Lexi, Baby

by Lynda LeeAnne

  I would have preferred he slap me. It was my turn to close my eyes and turned my head to the side. I felt a single tear slide across my temple. “I’m sorry Landyn, please just let me up. I promise I won’t run,” I whispered unevenly. He lifted his free hand to wrap under my chin. He softly turned my face to towards his, but I kept my eyes closed.

  “Look at me,” he ordered so close to my face I could feel his breath on my lips. I opened my eyes to see that he was only an inch away. His eyes were staring into mine and his fingers on my waist dug in deep.

  “This is your only warning, Lexi,” he said in a frighteningly low, deep, rough voice. “I just got a glimpse of my precious baby girl. I want to see her. I want to know her.” He took a few deep breaths before continuing. “I can’t believe you did this to me. I can’t believe I have a daughter that doesn’t even know who I am. How could you keep her from me?” He sounded tormented.

  My tears were now falling helplessly now.

  He continued. “I left my information with Trish. I’m giving you two days Lexi. You’ve got two days to get your shit together and come see me so we can talk and I’m warning you, don’t run from me again. You understand me?” he finished loudly. I couldn’t do anything, but nod. He let go of my chin and waist and pushed himself to his feet. As he looked down at me, he reached out his hand to help me up, which was nice, considering how pissed he was.

  As soon as I got up I started wiping at my face and clothes, while the last fifteen minutes replayed over and over again in my head.

  All of a sudden it hit me that the only reason Landyn was here was because of Destiny, that stupid bitch. I could only hope that karma was one too. The realization of how Landyn ended up here royally pissed me off.

  I stormed right up to Landyn while he studied me with suspicious eyes. I started in on him without delay. “Layla is mine, Landyn. I might be willing to work something out with you, but there’s no fucking way I’ll let your little girlfriend, or wife, or whatever the fuck she is near her. You’ll have to kill me first.”

  His eyebrows drew together and he looked confused. “What the hell are you talking about, Lexi?”

  “Don’t call me Lexi and do not play the stupid jock boy act with me.”

  His eyes narrowed, but he continued to look at me like I lost my marbles. I hissed, “Destiny, Landyn. Don’t even think about letting her near Layla.” After he let that sink in for a minute, I watched as his expression softened; a little. Then he had the nerve to smile at me!

  “This isn’t funny!” I shrieked.

  “Two days, Lexi. You’ve got two days. If you don’t show up I’m coming for you.” Then he turned and left me standing there alone and defeated.

  Shit!

  Chapter Seven

  When I made it back to the apartment I noticed right away that Trish must have picked up all the groceries I dropped. That was nice of her. I was about to turn the knob when the door flew open and Trish grabbed my arm pulling me inside. “I’m so sorry, Lex,” she said quietly.

  “This isn’t your fault.”

  “I shouldn’t have answered the door. What happened?” Before I could answer her, I heard Layla’s eager voice. “Mama, did you see the giant that was here? He looked like a football guy… I mean player. Did you see? He said he use ta be one. Can he teach me how to play? Can you ask him? I wanna be a football guy too.” My little girly girl was standing right in front of me now asking me to play football; her big amber eyes shining bright with anticipation. She always rambled when she was excited.

  God I love her! “We’ll see baby, okay?” I said softly forcing myself to stay strong.

  “Okay,” she responded a disappointed, small voice. She thought about something and then she quickly perked up. “Guess what? He called me precious. He’ll say yes, I know it! Can Jennifer come too? I want her to hear him call me precious.”

  Don’t cry, don’t cry. It broke my heart to know that she already wanted Landyn’s attention and she didn’t even know that he was her daddy yet.

  “We’ll see, baby.” I said as I cupped her cheek.

  “Okay, I’m going to my room to practice.” She turned and click-clacked away to her room.

  I turned to Trish. “Now she wants to play football.”

  “He loves her,” was Trish’s odd response.

  “Who loves who?” I asked, puzzled.

