I decide to ask, “If we allow ourselves to always be receptive, would the spirits around us warn us of dangers to come? Could I have… Could I have saved my parents? Could I have called their souls back?”
Divya’s face falls. “No, Tasia. Don’t even think like that. Spirits are unpredictable. You can’t always be receptive. Your black diamond is a lifesaver for you. Keep it with you always, and never blame yourself for your parents’ death. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Do you think I might be able to find their spirits even though their bodies were cremated? Do you think I can find them even though you couldn’t?” I try to swallow the lump in my throat. “I just miss them so much.”
“It’s possible, but it would be best not to obsess over that slim possibility. Your parents loved you, and even if you don’t see them again in this life, that will never change.”
“How did yesterday go?” Rynne asks as I take a seat beside him on the bench.
“I don’t know. I don’t feel like I got anywhere. I need to practice being a medium. I’d be making a lot more progress if we were doing that instead of lectures,” I tell him, exasperated. “I know it’s important to know all of this stuff about safety and how everything works before we dive into it and actually do something, but that’s why I researched everything I could before. I’m moving too slow, Rynne.”
I can feel tears stinging at my eyes, but I refuse to cry. I can’t cry. It’s not going to help anything, and I’ve done way too much of it lately.
Rynne wraps his right arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him, offering me a hug.
“You’re doing the best you can, Tasia,” he says. “You can’t expect to speed things up any more than you already have.”
“But what about you? You’re doing so much more than I am. I’ve learned a ton, but Fiona won’t send me out on missions. I feel so useless.”
Rynne wipes a stray tear from my face and holds me away from him so he can meet my gaze. “I’ve been preparing myself for this a lot longer than you have. Just because I’m a new member of the EEA doesn’t mean I’m new to hunting. You know that already.”
I gape at him. “You’re only seventeen, though. Just how long have you been doing this?”
“I suppose it would be about three years.” He wipes away another of my escaped tears. “I know you don’t want to wait, but this takes time, and it’s better to do things the right way than to lose your life over being hasty. Isn’t it?”
“I don’t know.”
He insists, “You do know. If you rushed in, if you found Arsen, or even any other monster out there right now, do you really think you’d be able to kill them on your own? Hunting on your own is extremely dangerous. Blade isn’t going to send you out on any missions until she feels like you can hold your own and be an asset to a team. She isn’t making you wait to punish you. She’s doing what’s best for everyone. You seem to keep forgetting that you aren’t alone.”
“How can you be so calm? Don’t you just feel so angry about what happened to your family?” I ask.
Then I think to myself: I am alone. No one else is plagued by thoughts and feelings for Arsen that are completely infuriating. I know they aren’t. They wouldn’t be so calm if they were. Arsen is constantly on my mind. He’s so often on my mind I feel like I’m losing it. I’m obsessed with him, but I don’t quite understand what that obsession means. Hate. Anticipation. Curiosity.
“It isn’t easy, Tasia, but it doesn’t help to let yourself be consumed by revenge. Revenge can become a poison. Think of it as justice instead. You’re doing this for more, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know if I am or not.”
Rynne places his hands on either side of my face, a gentle and comforting touch as he looks into my eyes. “I do. I know you’re doing this for more. You’ve always been kind. You still are. Bad things have happened, but they haven’t changed you. They haven’t changed who you are.”
I take a deep breath. “I want to make the world a safe place for everyone else, too. I do. For Didi, Connor, Wyatt… everyone back in Reverie. I don’t want anything else bad to happen in Reverie ever again. I wish bad things didn’t happen at all.”
Rynne brings his hands back to his sides, but he keeps his eyes locked on mine. “Always keep sight of the light, and you won’t be lost.”
Days go by and my classes with Divya continue. I’ve caught up on a lot of school work as well, but my thoughts of Arsen never go away. I mean, there are breaks. When I’m learning with Divya or when I’m focusing on something other than Arsen and what he took from me, I’m almost free of him.
Just when I think I might be able to stave off the terrible feelings he stirs inside of me, it’s time for me to walk home. It’s like I can feel him eerily close to me when I’m not inside of the base. It’s like his eyes are searing holes into the back of my head when I’m at Fiona’s apartment or anywhere at all outside of the base. The feeling has only been growing more intense. No matter how hard I try to distract myself from thoughts of him outside of the base, I just can’t shake this feeling. He’s become more than a constant. He’s an incessant pounding in my skull.
“Tasia, are you listening?” Divya asks.
I shake my head of all the thoughts circling around in my mind. I haven’t been listening much at all today, but I don’t want her to know that. “Y-yes.”
“Should we take a break?”
“No, please continue.”
Divya eyes me, and then she continues. “As I was saying, we want to keep you as safe as possible when we’re dealing with spirits. The spirits of those who have been murdered can often be overwhelming. I’ll have you practice being receptive to the spirits around you when we start putting all of these theories and studies into practice. You’ll single one of those spirits out and listen to what they want to tell you. Remember to continue practicing your meditation. It’s the key to all of this. You can’t push it aside just because it’s hard. It’s imperative. Understood?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I suppose that’s all for today, then—unless you have questions?”
