by Nhys Glover
ACCALIA
I stepped down off the gangplank with my pack at my side and joined the press of military men on the dock. No one looked closely at me, dressed as a boy, as I now was. If anyone gave us more than a casual glance, it was probably to admire my companions and wonder why they were not dressed in uniform. They were so obviously warriors.
The dock shifted and fell under me, as it always did when I had been on the sea for any length of time, but an inconspicuous hand at my elbow kept me from falling. Luckily, the sea-sickness that had bedevilled me when I travelled with the Parthians was no longer a problem. I had decided the reason was either because I was no longer living in fear or that I was now allowed to move around freely on the deck. Orion had also explained a method of overcoming the sickness by focusing on the horizon, which never moved.
Whatever the reason, I was more than relieved to find nausea and sickness no longer bothered me. I had, after all, enough to contend with.
My pater was dead, my uncle wanted to take control of my legacy, and the only way to safeguard it was to wed a man I did not wish to marry. The only good thing in it all, other than the absence of ill-health, was the presence of my pack. For the first time in my life I had them with me all day every day, and I slept at their sides every night. It would have been a dream come true for me if I had not been grieving my beloved pater and racing across the empire, watching for threats at every turn.
“I will go to the port authority once we’ve found accommodation and see when another military vessel is leaving for the Greek mainland. It is only a short jump, we might do as well to take a private vessel if none leave in the next day or two,” Orion was saying as we strode along.
“How are you feeling?” Talos asked me, eyeing me with concern. It was his hand on my elbow, steadying me and moving me along a little faster than my short legs would normally travel.
“I am well enough. Do not worry about me so much,” I muttered, trying not to show my annoyance.
Talos, of all my men, was driven to protect me. That drive had sent him into a burning building in Rome. It was a wonderful trait to have, but sometimes it made me feel smothered. I did not need to be coddled. I was coping.
Was I not?
“You have been travelling for a week now with no break, and you are barely eating enough to keep a bird alive,” he countered, unwilling to be put off.
“At least I am keeping what I eat down this trip. Do not fuss, Talos. I am doing much better. Having my pack with me makes all the difference.”
It was true, and Talos knew it, so he let it go. But as I began to pant from the effort of keeping my feet under me moving swiftly through the milling soldiers, my men began to slow their pace to accommodate me. If Talos had his way, he would have swept me up into his arms and carried me. And though such a move might have been acceptable for a fainting woman, I was currently passing as a hardy lad. It would look very odd, indeed, if I were to be carried.
“I need a bath,” I said, still peeved.
“You can’t go to the pubic baths dressed as you are. Take your clothes off and it will be apparent you are ... not male,” Asterius said with a smirk.
Orion and Talos had pointed out how Asterius had changed after our time in Sardinia. How he had become more serious and lost his ready smile and flirtatious ways. I did not see it. To me, he was the same outrageous flirt he had always been. And though he tried to keep his happiness under control, in deference to me, his smile was never far away.
“Ephesus is a very large city. Their baths will have private rooms where we can bathe together without prying eyes,” I pointed out.
Four sets of eyes turned my way. Their expressions reminded me of boys caught in a lie: shame-faced and a little panicky. I would have laughed had I been in a better mood.
“What?” I demanded, tripping over my fast-moving feet and having to rely on Talos for support.
“All of us naked. That is... not a good idea,” Orion said stiffly, averting his gaze as his cheeks reddened. He was probably remembering our lovemaking in Maleka’s private bath. The memory brought heat to my cheeks too, and desire I had not felt since I was rescued from the Parthians.
I let my mind consider what I had unthinkingly suggested. I was comfortable being naked with all but Typhon. While I may have only recently decided I no longer required my virginity for some future husband and seduced Orion, I had come very close with both Asterius and Talos at other times. I knew their bodies as well they knew mine.
But while Typhon and I might have had the closest bond for the first five years of our relationship, it had never been physical. All we had ever shared was one memorable sticky-sweet kiss in the first year of our friendship. So, even though I loved him every bit as much as I did the others, I felt a little shy around him sometimes when carnal matters were raised. He seemed to be bedevilled with the same problem, if his downcast eyes and reddened cheeks were anything to go by.
But we were on a journey that would take several months and living in very close quarters. It seemed silly not to share baths together when we could take advantage of them.
“I am no longer a blushing virgin,” I muttered loud enough so that my men were the only ones who could hear me. “You do not have to treat me as if I were.”
Orion scowled and reddened even more. The others looked startled and concerned.
I realised my mistake immediately. As far as I knew, there had never been a conversation about what happened to me while I was with the Parthians. Except with Orion, of course. The others would immediately jump to the wrong conclusion.
“Not the Parthians. They were keeping me for their prince,” I went on hastily.
All eyes then turned to Orion. Though the others knew we had spent weeks together, they did not know what we had done during that time. They probably thought I was still keeping my virginity for that mythical husband of mine.
My mind balked at the thought. No longer a myth. I was going to have a husband after all. But that husband would not require my virginity. At least in that I was relieved. I knew well enough that Marcus and I would have a marriage in name only.