  “Landyn loves Layla. It was tattooed all over his face when he saw her.” She ran a hand through her hair. “This might not be so bad, Lex” she said, but she didn’t know the half of it.

  “Trish, you have no idea how bad this is. Landyn’s possessive. He always was and he made it pretty clear to me outside just a minute ago that he hasn’t changed. He’ll be worse with his own flesh and blood. She’s his daughter, can you imagine? It’s only just begun. What about Ryan? He loves Layla too and Landyn’s going to hate his guts for that simple fact alone.”

  I watched Trish bite down on her bottom lip. “Lex, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Ryan where Layla is concerned.” My eyebrows drew together. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I just think you’ve been mistaking how he feels for you with how he feels for her. Please don’t get mad, it’s just an outsider’s opinion.”

  This was making my head hurt; more like pound. I couldn’t find it in myself to stand still so I walked over to the dining room table. Trish followed.

  “I’m not touching that conversation right now, T; one crisis at a time please,” I told her as I started cleaning up Layla’s mess. “Landyn told me that I better meet him in two days or else he was coming for me; whatever that means.”

  “He gave me his card to give you. Are you going to meet him?” Trish asked gently.

  I looked at her. “I don’t really have a choice, do I? I mean, you heard Layla, maybe this is what she needs.” I said unselfishly before continuing. “I know Layla is used to Ryan and Ryan’s good to her, but maybe she needs some realy fatherly bonding. You know she’s more than just a girly girl. She would love Landyn showing her how to get dirty like the boys.”

  Trish didn’t respond so I kept on venting. “I’m not saying you’re right about Ryan, but he’s just so busy all the time. It would be different if we lived together and Layla was around Ryan all the time… I honestly don’t know what to do. I think I’m just going with the flow on this one. Planning never seems to work out for me anyway.” I finished on a submissive note.

  Dealing with Landyn… I’d rather have a root canal!

  Trish cut off my internal rant. “Do you still have love him?”

  I whirled around and gasped out loud. “What? Why would you even ask me that? You know I don’t! He might still be hot, or hotter, but he’s still an asshole!” I answered heatedly.

  Trish stared questioningly into my eyes for a second before she nodded; I narrowed my eyes at her. “I don’t,” I said in my serious, firm, “Don’t piss me off” voice then turned to the kitchen.

  Chapter Eight

  It was mid-day when Ryan showed up. Trish had taken Layla to run errands with her so I could have privacy when I explained my little situation; okay, huge situation. When I answered the door Ryan greeted me with the standard “Hey sweetheart” and light kiss. He walked inside like usual. He sat down on the couch, but when I didn’t sit next to him and took a seat on the chair across, he frowned. “Lex, what’s wrong?” I looked down at my lap where I was rubbing my sweaty palms together.

  “Landyn came here,” I said softly, not looking in his eyes. When he didn’t respond I looked up.

  His face was blank so I couldn’t read his emotions. I continued. “Trish answered the door and Layla, being Layla, introduced herself. Landyn knew right away that she was his just by looking at her. He wants to start seeing her.”

  Ryan still didn’t speak and his silence was a little eerie. My voice softened more. “I’m supposed to meet him on Sunday to discuss some kind of visitation.”

&nb
sp; Finally, Ryan spoke. “Have you decided to meet him?” he asked in an alarmingly unusual tone. I couldn’t get a handle on his mood.

  “I have to meet him, Ry. There’s really not much else I can do other than wait for him to take me to court. I can’t do that to Layla and I can’t afford it.”

  Suddenly, he scooted to the edge of the couch and placed his elbows on his knees. His face was filled with irritation now. “I’ll pay,” he said through his teeth. “You won’t have to see him. Give me his number and I’ll tell him you’ll see him in court. He can see Layla when the court orders it, but I don’t want you having anything to do with him.”

  “Ryan, thank you, but I can’t let you pay my court costs. Landyn doesn’t want anything to do with me; he just wants to see his daughter. I’ll talk about arrangements with him on Sunday so fighting won’t be necessary.”