I shake my head and then I gather my backpack, full of just as much actual homework as it is hunter homework. I’m about to leave the room when Divya remarks, “Oh, I almost forgot. Fiona told me to tell you to go ahead and walk back home on your own today. She’s going to be late.”
“I don’t mind,” I say too quickly.
“Trust me, you don’t want to stay here waiting for her. She’s going to be a while.”
The truth is I do want to stay here waiting for her, but I don’t want to explain why. I know it’s just my anxiety coming to a head. I’ve lived with this my whole life. I mean, come on. If Arsen really has been watching me this whole time, why wouldn’t he have come out and attacked me yet? And what about Rynne? It just doesn’t make sense. It’s all in my head. It’s just all in my head…
“Are you okay?” Divya asks.
“I’m fine,” I tell her without meeting her gaze. Then I rush out of the room.
Instead of delaying the inevitable, I leave the building and take a no-distractions approach to Fiona’s apartment. I take the quickest route I can think of, but it doesn’t help. The sensation of someone watching me—of Arsen watching me—blasts into me like an intense heatwave as soon as I step foot out of the base.
Shivering, I hug my arms around me and walk with purposeful steps. I try not to let my mind run wild with thoughts about all the warehouses on this private land. I try not to think of the possibility of monsters lurking inside of them. I know this land is the safest place in Philadelphia, but it doesn’t feel like it.
It takes everything I have not to just run back home. It’s not far to walk from the base to Fiona’s apartment, but right now I wish I had a car. I wish my car hadn’t exploded back at my house. I mean, I have some items on me, charms in my pockets, a silver knife, and I’m still in the habit of drinking vervain tea. A monster, and demon, hopefully should
n’t want to come anywhere near me. But I still feel like he’s there.
He’s watching me.
CHAPTER 25
Tasia
I SIT CURLED UP on my bed, my blanket cocooning me. It’s the only comfort I can find right now, but it isn’t worth much. I can feel him. He’s right outside my window. He sees me. Even with this blanket covering me. He sees me.
I gasp when my phone buzzes in my pocket. Someone’s calling me. I look at the screen and see Connor’s number. I debate about answering it or not. Who am I kidding? I need a distraction right now. Anxiety is eating me alive.
Cringing, I answer the phone.
I wait a moment too long before speaking, so Connor speaks first. “Tasia?”
“H-hey,” I manage. “What’s up?”
“Didi and I are in Philadelphia. Our parents took us. They said it’d be good to get out of Reverie for a while and with all that talk about moving, I guess they’re getting serious. So Didi and I were wondering if you wanted to meet up. Do you?”
“Right now?” I ask hastily.
“Well… yeah, actually, that would work.”
Connor tells me the hotel he and his family are staying at. A quick look on Google Maps tells me it isn’t far, so I decide against trying to call Fiona to ask if I can borrow her Camaro. I’d rather deal with my anxiety over Arsen than face Fiona’s wrath if I put a scratch on her beloved car. I don’t even want to think about how that would turn out. I leave a message with Divya, though, so Fiona knows where I’m going and who I’m with. That way I don’t have to disturb my godmother at all.
I don’t waste any time leaving the apartment as soon as I know where I’m going. When the cold air and scattered flakes of new snow hit me, I feel a little better. But that feeling of being watched never goes away. Looking over my shoulder is another nervous habit that’s only gotten worse because of all of my enhanced anxiety lately. My mind tells me he’s right there, right behind me, but when I look to confirm if that’s true, I don’t see him. I’m surrounded by normal people going places just like me. Arsen isn’t here. He isn’t here.
I pick up my pace anyway.
When I arrive at the hotel, I only have to step inside of the foyer to find them. The familiar sight of their bright orange hair sends a wave of relief through my body. They see me as soon as the glass doors slide open for me. They rush for me. Didi hugs me, and Connor gets comfortable by leaning on my shoulder.
“It’s been too long,” Didi groans. “We missed you.”
“I missed you guys, too,” I say, trying to keep my balance.
Connor laughs and rights himself, relieving me of his weight. He steps away and places his hand just under his chin, analyzing me.
“You seem different somehow,” he says.
“W-what?” I ask, suddenly even more anxious.
“He’s right,” Didi agrees, mirroring her brother’s actions. “Have you been working out?”
I laugh nervously. “Yeah! You got me. I’ve been… working out.”
“Let’s get some coffee and talk,” Didi suggests.
“S-sure,” I agree.
The twins lead the way to the coffee shop inside of the hotel while I stay behind them. I find myself looking over my shoulder again. He still isn’t there. He isn’t going to be there. Stupid. This is my anxiety talking, getting out of control. Arsen isn’t here. I’m going to have a good time with my friends. Arsen isn’t here. He isn’t…
“Tasia!”
“H-huh?”
Didi snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Is something wrong? I tried calling your name like five times.” She leans against me and looks over my shoulder. “Did you see a cute guy or something?”
“No!” I feel my face growing hot.
“You totally did,” she accuses.
“I’m just distracted.”
Connor orders us all coffee, and then we sit down at one of the booths.
“Why so distracted, Tasia?” he asks.