“But you wanted to stay a virgin,” Talos said, hurt in his eyes.
I shrugged. “Somewhere along the way I realised that I had no desire to marry. As Pater was quite willing to let me stay unmarried and take over from him when the time came, I realised I had no need of my virginity anymore. Orion took some convincing, though.” I added the last part so it did not seem as if I had been seduced. The others would never have forgiven him.
“What about... Marcus?” Asterius asked cautiously.
I shrugged again. “Marcus will never know, nor care. At least in that Pater was wise.”
“And if you bear a child?” Talos said.
“I will not. I am taking a tincture that deals with that issue.”
By now we had reached the hostelries that lined the shore outside the city walls. They looked as filthy as so many of the places I had been forced to sleep over the last few months. The ever-present stench of rotting fish and seaweed had become so familiar that I barely noticed it now.
“Where to?” I asked, glancing from one rundown establishment to another.
“The ship’s centurion said there is a decent place back several streets from the front. Out of the way and without a taproom. We’ll have to eat somewhere else but the accommodation is better and quieter,” Orion said, glad to be off the sensitive issue.
“How would he know? Don’t he and his men sleep in the barracks?” Typhon challenged.
I had a niggling worry that his tone had nothing to do with the centurion’s advice and everything to do with Orion taking my virginity.
Orion sent him a quelling glare. “I assume from civilian travellers he sometimes carries. Does it matter?”
Typhon scowled back and then shrugged, backing down a little. This was not good.
We let Orion lead the way, because that was what he did. But I could tell from the troubled ex
pressions around me that Typhon was not the only one feeling jealous, and the issue was by no means resolved. Why I had raised it, I have no idea. Maybe the dark cloud of grief was lifting, and I was engaging with life once more.
When I looked at myself through my pack’s eyes, I must have seemed disconnected and numbed more than just sad over the last week or more. And they had let me be, content to take care of the day-to-day issues of getting us to our next port of call, while I dwelled within.
But now I was moving back out to reconnect with the world again. And that meant my pack. The fission of excitement I felt when remembering my baths with Orion was a good sign. As was my annoyance with Talos’ over-protectiveness. But having jealousy and territorial challenges occupying our time was the last thing I wanted.
I remembered a conversation with one or other of my pack where it was explained to me how they thought. They were happy to share as much of me as they could get as long as it was sharing. If I chose one of them over the others then fists would fly.
Although their bond was remarkably close knit, they were still men. Powerful, aggressive men. And each of them loved me with a passion I found surprising. I was, after all, a very ordinary woman. I was neither beautiful nor charming. In fact, if the women in my life over the last few years were to be believed, I was very plain and unfeminine. Surely men like these could have anyone they wanted. Anyone more beautiful and alluring than me.
But denying their feelings did no good. For whatever reason, these handsome warriors had all set their sights on me. And now I had caused unrest between them by allowing Orion to claim me. No... not allowing. I had forced him to claim me.
I blushed when I remembered how I had thrown myself at him, pushing him past his self-imposed limits. I did not regret it, though. I would never regret any of the time I had spent with my men. They were my every breath. Without them I was nothing.
How was I going to fix the problem I had created, though? Was I ready to share more of myself with the others? It seemed wrong when Pater had passed so recently. Feeling pleasure of any kind seemed wrong.
Yet would Pater expect me to forgo living because of him? I did not think so. Though I was certain he would not have me sharing passion with slaves.
So the question was, did I now choose to live by his rules, when I never did while he was alive? Now he was gone, did I sacrifice myself on the altar of duty to appease his spirit?
I thought long and hard about that. In the end I decided I would certainly marry Marcus because duty required it. But beyond that... No, I did not think I was willing to sacrifice my happiness and that of my pack’s out of some grief-stricken sense of duty. And I knew Marcus would not expect it either. If anyone understood my feelings for the Wolf Pack it was him.
Our accommodation, a large and comparatively spacious room on the top floor of the quiet establishment, was just as the centurion had advised. It had fresh straw pallets for four laid out against each mud-brick wall and one in the middle. There was a wash stand, with chamber pot underneath, and a large trunk with a key where we could store our possessions when we were not in the room. A long narrow window close to the exposed eaves allowed hot air out and kept the space from getting stuffy.
“This is lovely,” I told Orion, making my lips form a smile. It felt strange to smile, as if the muscles around my mouth had forgotten they were capable of such movement.
“It’ll do,” sniped Typhon, throwing his pack into the trunk with a loud thump.
I moved to Typhon’s side and placed a calming hand on his bare arm. “Typhon, please. Orion did nothing wrong, and I have not chosen him over the rest of you. I would never do such a thing. It was circumstance. I have shared pleasure with all of you in different ways when circumstance allowed it.”
“You told me you’d hate me forever if I seduced you,” Asterius snarled, throwing his pack in on top of Typhon’s. “You don’t seem to hate Orion.”
“I am very grateful to you for putting my needs first at that time. But a lot has happened since then. I have changed. Grown up. I no longer wish to live by the rules others have set for me. Even Pater. I am unwilling to be chattel used for political gain. The Parthian prince brought that home to me. My fate is my own. To a certain extent, at least. I may have to marry Marcus to safeguard your future, and that of all Pater’s slaves, but I do not have to live a celibate life. Marcus would not expect it of me, as I will not expect it of him.”
