dress shopping. He wants us to get something for the opening of the exhibit on Saturday.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah, and I was instructed to pick out a tie to match your dress.”
“Really?” I repeat and bounce in my seat. “He’s coming?”
“He’s going to try his best. If they get in on time Thursday, he’ll be here Friday afternoon.”
I wave my hands in the air and then throw them around her neck, blowing a raspberry.
“Fucking gross! Keep your damn spit to yourself.” She pushes me back and swats at me.
“I’m guessing this was supposed to be a surprise.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not hip on ya’ll’s surprises lately, so it’s better if I keep everyone in the know.” She huffs, trying to seem irritated.
When I got home and told Quinn what happened in Norfolk, she went out of her mind. For about five minutes, she cussed Bryce’s name with the threat to beat the shit out of him. Then she transferred that anger to Liza. Her desire to destroy Liza almost outweighed mine. I was glad we were at home in Charlottesville because, if we were in Norfolk, I may have been bailing Quinn out of jail.
Even calming her down didn’t exempt me from the wrath of Quinn Jackson. Besides calling me an idiot for falling for Liza’s scheme, she was furio
us with me for not telling her what was going on. She would have been on the next flight. I had no choice but to tell her about Jamie. She seemed to like I had someone with me to talk to, but it was evident she was hurt. Finally, she understood that Bryce and I needed the few days to try to heal from the deception and lies.
That same night, I called my dad. After our dinner together, I felt the need to tell him. Of course, I left out the part about Liza insinuating she gave Bryce a blow job, but I explained that Bryce put himself in a position to lead her on and she took it too far. Dad listened with little input until he asked if I’d really forgiven Bryce for his poor judgment. I told him yes, and he told me to let it go because there was no room for a future if this was going to plague me.
His words hit deep, but I was calm, knowing I truly did forgive Bryce. He seemed satisfied and changed the subject pretty quick. Apparently, it was too much girl talk for him.
Quinn jumps over the table, reaching for my phone as it rings. “It’s her again!”
‘Her’ being Nicole Betts. I’ve been avoiding her calls for the last few weeks.
“Hit end.”
“No, I think it’s time we answer her. And I do mean ‘we’.”
I shrug, not really caring. I hit answer and speaker. “Hello.”
“Devon, don’t hang up. It’s Nicole.”
“I know who it is. What can I do for you?”
“Hear me out. I know you must think the worst of me. I even think the worst of me. You have to know the position I was in.”
“I’ll humor you. Tell me exactly what kind of position you were in.”
“Liza’s been a friend of the guys forever. She was very believable and convincing with her lies. I was played as much as you were.”
My anger spikes and blood boils. “You get one phone call, Nicole, one, and this is the direction you want to take. You want to play a victim here?” Hostility drips from my words. “You’ve been blowing up my fucking phone for weeks. The only reason I answered is because I’m sick of my voicemail being clogged up with your messages.”
“If you’ve gotten my messages, you know how messed up this is.” There’s a tint of aggravation in her voice.
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