“Have you guys heard from Rynne?” I dodge his question with a question of my own.
“Nope. Not since he left Reverie.”
Didi interjects, “I’m sure he’s fine, though. Don’t worry about it.”
I’m not worried about it because I know he’s fine, but I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t said anything to them. I haven’t because I guess I’m trying to respect him. Still…
I ask, “Any new information on the investigation in Reverie? I haven’t heard anything on the news lately.”
“No. The case has just kinda gone cold, you know? It sucks,” Connor says.
The twins tell me about school and how boring it is without me. I appreciate the gesture, but I doubt they even know the meaning of the word. They always find some way to entertain themselves.
“So, are you guys really going to move?” I ask.
“Who knows? Mom and Dad just said they wanted to get out of town for a while at least. Breathe some fresh air. Even though, I can tell you the air in Reverie is definitely cleaner than the air in Philadelphia.” Didi shrugs. “What about you, Tasia? How are you doing?”
I swirl my mostly finished mug of coffee. “I’m okay.”
“Just okay? How’s school here? You make new friends? Tell us all about it,” she insists.
“Uh… school’s great. I haven’t really made any new friends, but you know.”
I glance over my shoulder again. This time I see a figure. A familiar figure. He’s wearing a hoodie, with the hood covering his face. The garment can’t hide his physique, though. He’s too big, too imposing. He abruptly disappears around a corner, like he saw me looking.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I’m making that up. I down the rest of my coffee.
It’s all in my head. It’s all in my…
“Want to see our hotel room?” Connor asks.
“Y-yeah! Show me it,” I reply.
I’m relieved to leave the public area. I’m glad when the twins don’t press me about why I’m acting strange. They show me their hotel room and turn on the TV, flipping through channels until we find some mindless cartoons. I know they recognize how I’ve been acting. They’ve known me too long not to see the signs of my anxiety surfacing, but they’re good friends.
We all sit together on one bed. The twins laugh and joke as they stay close to me, letting me know they’re there and that they care. They let me suck in their warmth as I sit in between them. I take their arms and hold them even closer to me.
I missed them. I’m really glad they’re here. I don’t have any siblings of my own, but I imagine this is what it must be like.
CHAPTER 26
Arsen
TASIA.
That’s what those twins called her. All this time and I never got close enough to hear what her name is. All this time and I never bothered to do a little bit of digging back in Reverie to find her name. All this time of watching, waiting, and studying her and I’ve been too preoccupied to look for answers elsewhere. It’s everything Yuki said. Just because I can’t get close to her and her angels doesn’t mean I don’t have other options to at least learn something. I’ve become truly pathetic.
Yuki walks by my side, though I’m sure she does it reluctantly. She isn’t pleased with me. She doesn’t understand what’s been going on. She doesn’t understand what has me so crippled that I’m not acting the way I should. My logician is too busy fighting my beast to figure out the best course of action—if there even is one. My beast would normally invite chaos, power, and proof of my dominance, but that’s not what it wants now. My logician doesn’t know how to react.
Those twins volunteered to walk Tasia home. Yuki and I have been tailing them from a safe distance, though I’m much closer to the girl now than I’ve dared to be these weeks I’ve been watching her. The angels haven’t made a move for me yet. From this distance, I’m positive they can pick out my darkness from the rest of the crowd, but they choose not to attack me. They never even come near me. What is
it about the girl that they’re so sure they don’t have to do anything? Why don’t they take advantage of this opportunity? Are they afraid I’ll tear them to shreds if they did come for me? They’re probably right about that. I’m not so far gone that I wouldn’t snap an angel in two for approaching me right now.
I stop at the entrance of the apartment-complex, in front of the brick structure with the name of the place inscribed in metal. Yuki follows my example. We’re not going inside, so waiting here is good enough. I pull out a cigarette and a lighter and start smoking as I lean back against the brick apartment complex sign. The smoke intoxicates my lungs, but it’s a good burn, a good sensation. I puff out the smoke and watch as it disperses into the air around me. The activity is basically pointless, but it gives me a sense of calm—and I need calm right now.
Yuki links her arm in mine, and we wait. I continue smoking until I’ve gone through the entire package.
“How long are we going to wait out here?” she asks.
“As long as it takes,” I growl.
I drop my empty cigarette pack and kick it into the street. Then I look out into the apartment complex parking lot. I hear talking, and true to my senses, I see the twins coming our way. There’s only the two of them. The angelic presence is staying near Tasia, back at her apartment building. As I thought, the angels don’t care enough for these two to offer them protection as well. They’re spread too thin to waste their efforts on lesser humans. A bitter taste lingers on my tongue, but I push the memory aside.
“Follow my lead,” I tell Yuki as I slip out of her grasp.
I time my next movement precisely. As I step out from the shadows of the brick structure I was leaning against and into the setting light of the sun, I collide with the female twin, Didi. I was in her blind spot, so she had no way of preparing herself for me. She nearly falls onto the ground, but I catch her before that can happen.
“Sorry about that,” I say, hugging her closer to me than necessary. “I didn’t see you.”
Demon Snare (These Immortal Vows Book 1) Page 19