I paused. I had said far more than I had for weeks. Putting my thoughts and feelings into words was exhausting, especially as I was walking a fine line. If I said the wrong thing my men might tear each other apart.
“You still want us all?” Talos clarified slowly.
“Yes. If you want me. I am just not sure I am ready. It feels like I am struggling to find my way out of a dark cave. But I can see a little light now. I know Pater would not want me to wallow, so I am trying not to. Trying to accept that I am alive and loved and deserving of pleasure. In my head I know that is true. It is in my heart that I struggle.”
Talos wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and I buried my head into his chest. He smelled of sweat and sea, but it was not unpleasant. Another warm body came up behind me, a cheek resting against my hair. One hand was taken up behind Talos and the other by Orion at Talos’ front.
Orion kissed my fingertips gently. “No one will pressure you. We understand. When you are ready.”
I could tell his words were meant to reassure me, but also to warn his pack-mates off.
“How will it work?” Typhon said from behind me, his warm breath stirring my short wispy hair. “I know you probably aren’t ready to think about it. About us. But I just wondered... How will it work?”
This was something I had thought about a lot, and I supposed they had too.
“We can take turns spending the night with you. The rest of us can... can get a separate room,” Orion announced, his tone far less confident than usual.
I drew away from Talos, frowning a little in confusion. “Is that what you want?”
I looked from one to the other of them, trying to read their expressions. They seemed embarrassed and ashamed. Why?
“It’s not ideal. But this can never be an ideal situation...” Orion muttered, playing with my fingers so he could avoid looking me in the eye.
“How has it worked in the past?” I asked, although they had told me enough of their encounters with whores, so I thought I knew.
“That was different. That wasn’t you,” Asterius snarled. His vehemence shocked me a little. I looked over Talos’ shoulder to see Asterius glaring at me, his brown eyes fiery.
“I know. I understand that for you being with whores was about pleasure only. Expedience. Getting the most for your money.”
“Hades help us!” Typhon exploded, pushing away from the tight huddle we’d formed in the middle of the room.
I turned to stare at him in surprise. “What did I say? Did I get it wrong?”
His slanted eyes were hooded so I could not read the emotions pulsing beneath the surface. But his body gave him away. His tunic was tented and his shoulders hunched, hands closed tightly into fists.
“How can you talk about it like that? So calmly! You shouldn’t even know what we did with those girls! You shouldn’t want to have us thinking of you the same way as we thought about them. The way we were with them!” he cried, pacing the room, his breaths coming shallow and fast.
I had seen him flare up often over the years. He could lose his temper faster than anyone I had ever known. But it could be over just as fast. This time, though, it was not going to be over fast.
The urge to go to him and take up the challenge was intense, but I held back. He wanted to strike out at someone. If I got in the way, that someone might be me. If that happened, neither he nor his brothers would ever forgive him. So I stayed where I was and used my words as weapons.
“Do not tell me what I should and should not do, Typhon,” I snapped, my temper rising to match h
is. “I do know about those other girls. And it hurts to know what you did with them. And I have imagined what it would have been like if it had been me in their place. How it would work. How it would feel. Society might tell me I should not want that. But I do not let society dictate to me. I never have. I will not let you dictate to me, either.”
“We never wanted to hurt you. You know that,” Asterius said, his cheeks now on fire as well as his eyes. “I’m sorry I told you. But I haven’t been with anyone since... since we left for Rome.”
I huffed out an annoyed breath. “Why? I never expected you to stay celibate!”
Asterius leaned in and kissed me hard. It had my toes curling in an instant.
He broke from the kiss as fast as he claimed it, panting hard. He was not the only one.
“Because I didn’t want to,” he growled, his breath fanning my burning cheeks. “Because it didn’t seem worth it. I couldn’t get interested. All right?”
I let his meaning sink in. It left me feeling raw.
“All right,” I replied meekly.
“Look, this is not the time. We can work out the strategies later, when Accalia is ready,” Talos said into the tense, sexually charged silence that followed.
I relaxed back against his side, happy for his protection. The air was like a forest before a lightning storm. It frightened me with its intensity. Its potency. For the first time since the alley I realised these were very dangerous men. Frightening men. Powerful men. And in this moment they wanted to tear off my clothes and claim me, just as Asterius had kissed me. Hard and hungrily. One man like that would have felt terrifying. Four? Overwhelming. Yet Talos would protect me, even from himself.
“As I said, the baths are not a good idea,” Orion choked out. “We’re all too... ready to burst. Maybe we should find some drunken locals and beat the shit out of them.”
“Kill someone you mean?” I cried in horror.
Orion growled and rubbed at his face. “No, that’s not what I meant. Are you going to think of me as a murderer from now on? I killed because those Parthian bastards wanted to kill us and make you a sex slave to their prince. I’m not going to kill some idiots in a tavern because I’m so horny I can’t think straight. Give me some credit!”