  “No!” he shouted so violently at me I sank back into my chair. This was a scary Ryan I didn’t know. “I don’t want him near you, Lex! You put on this act like you have everything under control when really you’re still just as childlike and inexperienced as you were when you got pregnant! Hell, even when I met you!”

  Ouch! That hurt. Did he really just say that?

  I closed my eyes. I knew he wouldn’t like the situation, but I didn’t expect him to be so mad, or so irate.

  When I opened my eyes I said quietly, “That was a mean thing to say to me Ryan. The least I can do is meet with Landyn since I’ve kept his daughter from him. If you saw how hurt he was, you’d understand that Layla should get to know him.”

  “You’re not seeing him, end of discussion. If you do, we’re done,” Ryan stated, finality punctuated every word. He stood up without a backward glance and before I knew it, he was gone.

  What the hell just happened? I asked myself, dumbfounded.

  That evening passed with no more drama, but Saturday seemed to drag on forever. Ryan hadn’t called once so when night came, I decided to call him. “Hello,” he answered sounding like he wanted nothing to do with me. “Ryan, we need to talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. You were so hung up on this Landyn guy during the whole first part of our relationship that I had to work at it harder than I should have. I don’t want you seeing him.”

  Ryan sure knew how to throw blows and that was a direct hit. “I know I made it hard on you in the beginning, Ry, but I was hurt pretty bad and had a baby by the same person who hurt me. I just didn’t want go through that again. You know all this and I’ve apologized for it.”

  “I don’t want you seeing him,” was his only response.

  “Ryan, please. I really need to meet him for Layla’s sake. My only concern is my daughter, please just understand that,” I said softly hoping it would seep through his hard head. “Layla will be fine Lex. I’m not worried about her one bit. It’s you I’m worried about.” Then he hung up.

  I pulled the phone away from my ear and frowned at it. What did he mean he wasn’t worried about Layla? How could he not be? I understand that Ryan wasn’t her biological father, but he’s been around her for nearly two years. He should care!

  Maybe Trish was right. My heart was breaking all over again. I had to see Landyn tomorrow. There was no way around it. I couldn’t let Landyn drag me through court because it would only hurt Layla.

  Chapter Nine

  When Sunday finally came I was a disaster. I kept myself busy; I cleaned, I played with Layla, I made a huge lunch, but when the clock finally hit two o’clock, I knew I had to call Landyn before he sent the cavalry. “Hello,” Landyn’s deep voice answered. The background was really noisy.

  “If this is a bad time, I can call back later.” I said, praying he would say okay.

  “Lexi, baby, get your ass here.” Then he hung up.

  Fuck! I’m sick of people hanging up on me!

  I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. “Baby, come give Mama some sugar!” I shouted while I waited at the front door. She turned the corner running and slammed into me just as I bent down to open my arms. I gave her a big smack on the mouth and ended up with strawberry flavored gloss all over my lips.

  “I have to run some errands so be good for Aunt T while I’m gone.”

  “I’m always good,” she responded in an overly dramatic, shocked tone. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “You’re right, I love you.”

  “Love you too Mama, bye!” she yelled and took off running.

  An hour later, I was sitting in my truck outside a bar called BOQ Tavern. This was the address on the card Landyn gave Trish, but I had no idea why he wanted to meet here. The place was located in Clear Lake, right on the water and not far from where I grew up.

  I was getting nervous. In the back of my mind I started to wonder if maybe Ryan was right; maybe I was making the wrong decision meeting Landyn.

  I got so nervous I was about to put the truck in reverse when the driver’s side door flew open. “Turn the truck off and get out, Lexi.”

  I turned to glare at Landyn and quickly took inventory. He wore a solid black, semi-tight t-shirt that read BOQ Tavern over his front left peck in white letters. He had on faded jeans and black motorcycle boots. Ugh! Why did he have to be so damn hot?!

  I sighed loudly, turned away, pulled the key out of the ignition and grabbed my purse. When I got out Landyn slammed my door shut and wrapped an arm around my shoulders to guide me forward and he wasn’t being easy about it. I knew he was silently telling me he wasn’t messing around. He held me so snug against his side that I had to put my arm around his back, bend at the elbow and rest my hand between his shoulder blades because I had nowhere else to put it. I refused to wrap my arm around his waist.

  “You don’t have to manhandle me, you know?” I said trying to shake him off.

  “This is nowhere near what I really want to do to you,” he countered harshly. I rolled my eyes.

  We walked through the front door and I noticed right away the place had class. The view of the lake and fishing decor gave it a laid-back feel, but everything looked very upscale. It was also jam packed with customers. I bet the employees made a killing. He kept directing me forward and down a couple halls, until we came to an office door that he pushed me through. I quickly took in my surroundings and noticed newspaper clippings and pictures of Landyn in a military uniform hanging on the walls.

  Interesting.

  I was just about to start reading a framed article when he said irritably. “Sit down Lexi. You’ve kept me waiting long enough.”

  Shit!

  I took a seat in a visitor’s chair and he sat behind the desk, placed his elbows on top and folded his hands together under his chin. He didn’t say anything else, he just watched me.

  “Are you a manager here?” I asked nervously. He didn’t answer right away.

  “This is my place; I own it.”

  “Oh,” I replied in a low voice and glanced around the room. “It’s nice. What’s BOQ stand for?”

  “Bachelor Office Quarters, living quarters for single Marines. Now, get to the point of this meeting, Lexi. How are you going to arrange for me to see my daughter?”

  I looked down at my lap while I flicked at my nails. I wasn’t ready to start talking about Layla. “You were in the Marines?”

  “Alexis Sky,” he growled my name impatiently.

  “Oh alright, I had an idea,” I said feeling very uncomfortable and frustrated myself. “Layla actually gave me the idea. I know you saw her on Friday, and she saw you.” I looked up into his eyes and swallowed so hard it hurt. “She asked me to ask you to teach her how to play football. So I was thinking that maybe you could start out doing little things like that and get to know each other before I tell her who you are.”

  “No,” he replied.

  No, what?

  “You won’t teach her to play football?” I asked worriedly. “I know it might seem a little strange and she’s not the boy you always dreamed having Landyn, and I can only imagine what you
thought when you saw the way she was dressed. But I promise you, she loves to get down and dirty and act like one of the boys just as much as she loves the princess routine.”

  He scowled at me. “The only thing I felt when I saw Layla, was pain. Pain that I have an unbelievably beautiful, precious, outgoing little angel who doesn’t even know who I am. Do not presume to know anything I’m feeling.”

  I nodded. I refused to cry so I swallowed hard a few more times to battle the tears. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just nervous. I’ll tell Layla you’re her father, but just not right away. I don’t want to confuse her Landyn. She’s only five. I don’t want to shock her the next time you two meet and tell her you’re her father. I won’t do that to her. I have no idea what kind of person you are now. I don’t know where you live, how you live or who you live with.”

  I was freaking myself out. “I’m sorry; I don’t think can do this.” I stood up and walked around the chair to leave. I almost had the door opened, when he pulled me to a stop. Landyn put his mouth against my ear and I heard him take a deep breath, smelling my hair. I knew that’s what he was doing because he used to do that all the time when we were together.

  “You’re not leaving, Lexi. I hate to break it to you, but if you would have told me about Layla when you first found out you were pregnant, none of those questions would be flying around in your head like they are right now. The way I see it, you don’t deserve answers anymore. All you need to know is that I’d lay down my life for her.” He quickly released me, but I remained immobile.

  “We’re not done with this conversation so please sit back down,” he said.

  “You’re so annoying,” I told him.

  As soon as my ass hit the chair he went on. “The last thing I want to do is confuse her. When I told you ‘no’ I meant no to you telling Layla who I was. I want us both to sit down and tell her together, but I do want to tell her soon; within the week.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he didn’t let me. “I want us to do it together so she’ll feel more comfortable around me, but I will do it myself if I have to. Have you told her anything about me at all?”